Chapter 6

"I've told you about Embry, haven't I?" Bella asked her friend Lisa.

"The hot Native American you've been fucking?" Lisa asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes, that's the one … Um, I've been fucking, ah, seeing, another hot guy too, and now I don't know what to do." Bella hoped Lisa could give her some advice.

"What do you mean?" Lisa asked, sipping her water.

"I mean that I've started to like them, really, like them, and I feel bad. I know Embry and Paul both like me too, and I think they would want more than random hookups," Bella said. She'd spent the whole last night awake thinking about the mess she was in and had dragged Paul and Embry into as well. Bella had realized that she'd been leading them on. And not just them; Bella had trapped herself in love with them both.

"Paul and Embry. Cool names. Do they know about each other?" Lisa asked.

"They both know they aren't the only guy I'm sleeping with, but they don't know who the other is." The more she talked about it more of a heartless bitch she felt.

"You are a slut, Isabella Swan," Lisa grinned, slapping her arm.

"I know," she sighed, not feeling the amusement her dear friend seemed to find in her predicament. "I feel like a heartless slut taking advantage of two wonderful men. I don't think I can do it anymore. I've been using them for my pleasure," she blurted out, but her confession went to dead ears as she saw Lisa's grin widening on her face.

"Are they good in bed?"

"That's beside the point," Bella sighed. She should have guessed Lisa wasn't the one to go to look for a lost conscience.

"That is exactly the point. Are they?" Lisa pressed. If Lisa smelled the opportunity to talk about sex, she didn't let go, so Bella should answer her question so they could eventually move on. She blushed; there wasn't denying that she had never felt as good as she had with them both.

"You couldn't believe how good," she gushed. "Well, I don't have that much of an experience, but I know they both make me feel special, and lord, I always lost count of how many times I come during the night. It's insane, actually," Bella said, her cheeks flushing. Embry and Paul had spoiled other men for her. That was for sure.

"No, that's not what is insane; the only thing that is insane is you if you are seriously thinking about letting them go. If your guys are fine with that, you are screwing another guy; all is good."

Only if it would be that easy, but it wasn't. Bella was quite sure they weren't just "fine with it". Paul got hurt when she told him about seeing another guy. Embry hadn't asked about her possible other flings, but Bella could tell he'd wanted to ask a couple of times during the weekend. Had Embry been afraid to hear what she might say. Her heart wrenched thinking about him in bed with her when he'd almost burst into tears. Was it because Embry had missed her so much? Was it because... because he was in love with her... Bella's mind was reeling.

"Earth to Bella!" Lisa dragged her out of her thoughts. Bella blinked, looking at her.

"You know how often women are left unsatisfied after sex, right?" Lisa prompted.

Bella nodded; she had a few experiences before meeting Embry and then Paul.

"Now you have not only one but two men who give you multiple orgasms, and you are thinking about dumping them. You are not thinking straight."

"I'm not dumping them. We're not dating, just having fun. So, I just tell Embry and Paul that we're not hooking up anymore, and that's that." She knew she was downright lying. She was probably the only one of the three who had thought they weren't anything more than just hooking up. But after Embry had left, she'd realized they all probably wanted more, and now she had to dump them. It was the right thing to do, wasn't it? Gah, when had she become this psycho who said one thing and meant totally another. Why couldn't she be honest with her best friend?

"Honey, it doesn't look like you are only hooking up with them," Lisa said; she knew her so well. "You are mad if you let them go. Do you have photos of them?"

Bella took her phone and browsed her photos.

She first found a photo of Embry. She had taken it just two days ago when she and Embry had walked by the pier on the marina before going to Fraenkel Gallery. He looked straight at the camera, and Bella felt her heart skipping a beat. She hadn't noticed it before, but what she now saw in Embry's eyes with the usual tenderness was a more profound emotion that she could only see as love. Embry was, in fact, in love with her.

Lisa's eyes bulged out of her head when she looked at the photo and then at her.

"WOW," she mouthed.

If Embry got that reaction, she'd probably faint when she sees Paul. He was a rugged sex god, whereas Embry was more boyish with his adorable dimples and soft smile. Both had ink-black messy hair and intense brown eyes; Paul's darker, and Embry had green dots around the irises. But in a way, they looked like brothers.

Paul had taken a selfie of them. In the photo, Paul planted a kiss on her cheek while looking at the camera, and she was laughing. Paul had just cracked some joke, and Bella had almost peed her pants. She smiled as her heart lurched and showed the photo.

"This is Paul."

Lisa gasped. "Oh. My. God. You are not serious!?"

Lisa looked at the photo again for a long time. "You look happy. I haven't seen you this happy after your parents died," she said.

Bella looked at the photo, and she realized Lisa was right. It was the eyes; they got the delight and joy, emotions that had been absent for over two years now.

"How an earth you have landed on two God-like Native Americans?"

It was something she'd been thinking about herself. "I just don't know. But I've been fortunate," Bella said, gulping down the last of her coke. "But Lisa, you must help me, tell me what to do. I'm in big trouble now, and I don't know what to do."

"You just cannot let these guys go. Every woman on Earth would want them."

"I know," Bella sighed, "but I don't have the right to keep them either."

She had fallen in love with them both. There was no denying it. With Paul, she realized it had happened fast; he hadn't given her much of a choice. It had come more gradually with Embry, but right now, looking at the photo of him, she realized she was madly in love with him. And it was so fucked up. She shouldn't be in love with two guys.

"Oh, fuck Lisa, what am I going to do. I can't continue this, whatever I've been doing. It is so wrong."

Lisa ignored what she said. "Tell me more about them. What do they do?" she asked instead.

"Embry is a professional photographer, but he also teaches art in a primary school in La Push, Washington. He is so sweet and caring, an artist in his heart," Bella told her friend. "Embry is very passionate about his work. He can talk about the right light and right angels in photos for hours. And it is so adorable how he talks about the kids he teaches. Embry seems to like kids. He is also taking care of his sick father. His mother died five years ago."

Lisa just sighed. "And Paul?" she prompted. Bella took the last bite of her sandwich and hummed around the delicious flavors.

"Paul is a chef, and at the moment, he is working here in San Francisco in the International food fairs around the city. His specialty is seafood. He once brought me the seafood paella people line up to get, which was phenomenal. Paul has a bit of a temper, and he is a mixed martial art teacher at a youth center. He's volunteering there. I guess it is a way to channel his anger. Not hitting kids but fighting in general," Bella laughed. "But under that tough skin is a very caring heart and emotionally mature man who is also funny and good to talk with. They both are so smart. I have had lots of interesting conversations with them." Bella was almost shocked: she hadn't realized she knew all these things about Paul.

Lisa just stared at her.

"Did you notice that you've described a perfect man? You have hit the jackpot, lady. Don't. Let. Them. Go. You hear me."

Bella just shrugged.

"They're not mine to keep."

"Where is this international food fair. I might go and have a taste of that paella. Do you think Paul might do me?"

Bella felt a bang of jealousy hit her like a sledgehammer. Paul, doing Lisa. No way! But she got herself right there. She had no right to be jealous. If Paul wanted to do Lisa, he could do Lisa. Was it okay for Lisa to try to seek out Paul? Probably not, but then again, this was a free country, and she had made these rules herself; she must be the one to live by them.

"You can always go and ask," she answered, trying but failing to sound like it wouldn't bother her.

Lisa looked at her and started to laugh.

"You turned all green, lady. That should tell you all you need to know. You can't stand the idea of someone else fucking your man. I hope you don't think I would've seriously gone after him."

Bella looked ashamed.

"You did! Isabella Marie Swan, you've lost all your marbles."

"You're right. I'm not thinking clearly … Sorry, I should've known you better."

"The thing is that the bullshit you've been telling yourself for years now, that you don't need anybody, any man in your life, is bullshit. You are a young woman with needs, and they go beyond having occasional sex with gorgeous guys. There is nothing bad to be taken care of, to be loved. You lost your parents, but it doesn't mean you will lose everybody else who comes into your life. You can't live in fear." Lisa's green eyes were looking at her with a firm, familiar but affectionate stare that said: I know what I'm saying is true, and so do you. Bella had to look away.

She could always trust Lisa to throw the truth at her face. And she loved her for that. But this was a bit too much right now. She was too aware of why she was in this deep shit now.

"I love you for caring so much, but I can't do this shit now. I know I have issues, and because of them, I've used two incredibly good-hearted and kind men because I couldn't see what was in front of me before it was too late. I've screwed up."

Bella said, sighing deeply. Lisa just looked at her and patted her hand.

"Hey, I must go back to work. I must make a new video about the book I finished yesterday, and we have a tea delivery coming too. I'll see you next week?"

"Yeah, girl, go and do your thing. But remember: Don't let them go."

Bella smiled and left. Joe's was just two blocks away from Blue Door, but she needed to walk to gather her thoughts, so she decided to walk in the park nearby before heading back to work.

She was confused. She wasn't supposed to be a heartless bitch, using men like they were there only to please her. At least she didn't picture herself as one. But that's what she'd been doing, perhaps not on purpose, but it didn't make it any less horrible. She was a selfish person.

She had been leading them on no matter how much she had tried to say to herself they were all on the same page. But it seemed she hadn't had a clue on which page she was herself.

She needed to break up with them, let them go. They deserved someone better than she was.

"Has Lahote moved somewhere? I can't remember when I've seen him," Embry asked Jacob. Paul usually hung around the bonfire or at the diner with some chick, but now it had been a few months since he'd seen him last. It was around the time Bella was visiting him.

"Yeah, he got some gig in San Francisco. I think Sam said something he's not coming back now that the wedding is over."

Cold sweat spread through him. It was too much of a coincidence that Paul was in the same city as Bella. It was a huge place, but he'd seen how Paul had eye fucked Bella. He knew he had gone after her. Fuck!

"What's the matter?" Leah asked. She had just arrived at the diner, but Embry barely noticed her.

Could it be Paul, the other guy Bella has been seeing? Fuck, it must be him.

"Embry?" Leah came to him and touched his arm.

"What!?" he snapped. "Sorry. I need to go. See you later," Embry said and left the diner.

What did this all mean? If Bella was fucking Paul, why did she want to keep it on with him? He knew she liked him, and they had fun together. Was it the same with Paul? Fuck, there was a thought; Bella wanted him even though she had Paul. Even though it was fucked up, and he hated that she was having sex with Lahote, she still wanted him. Paul The God's gift to all womankind Lahote wasn't all she wanted. Damn.

But Bella having sex and having fun with that fucking man whore was just too disturbing. It had been easier to handle when Embry hadn't known who the other guy was. Now that he did … God, Embry hoped the other guy would be anyone else than Lahote. Had Paul told her that he knew Embry? Most likely not; it would make him sound like the creep he was.

Embry's mind was reeling.

The question was what he should do now. Should he do anything at all? He wanted to keep things up with Bella; he wasn't ready to give her up, especially not after last weekend. In his opinion, it had been the most intense time they had had together. It had almost felt as if she hadn't wanted him to leave, and Jesus, it had been one of the hardest things he'd ever faced to leave her. Even more so than before. His heart was constantly ripped out of his chest when he had to leave her.

He wanted to have whatever she was ready to offer him. He knew it was pathetic, but he could not stop wanting her.

But he needed to be sure if it was Paul; maybe it was just a coincidence. He had to talk to Paul, but how he didn't have his number. Was he on Instagram? He could send him a DM.

Embry went home and to his room. He closed the door and opened Instagram. Embry searched for Paul Lahote, and sure enough, Embry found his account right away, and it was public. But he hoped he hadn't opened it, he saw a photo of breathtakingly beautiful Bella laughing and Paul kissing her cheek on the phone screen.

Hanging out with miss Swan.

"FUCK!" Embry shouted and threw his phone against the wall. That son of a bitch! He was mad as hell.

What the fuck should he do now? They had just had a fantastic weekend together. And there had been something about Bella that had made him hope she would be ready for more. Why would she lead him on if she wasn't, or had he imagined it all?

When was that photo taken? Embry went to get his phone. He had scattered the screen. "Fuck, you fucking idiot!"

Paul had posted the photo week before Bella had called him. Embry couldn't help the smile that spread to his face. She might have a thing with Lahote, but she still wanted him.

Bella didn't have a personal Instagram account. She had one for Blue Door, where she posted photos of books, shared videos where she talked about the books, pictures of the café and the goodies served there, of the B&B, and all that sort of thing. The account had almost 90k followers. Which was impressive, but it was another thing that required her time; keeping up a successful social media account was hard work.

He had watched the videos many, many times. They were funny and intelligent, she was natural in front of a camera, and she was so beautiful. He was sure many followers wanted to look at her just like he did.

He had an account, and yes, it had a lot of photos of Bella. They were more of portraits than anything else since he kept his account for professional purposes. He was too lazy to have another account for personal photos. But his phone was full of pictures of Bella he hadn't published, and he loved every single one of them.

Embry was lying on the bed when his phone rang. It was Bella. His heart leaped into his throat, as always when she called him.

"Hey, Bella," he answered.

"Hi Em. I hope I didn't disturb anything," Bella said with a strained voice that didn't sound like herself at all.

Dread filled Embry's heart in a second. She was going to dump him, he knew.

"What's wrong, Bella? Are you crying?" he asked, panic rising.

"Um... I needed to call you and tell you that I can't see you anymore," Bella said through the tears he could almost hear running down her cheeks.

"Why? No, I don't accept that. Is it because of Paul?"

"Paul? How do you know about Paul?" Bella asked. "We'd never talked about Paul."

"I know him because he's from here, and he was on the beach when I took you to see my friends in June," Embry told her. "He came to San Francisco after you,"

"Seriously? I didn't know. He never mentioned."

"I'm sure he didn't."

Bella was quiet. He was quiet, waiting, holding his breath.

"But no, it's not because of Paul. I've told him too; it's over."

Embry didn't know what to feel. He was glad she wasn't leaving him because of Paul, but it didn't make the loss any less painful.

"Bella, you can't do this. I love you," Embry said, his voice cracking.

"I'm sorry, Embry. But it's the only way. You deserve someone who loves you, only you. Bye, Em."

"Bella! Please don't leave me."

But she didn't respond; she was gone.

AN:

Hey, I've been pointed out that my writing might be hard to read at times. And as English isn't my first language I'm not at all surprised it might be so. So, I've tried proofreading site with this chapter and I would love to hear if you find it easier to read and understand than my previous ones. Do you notice any difference?

Many thanks for your support. I'm happy to have you here with me. I'm quite excited about this story. These six first chapters were somewhat ready when I started to publish this. It might take time to get the next one out, or it might not. I'm itching to write my other two as well, it's a shame there is so little time in a day to actually write.

Enjoy your weekend!