Chapter 3! And following down the chain of command……well…..

Riza: If this is another one of Taisa's stupid orders…. draws gun

Erin: Nononoonononononono! This is about the….pulls up a picture of a half-naked black haired male

Riza: Fullmetal Alchemist and all related characters, locations, and objects are not owned by either of the fan fiction authors.

Amanda: hands Riza the bribe

Colonel Mustang shook himself from his moment of confusion and felt the lump on the back of his head that had been forming since his loving Riza had thrown him into the wall. He got up in attempt to make it to the infirmary without anyone noticing him, but he fell back and the surge of pain from his butt shot through his body.

"How am I going to get up?" Mustang pondered as he finally found the strength to get up. But as he got up, the pain in his head and the coursing pain in his butt was enough to make him dizzy and just as he was about to fall back down, Lt. Havoc and Falman walked into the office looking for the Colonel. They saw the Colonel fall back to the floor among a flurry of paperwork as he reached out to grab the desk to stop his fall, but it didn't help.

SIR!" Lt. Falman and Havoc both shouted as they rushed over to the Colonel and attempted to help him up and towards the infirmary. The walk to the infirmary was silent until Lt. Havoc asked the Colonel of what happened. Mustang went on to explain that he was alone when the chair "accident" had occurred and when he attempted to take the piece of broken chair out of his butt, he fell back and hit his head into the wall. Havoc and Falman found it hard to believe, but they knew not to argue.

The Infirmary nurse, however, did not believe his story, and asked him to explain how the impaled wood managed to magically disappeared from his arse. Mustang attempted to explain his story once more to the nurse with Falman and Havoc stifling laughter. The nurse still didn't believe him and gave him a tetanus shot, in case the wood had something bad on it. Mustang gritted his teeth through the pain, but all Havoc and Falman could do was try and maintain some dignity for their injured Colonel.

"I want to see you again in two days, Colonel." The nurse told him sternly. Mustang nodded dumbly and limped out of the room.

"Yes ma'am," Mustang said sheepishly as he tried to walk out of the room with the two snickering officers not giving away the agony he was in. "Say one word to anyone, especially Lt. Hawkeye and you two will be doing paperwork for a month!" Mustang said as he winced at his pain.

"We wouldn't dream of it, Colonel!" The two spoke solemnly, holding their hands in front of them. No one noticed the nurse smirking. Time to start an office rumor... She thought wickedly.

Lt. Hawkeye had been venting her anger out on the Colonel in the shooting range and imagining the targets face as the Colonel's which just fueled her anger even further. "This will teach you to hit on officers sir!" Lt. Hawkeye said as she shot a bullet, but was interrupted by the shooting range's operator.

"Lt. Hawkeye, please report to the front desk."

Lt. Hawkeye put away her pistol and faced the operator, "Thank you sir," Lt. Hawkeye said and she walked away to the front desk. Once the Lieutenant had left, the operator called up the target that Lt. Hawkeye had been shooting at and most of the shots had been to the head, heart area and...lower extremities. "This is Lt. Hawkeye," Riza answered as she spoke into the phone.

"Ma'am, Colonel Mustang wishes to speak to you about something in his office immediately, in private," said the voice over the phone. Lt. Hawkeye cringed at the sound of his name.

"On my way." With that, she hung up the phone and walked resignedly toward the Colonel's office. However, when she got there she encountered a problem.

The Colonel was nowhere to be seen.

Lt. Hawkeye stood staring at the door until Lt.'s Havoc and Falman spotted her.

"Lt. Hawkeye, what are you doing here?" Havoc asked her.

"I was summoned by Colonel Flame-for-brains. Where is he?"

"The Colonel? He took off about an hour ago." Falman supplied, staring up at the ceiling in thought, "Said something about needing a rest or something." Lt. Hawkeye's eyes had closed in fury, her mouth shaped in an angry snarl. She suddenly stomped off, leaving two stunned Lt.s in her wake. "What was that all about?" Falman asked as Havoc shook his head.

Lt. Hawkeye arrived on Colonel Mustang's doorstep and pounded angrily on the door. When no one answered, she kicked in the door and stomped up to Roy's bedroom, where the Colonel was lying in bed. He turned to look over his shoulder to look at her, his eyes half lidded in sleep, when she threw a book at him, knocking him out of the bed and onto his already battered arse.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" He shouted, eyes now wide and angry at a certain blonde Lt. who had her arms folded across her chest.

"You summoned me to your office and then I find your two bumbling idiot Lieutenants at your office and they said you were here, what did you want of me?" Lt. Hawkeye asked in anger as she stood over the Colonel.

"I want to talk to you about the incident in the office about what I said to you, but I'm afraid there is more to the problem then you throwing me into the wall and leaving me with a concussion," Mustang said as he slowly rolled over onto his side and grabbed the bedpost.

"What could be worse then a broken chair leg in your arse?" Lt. Hawkeye said as she watched the Colonel still struggling until she couldn't stand to watch him suffer.

"I was headed back to my office when I heard two officers talking about you and I and something involving the incident with the chair, some has started a rumor that you broke the chair and came at me with it and at some point I landed on another piece of the chair," Mustang said as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"What do you mean! I never came at you with the chair!" Lt. Hawkeye shouted as it echoed through the room.

"Hush now, if you scream any louder than others around me will think I'm harming someone," Mustang said as he tried to silence the Lieutenant.

"So, what is this rumor?"

"They are saying that you and I were talking about things and that I may have brought up the topic of you being my personal assistant and the situation only got heated from there...which ended up with me receiving a piece of chair, mainly the chair leg into my buttocks," Mustang said with a slight painful tone in his voice.

Lt. Hawkeye stared at the Colonel with wide eyes and a sweat drop forming on the back of her head as the moment seemed to be getting weirder and weirder.

Colonel Mustang sighed in exasperation. "Look, lets just call it a night and talk about this in the morning, after I've taken my pain medicine. Is that alright, Lt?" He asked, to which she merely nodded in reply. "Alright!" He exclaimed excitedly, lifting the covers from his bed, "Shall we?"

His response was another book to the head, which rendered him unconscious as Riza left the room in a huff and proceeded angrily into her apartment. She leaned against the door frame, sliding down to the floor with a blush on her face.

"Damn him, it's getting harder," she muttered as Black Hayate came up and licked her face. She glared at the dog, but got up and fixed him his dinner before heading to her room. She changed into her sleeping clothes and slipped into bed, Black Hayate jumping up to sleep next to her. She absent-mindedly petted him as she fell asleep with only a single thought in mind.

Roy……

Wow…..did we really write that?