A/N: thanks for the reviews. I truly enjoy them. I will try my best to update as much as I can. So here you folks go...
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. All characters, storyline, dialogues belong to their rightful owner. Shonda Rhimes and maybe a few other shows. Also spelling mistakes, and punctuations marks are mine.
Arizona POV
Tonight, I finally had an appetite to eat. Mom made my favorite, pot roast and mashed potatoes. I invited Mark to come and have dinner with us. So now it's the three of us sitting and having dinner. As I'm about to eat, I take a look at the chair that Callie would be sitting at, and it's empty. My heart feels like it's being physically crushed.
"Sweetie are you okay?"
"Mom, I miss her. I miss her so much."
"I know you do. But one step at a time."
"I miss her voice, I miss her smile, I miss her singing and humming. Even though I was a prick to her she would always hum around me, when she knew I was on edge. Mom, what if she doesn't take me back? I know I caused her more pain than anything. Why would she take me back."
"Arizona, Callie loves you." Mark added.
"I know Mark, but I screwed it up."
"How about you put your worries to the side and take it one step at a time. In a few days you will have see Dr. Wyatt and you can talk to her about your worries."
"You're right Mark. Thank you."
"Of course."
"Hey Mark can I ask you something?"
"Yeah." He says taking a bite of his food.
"Did Callie ever ask you what happened.. you know when our plane crashed?"
"You know I'm surprised she never did. If she did I would've told her, but she never asked."
"Did she ever tell you, how much of an asshole I was to her?"
"She didn't need too, I could hear you across the hall." Mark said looking into my eyes with a small grin.
"Ma-"
"Arizona, you don't need to say anything. We went through one of the most traumatic things you could go through in this life. I know for a while I would get drunk in my apartment."
I give him a knowing look.
"Hey don't look at me like that, I lost the love of my life. I was going bat shit crazy in my own head, but then I realized Lexi would be so mad at me if I wasted my life drinking, and being hurt. By some miracle we lived. You know we should of all died out there, but we didn't. So I got myself help. Robbins I understand why you probably have the hardest time with getting past this. Yes we all have emotional trauma from this event, but physically we all recovered, but you didn't. Derek hand healed and he can operate again, I woke up from my a coma, but you. You lost your leg. You wake up every morning without it. You have the physical reminder. But that doesn't excuse you for treating Callie the way you did. Granted you lashed out all your anger on her, and she took it. She took it with grace. She never once talked bad about you. She never wanted to leave you. Instead she loved you harder."
I take in what Mark just shared and it's true. I never realized any of those things. I never realized how selfish I was. "Mark, when did you become so wise?" I joked. Earning a few laughs around the table. "Seriously, thank you. I'm so happy you're here with us. I love you Mark."
"I love you too blondie, but I'm not the one who needs your love. Even though I appreciate it." He joked.
"Mark, I'm gonna fight for her. For me. For us. I don't care what I have to do. I'm gonna do it, because me and Callie. We don't end here. Our story goes on." I say with an unwavering voice.
"Fuck yes!" Mark says pounding the table.
"Marcus language."
"Sorry Barbara, I just got to excited."
"I know Mark. I was just giving you a hard time." She laughed.
After Mark left to his apartment, me and my mom sat on the sofa and watched whatever trashy show was on. I was hardly paying attention, my mind was on Callie.
"You know, when I missed your dad. I would write him letters."
"Mom, I'm not gonna write letters to Callie."
"You see that's your problem, anytime someone gives you a suggestion. You shoot it down. Life is not black and white Arizona. You don't know how therapeutic it can be writing down your feelings. You don't need to send it to her, but what your feeling towards her. Just write them down. Get it off your chest and leave it on the paper."
"I don't know mom. I'll think about it. I'm gonna go lay down, give my stump a rest. I'll see you in the morning."
"Okay, sweetie. Good night. I love you."
"Love you to mom. Goodnight."
I sit on the bed and think about what my mom said. I lean up against the headboard and reach over for her calendar and rip out an empty page. I grab her pen and sniff it. And weirdly enough it smells like her. God I miss her. I think about what I want to write and I draw up a blank. Finally I put pen to paper and decide to just go with what's on my heart.
Dear Calliope,
So I'm writing you this letter because my mom said it helped her when she missed my dad when he went off to war, granted you're not in a war so to speak. But maybe you are. I can't speak for you, but I know I am. For a while now I've been at war with myself. Honestly it felt like I was loosing the battle most of the time. I know I should of shared things with you. I just thought telling you those things made we look weak, and writing this letter I feel weak. I know I put up an act for so long, and I know I messed up, and I know I broke you. I never meant to do any of that. I just knew no matter how shitty I treated you, you'd always be there. I know that sounds crazy and selfish. Down right fucked up because it is. I took you for granted and lashed out on you. My beautiful perfect wife. I'm not gonna ask for forgiveness at least right now I won't because I don't deserve it, but what I will do is fight for you, for me, for us. Because I know our story definitely does not end here. Did I ever tell you about the first time I saw you? If I didn't I'm gonna tell you now. I don't think I did because it was so embarrassing. Anyways, I believe it was January 24, 2008 and it was my second week at Seattle Grace, it was the first time I saw you, you were still a resident and you were wearing a red sweater under your light blue scrubs, with those diamond earrings. And that circle pendant that you loved so much. You were at the nurses station writing inside of a chart. You were biting the side of your lip and you were stunning. The most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I had just caught wind that some resident was gonna build a guys leg from titanium rods. Once I heard that, I knew I had to meet you. Anyways I was walking the Ortho floor and I saw you, and I remember thinking that I never seen anyone look so perfect. I might have creeped around the floor trying to get information on you. Then nurse Colleen walks up to me, and says you know you could always ask her yourself instead of trying to snoop for information on her. I tried my best to play it off, but I'm sure she could tell I was lying. I was so embarrassed, I made her promise not to open her mouth about me trying to get information on you. Anyways I knew I had to meet you, and get to know you. When I finally worked up the guts to talk you in the bar, the moment I heard your voice, it was so soft and peaceful. From that day on, I realized my life would never be the same. I love you Callie. I'm sitting on our bed right now and I'm looking at where you would be sleeping. I haven't heard from you in almost 3 days and I have to say it's very unsettling. I miss you like crazy. I hope to hear from you soon. I love you. Be safe. Also I think my mom might be right. I feel a lot better. I hope you're good. Goodnight babe.
Deepest love, Arizona.
CALLIE POV
I wake up and it's the next day, I can't believe I slept through another day. I wake up and wash myself up I make my way to the kitchen and I see Aria and Cal eating breakfast. "I thought you were gonna wake me up?"
"Tía Callie, you're up! Good morning!"
I walk over and kiss his forehead, "Morning sobrino." (Nephew)
"I was, but you really looked peaceful, and I knew you could use the rest especially after sharing everything with me."
"Yeah, I actually feel good this morning, so what's the plan for today?"
Aria sets a plate of french toast in front of me to eat,"Well we can drop Cal off at his daycare, after you eat. And I called and made you an appointment this morning, and it's not till 12pm. But before that I have to run to the office and pick up a few papers."
"Okay, that sounds good."
"How you feeling?"
"Honestly I'm not sure, it doesn't feel real. I'll probably know after the appointment."
"I remember that feeling, I didn't believe it till my stomach started really growing."
"Do you have pictures?"
"I do, I'll show them to you later."
"Awesome." I smiled.
"Awesome?" She questioned.
"Yeah, Arizona always says that, and I guess it's something I just picked up over the years."
"I'm sure, I would've really liked her."
I sit on the chair, and look off. "You would. Arizona, she's everything. I remember the first time we went on our date and she was perky. Like annoyingly perky, but I remember thinking she's beautiful, and so free spirited. Her smile, her smile could light up a room."I wipe my tears away and smile.
"Cal, I'm sorry."
"Don't be, but I'm done eating. We can go whenever you're ready."
After dropping Calvin off, we head to my mother's law firm building. "I'll be a few minutes, half an hour tops."
"Don't worry Aria. Take your time. I have nowhere to be."
I've been here almost 4 days and I still haven't turned my phone back on since I arrived and contacted Aria. I miss Arizona so much, and I can feel myself wanting to call her, but I'm just not ready yet. I'm so deep in thought I don't hear someone knocking on my window.
"Mom?" I open the door.
"Hey Callie, you okay?"
"Umm... why do you care?" I say defensively.
With her head down, she looks at me sadly. "I care Callie, I will always care."
"Mom, I don't know what to say to you. And right now I can't deal with you. You left me. Your child, and now I'm happy to see you, but I'm just so angry at you."
"Calliope, I know. I understand. I'll leave you alone. I was just checking on you." She says walking away.
"Mom."
She turned around and looks at me. "I'm gonna be mad for a while, but I do need to thank you."
"Thank me for what?"
"Dad told me. You're the reason, why Arizona and my friends got awarded. So thank you. I appreciate it."
"Cal, I told him not open his big mouth." She smiled.
I laughed, "Thank you, I know you didn't need to but you did."
"Callie I did need too. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you or your sister. I'm sorry for everything. I know you said you're not ready. So I'm not gonna push. But I just need you to know, that I'm sorry for putting you aside." Her eyes start to well up and tears are rolling down her face.
I've never seen my mom cry. She never cracks. If anyone besides Arizona my mother would be the next person to hide her emotions.
"Mom.. don't cry, if you start crying I'll start crying and honestly this is the first morning I could hold myself together."
"Callie when you're ready please stop by. If you don't want to that's fine. I don't deserve it-"
Just then my sister walks to the car. "Hey is every okay?" She asked concerned.
"Yeah, it is. Let's go." I say opening up the passenger door. I see her and my mom exchange words, but I have no clue what their saying. Honestly if I wasn't going through all of this. I would've asked, but I had no energy for it. And I think Aria knew that since she never brought it up on the way to the doctors office.
After signing in and filling out the paperwork, I sit next to her nervous as hell. "Hey Aria?"
She puts her phone away and looks at me. "Yes Callie?"
"Can you come in with me? It's just I'm scared and I need someone."
"Of course, I'd be happy too."
I hear my name being called and we stand up and follow the nurse.
"Dr. Robbins, you can just change into this and if you could also give us a urine sample the bathroom is right down the hall."
"Thank you, and you can call me Callie."
"Okay Callie. Doctor will be in a few minutes."
I walk down the hall to use the bathroom and take my urine test. I walk back to my room and change into the gown. I sit on the bed.
"Nice, gown." Aria teases.
"Shut up."
Just then the Dr.Brooks walks in. "Dr. Robbins, nice to meet you, I'm Dr. Brooks."
"Nice to meet you and please just call me Callie."
She nods at me and looks at Aria. "Aria, it's so nice to see you. How are you?"
"I'm good busy... busy.. busy.."
"Busy, can be good. How's the handsome son of yours. How old is he now? 4?"
"Yes, he's 4."
Dr. Brooks turns her attention back to me, so your urine test came back and congratulations, you're pregnant!"
"Wow, Umm. Thank you!" I smiled trying to hold in my tears.
She sits on her chair and rolls to her transducer machine. "So I'm gonna insert this into you so we can find out just how far along you are."
"Okay." I sniffed. Aria comes and stands by me handing me a tissue and holds my hand.
"Thank you."
"So it looks like your around 6-7 weeks."
I look at the screen and I can tell she's right. The only thing that could make this moment better is if Arizona was with me.
"Are you planning on staying here? If you are, we can schedule your next appointment for next month."
"Umm yes, we can schedule my next appointment."
"Okay, you change back into your clothes and I'll meet you back outside, but before I go can I ask you something."
"Umm sure." I already had an idea she was gonna bring up Arizona. They always do. Arizona is one of the few fetal and maternal surgeons in the US.
"You're paperwork says you're from Seattle?"
"Yes..."
"And you have the same last name as Dr. Arizona Robbins?"
"Yes, that's my Umm wife." I'm sure she could tell I did not want to talk about it.
"Okay, well I'll let you change and I'll see you outside." She smiled.
"Thank you Dr. Brooks."
When she leaves the room, my sister looks at me. "How does she know Arizona?"
"Arizona she's the top Pediatric Surgeon in the country and she finished her fetal and maternal fellowship in 8 months compared to 2 years."
"Wow."
"Yeah I married a cheating genius."
"Callie.."
"Don't sweat it, it's okay."
"Callie, I looked up the best therapist in Miami, and when you're ready we can make an appointment."
"Aria, I appreciate all you're doing. You're right I need to see someone soon cause I don't know what to do."
"Good, I was hoping you would say that. You have an appointment tomorrow with Dr. Douglas."
"Aria." I laughed.
"What, I figured you would say that." She laughed.
Walking out into the waiting room, Dr.Brooks hands me a card with my next appointment. "Here you go Callie, and I'm sorry if I overstepped in there. I don't ever want you to feel uncomfortable."
"Thank you Dr. Brooks. I appreciate that."
We walk back to Aria's car, "So what did you want to do now?"
"I'm starving. Let's go eat something."
"You want to eat in or get something and go home?"
"Let's just go through a drive thru, I really want fries."
After stopping and getting food, we head back home. "Hey Callie. Does dad know about Arizona?"
"Yeah he knows and so does mom."
"Wow, you told them?"
"Yeah, Arizona wouldn't marry me until I told both of them or at-least dad."
"Really what happened?"
Flashback
We were together for maybe 2 years and I know we were moving into a more serious side of our relationship. Then one day, she sat me down and asked.
"Hey Callie, does your parents know about me?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do they know I have a penis?"
"Oh, that no. They don't."
"Are you gonna tell them?"
"I wasn't sure if you wanted me too."
Arizona stands up and walks into the kitchen. "Arizona what's wrong?"
"Are you ashamed of me?"
I stand up and follow her in the kitchen. "Arizona, don't you ever think for a second that I'm ashamed of you. I love you. And if it's important to you. I'll tell them. I just wasn't sure you'd be okay with it. I mean it's personal."
"Sorry babe, you're right. I should of told you it was okay before I went crazy on you."
"Yeah, you should of."
So after she went to work I called dad up.
"Calliope, what do I owe you the pleasure of this call."
"Papí are you busy?"
"I just finished a meeting. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything is great. I just-"
"Calliope, just say it. There's not much you can say that will freak me out."
"Okay, well I guess I should tell you that Arizona is intersex."
"What's that?"
"That means that she has a male reproductive system."
"So she's a guy?"
"No, she's a women. She just has the male parts. So to speak."
"Okay? I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this."
"Dad..."
Nobody spoke for the next 10 minutes.
"Dad..."
"Are you happy?"
"Yes."
"And she treats you well?"
"Yes papì."
"Well like I said before. This is your life."
"I know. So you're okay with what I just said?"
"Yes. Arizona she's a great person. She loves you. I'm just not sure how mom will take this."
"Well I'm sure it can't get any worse than what it is now."
"I truly don't know if dad ever told mom."
"What makes you think she doesn't know? Dad tells mom everything."
"Hmmm I'm not sure. Because she never spoke to ever again." I begin to sob.
"Callie it's okay." Aria says as she rubs my back. "No matter what happens. Dad and I will be there for you."
"Thanks Aria, but I'm exhausted from this afternoon, I think I'm gonna take a nap before dinner."
"Yes you sleep. I'll go start dinner." Aria says as she walks into the kitchen.
Laying in bed, I begin to think about Arizona. How am I supposed to tell her? How is she gonna react? Does she deserve to know? Of course she does. She should know. After tossing and turning. I decide that I'm not gonna worry about it until I talk to my therapist tomorrow.