Chapter 4 – Vader Unmasked

Author's Note: In which the Rebels learn about Vader's identity. ;)

~ Amina Gila

Anakin hates this feeling. He feels so exposed now after that brief conversation with Ahsoka that had ended very badly. What's wrong with them? Why did they react like that? He knows it. It's a fact he accepted when he was just a child that no one did anything for him. That no one ever wanted him. Chosen One, General, Knight, Master, and now Sith, yes. But a person? No. He's spent his whole life living up to other people's expectations. There's nothing usual about that. Isn't that what everyone does? That's what Ahsoka did. It's what everyone he knows of did, so what's wrong?

He shakes of those thoughts, not wanting to accidently transmit anything to Ahsoka. The last thing he needs is for them to start asking him things like that again. Next time, he might not just sit back and answer. The only reason he did was because he was still half out of it. The feel of the flames slowly tearing him apart and watching the one person he still trusted despite everything walking away tend to leave him very disoriented and half out of it. Talking gave him something else to focus on.

Hera had taken the Mandalorian and Rex off on a short supply mission, leaving Zeb behind to watch over 'the children'. Anakin is finally taking the time now to wonder what exactly he's supposed to do. It would be nice to just go destroy Sidious and hope Ahsoka can live the rest of her life out in peace, but he's so small he can barely hold a lightsaber, let alone fight with it.

He's not stupid enough to believe he can defeat Sidious with only the Force, though it might be nice to try crawling through some vents in this small form and sneak somewhere to ambush the Sith Lord, or maybe surprise Force-choke him to death. That doesn't mean Anakin is exactly very willing, though. It's extremely risky – not that he cares if he dies, that was most of the reason he went to Malachor in the first place – but he just doesn't think he could handle squeezing into such a small, dark space again. Pathetic. Sidious could already be dead by now if he wasn't such a coward.

"We're not going to be stuck off-missions, will we?" whines Ezra.

"We just defeated three Inquisitors yesterday. Do you really want action again so fast?" Kanan retorts.

"I'm just afraid we'll be stuck like this for the next decade! Besides, we have literally nothing to do right now."

"How do you think it would look on the Rebels to send little children out to the field?" Ahsoka asks.

"No worse than the Jedi," Anakin can't help but retort. It's the first time he's actually said anything in their conversation. He's been actively avoiding everyone – he's used to it anyway – and vice versa.

"Excuse me?" Kanan huffs. "The Jedi didn't send six-year-olds to war."

"I can't say it would shock me," he mutters, staring up at the sky. Zeb had taken them outside to the outskirts of the camp, since everyone agreed they could use some fresh air. It's not a planet Anakin has ever been to before, but it's a pretty barren one. At least they can stay here temporarily. He's not really sure what he should do now, though.

The Sith in him is insisting that he should gather as much information as possible, but he knows logically he owes absolutely nothing to Sidious. He doesn't want to stay there and going back is hardly an option anymore. Sidious would probably have him killed. He may not care of he lives or not, but he has to live long enough to take down the Sith, whether that be another decade or not. If the others would trust him enough give him his lightsaber, they could spend time practicing. But to be fair, it's not as though he's given them a reason to trust him. Maybe he'll have to take it and leave, he's not sure. That would be the best idea. He can't stay here with them. It's not safe for anyone.

The next few hours pass painfully slowly, and he can't help but wonder if the pilots didn't get in some sort of trouble. He doesn't sense anything, though. Eventually, Ezra and the Lasat decide it would be a good idea to 'throw a music party' in the padawan's words. Anakin just rolls his eyes at them when the other three children clamor up atop a pile of crates. "This is where we were the last night we were here," Ezra remarks.

"You mean when you guys nearly killed Sabine by throwing her into a den of spiders?" Ahsoka asks sweetly. They're friends. Anakin doesn't know why he didn't realize it before, but a sharp pain stabs at his heart. Ahsoka left, and she was able to build a new life for herself. One without him. He was never able to do that. This is a life, a family he doesn't belong in. He needs to go. He doesn't think he can stay here. What did he expect, anyway? She's a strong, independent girl. She doesn't need him. She never has.

Anakin pointedly turns his gaze up to the sky, refusing to look at either of them even when the slightly strange music starts blaring from behind him. It's calming in a way he'd long forgotten. It doesn't matter. He needs to get out of here. He doesn't think he can bear to watch this. It feels like he's intruding. Kill Sidious. Somehow, he has to. That's all that matters. Nothing more.

He wants to be alone, not stuck out here, but they don't want him out of their watch. There's plenty for him to do alone, nothing he wants with anyone watching even if the thought of them being gone scares him more than it should. He has endless things to do, mainly attempting to get used to his body again: breathing normally without a respirator – he's getting better at it, he has to admit – attempting to re-learn how to walk, seeing without everything being tinted red, and most of all, actually being able to feel. It's a sensation so unknown to him, he almost didn't remember what it was like.

He wonders if any of the others notice how he's feeling, but no one says a word to him, as they haven't the entire day. It doesn't matter. He doesn't care. He doesn't need them, anyway. If they won't help him defeat Sidious, he might as well leave. Get his lightsaber and go. No one would miss him. They want him gone. It's best if he leaves before outstaying his welcome. The other members of the Ghost crew nor any of the rebels have any idea of who or what he is, and it's best if it stays that way. If they try to do something to him, he'll fight back even if all he has is the Force. Besides, he'll hurt Ahsoka again eventually. He already nearly killed her. So, how is he supposed to go? He'll obviously need a ship from somewhere. He needs to look around and locate one he can use.

**w**

He was right, of course. He's always right. Why does he have to be? Sometimes, it would be nice to be wrong once in a while. He was alone in Kanan's room when he heard the arguing from outside the door. The Force is humming in a tense warning before the door slides open and a furious Sabine stalks inside.

"Hey, wait! No!" yells Ezra in the background.

"What would be the problem?" Anakin asks, even though he already knows the answer.

"I don't know what Kanan was thinking bringing you to our base, but –" Of course, that's when Rex comes in. He looks no happier than the Mandalorian by the sudden turn of events. It would be easy if he was just angry. Then Anakin could snark back at him and tell him he knows nothing of the whole story, but yes, he is a monster. There's an overwhelming sense of hurt that Anakin can feel in the Force, even if the clone is doing a surprisingly good job concealing it.

"General," he says curtly. Too curtly.

He wants to explain. He wants to yell that it wasn't his fault, that he thought Rex was dead all this time. But it's not true. It was his fault. He knew better than that, but he was too stupid to choose a different path. Instead, he took the one that ripped the galaxy apart. He killed Padme and their child. He doesn't find it in himself to reply.

"Is it true?" he asks. "Were you Darth Vader?"

How he wants to say no. That he wasn't. Instead, he looks away, suddenly struggling with the annoying childish urge to cry. "Yes."

"How could you?" Yes, he is angry. Very angry.

Anakin is tempted to argue, but he can't. How could he? It was his own stupidity that nearly got Rex and Ahsoka killed. That probably made Rex nearly kill her. That got Jesse and all of the 501st he sent with Ahsoka to Mandalore killed. It was his own stupidity and cowardice that reduced the galaxy to what it is now. If not for that stupid choice, even if Padme was still dead, at least the galaxy would have been a better place. She would've died. He's the one that killed her. The emotions are too much for him to deal, and after fifteen years of being a Sith, he snaps right back into those tendencies.

"Because I'm a monster," he growls. "Is that what you wanted me to say? If you want me to leave, I'll destroy Sidious on my own. I don't need your help."

"You're going to stop him?" Rex asks, obviously confused, and it sends another stab of pain through his heart. The only friend he has left now doesn't even trust him anymore. He wants to convince himself it doesn't matter, but it hurts, nonetheless. "After all this time, why would you?"

"Because I never wanted this!" he yells. "I didn't want any of this!"

"Well excuse me for not believing you," Sabine interrupts, "Because last time I saw you, you nearly killed us."

"You shot first," Anakin reminds pointedly, remembering Sabine shooting at him while he fought the two Jedi. He wants to... he doesn't know anymore, but at this point, if the Rebels tried to kill him, he probably wouldn't fight back. What would be the point? If not for that stupid holocron, he'd be dead and finally at peace, but no. He's stuck because the Force refuses to let him go. He deserves this, after all. To live the rest of his life alone in an eternity of torment.

"How do you expect us to believe anything you're saying?" she demands, crossing her arms.

"I don't," he hisses, struggling for some sense of balance. If he was Vader, he would never be having a problem as stupid and pathetic as this. What is wrong with him? When he could draw deeply into the Dark Side, constantly fueled by the pain he no longer feels, everything was so easy. It was easy to be angry. He is now, but it's erratic and unbalanced. All the things people have hated him for. Good, it's better that way. Better for them to hate a monster than get close and get hurt. Since when does he care about that? He'll blame his five-year-old body which is apparently extending to his mind, but that does nothing to help him right now.

Rex has gone quiet again, like everything is a little too much for him to process. Your fault. But that doesn't mean he's not angry, and that's enough to start dragging up all those little things that Anakin hasn't thought about for years and years. All those little things on Tatooine, which he really shouldn't even be remembering. Maybe being de-aged brought those memories back to the surface again?

He tries not to let his uncomfortableness show through, but he can't help it. "I have no intention of harming you," he says at last, more in the hopes of getting rid of them than anything. "But if you attack first, you can't expect me not to defend myself." He's not sure he actually would.

"I just... why would you ever do something like this?" Rex asks, the emotion in his tone enough to make Anakin flinch.

"I told you," he attempts to reply nonchalantly but is finding himself trying harder and harder to fight of memories he doesn't want to remember, especially when the clone steps closer. He's angry and hurt, but it's the anger that stands out more. The instinct to do something to defend himself starts rising, and Anakin struggles to suppress it. He won't hurt anyone else he cares about. "Go," he hisses sharply. "Just, go."

"Sir?" Rex asks carefully.

He shakes his head, desperation rising. "No. Just, go. I need –" He cuts himself off, realizing that he's breathing like that again, and desperately tries to make it go even.

"Just leave," advises Ezra. Anakin hadn't even noticed him in the doorway.

"Let me take care of it," Ahsoka insists, slipping into the room.

**w**

Ezra really has no idea how it happened. All he knows is it slipped his mind for one second and he blurted out something about Vader, and the next thing he knew, everything exploded into chaos. "You all knew, and you brought him here?" Sabine yells. "Are you crazy?"

"He's just a child!" Kanan insists. "Besides, we didn't have much of a choice at the time."

"He saved our lives!" Ahsoka agrees. "I trust him."

Of course, that did little to calm down anyone. So that's how he ended up listening to the entire conversation with Vader and Rex while Kanan and Ahsoka tried to talk Hera and Zeb out of going into all-out murder mode. And now, how he ended up eavesdropping nearby as Ahsoka finally came in, to attempt calming down the Sith Lord. Something is seriously wrong with him, and no one knows what, except that he seems to start panicking at any little thing. Or maybe not so little, because Ezra has no idea what his past even was. It's hard to think of Vader having once been a little boy, but he was. What could happen to a person for them to turn out like that?

"The one time I want you to leave, you don't, and the one time I ask you not to, you do," Anakin is saying.

"I know." She sounds so defeated. Ezra has no idea what happened between them, but he's strongly inclined to believe it wasn't anything either could control.

"They why are you here? You left me, and you expect it to be alright now that our paths crossed once more?"

"You were panicking," Ahsoka insists. "I knew I had to help you."

"By taking me here? Without even asking if I wanted you to?"

"I couldn't leave you there to die!" she yells suddenly.

"It wouldn't have been the first time!" Vader shouts back, and Ezra hears a rather loud thud he immediately decides he doesn't want to know about. "It was supposed to be the end! The only reason you want me here to appease your own guilt!"

The silence that suddenly falls is deafening. "That's not true," Ahsoka denies quietly after what must have been at least a full minute. "You're my brother. I want you back."

"Do you?" This is really none of his business. He should leave, but he can't seem to find it in himself to move away from that door. Hearing a Sith actually talk like a person instead of some sort of evil being is... strange. "It's not me you want." Anger has slipped back into his voice. "It's him. The person you want me to be. Just like everyone else."

"No, I – Anakin, listen to me!"

"How many times do you need me to say that I am not Anakin?"

"Then who are you?" She suddenly sounds desperate.

The silence that follows is almost painful. "No one," he says at last. "I am no one." He sounds so lost at that moment, strangely vulnerable in a way a Sith never should. He's... who is he? Ezra wonders. He doesn't know anymore. It was easy to look at him like he looked at Maul, as someone who used to be evil but who he has to work with now. But he can't look at Anakin like that anymore. He's none of the things anyone ever thought or said about him. Only time will give answers.