Disclaimer: No characters or references to the anime or manga or OVA or novel belong to me, the plotline does though. If you wish to post my story anywhere, please seek my permission beforehand. Any events created are purely fictional and right from my imagination and any similarities to real life are purely coincidental.
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Lillian Days
Epilogue
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I had graduated in ways more than one.
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School days were more than just fleeting memories
Stuck in a past that never moved on
No wonder everyone says
'try to leave no regrets'
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It's just another day in my life; a Monday as plain and common as any other. I walked down the familiar yet foreign streets, never once halting in my footsteps as I strode purposefully to my destination.
Ten years… It's been ten years since I last stepped foot in this city. No matter how great the environment in the States was, it could never be compared to Japan. This was my home, the place where I retained and acquired all my fond childhood memories. No doubt, everything was more modern and high tech now; nonetheless, it was still recognizable as the place I had lived in some long time ago.
Everything were more or less the same… roads were still paved with the same stones, the same stores still remained – though only few were left – the streets were still bustling with life. Unfamiliar faces flashed by me every now and then; suddenly, I was struck by just how long ten years had been. In the park that I passed by on the way, many kids were flying kites in the large open area. Their expressions of joy and wonder reminded me strongly, almost painfully, that I used to be one of them.
Just a carefree child with worries only about homework and exams.
Time really flies. Admittance was the last option I wanted, but things had really changed.
But I was probably the one who'd changed more though.
I lost contact with many others when I went abroad to live with my parents after the second year at Lillian. However, somewhere within the recesses of my sling bag was a copy of Tsutako's, Yoshino's and Sei's contact numbers. It wasn't anything much… but I had agreed with Tsutako to meet her at the usual place to catch up on the old times.
I stopped in front of building that had flashing neon lights indicating the time.
Nott's Restaurant… This place certainly brings back memories…
I stepped into the queue, waiting in line for my turn to be settled down. I was an hour earlier for the appointment; thus, I didn't expect Tsutako or anyone else she had invited to have arrived yet.
"Yumi-san? Is that really you?"
A memory triggered off at the sound of his voice. It was a voice that I had heard with oft whenever I dined here in the past.
"Tsuzuki-san?"
"The very person himself. Oh my, you have certainly blossomed into a fine lady indeed, Yumi. The States certainly did you well."
I gave him a polite smile in return for his statement.
"You've aged with grace too. Are you still working here?"
"Yup, my family took over the business three years ago. I'm currently the head executive for this restaurant and its branches in Japan."
"Wow… It's good to hear that you're doing fine."
"Still as polite as always, Yumi-san. Come on in, I'll give you special seats."
"Thanks. You were always quite the gentleman as I remembered, Tsuzuki."
He flashed me with one of his goofy grins.
Ah… his trademark smile… It's good to see someone I know again…
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I entered the restaurant under the lead of Tsuzuki. Glancing around the building, I expected to see new changes but I found none. Everything was as what I could remember. The piano, the arrangement of the dining tables… it had the air of a restaurant that had stopped in time but yet still fitted into the modern days.
It reminds me of myself…
I took in the sight of the guests that were already seated, pausing my gaze on two people. Did I see that back view before somewhere? It seems to be… that blonde hair, the short midnight tresses of hair of the other… It could be them… couldn't it?
"Sei-sama? Youko-sama?"
Both of them whipped around, startled at my voice. Youko looked a little stunned at my appearance and I shifted a little involuntarily under her scrutiny.
Her eyes are still sharp and perceiving like a hawk's.
"Ara… Yumi-chan? Is that really you? When did you come back?"
"Just this morning. Didn't I tell you that already?"
"Ah… I guess you might have mentioned it."
She gave a guilty grin.
Sei… she's still as forgetful as ever. I had even called her before I went on the plane that I was coming back! But to think about it… she seemed rather busy at that time…
"I'll leave you with these charming ladies then, Yumi-san. Anyway, your table number is 75, the guest suite."
"Thanks again, Tsuzuki-san."
"It's my pleasure."
-
I found out that Youko and Sei were engaged to each other while talking to them. Sei had proudly announced that their wedding was to be held just two months down the road with that silly grin of hers. This was supposed to be surprising to me, I guess. I didn't know that these two were going out together at all. However, nothing much would be a shock to me anymore. I was pretty much numb to most things; my heart was sealed up under layers of cold hard cement that only something like a flame of infinite degrees could melt away. Nevertheless, I did burst out in fits of laughter as Youko told me how Sei had finally mustered up the courage to propose to her in a movie theater (a challenge set by Youko, no worries about it.). Apparently, the loud and distinct voice of Sei had attracted the attention of the whole theater, and everyone stopped in their actions to watch her.
The movie that was playing (Titanic, I couldn't believe it… they went to watch Titanic?) was paused to accommodate Sei too. I could only smile and shake my head at that; Sei just had to be Sei no matter where she went.
They knew nothing much about Sachiko, only that her grandfather had died a few years back and that she was married to Kashiwagi not long after she graduated. It was already a fact - a truth - besides, Sachiko herself had acknowledged it. So why bother so much? It's not like she can't take care of herself.
A pang of guilt hit me in the gut.
Both of them had been understanding and respectful of Sachiko's and my decisions. Even though I knew that they were unhappy with how things turned out, I was glad that it didn't turn out to be another confrontation with them and Sachiko. Sei had even pulled me aside after all that mess and asked me whether I was determined to continue with this path.
I wasn't, but I had to say yes. For that's what Sachiko would have said.
Sometimes I had wondered on common days such as today. Did fleeing to the States resolve any problem? No matter how many times I said 'yes' to my question, I knew that this was not the case. Even with fresh new surroundings, the friendships with different people, I still could not get my mind off her. She was a lingering presence that refused to go away; sometimes I even imagined that I saw a hologram of her. I couldn't stand it anymore but every time I tried to purge her from my memories… she simply claimed a greater portion of my thoughts. Six years ago on a day where these waves of reminiscence hit me with an increased fervor, I reflected on that particular Monday with my more matured self of twenty.
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An idiot I was, even now
But everything changed – for best, for worst, that I don't know
The soul was crushed
Though the body remained firm
What dies had to be once alive
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"… I do."
"Then there is no need for further conversation. I know what you want, you know what I want. So let's act mature a little and just let this go. It is what you wanted, isn't it? But then again, you weren't totally fair to me. Would you at least give me a reason for doing this? The reason that made you said what you did."
"Circumstances, Yumi, and the fate that I will not escape. That's all I can offer you."
"I accept."
I turned around and walked away; my face brimming with tears that I could ill afford to let her see.
-
I was being stupid. Stupid and blinded to so many details that I should have noticed earlier.
Pangs of regrets had assaulted me when I realized just how many hints and clues I had missed out. If only I had sat down and thought about her for once, instead about only myself, I would have noted that many things were wrong right away. Perhaps then, I could possibly come out with a way to help her with her troubles.
You did the exact opposite of what you've sworn to Youko.
Maybe if time could be reversed… I…
-
Yoshino told me today that she had taken Touko as her soeur a week ago.
I entered the changing rooms with my usually soft footsteps, never considering that anyone would be in it. I was more concerned with my own thoughts than anything else right now. Nevertheless, I thought I saw someone disturbingly familiar in the side wing of the building changing from the corner of my eye.
Sachiko.
The one person I had tried so hard to avoid in the past few weeks. The person who had slipped into my thoughts yet again.
I hid behind one of the cubicle doors, not wanting to be seen by her.
The one person I had wanted the most to talk to, to spend time with… although it isn't any more possible than having the sun rise from the west.
I saw her raking the whole area with her eyes, looking out for the presence of any people. Satisfied that no one was around, she took off her blouse.
A silent gasp escaped me from the sight I was treated to.
What were all those scars on her upper arms and body? Some were straight cuts, others with a slight jagged edge… they looked like old wounds; most had faded with age but there were a couple that looked recent…
Did she…
It's not your place, Yumi. Not anymore. You have no more obligations to her… A break is a break.
I left the area, taking care to not make any noise that would attract her attention.
Just drop Touko a message. She'll do something about it. It's not your place anyway. What are you supposed to do anyway, confront her about it? You don't even talk to her when you pass by her!
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Did you ever realize?
The gaping hole that you had left me with
I tried so hard to fill it up
'try to leave no regrets'
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I laid my head down on the table, showing a rare moment of weariness and vulnerability. The trip back to Japan had been tiring despite the fact that I was sleeping in the plane. This must be what you'll get after working for 48 hours straight without sleeping to settle some last minute crop-ups.
An hour earlier… Tsutako will be sure to tease you for the enthusiasm… and worry about your state of tiredness too if you don't perk up right now.
I sighed audibly to no one in particular. This was a splendid guest suite that Tsuzuki led me to, but it was simply too empty for me alone. Youko and Sei had already left due to an appointment with their parents to go shopping together and the head executive was the only person left here that I knew but could not relate much to. He had work anyway.
!knock knock!
I quickly composed myself before calling out.
"Yes? Please come in."
Ah… talk of the devil.
"Yumi-san, I'm really really sorry, but it seemed that someone else had already pre-booked this room in advance. I must have missed it out by accident. I offer my sincere apologies to you."
"Don't, Tsuzuki-san, we've known each other for a long time already. There's no need to be so polite with me. It's alright really; I was feeling a little bored holed up in this room anyway. How 'bout I go take a walk around your counters while you assign another table for me? Just give me a moment to collect my things and feel free to go on ahead and arrange my stay here."
"Sure. It'll be my pleasure to do so, Yumi-san."
This room doesn't suit me anyway.
I picked up my sling bag and the novel that I was reading before I got lost in my own thoughts. I stood up, slightly staggering under the weight of the bag and proceeded to the closed doorframe. Having a bad sense of balance from young, I slipped a little on the polished floor of the doorway on my way out.
Wham!
Ouch…
I knocked into someone whilst I was preventing myself from falling over with the weight of my bag. Had the weight been doubled by some unknown force without me noticing? As I regained my foothold, I glanced up at the person, preparing to apologize for my clumsiness and for any discomfort I had caused.
My words died on me, stopping in its ascent from my throat to my lips. A long hidden part of me recognized the solitary person standing in front of me.
Sachiko.
I opened my mouth to speak, (what can I say?) but she cut me off with a quicker response.
"Yumi? Is that you?"
Is this a dream? Yumi, have you fallen asleep without knowing?
It's been ten years since I last heard her voice. The syllable of my name spoken from her lips struck a chord deep within me; her voice played in a place where only she could reach. No one else that I'd met had ever said my name in such a manner before. No… only she could bring such an impact to me.
I remained quiet, still slightly stunned at her appearance before me. At my silence, she spoke again, giving that little frown at her eyebrows which I remembered with stark clearness.
"Sorry, I must have made a mistake. You looked a lot like someone I had known but lost contact with."
Was it really her?
I didn't trust myself to speak; neither did I touch her or anything else. If this was a dream, I would rather not wake up right now but choose, instead, to see how things played out.
"Miss? Are you alright? Did you hurt anything when you bumped into me?"
She laid a cool hand on my exposed arms; concern was evident in her midnight eyes.
You could at least acknowledge her… She was once your Onee-sama after all. Do it for politeness if not for old time's sake.
"Gokigenyou, Sachiko."
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You came back to me; angel wings and all
Were you just a dream – a figment of my imagination?
All these years… I fled from you
Why did ten years feel like just a day passed?
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We have been talking for almost half an hour now. I didn't know what else I could say without bringing forth the emotions and incidents of a time long ago… It all seemed a little silly now. We were both adults now, with better things to do than stay buried in the past.
I tried to kill the many thoughts of falsehoods that were racing through my brain.
"I'm sorry for your loss, Sachiko. It must be hard to suddenly lose your father and your husband to a car accident. Please accept my condolences."
"Thank you."
We were being exceedingly polite with each other, but I could hear the strain in our casual conversation. I took in her features as we sat opposite to each other. The ten years had been good to her. She became more so elegant now; her hair worn to just shoulder length, her face with the right amount of makeup… she was dressed in a graceful lavender gown that flowed fluidly at her ankles – her beauty would make any flower wilt with shame.
In short, she was absolutely stunning. She didn't really change that much either, even though she is definitely happier now.
"Well then, I better get going first. I still have to wait for Tsutako and some other friends of mine at the table. I hope to keep in touch with you, Sachiko."
I gathered my things once more, preparing to exit the room.
Leave her. Leave everything else. Let things go back to normal. Go back to a life where you are neither bothered nor troubled by her or she by you. Don't hold onto false hopes; they'll only crush you again. Put her out of your life! You don't need her, she don't need you… it will stay that way, nothing else.
I stood up, ready to give her my goodbyes again.
"Have a nice day, Sachiko."
I didn't notice the conflict she held in her eyes, I didn't want to see anything that would weaken my resolve.
She spoke up as I was near the door.
"Yumi."
Pretend that you don't hear her, keep on moving till you're out of her sight. You really don't need to hear this…
Despite my mind's commands, I replied to her.
"Yes?"
"Let's not put up a show anymore. I can't stand it."
Circumstances, Sachiko. We aren't exactly close to each other right now in reality, though feelings were a different thing altogether.
"Were we? I wasn't aware that we were."
"Yumi…"
She stood up. Her gaze leveled with mine, and I was lost once again in her deep blue eyes.
"… Did you know Yumi, that even after a period of ten years, you still haunted my dreams? When you popped up every now and then in fantasy land, I would awake the next day and weep silently for the lost times… for the foolish moments and decisions that I've insisted on making which I thought was the best for you. I discovered that I never really did forget the memory of you, of the joy you had brought to me. Even after I married Suguru, you were constantly in my mind, torturing me with all my previous regrets and reminding me of my weakness of not standing up to my family… of taking the easy way out, of choosing to win in the worst way ever – letting go of you. Did you know all that? Or had you long forgotten about me like I asked you to?"
The falsehoods were getting stronger and stronger, almost swaying me over to their side. I didn't want to get engulfed in any more pain again. Sachiko… please… just let it go.
"I tried, but I failed to. Just the sight of you now had erased every single moment in the ten years where I attempted to put you away. But that's not the point, it's has been a long time… everything's too late."
I made foolish choices too… How could I have thought that helping you was letting Touko do all the work?
"Nothing's ever too late, Yumi. The circumstances are different now; it would work out. I am a free person. I'm free to love anyone as I do without anymore external interferences, without people constantly breathing down on everything action I make. I stand by what I've said ten years ago… but I don't think you've heard it with the emotions on rampage. Hence, I will say it again, albeit a little different."
Nothing's ever too late…?
"I love you, Yumi. To me, there's nothing better than to just spend a quiet time with you anywhere. You are the oasis in the desert; but this time, I am no longer a lost person wandering around in the desert. I am a person with no chains and no rules; I know where I am and what I'm supposed to do at my own time and responsibility. You bring me happiness, you gave me life – life that I never knew about even though I'm exposed to so much already – I want to know more, more about this wonder that is you. I want to know how you could remain strong in a condition like the harsh hot plains of the wild."
You loved me? When did you ever say that during that day when we argued?
"Do you know, Yumi, that I can't help but keep on loving you… even if we had not kept in contact for ten years, I still miss having you beside me, talking to you about mundane matters of life. Now that fate has given me another chance, would you let me amend what I did? Would you let me recover times that we've lost?"
I don't know… but maybe… there was a chance… wasn't there?
You won't lose anything more than you did anyway. Just take a chance and voice out! You wouldn't want to make the same mistake again now, would you?
"I… I've never said this to you in person, but… I love you. However, times had changed. Both your feelings and mine did not alter in any way, but the body we reside in is no longer the same –different thinking, different habits -; I am no longer the Yumi you knew ten years ago and you are no longer the Sachiko I knew. I am a different person. Can you accept this?"
"Yes, I can; we are all different now. But will you accept this belated development of a relationship, Yumi?"
"I will."
It sounded like a marriage proposal, but in a way… it probably was, to an extent…
I sprang into her arms, seeking the familiar embrace that evaded me for years.
We were both stronger now; perhaps this will end in a happy ever after…
I insist on believing in fairytales.
We kissed.
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Love was a rainbow after the storm
It is a silly thing, a strong sentiment;
But without it, pieces remained as pieces.
Maybe love was weird in a sense…
But then again, everything in this world was weird, wasn't it?
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Dear Diary,
Contrary to my initial thought, today was not just a common Monday. My times at Lillian seemed so long ago – only a fleeting memory now - and the boulder that I was burdened with was lifted off my shoulders today with ease. Maybe after today, I could go find out how the rest were faring and have a reunion party sometime next month. Life picked up pace a little, I can now hear the birds trilling away in joy and the crickets chirping in melody. Can you believe it? The surroundings seemed more colourful and radiant too… it's a little weird… don't you think so?
Diary, do you think that this is the power of love?
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End of Epilogue
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A/N: Oh yea! I'm finally done with the epilogue. Hehe… I hope this was at least satisfactory to everyone? I tried to wrap everything up to my best ability after that somewhat unpopular ending. I do have my reasons for that ending though… I thought that if I showed the details of them solving the problems and discovering each other, it would be too boring and sappy for me to write and for a lot of readers who could predict the ending too… It's a personal belief, but I thought that perhaps this was the reason why many fics go unfinished and why I'll stop reading a fic halfway. Alternatively, I thought that this is a better ending for Yumi and Sachiko and I hope that all of you can understand. Ah… not going to comment on the epilogue itself… (leaving that to everyone else). Sooo… tell me whether it's good enough? Or… -offers sharpened claws and candies-
Last but not least, thank you for taking your time to read this piece of work that I'd written.
P.S – I don't know if it was the way I wrote the fic that made Sachiko and Yumi seem OoC or something, but if I could direct you to be in both Yumi and Sachiko's shoes, perhaps some could understand that they are still in character (for me, like one) but simply guided their instincts and actions to a different direction... It's up to your interpretation anyway.
P.S.S – Send me a email or a review stating so if you want a analysis from my point of view :D
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