Standing Beside The Fallen
Chapter Four - Denial Only Goes so Far
Severus Snape stalked down the empty halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the usual scowl implanted on his face. His footsteps echoed loudly off the walls, and the volume of his breathing seemed to have turned up a few notches. All in all, as Severus swept down the stone stairs that led to his dungeons, he couldn't help but wonder why he had been having such a bad day. It wasn't hard to find the answer. His labor and exhaustion was all due to one person - Potter.
He had been having a rather enjoyable summer to begin with. The thought of not having to see another snot nosed child in his presence for another two months was welcoming. The first two weeks had been pleasant for him. He had returned to his home at Spinners End, and spent most of his time in the hidden basement behind the bookshelves of his living room. Down there was where he had set up his own personal potions lab. Each day had fallen into a pleasant routine for him, and he had enjoyed his quant tranquility he was having with himself. The only company he had was his house elf Puck, who did nothing but enjoy cooking and cleaning all day and therefore left Severus to his own bidding. All and all, it was a good summer.
That was until yesterday when he had been woken up to a presence coming through his fireplace. Severus was always prepared for an unknown emergency, or in this case intrusion as he so called it, and had dressed in less than thirty seconds before entering the living room where his fireplace was. Albus Dumbledore was standing beside the fireplace, watching the embers burn in the grate, a strange grave look in his eyes. He seemed to have brought company with him, a Remus Lupin to be more precise. It was easy to see that Severus hated Lupin with a vengeance, but compared to Sirius Black, the man was entirely tolerable. When he entered, both turned from their musings to look at him and Dumbledore gave him a soft smile.
"Severus, how are you?" Dumbledore asked.
"At four thirty in the morning headmaster, for some reason I find myself rather exhausted." Snape sneered in his usual sarcastic retort. "What may I help you with, sir?"
Severus hated wasting his potions on someone like Potter, but he owed it to the headmaster to do it. After all, he had plenty of time in the summer to replenish the stocks, and make twice of what he had had now. Even still, he hated seeing his creativity go to such a cause. He packed up the potion's he deemed necessary in a duffle bag. It ranged from a healing salve down to dreamless sleep and blood replenishing potions. Dumbledore seemed to only summarize that Potter was in bad shape, leaving out all details but the injury itself. He wondered momentarily what Potter had gotten himself into, but remembered that he wasn't supposed to care, and brandished the thought from his head.
He followed the Headmaster and Lupin through the fireplace and entered in Grimmauld Place, falling into the battered and disgusting room, and his nose wrinkled from the dust. He had an urge to sneeze, but held his breath and deepened his scowl as they headed upstairs. Of course, when he entered the room, the first thing that happened was Black jumped down his throat. Severus had an intense urge to break out his wand and curse the man to oblivion and go home, leaving his sniveling godson to fend for himself. But then he eyed the headmaster who was giving him a look of warning and managed to do nothing but create his infamous sneer on his face.
When he saw the condition Potter was in for himself, he couldn't help but be taken aback a little. The injuries were very extensive and he remembered Albus saying that Potter had been trying to hide it all day and nearly succeeded. He wondered how the golden boy managed to keep an impassive face with these kinds of injuries. He decided for once he would keep quiet with the snide remakes. Potter was stupid, reckless, idiotic, dense, moronic, selfish, spoiled and foolhardy but he was still only fifteen years old and he did look like he was in pain. He decided that for at least until tomorrow he would hold his tongue . . . as much as humanly possible, that is.
He visited back at the house every three hours to make sure Potter wasn't dying or dead. Of course, it would have been easier to stay just to watch over him, yet Severus Snape was a very stubborn man and held his pride high. Never would he be caught dead willingly in the same home as Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and his mouth hated student, Harry Potter. It just wasn't done. So Severus made the trip, each time bringing new items with him to help aid the boy.
That had been yesterday. Since then he had been going back at an interval of three hours to check on the boy. He had been told he had woken up once but had been weak and disoriented, which was normal with the course of potions he had been taking. The boy's fever had gone down but still remained by morning and he had told Black and Lupin he would come back and check on him later that night at six o' clock.
He stalked into his office and over to his private storage of potions where skimmed the labels on the potion vials, looking for a certain bottle. He remembered doing the same thing just last term, and finding the gillyweed was not labeled under 'G' like it was supposed to, and had gone missing. He knew it was Potter who had taken it, but didn't have any evidence of him doing this, so he couldn't make the case. The gillyweed could have been bought in Hogsmeade for all anybody knew. But Snape knew it had been his own. Potter had been up to his tricks again, just like several years ago when boomslang skin and wormwood was gone for him storage mysteriously. Both times he knew who had done it.
Snape set the spare potions in his duffle bag and left it beside the fireplace. He had three hours before he had to deal with the insufferable brat, who was no doubt awake by now. He decided he would calm himself by doing some light studying on a new potion he had been eager to look up on. It was a new solvent that was hypothesized to take on the most powerful poisons and dilute them into nothing but a simple base. Of course, it had been done before, and all results ended up inconclusive, but Severus was optimistic. Potions were like puzzles, something that you had to set your mind to, and it allowed you to think away from everything else. Yes, that was probably what he loved most about potions.
"Harry! Harry, wake up!"
Harry's eyes snapped open and he sat up in bed with a gasp. There was sweat covering his fevered forehead and he was shivering so hard, he hardly noticed the grasp someone had on his elbows. When he did he gasped again and recoiled away from them. The grasp immediately let go and it allowed Harry to sink into the corner of the bed as he slowly came back to himself. It took him a few minutes to realize that he wasn't in a room with his uncle, and instead Sirius and Professor Lupin were in the room, both hovering near the bed. Harry winced at the piteous looks he was getting as he hesitantly retreated from the corner of the bed and leaned against the headboard in an exhausted fashion. Looking around the room he noticed that it had to be at least early to mid afternoon. He blinked in surprise at realizing just how long he had been sleeping before a nightmare took place. Usually they occurred after three hours.
"Are you alright Harry?" Sirius asked as he slowly sat down on the bed when he knew Harry wasn't going to cringe away from him. He handed him his glasses and Harry placed them gingerly on his face. "That looked like it was a serious nightmare."
Harry nodded. "I'm okay really. I-it wasn't that bad, I promise. Just . . . yeah. . . ," He finished lamely.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Sirius asked cautiously. Harry quickly shook his head, but Sirius pressed. "It's better if do talk about it, you know. If you don't, your nightmares will probably end up getting worse."
"He's right Harry," Professor Lupin said, sitting in a chair beside his bed.
He knew no matter how bad these nightmares were that he would never be able to tell them what they were really about. Sirius and Professor Lupin would hate him if they found out that he was dreaming of them dying because of him and what they had said. They might think that Harry didn't appreciate what they were doing to help him, and he couldn't risk that happening. And besides, he didn't want to bring up the issue of Cedric Diggory's death mainly because he was afraid. He didn't want Sirius and Remus to side with his Uncle and Voldemort and say that he did tell Cedric to take the cup and hadn't warned him to run or anything when he felt his scar hurt. Sure, they didn't agree with him being abused as they have said, but maybe they were wrong. Maybe they would suddenly agree with his uncle after hearing his dreams? No, no he definitely couldn't tell him.
Harry shook his head vigorously. "No, it wasn't anything, I swear. It was just a regular nightmare."
Harry saw Sirius and Remus eye each other with a look that clearly indicated they did not believe him. Harry noticed this look and started to panic. He knew what was coming, and as much as he tried he just couldn't prepare himself for what they were about to do. He was like a deer caught in the headlights of a car, unable to do anything but wait for its impending death by force.
"Harry we need to talk about how you got those injuries," Sirius said. Harry quickly looked up at him, wanting to meet his eye and tell him nothing had happened but he couldn't seem to do it. Instead, he focused on a point somewhere between his neck and shoulder.
"There isn't anything to talk about Sirius," Harry said. "I got into a fight with my cousin, nothing more,"
Professor Lupin sighed, "Harry those injuries don't look like it came from a simple fight from your cousin -"
"It was!" Harry cried out in anger. "He and his gang jumped me and I didn't get away fast enough. It wasn't my uncle!"
The words rang in the air for several moments, as silence hung between the three. It wasn't until Sirius's next words that Harry realized the mistake he had made.
"Harry . . . we didn't say anything about your uncle," He said. Harry eyes widened as his mind reeled.
"But that's what you were thinking wasn't it?" He said a little to angrily. Professor Lupin and Sirius looked at each other for a moment. "That my uncle was hitting me! Well, he wasn't okay? I told you I got into a fight and there is nothing more about it!"
"Harry -" Sirius said.
"No!" Harry yelled. "Yes, my uncle hates me but he wouldn't hit me! He wouldn't stoop that low . . ."
"Harry -"
"Alright so maybe he boxed me a few times and shoved me a little bit but he didn't do this to me! I told you that I got into a fight and there is nothing more to say about it! So just drop it! Please. . . "
"Harry -"
"He didn't do it on purpose! He was drunk, he didn't have any control and he didn't know what he was doing -"
"HARRY!"
Harry looked up at Sirius and he felt all the hope of avoiding the subject with lies dripping away. He probably should have realized it last night when Sirius made it plain that he knew, but he couldn't help himself going into denial. Unwillingly, he felt his eyes start to cloud with tears and he stared at Sirius helplessly.
"Why does he hate me?" He asked, his voice shaking, even though it was merely above a whisper. "I didn't do anything to him."
A sob escaped from his throat, and from that point on he felt like he had no control over his emotions. It was weird, because all of his life his relatives had told him that crying was a weakness and he was only being weak when he did it. He had resigned, if he absolutely felt like he needed to, to crying when there were no witnesses. But it felt like for the past few days that he couldn't control his emotions. Perhaps it was from the sheer relief of knowing that his uncle couldn't hurt him now, or the relief in knowing that Sirius and Professor Lupin seemed to care what happened to him. But all he knew, one minute he was raging that he wasn't being abused by his uncle Vernon, the next Sirius was holding him in a tight embrace as he sobbed into his shirt. He felt like he was falling apart.
"Harry, he had no right - no right - to do what he did to you, do you understand?" Sirius said as Harry sobbed. "That man is nothing but a ruthless bastard and has to be mad to try and lay a hand on you."
Harry didn't answer. He wanted to believe Sirius's words, allowing them to comfort and ease his sobs as he cried, but his mind didn't seem to want to register what they actually meant. He knew that his uncle hated him, and that he had deserved the beatings that he got, but he still didn't understand why his uncle really hated him. Had he seen the quality in Harry himself that had led Cedric to die at the end of the tournament? Did he realize early on that Harry was a murderer and felt he needed to be beaten? That had to be it, because why else would his uncle hit him? He never hit Dudley, and yet he always came right to Harry. Had he known that it was because of him that his parents were dead?
His sobs slowly diminished and soon even the tears had stopped leaking from his eyes. The overwhelming emotions inside him were reduced to nothing more than a dull ache, but he felt he didn't want to leave Sirius's side. The feeling of isolation that he had been having had twinge to an ease a little and he didn't want the isolated feeling to come back. It just hurt too much to even think about it.
"It's like we've said before Harry, taking about it helps." Professor Lupin said who he then realized was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding his hand.
Harry quickly shook his head negatively. "I can't. N-not right now,"
"You can't avoid it forever," Sirius said. "It's not healthy to bottle up for emotions like that, and the only way to let it out is by talking about it. Trust me you feel a lot better once you do."
He wanted to talk about it. Oh Merlin, how he wanted to. But as he opened his mouth to let the words roam free, he felt as if his voice had gone to hide somewhere and was not under his control. His doubts were clouding his need to talk about it and taking over. All of the doubts from Sirius blaming him to him deserving what he caught came back to his mind and he found himself, instead of speaking the truth, just shaking his head once again.
"Not now, please." He said, his voice suddenly making an appearance, though it seemed to take on such a small and childlike quality that it didn't even sound like his own.
Professor Lupin sighed and Harry saw him sharing a look with Sirius.
"Alright Harry," Lupin said. "For right now, we won't force you to talk. But when you feel the need to, you can come to us at anytime. Whether it be now or at two o' clock in the morning, we're free to listen, okay?"
Harry nodded, even though he knew the only way he would be willing to talk was through a bottle of veritaserum.
Sirius and Professor Lupin seemed to try and avoid the subject for the rest of the day and distract Harry from the morbid thoughts that were obviously plaguing him. Tonks had come up after a while with a trey of lunch which he had only picked at, despite Tonks's rather colorful warnings of what would happen if he didn't eat (thankfully she never came through). After his attempt at eating, the four settled into a game of chess that was divided into teams. Harry was paired with Tonks (on her enthusiastic request) and Sirius with Professor Lupin.
The game that ensued was probably one of the most violent he had ever witnessed or participated in (Not including McGonogall's chess set in his first year). It had lasted no less than five minutes, but still by the end of the game, two pawns were smashed to rubble, a rock had somehow gone down the front of Tonk's shirt and Sirius had to dig two pieces of the queen out from under the bed. Harry and Tonks lost this incredible battle, but they had gone down, as Tonks called it, with one hell of a fight. It turns out Sirius was a better chess player than he led on, because of all the future games, he and Professor Lupin kept winning.
The more time he spent around Sirius and Tonks, Harry could tell that they were related. Of course, neither looked anything alike. Sirius, after spending twelve years in Azkaban had gaunt features and unusual paleness, and Tonks of course, being a metamorphmagus never exactly looked the way she was supposed to. Nevertheless, it was the habits and characteristics of each that told Harry they were related. Both were funny and had such uplifting spirits, Harry couldn't help but feel himself cheer up a little. And among all that, they both seemed to make it their mission together to make Harry as happy as he possibly could. And their combined efforts were nearly succeeding, they were pleased to note. Sirius was sarcastic, witty and childlike, while Tonks held the juvenile attitude of a five year old who had too much chocolate in their system. With the two of them combined, he wondered how Professor Lupin could ever manage to put with them alone in the same house.
During the four rounds of chess they played (none as brutal as the first) the three adults confessed about the previous night with Professor Snape. Harry had been horrified and completely embarrassed when he had heard that Snape had healed him, but managed out a laugh when Professor Lupin explained that Sirius had pouted and wanted to wring Snape's neck with his bare hands the moment he stepped in through the door. They had also reassured him that Snape knew nothing about the abuse, and rather seemed to assume he had done something reckless and foolhardy.
"So you're sure he doesn't know anything about it?" Harry asked nervously.
"I'm positive," Professor Lupin said. "He should be back here around six tonight to check on you and make sure there isn't anything wrong with your injuries. He's promised to be on your best behavior, and you should be on yours too."
"Snape, on his best behavior?" Sirius snorted. "That's as good as trying to get a pixie to stand still."
As much as Harry dreaded it, six p.m. came quickly and soon Tonks was coming into the room telling him and Sirius that Professor Snape had arrived by floo. Harry had already tried asking if it were possibly for someone else to come and check on him, and Sirius had crushed his hope by saying there wasn't anyone available. And after Professor Lupin refused to knock Harry out for the proceedings, he gave up and decided he would just have to ride it through.
"Don't worry Harry," Tonks said as she sat down on the edge of the bed and sat indian style, leaning on the wall. "If Snape does anything funny, Sirius and I will beat him up for you."
"Yeah, then Remus'll bite him." Sirius said. He smirked until Professor Lupin hit him in the back of his head. Nevertheless, it had made Harry smile so Lupin did not put much effort in the gesture.
There was a knock on the door and Harry stiffened when Professor Lupin opened it and Professors Snape and Dumbledore stepped inside the room. Snape gave his usual sneer at him, and Dumbledore gave a small smile, an unusual grim look in his blue eyes.
"Ah Harry, how are you feeling child?" Dumbledore asked. Harry gave a weak smile.
"Better sir, thank you." He said quietly. "Professor," He added nodding over at Professor Snape.
"Potter," He said. "Let's get this over with so we can go our separate ways shall we?"
Harry was more than glad to agree. Harry sat silently as Snape healed the rest of his broken bones that couldn't be healed from overloaded magic the night before and applied salves and potions. He hardly realized he glanced at Sirius Tonks and Professor Lupin every few minutes just to check that they were still there, and was glad to see them in the corner talking quietly with Professor Dumbledore.
"Well you really did a number on yourself this time, Potter," Snape said towards the end of the examination when he applied the last of the salve on his back. Harry stilled and he noticed Sirius quickly look their way. "Another stupid stunt I presume?"
"Yeah," Harry said quietly and distracted, busy looking pleadingly at Sirius who was slowly coming over to the bed to make sure nothing went on. Neither noticed Snape look up at Harry with a curious eyebrow raised.
"No fighting Potter?" He said. "What, did that concussion you receive manage knock some sense into you?"
It had to have happened in the blink of an eye. One minute, Harry was staring at Snape with a loss for words, and less than a split second later he was gone, pinned up against the wall with Sirius holding on tightly to his color with a look of murderous rage. Harry's eyes widened, as he stared from the fury in Sirius's face to the shock and slight sneer lingering in Snape's.
"Sirius!" Lupin yelled and rushed forward struggling to pull Sirius back.
"Don't you ever say that to him again!" Sirius snarled as he fought against Lupin who was only managing to pull Sirius back with Tonks's help. "Get out of here now!"
"Sirius, calm down," Dumbledore said sternly. Sirius glared at him and ripped himself away from Lupin's slacking grip and stood glaring daggers at the potion's master.
"Fine, I was finished with Potter anyways," He said sleekly. "Your wonder boy should be healed in a few days with some bed rest. Make sure he sticks with his potion's schedule until then. If I'm needed, please hesitate to call." He headed to the bed and picked up his bag and brushed off his collar. As he did this, Harry stared at him as he turned and nodded to the headmaster.
He reached the door and turned to close. For the briefest of seconds as Harry watched, he could have sworn he saw a small nod given in his direction before the door closed and he was gone.
Authors Note: Okay, so basically 97 percent of you agreed to Remus/Tonks. It was a little disheartening because I was hoping for a little Weasley action but hey, they're will be other fanfictions. Anyway, thank you for the response, and just to let you know, if I can get the next chapter finished quick enough, I will post early on Wednesday or after next weekend, because I'm performing a Shakespearean play and I'll be rather busy (It's Hamlet in a Harry Potter style! Brilliant, if you ask me). Anyways, the more reviews I get the more inspiration and the more inspiration the quicker I write! (help me get 100 reviews please?) I hope you like this chapter because I had to write 4 drafts to get it right, one of which was totally perfect before it got deleted and I hadn't saved it so I had to write it over! Oh the effort and woes. Enjoy and Review
BlondxCrayon