A/N: I know I said it might be a while but I found some time last night and early this morning. So in the spirit of the holidays, I figure why not post another chapter. So here you go. Also to address some things. One I don't filter reviews. I welcome all reviews. Mostly cause I don't care. Sure I love to read them but you crying about every little thing doesn't bother me. So read or don't. I don't mind. This is for the people who want to read it, and this helps me escape the reality of this world. Meaning work and whatever I have going on in my life. So with out furthermore here's chapter 4. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. All characters, storyline, dialogues belong to their rightful owner. Shonda Rhimes and maybe a few other shows. Also spelling mistakes, and punctuations marks are mine.
Arizona POV
Slowly opening my eyes, I can feel my head pounding so hard. "Fuck, what happened last night?" I go to feel Callie side of the bed, and it's empty. Reality hitting me hard in the face, that once again I fucked up.
I sit up and I look to the side of my bed and it's filled with beer bottles. I guess that answered my question as to why I can't remember anything after walking into our apartment.
I grab my phone and call Callie. Hoping she would answer, and of course I'm met with the answer I already knew. Straight to voicemail. "Hi..Umm.. I know you're still mad at me... well I'm sure you're gonna be mad for a long time, but I just wanted to know if you're safe. And I know I have no right to ask you, but I do miss my wife. I love you. Be safe." I hang up and grab my crutches and go to the living room.
"What am I supposed to do? Is it to early to drink? Fuccccck!!!!!" I grab the closest thing to me which is my prosthetic and I fly it at the tv. Shattering everything into pieces.
"Fuck it! I can't take this." I hop to the refrigerator and twist open a bottle of tequila and down a quarter of it in one gulp. I can feel the burning and it's not enough. After a few more gulps I can instantly feel the alcohol kicking in. I grab the tequila and slam it to the ground. Shattering it around my foot. I hop past our wedding picture and I get even more mad. I grab it and I fly it across the room. I must have been making a lot of noise cause the next thing I know Mark is opening the door.
"Robbins! What the fuck is going on? It sounds like world war 3 is going on in here?"
"Mark-" I slurred.
"Robbins it's 9 in the morning and you're drunk already?"
"Yup! Nothing matters if I don't have her. She's not answering my calls."
"And you think becoming a drunk will bring Callie back?"
"I honestly don't think it even matters. I don't think she's coming back. She hates me."
Mark walks over to me and sits me down on my bed. "Look Callie might hate you right now, but eventually she's gonna hate what you did and not you."
"Mark, I lost the love of my life, my soulmate, my wife. Over a 10 minute fuck! For what? Because she gave me attention?"
"Arizona, is Callie important to you?"
I look at him like he's the dumbest person. "Hey answer the question."
"Of course she is."
"You need to do something, because you being drunk, and breaking everything in your path, will more than likely never bring her back."
"Mark, i don't know what to do, this pain is just to unbearable."
He wrapped his arms around me and pull me into a tight hug, "I know."
"Do you think she still loves me?"
"Of course she does, that's why she left. But i need to head into work. I don't need to worry about you do I?"
"No, thanks for checking up on me. I'm gonna go back to bed."
After taking a 5 hour nap, I wake up with an even stronger headache. I grab a bottle of ibuprofen and toss 3 down with some water. I hobble to the bathroom and clean myself off. I grab my crutches and make my way to the living room. I sit there for what feels like days, but is probably a few hours. I hear a knock on my door. "Who the hell could that be?" I open it.
"Mom?"
Callie POV
I must have been really drained, I roll over at the clock and it's 11am. It's been years since I slept that long. I walk into the bathroom to wash up, then I make my way down to the kitchen. I see Aria making lunch.
"Hey, I'm glad you're up. I'm just finishing lunch. Grab a seat."
"Thanks, why didn't you wake me up?"
"I'm sure you're exhausted from everything going on and you looked peaceful so I let you sleep." She puts the bowl of soup in front of me.
"Thanks Aria. You know for all of this." I smile.
"You don't need to thank me, go ahead and eat up, like you said we can unload the heavy stuff later."
I nod my head. "Hey where's Cal?"
"Well since you're here and I wanted to talk to you, you know about everything I figured it would be easier if he went to his daycare. So we could talk."
"Oh okay, you didn't need to do that, but I understand why. So thank you."
Aria sits across of me and eats her lunch. "So does dad know I'm here?"
"No, I didn't tell him. I wasn't sure if you wanted me to tell him."
"Yeah, thanks. I'm not sure what to tell him. He loves Arizona so much." I push my bowl of soup forward and run to the bathroom and throw everything up. I feel Aria holding my hair back and rubbing my back.
"I can't keep anything down. Every time I bring her name up my body reacts." I cried.
"Hey, it's okay. You're fine." Aria says soothing me.
"I'm gonna brush my teeth and when I come back we can talk about everything."
Aria walks to the kitchen cleaning everything up, she a hot cup of tea.
"Hey, I'm sorry about that."
"Stop apologizing. Here, I made you tea."
"Thank you." We walk into her living room and we sit on her sofa, and we're both quiet not sure how to begin this conversation. Not a second later Aria starts.
"Callie, I have so much to apologize to you for. I honestly never had a problem with you being gay or bisexual. And I had an idea you were. I'm sorry I let mom influence me for so long, but I was only 17 at the time. I'm sorry for never reaching out to you. I wanted to but I was so scared, that you would reject me. That I waited too long. I missed you so much. I'm sorry I didn't call you when you won your Harper Avery or whatever that medical award is called." I looked at her surprised.
"You knew?"
"Of course, even though we weren't talking. I still kept up with you. You creating artificial cartilage, that's a big deal. All those athletes that you've done surgery on. Really I shouldn't be surprised that you're a world renowned surgeon and the best in your field. Us Torres' love to go above and beyond. Anyways I'm sorry I didn't go to your wedding. I wanted to go with dad, but she threatened me. Which shouldn't be an excuse since I'm an adult. But Callie, I really am sorry. Please forgive me. And I know right now isn't the best timing since you're going through the hardest time of your life. But, if you're up to it. I want to know everything about you. I miss my big sister." She says grabbing a tissue, and wiping her nose.
"Aria, I never took into consideration how young you were at the time. All I knew is that my family turned their back on me, and it hurt like hell. I cried for years. I still cried to this day about it. Honestly I want to stay mad at you, but I can't. I love you too much to still be mad. So yes, I forgive you. You will always be my little sister."
Aria leans forward and gives me a hug. "Thank you so much. I love you."
"I love you too."
"So yeah, Calvin I'm sure you noticed his name. I actually named him after you."
"I did noticed." I laughed. "Why?"
"Because he has an extraordinary tía. Who always faced her fears no matter how terrifying it was. She brave, and I think I might have hyped you up to much, because even though he never met you. He adores you."
"That's sweet and don't think I didn't catch the message you said between those lines."
"I knew you would catch it. That's why I said it." She laughed.
"So I guess I should tell you what happened."
"Cal, if it's too much. You don't need to say anything."
"No, it's just I don't know where to start from."
"Well, if it's not too hard. Could you start from the beginning?"
Flashback
Feburary 15, 2008
It was the day after Valentines Day, and a few weeks prior the first women I ever had feelings for broke up with me and literally vanished. So I was still a little heartbroken. I was at the bar with Lexi waiting for Mark to finish his shift and I was feeling down. While Lexi and Mark were dancing, a beautiful blonde takes the seat next to me at the bar.
"Ortho right?"
I quickly wiped my tears and turn my head "Umm yeah."
"Arizona Robbins, Peds." She smiled at me with the most beautiful dimples I ever seen. Leaving her hand out for me to take.
"Callie Torres." I say shaking her hand trying my best to sound happy.
"I know, I've seen you around the hospital. You okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine." I turn my head to look away.
"Really? Cause you don't seem fine. Here maybe this will cheer you up-"
"Dr. Robbins, you don't need to sit here, I'm fine. Really. I don't want to ruin your night."
"Trust me you won't. And please it's Arizona. People talk where we work, and I mean they talk a lot. A shit ton actually. So for the sake of being honest. I think I should tell you that I know things about you, because people talk." She chuckled.
I stare at her waiting for her to continue and then I realize what she's hinting at. "Oh.You mean.."
And Arizona nods her head at me.
"Terrific."
"Yeah, it definitely is." She winked.
Is this beautiful woman flirting with me?
"People over there, they respect you and they're concerned and interested and they like you and some of them really like you. But I just realized one thing that they're wrong about."
"Oh yeah what's that?" I asked my interest peaked.
"They said that you're one of the most beautiful people in the hospital, but you see they're wrong. Now that I'm next to you, I realized that you're the most beautiful person I've ever met." Arizona stands up, winks at me and walks away. I watch her walk away, and I can't help but smile. That definitely cheered me up.
Joe walks over and places a new drink in front of me.
"I didn't order this?" I asked confused.
"I know, it's from the woman who just left." He laughed.
End of Flashback.
"Damn Callie, she's smooth." Aria laughed.
"Yeah you don't need tell me that. I'm sure it's safe to say that I instantly fell in love with her."
"And then what happened?"
"Well I ignored her for a while, and then one day I worked up the nerve and I asked her on a date. She turned me down."
"What!?"
"Right? I was just as shocked. I was actually pissed."
"Why did she turn you down?"
"Because I was just figuring out my sexuality and she wasn't into newborns."
"So how did you end up getting together?"
"I was at the bar and I saw her with a group of her friends and I walked up to her and gave her a piece of my mind and listed reasons why saying no to me would be the biggest mistake of her life."
Aria grabs her pillow and puts it into her lap fully engaged into my story. "What? You did that?"
"Yup, turns out she was on a date, and I was so embarrassed. I walked away and tried to hide from her at hospital. Then one night when I was going home, she walked into the elevator and asked me on a date. I wanted to give her a hard time so I said maybe, and I'm sure I was the first person to ever turn her down, cause she looked so shocked, and right before the elevator door closed, I told her yes and if she was free tomorrow."
"Aww that's so sweet."
"Yeah, it was for a while."
"What do you mean for a while?"
"We were together for maybe a year and we were head over heels in love. Like I never felt this way before. I knew she was it for me kind of love. But before she moved to Seattle, she applied for this grant. The Carter Maddison Grant, one of the most prestigious awards, if not the most. Well she applied and her proposal won. She would have unlimited funds to help women and children of Africa."
"That's amazing." Aria smiled.
"Yeah, it was. But that meant that she had to move to Africa for 3 years."
"Oh."
"Yeah, so I didn't know how to react. I was beyond proud of her, but I was so mad at her, for not even considering me."
"What happened?"
Flashback
I had already finished work, and I was at her apartment cooking us dinner. When Arizona walked in, and instantly I could tell something was bothering her.
"Hey baby, what's wrong?"
"Umm nothing is wrong Cal, why would you ask that?"
I walked around the breakfast bar, and stood there. "Okay, now I know something is definitely wrong, you never call me Cal unless something is bothering you."
She grabbed my hand and sat me down on the sofa. I could tell that she was playing around, so I looked at her worried, "Well, I won a Carter Maddison."
"Haha, very funny. Really what's wrong?"
"Callie, I'm serious. I promise on us. That I won. You see before I moved here, I applied for this grant. I never thought I would win. But I figured what the hell why not. So I did. Then today the Chief calls me into his office and told me the news."
"You're serious? You promise on US?"
"I promise on Us!"
I jumped up and down happy as hell. "CONGRATULATIONS BABY, I'm so proud of you, but why aren't you happy? Why aren't you jumping up and down?"
"Because it means I have to move to Africa. For 3 years."
"Oh,"
"Yeah."
"So what are you going to do?"
"Well, you see I Umm... I..-"
I drop her hand and take a step back, I look out the window, never looking at her. I already had a feeling she was gonna say, what I didn't want to hear. "Just spit it out!"
Arizona puts her head in her hands and takes a deep breath,"I accepted it."
I turn my head and look at her, and even though I really wanted to yell at her and tell her how dumb could she be. I could tell this wasn't an easy decision. Even though I believed it was a decision we should've made together, in that moment it was clear that my opinion on this never mattered and I never had a say.
"Arizona-"
"Callie, I love you."
"I know."
"But this is my dream, I never thought this would happen to me, but it is."
Inside I was hurt and crushed. That she didn't even consider talking to me about this before she made a decision.
I sit down next to her and grab her hand.
"Arizona, I understand."
Her head pops up, and she stares into my eyes. "You do?"
"Yes, I do. I would never want to take your dreams away from you, cause if someone tried to take mines away, I would go down fighting."
Arizona doesn't say anything. She just looks at me with tears rolling down her face. I grab her chin and give her a kiss. I stand up and walk to her room.
"Calliope, where are you going?"
"I'm gonna pack up my things."
She runs into the room,"What? Why?"
I grab a drawer full of all my clothes and put them in my duffle bag, "You see, you made your decision to go and I'm not a part of that. So you go and be happy. Live your dreams, Arizona."
"So you're breaking up with me?"
"Arizona-"
"So is this like an ultimatum? I go to Africa, I can't have you?"
"It's not like that Arizona."
"Really? Cause it seems like it is."
"We both don't believe in long distance relationships."
"Can't you come?"
"No, I can't. This is you're dream. Not mine, and I refuse to take it away from you."
"Callie, I love you. I can't lose you."
"I know you love me, but sometimes love isn't enough."
Arizona opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. I zip my bag up and walk out the bedroom door. She grabbed my wrist and pulls me back in.
"I love you so much Calliope. I need you to know that."
The tears I've been trying to hold at bay come rolling out and there's nothing I can do about it. "I do."
End of flashback
Aria grabbed a tissue and wipes her tears.
"Fuck, Callie. This is so sad. I can't believe you let her go."
"I had too, I could never be the reason why she didn't fulfill her dreams. You see Arizona, she was my dream, everything about her. She was my soulmate. She lit me on fire, and if someone tried to stop me from being with her. Like I said I would go down fighting."
Aria grabs another tissue, "Fucking shit, that's so beautiful. When did you become some a love sap?"
I shove her shoulder, "Shut up."
"Okay, okay, so she left for 3 years?"
"Nope."
"Nope? What the hell happened?"
Flashback
It was two weeks after we broke up, we never talked to each other. It hurt too much to look at her. So I tried my best to steer clear of her at the hospital. It was the night before she left, when the Chief threw her a going away party. Of course I didn't want to go, but Mark forced me.
"Torres, you need to tell her bye. She needs to know that you support her decision."
I cried into my arm. "Mark, I can't."
He wrapped his big arms around me. "Look, I know it's hard, but you love her right?"
"Yes, of course."
"Well you need to be there for her. I'm sure this isn't easy for her either. You haven't seen her this past few weeks. She's a mess Torres. That women is in hell."
"Mark, she didn't even consider talking to me before she made up her mind."
"I know, but she leaving regardless. So let's go."
I wipe my tears and stand up, "You're right. Let's go Sloan."
Walking into a conference room, it begins to feel real, that the love of my life is leaving tomorrow and there's nothing I can do about it. The moment I walked in I felt her presence. I turn and I see her shocked to see me there. I gathered myself and walked up to her. "Hey."
"Calliope. Hey."
I swear every time she says my name it's like the wind gets knocked out of me.
"You excited?" I faked laughed. I could tell she knew I was trying my best to be okay with this.
"Umm sure, I guess as excited as I could be."
"Well, for what it's worth I am so proud of you Arizona. The women and children of Malawi are blessed that you're gonna be their doctor."
"Thanks, that means a lot. Especially coming from you."
"Of course, so what time do you leave tomorrow?"
"8pm."
Just then I hear her mom calling my name.
She hugs me tightly. "Callie, sweetie you came."
"Yes, of course. I had to see our superstar before she left." I teased.
"Hey, Colonel."
"Callie, I told you call me Daniel." He laughed pulling me into a hug.
"I know, but i love calling you that. It's so Badass."
"I love this girl." He says pointing to me and laughing with Barbara.
We pull apart and we watch Arizona talking to our colleagues.
"You know, she loves you right?"
"Yeah I know, and I love her. But I understand this is her dreams. And I could never make her choose."
"Callie, I'm so proud of you. Barbara and I, we love you as if you were our own. You're an honorable woman, and Arizona was blessed to have you."
"I was blessed too. Arizona taught me what true love is."
He nods his head as we both watch her. "Well, I should be going. It was nice seeing you. Tell Barbara I said goodbye."
"You gonna tell Zona bye?"
"I can't. It's too hard."
"I understand. Take care Callie."
"You too, Colonel."
As I'm walking out of the hospital door, I hear someone yelling my name, "Calliope wait!"
I turn around and it's Arizona. "Arizona, what are you doing? Everyone is upstairs at your party."
She bends over trying to catch her breath. She looks up at me."Tell me to stay."
"What?"
"Tell me to stay, and I will. I'll drop everything and stay."
"Ari-"
"Callie, just say it and I'll do it."
Tears rolling down my face, I answer her, "Go."
"What?" She says standing up folding her arms.
"I said, go."
"Cal-"
"Arizona, go. Go and be great. Take care of yourself." I start to walk away, but she grabs my arm and pulls me back in and kisses me with everything she's got.
"Calliope Torres, I love you. I will forever be in love with you. You're the love of my life. So you go and be happy too." She let's go of my waist.
"I will. Be safe and take care."
As I walked away from her. I felt my world crashing. That night I cried myself to sleep. I called off of work and cried my eyes out, until I believed I had no more tears left. I laid on the couch watching the time fly by.
End of flashback.
Aria goes into the kitchen and grabs us a few snacks.
"So I don't get it, after she said she would stay for you. You still told her to go?"
"Yeah, I know she would end up hating me if I told her to stay. So I told her to go."
"Why, it didn't seem like she would?"
"Aria, if the person you loved told you that they had a chance to make all their dreams come true, but if you told them to stay. They would. Would you really tell them to stay?"
"Yes, I would." She teased. "I'm just kidding, of course I would say go."
"See that's my point. If I told her to stay. She would be so mad at me. Of course not at first, but eventually she would regret staying."
"So she left and came back?"
"No."
"What the fuck Callie?"
Flashback
"Torres, I'm gonna go to Meredith's. You gonna be okay?"
I sit up on the sofa, "Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks Cris."
"Okay. I'll probably spend the night."
"Okay."
Laying on the couch, I keep watching the clock pass with each moment getting closer to the time she leaves. As I watched the clock hit 6:30, I know she's at the airport. I watch the clock hit 7:15 and I know she's boarding. I see it hit 7:30 and I know she's seated waiting to take off. At exactly 7:42 I hear a knock on my door. I wipe my tears as I stand up and yell "Cristina did you leave your keys again!?"
I open the door and it's Arizona, and for a second I can't believe my eyes. I blink a few times and it's her.
"Arizona." I whispered not sure if I'm seeing things.
She pushes open the door and slams it shut and walks past me pacing around the living room.
"What are you doing? Why are you here?"
She takes off her jacket and puts it on the couch. "What do you mean?"
"Why aren't you on your plane?"
"You see I was in the airport sitting at my gate. When I remembered something my father said. He said give the person you love, whatever they want. So I am here to find out. What do you want, Callie?"
"Arizona, you need to go. Your plane is about to take off."
She grabs my shoulders and stares into my eyes "Callie, forget about my plane. Look at me."
"Arizona, are you crazy? Your plane is taking off right this minute."
"Callie, I know and don't worry about it. That's my problem not yours. And right now I don't care. I am here to find out what do you want?"
I take a seat on the couch, and put my face in my palms. "Arizona."
"Baby look at me."
I look into those sky blue eyes that I love so much.
"What do you want? Do you want me?"
"You don't care that you're missing your flight? You don't care that right this moment you're throwing away your dreams?"
"Callie, I love you more than a grant. I love you more than Africa. Hell I love you more than being a surgeon! I told you. I would drop everything for you, and I did. I love you baby."
"Arizona, Africa is your dream."
"Calliope, I was wrong honey. You're my dream. Africa will always be there. Hell maybe we can go in the future. I don't care. I made a mistake, I chose wrong. Trust me, that will never happen again."
"You're not gonna regret this later on?"
"Nope, I know I won't. You wanna know why?"
I nod my head.
She places two hands on either side of my face, "Because the past two weeks have been hell. Africa never crossed my mind. But you did. I know if I left I would spend the rest of my life regretting it. Fuck that night you left I started regretting my decision."
"So I don't need to worry about you hating me?"
"Hmm." She teases and kisses my lips.
"Arizonaaaa." I whined.
"Never, I could never hate you."
End of flashback.
I stand up and run to the bathroom and throw up.
Aria follows me into the bathroom. "Callie."
"She hates me, Aria. She said she would never hate me, but look. She screwed another woman." I sobbed.
"Callie, relax."
"Aria-"
Just then I hear my father voice. "Mija where are you?"
Our eyes go wide, and Aria looks at me. And I mouth 'Go out there.'
"Mija what are you doing in this bathroom? I heard voices. Is someone here?" He looks and sees my luggage's.
"Papi, wait. Don't go in ther-"
He walks into the bathroom "Calliope?"
"Hey Papi."
"What are you doing here?"