Never to Regain
Sequel to "To Have Lost"
Note: Please read "To have lost" before reading the sequel otherwise you will be confused!
By: Anoke
Disclaimers: I Don't own Dragonball Z Or "Torn " By Creed
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"Im sick of the way you treat of like crap!" I scream
"Did you suddenly forget that I am your father?" my father asks in a calm voice
"...forget? Ha! I wish I could forget! I wish I could have never met this side of you! You have so much hate bottled up inside of you! I have the same hate inside of me every time you hit me! Every time my mother cries because of you! Every time my sister is sad I have that same hate! And you ask if I forgot that you were my father? Why because I talk defiant towards you? You don't deserve respect!" I scream
Peace is what they tell me
Love am I unholy
Lies are what they tell me
Despise you that control me
"I don't deserve your respect? Now that is funny son.." my father replies
"Agh! Why are you being so calm about this?" I scream
"I don't know what you are talking about! You say I don't deserve respect. What makes you think you deserve it? You scream at your father you make your mother sad and angry.." my father tells me
"Me? Your saying I make mom sad and angry? Now thats a joke!" I yell
I cant believe he is actually saying this to me! He is saying I am the reason for all of this! He is the one that smacks me around and makes the hole family and everyone around him feel like a piece of trash! And what is his reasons for it? Why does he make my mother and sister cry? I wouldnt mind so much if he just smacked me around.. But he yells at my mother what if he takes it to the next step and hits her? What if he hurts my little sister? He says its because of me.. Is it? Did I cause this by running away? No I couldnt have! It was all taken care of! We had the perfect life! Is their a perfect life? Or is it just a mask of the deep hatred that lies within us?
The peace is dead in my soul
I have blamed the reasons for
My intentions poor
Yes I'm the one who
The only one who
Would carry on this far
You told me stories, you tell me to remember what we said, you told me that was our special moment that no one can take away from us. You were wrong! You took it away from us! You took whatever peace and love we had and killed it! You are slowly but surely killing us on the inside! You say your sorry for your actions! You say it will never happen again! I believed you for the simple fact that I love you and that is what I wanted to believe! But it is wrong! Your not sorry! You just use "our special moment" to get out of what you did! To make up for it! When you scream and yell at my mother, you bring her candy and flowers, you try to make it better! When you scream at little bulla, you buy her a new toy and tell her you love her! When you hit me you say your sorry! Sorry wont make the pain go away! Sorry wont make the scars fade away! Your words! Your lies! They all mean the same!
Torn, I'm filthy
Born in my own misery
Stole all that you gave me
Control you claim you save me
You say you're the boss! Your in charge! You control me! You cant just bark around orders and expect everyone to jump like dogs! We are people! Human beings! Yes me and bulla are half sayian so you think we should be able to handle it and not be so fragile... WE ARE JUST KIDS! You say its my fault as you scream at me! What did I do to you? I may have done wrong when I ran away but that was over with! We talked about it! I was punished! It's like everyone is being punished for no reason! Dad just gets mad! But he cant expect everything to be okay afterwards! He cant expect. To hit me and scream and curse at me and then later that night be one big happy family! I wont let him! I wont!
The peace is dead in my soul
I have blamed the reasons for
My intentions poor
Yes I'm the one who
The only one who
Would carry on this far
Everyone tells me to enjoy the peace! What peace? Everyone thinks everything is alright! They don't know! They don't know how much I get yelled and screamed at! They don't know how many bruises I hide under neath my clothes! They don't know! They wont know! When I get mad everyone assumes its just me having another one of my hissy fits! I havent even told my best friend how my father acts... why you ask? Why do I hide it and let him keep on doing it?.. I don't believe it is my father doing it! It cant be I know my father! He would never scream at my mother the way he does! He would never yell at bulla as much as he does! He would never give me bruises the way he does! He would never treat us like this and expect forgiveness! My father may be proud, strict and emotionless but he was never a cold, heartless, abusive father!
Peace in my head
Love in my head
Lies lies lies lies in my head.
Im sick of the lies! Im sick of the im sorry's! Im sick of you hitting me and screaming at me and then pretending nothing happened! Im sick of lying! Im sick of having to cover myself! I shouldnt have to! I don't want to scream at you! I don't think it's your fault! But am I just doing the same thing over and over again? Pretending it is not as serious as I know it is? I know abuse is a big deal but I don't think it has gone that far! I know it may seem that way but it's not! My father can be nice.. When he wants to be! I don't care if he hits me, beats me, screams at me, curses at me! I just don't want my mother and sister to suffer for anything that I have done!
The peace is dead in my soul
I have blamed the reasons for
My intentions poor
Yes I'm the one who
The only one who
Would carry on this far
"Yes.. Im telling you that you are the screw up! That you mess up! That this is your fault!" my father screams
"My fault? Ha! You are the one that yells and screams all day for no reason! We just sit by and let you have your tantrum!" I say with satisfaction in my voice
"A tantrum? heh.. Thats funny! You're the one having a hissy fit anytime you get punished! You think everything is about you! I give you one spanking and you think I abuse you!" my father tells me
"A spanking? Is that what you think you did? Look at this! Does this look like a spanking to you?" I say while removing my shirt
"You just got in the way brat! If you learned how to listen that wouldnt happen!" he yells
"If I learn how to listen? Thats funny! You hit me for no good reason! And I've had enough!" I scream
The peace is dead in my soul
I have blamed the reasons for
My intentions poor
Yes I'm the one who
The only one who
Would carry on this far
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Please Read!
Alright.. I will explain in later chapters why vegeta hits trunks and all that.. So no flaming saying "omg you hate vegeta your evil blah blah blah"... I like Vegeta he is my 2nd fav character.. But in order to make this story good vegeta has to be a jerk for a couple chapters.. So hang in there!
Please Review
I BEG YOU TO REVIEW!
Anoke