A/N: Hiiiiii!!! I know it's been a while. Don't worry this is probably gonna be my favorite story by far. But this is also the hardest story I ever wrote. Anyways enjoy...
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. All characters, storyline, dialogues belong to their rightful owner. Shonda Rhimes and maybe a few other shows. Also spelling mistakes, and punctuations marks are mine.
Arizona POV
Dear Calliope,
Today I had my first appointment with Dr. Wyatt. I can't say I'm a fan of hers because she went straight to the point, and I know I'm usually a fan of that, but I guess when you're the person in the hot seat, you kinda wish that the person would take it easy on you. She asked me a question today, and like everything else that's been going on lately, I just didn't have an answer for. She asked me about my childhood, we all know I don't like to talk about that. I'm not sure why and honestly I don't want to dig deep into it. I don't want to know why. I don't want to sit and talk to this lady who knows nothing about me, and have to bare my soul too. I hate this and honestly I hate that I have to do this to get you back. I just want you back already. Saying sorry will never be enough. I don't even think I can ask you for forgiveness. How did I get like this? I guess that's why I'm going to therapy Huh? Anyways I miss you. Love, Ari.
Arizona POV
Limping back into the living room, I see my mother sitting on the kitchen table reading the ads. She hears me and puts the paper down, and I join her.
"So how did it go today?"
"It was alright. She asked me questions and of course I don't know the answers to them. Dr. Wyatt keeps asking me to elaborate."
"So your holding back?" My mother retorts.
"No, I just don't know the answers mom. I wish I knew why I'm like this!" I snapped.
"Arizo-"
"No mom, I don't know why I'm so mad all the time. I hate it. I hate being like this! I used to be so happy." I cried.
Barbara stands up and pats my back. "It's okay, it's just your first day. But Arizona if you wanna get better, you need to be honest with her and yourself."
"I know mom, I'm trying."
"Have you heard from Callie?"
"No, I haven't. She probably wants to divorce me and I don't blame her."
"Is that what you want Arizona?" My mom says carefully.
This is what I hate the most, how everyone is scared to hurt me, how I make them walk on egg shells. I don't like that I'm like this, but I just can't help myself.
"No mom, I don't. I don't want divorce, but if that's what she wanted I'd give it to her."
"Arizona.."
"She's amazing mom, Callie deserves to be loved by someone who will cherish her, and love her and treat her with the utmost respect. I failed mom!" I cried.
"Arizona, you're always jumping the gun. You can't make decision when you're so emotional. Callie never mentioned a divorce. Did she?"
"Mom, she left her ring."
"Did she say she wants a divorce?"
"No."
Callie POV
"I'll come back in an hour." Aria says.
"Okay, thanks again Aria." I said as I stepped out the car.
Walking up to the door, I collect all the courage, I have. "Here goes, nothing."
"Hi, I'm Calliope To- I mean Robbins, I have an appointment with Dr. Douglas."
"Okay Ms. Robbins. Just sign these papers and the doctor will be right with you."
What's funny is that, I hardly ever got address as Ms. Robbins and now all of a sudden everyone is calling me that. Actually it isn't funny. It's frustrating and hurtful. So instead of correcting her I take the clip board and sit down and wait my turn. After filling in the papers, I stand up and give them to the receptionist. I return back to my seat and I hold my cellphone, which I still haven't turned on. I never really had anxiety before up until this moment
"First time?" A young boy says to me.
"Yes." I smiled. "Can you tell I'm a little nervous?" I laughed.
"Don't be. Dr. Douglas is awesome." He said simply.
Awesome that's something Arizona would say. I thought to myself.
As if it was that easy, I closed my eyes and put my hand on my belly. I can't believe I'm actually housing a human. A human I made with my adulterous wife, and all of a sudden I'm pissed off again.
"Ms.Robbins, you can go through that door and Dr. Douglas will be right with you."
Walking into her office, I see lots of pictures of elephants and the scenery looks like Thailand or something. As I'm admiring the pictures, I hear the door open.
"Ms Robbins."
I turn around, and I see an older Hispanic lady maybe in her late fifties, early sixties. She wasn't exactly who I was expecting.
"Please call me, Callie." I say taking the seat across her desk.
"Come let's sit on the couch over there." She said as she took a seat.
"So tell me about yourself." She smiled.
"Well my name is Calliope To- I mean Robbins and I'm an Orthopedic surgeon at a teaching hospital in Seattle. Umm I'm a- married." I hesitated and Dr. Douglas just nods and continues to write. So I continue. "My favorite color is bl- I mean red. I enjoy singing and dancing. But I hardly do any of that."
"Why not?" Dr. Douglas asked for the first time.
Biting my lip, I try to think of an answer, but nothing comes to mind.
"It's okay, Callie. It's just a question. There's no right or wrong answer."
"Well, I haven't been feeling up to it, as of lately." I say honestly. She nods her head listening to what I'm saying.
"Actually I haven't in a long time, years actually."
"Uhuh." She humms.
"Uhuh?" I questioned. Confused as to why she wants to know all of this. I thought she wanted to know about my problems.
"Continue." She smiled.
"I've been umm kinda busy, my life has been kinda hectic the past two years."
"I understand life gets hectic."
"Not my kind of hectic." I nervously laughed, playing with my fingers.
"And what kind of hectic is that?"
"Well we're should I start it's all hectic?" I laughed again.
She puts her pen down and looks at me. "You can start wherever you want."
"Well my wife cheated on me and I just found out I'm pregnant. I know I should tell her, but I can't help but feel she doesn't deserve to know. And I know I should be happy but it's just so hard. I feel so sorry that this baby is gonna be born into such a mess, and even though I hate her, I can't help but love her." I cried.
Dr. Douglas stands up and hands me a tissue.
"Thank you." I sniffled.
"Callie, I understand why you feel the way you do. I'm sure it's kind of confusing."
"You can say that again. Not too mention my mother disowned me years ago because of my sexual orientation, and now she wants to be back in my life, and that also makes me happy but I can't help but be mad still." I cried. "I know it's crazy right." I scoffed.
Dr. Douglas gave me a small smile.
"You said you work in Seattle, what are you doing in Miami?"
"Well a few days ago, there was a storm and I couldn't find my wife. Who is also a doctor at the hospital I work at. Anyways nobody could find her. Come to find out she was in an on call room fucking some doctor."
"You said some doctor? What does that mean?"
"She flew in for a case that my wife and best friend needed help with. Why does that matter?"
"I'm just trying to understand what happened. Continue.."
"Okay, well I walked into the NICU and she was standing their taking care of babies with that bitch right next to her acting as if they didn't just have sex."
"How do you know she cheated?"
"Because she had her wedding ring pinned to her scrub top. Only thing is that bitch was wearing Arizona scrub top. And in that moment I knew." I sobbed instantly sucking in my cries, I wipe my tears.
"Callie, it's okay. You can cry."
Right when Dr. Douglas says that I let it go. I haven't cried this hard since I left Seattle. She sits by me and pats my back, trying to calm me down.
"We can stop here if you want, but I think it would be good to continue."
Dabbing my eyes dry, "I agree." After I composed myself I continued. "Anyways I confronted her and we had an argument. I left her and went home. I didn't know what to do but I called my sister."
"You and your sister must be close that you called her."
"As of recently yes, but before that I haven't talked to her in almost a decade."
"What made you call her?"
"Well I had nobody. So I called her."
"You mentioned a best friend, why didn't she help you?"
"Mark, my best friends a guy. Well he and Arizona are also close and I felt like he wouldn't be much help."
"I understand."
"That's another story, for a different day."
Nodding her head I continue. "So I called Aria and told her I needed to leave, she told me to come. So I did. I packed my bags, quit my job and left."
Dr. Douglas continues to write, not saying a word. Putting her book and pen on the table she looks at me.
"So is it safe to say that you're not planning on going back to Seattle."
"I ummm I don't know. Arizona doesn't even know I'm here."
"Has she been trying to call you?"
"I'm not sure, I only use my phone to call my sister. I don't use it for anything else. After that I turn it off."
"Why is that?" She asked.
Shrugging my shoulders as my answer.
"I think you do know, Callie."
"Because I don't wanna see the messages, because then I know it's real, and I have to face the fact that my wife cheated on me, and now the marriage I fought so hard for was pointless." I cried. "I'm so sorry I'm such a mess."
"Callie, don't be sorry. It's okay to feel like this. So tell me, what do you want to happen?"
"Well I know I should tell Arizona. But I don't know how."
"Your sister seems to be a great support. Would it help if she sat by you while you spoke to Arizona?"
"Maybe."
"Think about it." She smiled.
"I will."
"But Callie, once you tell her, things will change."
"I know. I'll probably have to move back, and have to face everyone." I rushed out. Thinking about telling everyone and having to face everyone has me hyperventilating.
"Callie. Relax.. your fine. You're safe." Dr. Douglas says trying to pull me out of the panic attack. She hands me a paper bag to breathe into. Finally I start to relax.
"Callie, I didn't mean to freak you out, but you need to realize that change is inevitable. There's nothing you can do about it. It's gonna happen, but that's the beauty of things, you can choose how you want to change."
"I know Arizona will probably want to be here, and go to all the appointments with me and I don't want to rob her of this experience, but I can't. Not right now." I said adamantly.
"That is fine Callie, but you need to tell her that. How far along are you?"
"I'm 7 weeks. The baby is hers. Biologically both of ours."
"Congratulations!" Dr. Douglas smiled. "I think that's enough for today, we unpacked a lot. Next time you come we can go into much more. Also I want to give you a few exercises it seems when it comes to thinking about the future, a part of your brain takes the flight side and you panic. Let's just focus on one thing at a time. You can't control how anyone reacts but yourself. Stay in control of the situation and don't be afraid to tell people what you want."
"You make it sound so easy."
"It's not." Dr. Douglas deadpanned. "If it was easy, I wouldn't have a job." She laughed to which I also laugh.
"So when you tell Arizona, you make sure you let her know your boundaries."
"Thank you. Dr. Douglas. That helps a lot."
"Okay, how about I see you a week from today, same time?"
"That works." I smiled as I walked out.
"Not so bad huh?" The young boy smiled.
I smiled back and walked outside to see if Aria was there and she was.
"Hey, sister." Aria smiled.
"How was it?"
"It was alright. We talked about telling Arizona."
"Ohhh." She says as we pulled out of the parking lot.
The rest of the ride is quiet. Nobody really saying anything. As we arrived at her house, I grabbed her arm, stopping us from going inside. She looks at me worried, but she doesn't say anything.
"I want to tell Arizona."
"That's good." Aria says carefully.
"But I want you there, next to me."
"Of course." She said grabbing my hand, giving it a tight squeeze.
"I think I'm gonna call her tomorrow since the time difference."
"Okay."
That night my father came over, and as we sat in the dinning room, I could feel my stomach turning. Standing up, I run to my bathroom, and hurl all the contents from my stomach.
"Míja you okay?"
"No, but I will be." I tried to smile.
"Calliope, are you pregnant?"
Looking at my dad, I can't help but feel like a little kid, I know my dad knows that I have sex, but still there's something weird about your parents knowing you have sex. So I shyly nodded my head.
"Are you serious? I'm gonna have another grand baby!" He jumped up and down.
"Yes." I smiled needing this happiness.
"Does Arizona know?"
And as soon as I felt the happiness it was gone. Shaking my head, I give him the answer to his question.
I know it's probably not the right time, but your an adult."
Patting off the water, I look at my dad waiting for him to continue. "Umm okay?"
"Come sit míja."
"Before your mom and I had you. I cheated on her."
"What!" I yelled standing up. "Are you kidding me papì! You can't be serious."
"Sit down Calliope!"
"No."
"Yes! There's a reason why I'm telling you this."
"No, I don't wanna hear it!"
"Calliope Iphegenia Torres, you sit down when I'm talking to you! I am your father."
Sitting down, next to my dad. We take a moment to calm down.
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I'm telling you this because I made one mistake. One huge mistake, and your mother knew I wouldn't do it again, and I never did."
"Okay, and?" I spat.
"I don't wanna influence you in anyway on what you choose to do, I'm just speaking from my experience. If your mother didn't forgive me, I wouldn't have you, and you and Aria are the best part of me. I owe your mother everything. Everything."
Sitting next to him, taking everything he said. "I'm glad you told me dad. I'm glad mom forgave you. I'm glad it worked out for you and mom. I understand that sometimes it all works out for the best, but right now all I can do is focus on, one step at a time. And the first step is telling Arizona."
"You're right Mija. I'm sorry. Maybe one day when you're ready, you can speak to your mom about this." He said hugging me.
"Does Aria know?" I asked.
"No, I don't think so." He said pulling apart.
"Well she does now."
He looked at me confused. "How do you know, that she knows?"
"Aria!" I yelled.
Of course she comes walking in instantly.
"Papi are you serious, you cheated on Mami?!" She asked in disbelief.
"Yes, it was many years ago. Your mother has been through a lot."
"Mhhmmm." I said trying my best to be understanding.
"She has, and you for one, should understand how she feels."
"Papi, I'm trying. But I can't stress right now. I have a child to think about now."
"I know that's why I'm telling you this Mija. I better get going. It's getting late and your mother is by herself. I'll see you two tomorrow." He said standing up and kissing us both on our cheek.
Once he left the room, we both look at each other not believing what happened.
"Can you believe that happened?" Aria says.
"No, I don't. But it must take a lot of strength to tell us. To actually own up to your faults." I said honestly.
"Callie, umm can I tell you something."
"Sure."
"Arizona knows you're here."
"WHAT!"
"I told her before you came here, but I also told her not to come." She whispered. "Please don't be mad. I know I just got you back, I don't wanna lose you. Please."
Closing my eyes, and punching my nose trying my best to stay calm and collected. "It's fine Aria."
"I meant it in the best way, please believe that."
"I know Aria. Let's just go to sleep. I'm more tired now. I don't know if it's because I'm pregnant or because my life is a mess."
Aria nods her head, not wanting to piss me off.
"Aria, relax. I forgive you. Maybe it's a good thing she knows."
As she walks out, she stops at the door, "Your life may feel like a mess right now, but it's not the end. You have us."
Arizona POV.
It's been about three days since my first therapy session and my mom went to the grocery store. Gosh she practically lives there. Even though I was so man that she came, I can't help but actually enjoy her company.
There's a knock on the door and instantly know who it is. Mark's head pops in.
"Come in." I laughed.
"Hey Robbins you think you can drop Yang and I off tomorrow?"
"Of course, although I'm not sure if that's a good idea." I laughed.
"We'll see when we get there. I need a vacation and so does Yang."
"You and Yang aren't together are you?" I teased.
"Hell no, but it's nice having someone around who is so straight up. Although she can be intimidating."
"No kidding." I laughed. "How you feel about flying tomorrow?"
"I'm actually okay, a little anxious, but nevertheless I'm okay. I have medicine if I need it, but I should be fine."
"How do you do it?" I asked honestly.
"Do what?"
"How are you perpetually relaxed?"
Mark gives one of his hearty filled laughs. "We'll therapy and once you almost lose your life, you just become grateful. And I'm grateful I'm here, and that you're here." He smiled.
"I love you Mark. Im glad you're here."
" I love you too blondie. You and Callie. Well I better get going, I need to pack. We leave at 0600 tomorrow."
"Okay."
As I'm sitting down, my phone begins to ring. And it's a familiar ring tone. For a moment I thought I might be dreaming. It's Callie's ringtone.
"Hello Callie.."
Nothing...
"Callie are you there?"
Still nothing, but I hear breathing.
"Callie? Can you hear me?"
Finally a faint whisper, one that if I didn't have the phone so close to my ear, I would miss it.
"Yes..."
A/N: I've been to a few therapy sessions, but in no way am I professional. I'm just writing as I see fit. So don't ever take advice from my writing. Also I will have Arizona therapy session also. In the next one.