September 1st, 1976: Marlene McKinnon

(sixth year)

Well, Marlene can say one thing about the past two and a half months: it's certainly been the most interesting summer vacation she's ever had. That's not to say that her summers are ever really boring, what with the revolving door of siblings and mates running around the McKinnons' house at all times and the secrecy surrounding her annual overnight at Doc's flat on her birthday every June. This summer, however, has been dominated by Lily Evans—Lily the outcast, Lily the Slytherin sympathizer, Lily who before now has never even crossed Marlene's mind twice—and by Doc, and Marlene can't decide which of those two things is more unusual.

On the one hand, there's Lily. True, Marlene mostly invited her to stay with the McKinnons' for the first half of the summer on a pitying whim after seeing her mope about Snape all over the castle in the days leading up to the end of term at Hogwarts. She knew going in that Lily was going to feel out of place with Marlene's family and friends, that Lily would probably cling to her, that it would be different and strange to have her suddenly hanging around all the time. What Marlene hadn't been expecting was that she would actually like Lily—that she'd find herself confiding in Lily about even Doc, about even Sirius.

And she definitely hadn't been expecting Lily's parents to die in a car accident the day of Lily's sister's wedding rehearsal dinner, leaving Marlene to take her in at Doc's flat for the remainder of the summer.

Look, the situation with Doc is complicated and delicate, always has been. Marlene knows he's her dad, and so do her stepdad and siblings, but to the rest of the world, Neil is her father—because Neil is the one Mum was with before the brief breakup that led her to hook up with Doc and get pregnant, and Neil is the one Mum got back with and married. For all intents and purposes, Doc is just the uncle that Marlene stays with for one birthday a year, and god forbid that anybody look too closely or ask too many questions, like why he's not close with any of Marlene's siblings or how exactly they're related when Doc's Muggle-born and Marlene's supposed to be a pureblood.

It's hard enough being black and Indian on Mum's side and white on the other, one of Marlene's feet in each of those worlds. It would be worse, far worse, for her reputation if word got out that she's not really pureblood—that she's been faking her lineage this entire time.

Mary and now Lily are the only others who know. Marlene's already dreading the questions she's going to have to face when people see Doc, not Mum and Neil, drop her and Lily off at King's Cross today.

And that's before you even count all the tension around how exactly she and Lily came to spend the second half of their summer break at Doc's flat. Lily had just gone back home for her sister's wedding when she got the call about her parents. Lily needed somebody, and if Marlene didn't step up, who would? So she asked Mum to bring Lily back for the remainder of the summer, and when Mum said no, that the McKinnons weren't equipped to give Lily the kind of help she needed—

So she wrote to Doc and got his permission for her and Lily to move in with him. What else was she supposed to do? Maybe Mum was right—maybe Marlene couldn't be what Lily needed—but her parents left everything to the sister who wouldn't keep her, and where else was she supposed to go?

Besides, it's not like it's been so bad, staying with Lily at Doc's place for the past couple of months. Lily's stock of Dreamless Sleep Potion keeps the nightmares at bay, and she seems—fine the rest of the day. Maybe a little spacey and jumpy, and there's distance in her eyes when you look at her, but with what she's been through, can you blame her? Anyway, it's not like she's asking Marlene to fix her. Marlene can't, and Lily knows it, and it's fine. It's all fine.

Doc lives a Muggle enough life to own a car, which is what they're taking to get to King's Cross. September first falls on a Wednesday this year, so he's taking half a day of vacation from the Auror Office in order to treat them both to breakfast and then whisk them off to the train station. They talk about light things, inconsequential things, steering clear of anything to do with Lily's family. Marlene keeps catching herself mentioning Sirius and then having to abruptly change the topic if she doesn't want Doc to figure out about the two of them. He may not have raised her, but he's still her dad, and she has enough boy problems without having to listen to a lecture from Doc about them, too.

The part she's dreading is when they get to the station and cross through the barrier to the platform. They're early, though, and there aren't a lot of families here yet, which means they'll have to deal with fewer questions than Marlene anticipated. As she reaches up to give Doc a long hug, Lily says, "I'll go and see if any of the other girls is here yet. Maybe Em and I can save a seat for the prefects when they get done. Doc—thank you so much for everything. I can't even begin to…"

"Don't mention it," says Doc gently. He pulls out of the hug and puts his hands on her shoulders, sizing her up. "You're tough, Lils. You're a survivor. You're going to get through all of this, and you know I've got your back whenever you need it, right?"

"Right." Lily shakes her flaming red hair out of her eyes. "Marlene, I'll catch you later, okay?"

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

Lily chances a glance in James and Sirius's direction—they're heading the girls' way. After spending all of June and half of July hanging around James, things are better between the two of them, but he's still not her favorite person in the world. "No, it's okay. You've done so much for me already, and they're your friends—you should catch up with them. It's my fault you've barely seen anybody else from Hogwarts since… before we moved in with Doc."

Lily ducks away before Marlene has much of a chance to respond, and she finds herself alone with her father on the platform, acutely aware of every last body that crosses through the barrier and might be able to see them. "Doc, I…"

She doesn't know what to say. How can she explain how grateful she's felt that he took in her and Lily—that she had the opportunity to really get to know her birth father this summer, to share the simple intimacy of sleeping on his couch and dining together in the evenings and squabbling over who showers when? Marlene never thought she'd get to share that with him, and now that she has, and she has to leave him again, maybe for good—

"You're going to be all right," Doc vows. "We'll write each other every week, and I'll see you on your birthday next year like always."

"That's ten months away," mumbles Marlene.

She feels embarrassed and pathetic, but Doc doesn't look like he's judging her. Honestly, he probably should be. She already knows she's not going to write him. What would she say to him, anyway? Half her life is superficial junk that doesn't matter, and the other half is dysfunction that she's got no desire whatsoever to admit to anyone, let alone her father.

"You're stronger than you think you are, Marbles. You and Lily will look after each other. Mary, too."

Marlene pulls herself together. "Yeah, Doc. Thanks."

She's spared any further discomfort by the arrival of James and Sirius. It's awkward for a second—she and Sirius gape at each other and don't say anything—but then he smiles, and she smiles, and she thinks maybe it'll be okay this time. Maybe she won't need him so much, and maybe he won't hurt her so badly, and maybe they'll stay away from each other. Hell, maybe they won't stay away from each other, and they'll fix this broken thing between them—become something real.

Or maybe she's just kidding herself.

She winds up in a compartment with James, Sirius, and Peter. She assumes Mary will join them, too: she is Marlene's best friend, even if Lily's the one Marlene's gotten close to this summer. But when they catch sight of each other, Mary just mouths CATTERMOLE and goes off in pursuit of, apparently, Reginald Cattermole, the Hufflepuff that Mary's been courting the last few months. Marlene's not entirely surprised. Cattermole is the last Hufflepuff boy left in their year that Mary still hasn't dated, and Mary's been wanting for a while to finish off the last of them.

It's only about ten minutes, though, before Mary returns to Marlene's compartment, looking totally different—totally pissed. She doesn't even bother greeting the boys and rounds on Marlene immediately. "McKinnon, you'd better have a good reason why I had to find out about Lily spending August with you and your uncle from Veronica Smethley."

Marlene pales, while the boys just look—interested. She'd be annoyed with them for it if she didn't feel so damn bad. Lily hasn't told anybody where they spent their summer, and Marlene certainly hasn't told anybody where they spent their summer, so unless James or Sirius, who was staying with him, squealed—but neither of them would do that. Would they? Sirius isn't a gossiper, and James wants too badly to get on Lily's good side.

She tries to focus on wondering where the leak came from. It doesn't do much to get her mind off of how betrayed Mary looks. It's not even fair—none of what happened to Lily was Marlene's secret to tell. Besides, she loves Mary, but Mary's not exactly the best at keeping secrets. She would go so far as to say that Mary is the worst secret keeper that Marlene knows.

"I never told Smethley about it," she tells Mary sheepishly.

Clearly unsatisfied, Mary jabs a finger into Marlene's chest. "Nor did you tell me. Like, this is what I get—your best mate—"

"Well, you haven't exactly been good at keeping secrets in the past," snaps Marlene, crossing her own arms and staring Mary down. She's not trying to be an ass, but it's easier to get defensive than it would be to feel guilty. Marlene already feels guilty about enough, thanks.

"Right, because, like, I've definitely blabbed all about your family history," Mary seethes. At the other end of the compartment, Sirius and James exchange a look. "And whomever you told deemed it appropriate to spread the news to the Hufflepuffs, which doesn't say much about your judgment, now, does it?"

Marlene fidgets. "Take your concerns up with Lily herself, then, because I didn't tell anyone she was with me."

"Where is Lily, anyway?" Mary pries, looking around.

"She and Emmeline are saving a compartment for Alice and some of the other prefects," says Sirius from the boys' corner. "James here invited them to sit with us, but Evans has been avoiding him all summer, the poor bloke."

James's face falls as Sirius brings it up, so Peter distracts them hastily: "Plus, they brought cats this year—" (Mary interrupts to tell him that Em's is actually a Kneazle) "—and I'm allergic. Why didn't you tell us your uncle's an Auror, Marlene?"

Marlene is growing more uncomfortable by the second. She turns to Peter and says with a pleading note in her voice, "I—"

She doesn't have to explain, though, because Remus barges into the compartment to interrupt. "Dorcas Meadowes," he says breathlessly, sitting on the other side of Peter. "The new Head Girl is Dorcas Meadowes."

This isn't the turn Marlene was expecting this conversation to take. Dorcas Meadowes, seventh year and high society pureblood, is Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team and among the most hated of her house—and her relationship with the less noble of the two Prewetts is the biggest romantic scandal at Hogwarts that Marlene can remember (disregarding the rumors that surround her own house and year).

Mary looks shocked enough by this piece of information that it momentarily diverts her attention away from how pissed she seems to be at Marlene. "The Slytherin? Fabian's girlfriend?"

"The one and only," verifies Remus, yawning. He looks exhausted and rests his head against the seat, not even bothering to fish a book out of his trunk. "It was like a lion's den in there. Everyone thought it was between Hestia Jones and Angela Macmillan—Angela took it personally, mind you, I don't think I've ever seen anyone so affronted in my life. Gideon was the worst, of course—he loathes Meadowes like you can't believe—but even the Slytherins were mad; she's none too popular with them for dating a Gryffindor, either. Kingsley and Elisabeth tried to calm things down, but to no avail… Kingsley's Head Boy, of course, everyone saw that coming."

"Meadowes, huh," scoffs Sirius. James gives him a look—he's civil with Meadowes, Marlene knows—but Sirius continues, "I used to see her at my parents' parties when we were younger—Death Eater forerunners, you know. Never thought she'd be Head Girl one day—she hero-worshipped Rabastan Lestrange, and look how he turned out."

"Is she really that bad?" argues James. "I mean, I've only seen her in passing, but she seems all right. Conceited, maybe, but so is… half of Gryffindor, really."

Peter snickers, then answers, "Well, Gryffindors aren't tied up in all that pureblood propaganda. Whether Meadowes is a Death Eater in training or not, people are always going to associate her with Voldemort's war for being in Slytherin. Like it or not…"

When he trails off, Mary seems to remember herself. Giving Marlene one final look, she gets up and announces, "I'm going to head back to my compartment—this isn't over, Marlene."

Right. Because that would be too easy, wouldn't it?

xx

The whole rest of the train ride to Hogwarts, Marlene can't stop thinking about who could have leaked word to the student body about Lily losing her parents and moving in with Marlene. Who else even would have known, and how could word have traveled all the way around the castle to Veronica Smethley from Hufflepuff?

When they get to the castle, Marlene rejoins Lily and the rest of their house and year, who all clump together in the Great Hall. Marlene's youngest sibling, Meredith, is one of the first years, and the surprise comes when Meredith gets Sorted into Slytherin. Marlene claps just as hard as the Slytherin table, just as hard as all the rest of her siblings, but she feels shocked. "I never would have guessed!" she says to Lily beside her.

The feast only gets interesting when Dumbledore gives his final speech. "Next, it is our pleasure to introduce to you the newest member of the Hogwarts staff, who will be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts this school year—Professor Tonks."

Lukewarm applause fills the hall, but something rings a bell: the name sounds familiar. She strains for a glimpse of the new professor, who is chocolate-and-white, with brown eyes and hair against the palest skin Marlene's seen in a while. Then she realizes Tonks's eyes are fixed somewhere close to Marlene's—and Sirius's fists are clenched on the table when Marlene turns to follow the professor's gaze.

Doesn't Sirius have a cousin who married a man named Tonks?

Before anyone can say a word to Sirius, though, Dumbledore's resumed speaking. "And finally, I'd like to announce a new program that Hogwarts is proud to host for the first time," he's saying, smiling. "After lengthy collaboration to make this opportunity possible, we and the Ministry of Magic will be sponsoring work-study programs available to sixth and seventh year students to help counteract the recent economic downturn." There's a brief pause—everyone knows that the said "downturn" was caused by the war with Voldemort—but a buzz of speculation soon arises amongst the older students.

The Hall quiets again, though, as Dumbledore lifts his hands for silence. "All seventh years will be guaranteed their desired positions, and sixth years can compete for the remaining available internships after seventh years receive their assignments. Programs are available in six departments of the Ministry and include, among others, setup for the 1978 Quidditch World Cup, junior ambassadorships in the Department of International Magical Cooperation, and accelerated Auror training. Further details will be available from the Heads of Houses tomorrow for seventh years and Friday for sixth years."

Chatter from the students drowns out the Headmaster's closing words. "It's certainly an exciting prospect," says Alice placidly. "How many students would want an internship in the Auror Office, do you think, Marlene?"

"Hopefully not so many that either of us gets turned away," replies Marlene. She's well aware that Alice shares her own career ambitions, and she's not happy about it: between the two of them, Alice is a much better student.

Lily is yakking to a disinterested Em about the mentioned ambassadorship, but the boys don't seem nearly as interested. Remus in particular waves off James's concerned-looking questions, his face pale.

Marlene's eyes connect with Sirius's. She gulps.

Look, she knows that she and Sirius are a terrible, terrible idea. She still doesn't know exactly how they happened: they were casual friends who occasionally bonded about worrying they were codependent with Mary and with James, respectively, and then one day Sirius came onto her in the library, of all places, and they started—well—shagging. It could have been fine—they probably could even have been something real—but Sirius turned it into a cycle where they stay apart as long as they can before they fall back to each other. Even though they always fall back to each other, they still live in between like everything's a crisis and they're going to have to figure out how to survive without each other.

For her part, Marlene no longer remembers how to survive without Sirius. She wishes she did so she could leave him already, but she doesn't.

He raises his eyebrows, and she nods as minutely as she can manage, then looks away.

It's always hard to get each other away from their interfering friends, but they manage to slip out after the feast when they're all walking in a loose gaggle back to Gryffindor Tower. They're at the back of the group with Alice, but then Alice hurries ahead to Remus to ask him about something prefect-y, , and before Marlene even admits to herself what she's doing, she's grabbing Sirius's elbow and ducking with him into the next broom cupboard they pass. "Romantic," Sirius snorts.

Marlene rolls her eyes. "Yeah, because romance is really something we usually care about. Hurry up. We probably don't have long before they notice we're gone."

The worst part is probably the way all their friends keep butting in and trying to separate them from each other. She's not a kid; she doesn't need her mates to make decisions for her, no matter how bad those decisions are when she's the one making them. They leave on their robes—there probably isn't enough time to take them all the way off—and she keeps telling herself, remember this, because it's only going to last a few minutes, and then he's going to swear like always that they're never doing it again, and how long will she have to wait before he caves? Is this really the last time? She knows it's probably not, but it always feels like it will be; it's always what Sirius says it will be and what she says, too, if she's being honest with herself.

She knows she's better than this. She just—she needs more time. She needs more everything—another hit.

They're not actually done yet when the door bursts open to reveal Peter, who turns his head as if to give them privacy, even though they've got no privacy, not here at Hogwarts, not with any of their friends. "I'll give you a minute to—uh—pull yourselves together," he says uncomfortably. "I'll be right outside the door, okay?"

Right. Because exactly what she needs is a babysitter.

xx

So they settle into a routine—classes, friends, hidden corners with Sirius. She thinks about writing to Doc, but she doesn't; she considers apologizing to Mary, but she doesn't do that, either. Mercifully, though, Mary seems to forgive her for her omission about Lily. It's still a little weird—Marlene jumped straight from always being in Mary's company for five school years to always being in Lily's this past summer, and she doesn't know how to balance the two against each other. She's Mary's best friend, but she thinks she might be Lily's now, too, and that makes her feel more conflicted than she wants to admit.

There are nine of them in Marlene's house and year: herself, Mary, Lily, Alice, Emmeline, and the boys. She has to keep reminding herself that she has eight best friends, not seven, now that Lily's dropped Snape and become one of them. That's another thing that makes Marlene feel guilty: the way they all used to treat her. Maybe they weren't blatantly cruel to her—not the girls, at least—but they made it pretty clear that she'd have to drop her best friend to get on the ins with them, and when she didn't, they treated her like she didn't exist, like they hadn't shared a dormitory for five years. Knowing what she knows now about who Lily is—knowing what she's been through—Marlene makes herself a little sick inside.

Especially so when you compare Lily to Emmeline. Marlene doesn't know why or what happened—nobody does—but something went down in fourth year that turned Em cynical and made her start drifting away from them all, and none of them has shunned her for it. Even Mary used to be painfully shy before she forced herself out of her shell, and Marlene went out of her way back then to take Mary under her wing, didn't she? Couldn't she—couldn't they all—have done the same for Lily when they all knew she had no friends in Gryffindor Tower?

The first few days at Hogwarts are always a little jarring. Sure, Marlene sees her friends plenty over the summer, but she doesn't see her siblings much during the school year, and it feels odd to go from hanging out with them every day to mostly ignoring each other around the castle. Plus, little Meredith isn't at Hogwarts yet: Marlene can tell you right now that they're not going to hear a word from each other until Christmas.

Marlene is the oldest out of five. When Maggie, the next oldest, started at Hogwarts when Marlene was a third year, Marlene assumed that it would be like it had been all summer. Maybe Marlene had never been best mates with her siblings, not when they all know she doesn't share their father, but they had been mates, hadn't they? Instead, Maggie holed up all the time with her new Ravenclaw friends, and Marlene was always with Mary and the other Gryffindors, and the most she's ever had to do with Maggie has been exchanging awkward pleasantries after Em started hanging around Maggie in lieu of any of the Gryffindors the following year.

Speaking of which—

When Lily breaks the news to Marlene, they're in Defense Against the Dark Arts, where Professor Tonks has paired them all off to practice dueling as an aptitude examination of sorts. All nine of them are taking the class, and it's Gryffindor only, which means there's an odd number of them. Tonks has taken the opportunity to partner herself with Sirius, who looks none too happy about this arrangement.

The dueling keeps their hands full for most of the period, but Lily takes the last two minutes before class lets out to fill Marlene in on the conversation she apparently had with Emmeline earlier. "What do you mean, Maggie's the one who spread all the rumors about what happened to you over the summer?" bursts Marlene, outraged.

"Keep your voice down," Lily implores. "I don't know details, okay? I just know Maggie told Em where you and I had gone right after telling Dana Madley."

Marlene groans. Madley is a Ravenclaw in Marlene's year with a reputation for being a nasty little gossip. "That'll do it. If she told Madley, then Madley will have made sure our entire year knew about it within days. I just don't understand—I mean, I'm her sister, and she knows how strongly I felt about leaving Mum to move in with you and Doc. She knows how important it is that nobody find out about Doc. She—"

The bell rings at that moment, and Marlene shuts right up, making a mental note to talk more to Lily (and to Emmeline) about this development later. They catch up with the others on their way out of the classroom, where the topic changes to—what else?—the upcoming announcement of the sixth and seventh years' Ministry internships, which is supposed to be happening Saturday. Marlene knows she's close to getting the Auror internship she wants: she and Alice both are supposed to undergo testing tomorrow after classes, half for combat and half for character.

They're halfway to Gryffindor Tower when it happens: their paths cross with a few Slytherins, including Sirius's brother, Regulus, who stops dead. "Sirius—"

"Save it," Sirius says bitterly, shoving past him. "Don't you have your little Death Eater friends to suck up to now?"

"But I don't want—"

"Should have thought about that before you started talking with them about joining up, shouldn't you have?"

Sirius whirls around and stares him down—the other Slytherins are cracking their knuckles, but he puts a hand out to stop them, his jaw working wordlessly. Finally, Regulus manages, "She burned you off the tapestry, you know. Just like Professor Tonks—"

"Can't even call her Andy anymore? Your own cousin?" Sirius snarls. "You continue to disgust me. Let's go." Marlene and the other Gryffindors don't speak, don't even move. "I said let's go! Bugger off!" he bellows at the gathering bystanders.

The walk back is tense, except instead of subdued silence, Mary tries to impose forced conversation. "Don't even think about him, Sirius," she advises him as they reach the Fat Lady. "Take it out on Slytherin in general—like in Quidditch, maybe. You're trying for the house team again, right? We could use the win, since, like, Slytherin came in second in last year's—"

"Christ, Macdonald, do you every shut up? Or are you too thick to take a hint?" Sirius spits, shoving past Peter on his way through the portrait hole.

Mary recoils but doesn't respond; Alice starts to defend her (by taking off house points, no doubt), but it's Marlene who really rounds on him. "Leave Mare out of it! Just because you ran away from home—"

"Like you didn't do the same thing," Sirius mutters, fuming.

"Too afraid to say it to my face?" yells Marlene, stepping closer. "Speak up, why don't you? Own up to your—"

"I SAID LIKE YOU DIDN'T DO THE SAME THING!"

"Break it up!" demands Alice—she's angry, angrier than Marlene would have thought possible from her—but neither of them pays her any mind.

Marlene lifts herself to her full height—she hadn't been expecting this reaction, but it doesn't deter her. "All right, you want the whole house to hear about it, fine! I ran away from home last July because bloody Mum doesn't think I'm important enough for her to take custody of my orphaned mate, and Maggie went and made sure the whole castle knew because I'm not enough of a sister to her! And it sucks, but you don't see me taking it out on everyone, do you?"

"Right, because this conversation doesn't have anything to do with you."

"What it has to do with is that you can't treat my mates like shit just because you think it's all right to shag and drop—"

"ENOUGH!" roars Alice. They're startled into silence—Alice never gets angry. "Black, lay off her! Marlene, calm down."

Marlene says viciously, raising her voice, "Does it look like we're talking to you?" A second later, she glances around and realizes belatedly that the entire common room is staring at them—so much for privacy.

The guilt and shame and regret start to kick in not long after Lily ushers her up to the girls' dormitory. "I should go and apologize," she mutters. "I…"

"Marlene, I'm not going to stop you, but are you sure that's wise?"

And this, this, more than anything, convinces Marlene that she made the right choice getting close to Lily—because Lily, unlike the rest of her friends, lets Marlene make her own decisions even when Lily disagrees with them. "Yeah. I'll be fine. Thanks, Lily."

Up in the boys' dormitory, she gets lucky: Sirius is alone there. She settles into his arms, somehow still rigid. "You can be a real arse sometimes," she mumbles, abashed—apologetic.

"I know it."

And then Marlene is shoving him beneath her and kissing him and listening to his steady tattoo of apologies against her mouth: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm—