Disclaimer: I own nothing but the memory of this anime.
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I have always questioned how much you cared for me
I have always wondered why you mattered so much to me
I do not understand
But I guess this is how life works
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"Shh… please let me finish what I want to say…"
"Sachiko-sama, I… I only just realized why. I'm finally beginning to understand my own feelings; feelings that had been growing at a subconscious level ever since the first day I met you. I finally comprehended a portion of the reason why I was confused by everything, every action you've made. The pain I felt, the longing ache in my heart, the seemingly absurd dreams I had of you, the feel of despair and sadness when reality proved me wrong; everything points to this… but I was blind enough not to realize it earlier. I don't know about you, but… I think… you captured a special part of my heart that can never be filled with anyone else."
I felt her tense body relax a little. I released her, not wanting to cause her anymore physical pain from my tight grip.
You needed to hear this from me… that's what you've wanted all along…
It's true then…
But how long had it been?
-
It was an unexpected New Year's Day where I was able to sleep next to Onee-sama. I feel like this might be a great year…
I flipped to my right, facing her, watching her relaxed features.
I wonder if she's already asleep.
"Yumi."
Apparently not.
"Y-Yes?"
"I'm happy that you came to my house today."
"Really?"
"If you don't mind, I would like you to come over again.
"Okay."
"Goodnight, Yumi."
"Goodnight."
She would like me to come over again.
-
"Yumi… What do you mean?"
Did it really mean this? Or was it just something similar? Something that I misinterpreted again? I seriously detest the fact that I'm clueless about a lot of things…
"I don't know what it means and neither am I sure whether this is how I really feel… but I really don't want to see you like this. Sachiko-sama… you have been hiding and running away, haven't you? All this time… you have been suffering on your own… Why? Why do you put up a façade to keep everyone away, to keep everyone out? If it helps you deal with the problem… I wouldn't mind it! But the way I see it, you're sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss! Your acts no longer work on me. Your meetings with Kashiwagi-san, with Touko-chan; none of it affects me now. It doesn't affect me now for I finally could see you."
I stared into her eyes.
Eyes that still attempted to hold up the mask it had, even now. Eyes that still held an ounce of defiance.
"Tell me, Sachiko-sama; tell me everything that you've kept bottled up in your soul for god knows how long."
I paused for a moment before continuing.
"Tell me whether you'll still say you hate me now."
"Yumi… I…"
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I finally knew why you mattered so much to me
I finally understood why I bothered to question how much you cared for me
I don't know what your answer is to my questions
It's all up to you to say it
But I am glad… glad that I've met you in my life
Sachiko…
I think I fell in love with you.
But were you in love with me?
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"Yumi… I… hate you."
I remained motionless at her words. The world around me seemed to have stopped; time didn't move anymore for me, everything was frozen in that instant. All that I could recall in my ears was her words… words that confirmed my fears…
So she really did hate me. All the times we spent together… the joy I felt, the pain I felt… everything was just a made up by my mind…
In the end… it turned up like this…
I didn't realize that my happiness came at her expense.
I'm so foolish. So very foolish… I should have expected something like this… How could someone like Sachiko ever feel for you?
"I hate you Yumi, but I…"
This must be one of the times that fate is playing a cruel joke on me. There can be nothing else… nothing can be the cause of this silent pain.
I got fooled all along by this heartless game… I should have known better…
Yumi… you understood nothing!
"I couldn't help but love you too…"
Now you are imagining things as well, Yumi. Sachiko would never say that to you. She hates you!
Silly silly Yumi.
-
Ogasawara Sachiko. Now you've done it. You weren't even supposed to hint that you loved her. You were supposed to brush her off like a rag doll, hurt her in the worst way possible and make her leave you like she should. You know that all this is the best for her! Why did you say something so stupid!
She wanted to know. She wanted to know everything, everything that I had kept bottled up for so long. Perhaps after telling her, she would leave me. Surely she wouldn't stick with someone like me…
"Do you know why, Yumi? I don't even understand it myself. Somewhere during the times that I spent in your company, I was lost in you. Something about you attracts me, and this attraction is terrifying. I don't you to get hurt; I don't want to hurt you. If I have to choose between these two options, I would rather sever off this relationship then see you suffer because of things I could not control. If protecting you means hurting your feelings now, so be it! This prevents any stronger bonds to be formed that would surely result in greater pain. I love you Yumi. To me, there's nothing better than to just spend a quiet time with you anywhere. You are the oasis in the desert; I am but a lost person wandering throughout the bare plain. You bring me happiness, you gave me life – life that I never knew about even though I'm exposed to so much already – but if I keep drinking and using you, there will be nothing left but another dry depth in the sand. This is the path I have chosen, Yumi. "
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The rejection is ringing in my head
I didn't take in anything you've said
You hated me – that's all I knew
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"You hate me, don't you?"
"It's something more complicated than this, Yumi. Haven't you been listening to what I've just said?"
"Just answer me. Do you or do you not hate me?"
"…"
"Do you or do you not?"
"…I do."
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Love was a rainbow
In the end, this love couldn't be seen past the stormy clouds, hidden away by the vast sky itself
And they say that love is a silly thing, that love overcomes it all…
Perhaps yes, perhaps no. Only time will tell.
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Tell me it's all a lie.
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- The End -
(edit): Due to my own conscience and a couple of death threats undertones in the reviews, I have decided to lengthen the ending to something a little more fulfilling. –waves peace flag-
A/N: Yup, it's the end. –Ducks rotten eggs and vegetables- I know this is the worst kind of ending to use… but I couldn't help it. T.T There will be an epilogue though. So… be appeased? I'll probably give a very long author's note with the epilogue too. Hmm… and maybe a way too overdue prologue -.-;; I'm sorry that it had to end this way, but I wanted to at least finish this up before my exams for I don't want it hanging like this.
Here's a little something from me to make up for the bad ending. Serious! It's something random that I felt like writing.
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"I just wanted to say…"
I love you, Yumi, and it isn't going to change anytime soon. Therefore, I will let you go.
No… I have to let you go… I must let you go.
Get away from me totally before you get hurt anymore than I've done now. Get away before I hurt you anymore.
I crushed my lips against hers, and pulled her closer to me, closing the distance between us.
But please… let me have this last one reprieve…
"Eeewwww… Sachiko-sama… did you brush your teeth this morning? Your breath stinks."
"Oops, I forgot. Hehe… sorry."
"Nevermind her, Yumi! You can always kiss me!"
"Shut it, Sei. She's mine!"
"No, she's mine! You have your own harem already! "
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
"C'mon Yumi, don't mind them both. You can always kiss me!"
"Kei-sama… -kiss-"
"WHAT!"
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P.S. Drop me a review? –Offers cookie shyly-