By Roboclaw
Mollo Moonie
Jedi Ki-Rah

Chapter 3 Tripping on Fear

Obi-Wan shoved Anakin against the wall of the bathroom stall, clutching his ear. Anakin let out a low growl from the pit of his stomach. A stringy bit of Obi-Wan's bangs dripped urine and Anakin scrunched his nose from the stench of the piss. Obi was fuming of madness and hatred.
"Here Master, let me wash off your face…" Anakin said meekly, trying to reach a bit of toilet paper. Obi-Wan slapped Anakin's hand away in anger and Anakin whimpered.
"Explain yourself young Padawan!"
"Explain what?"
"You are soooo kinky."
"What? Dancing, kinky?"
"No your clothes dip shit, where are your robes! You came here without me. I thought we had an unspoken agreement!"
Anakin, still pinned up against the door, looked at the floor, why is Obi-Wan always ruining all his fun? He was old. "Why were you here, Master?"
"For a drink."
Anakin rolled his eyes.
"…and I came here to tell you the council wants to see you...but I'm sure they won't want to see you in that." His eyes moved up and down Anakin's scantily clad sweaty body.
"Oh. Yes master. I will change right away master." Anakin said solemnly. Obi-Wan saw the determination in his comrades eyes and couldn't help but look at him with affection. If anything, anything ever happened to you…

Anakin entered the high Jedi Council chamber, he had freshly fluffed his hair, shined his boots, dry cleaned his robe, and put on a bit of eye shadow to add some mystery. He looked around at the circular seats; a few were empty, most likely out fighting in the war.
He could hear some whisperings between Mace and a fishtailed Jedi… he used the force to hear "It's like a fisher without a fish" "Yes, a dog without a bone." "An actor without a role." They whispered back and forth in each other's ears.
Anakin yelled out with enthusiasm, "A Jedi without a Lightsaber!" Everyone turned.
He held back from turning bright red.
"Oh, hi little Skywalker."
Anakin bowed.
"To hit this, you want?" A red-eyed Yoda asked him, holding out a pipe of swirling colors.
Anakin thought about it. This is a big decision! Will this make me cool? Will I become a Jedi Master? Is this a test? What should I do! I need to call Padme! What would Obi-Wan do? Oh, sith, oh, sith, oh sith! He pictured his Master winking at him.
He'd come to a conclusion.
"Yes, please." He said, reaching for the pipe, he could barely believe he was sharing a bowl with the amazing Master Yoda. He felt his head getting light as he drew in the smoke. His body tingled in ecstasy and he felt his eye lids sag and droop. "I really needed that."
"Now for you assignment, young Skywalker," said Mace Windu. "We want you to act as a general on Belkadan," he snorted and coughed. "Evacuate or save or whatever all the um, creatures."
"What? Belkadan? Are there like anyone there?" Anakin said confused.
"Need you there we do." Yoda chuckled sarcastically.
"Yes, my Master." Anakin bowed and walked out, rubbing his eyes from the intense sunlight, that wasn't really intense.

He entered his pad, threw off his robe, and screamed at the top of his lungs. "Those tricky ass bastards!" He charged over to a cabinet and threw it open, there was one thing he was looking for as he muttered tricky combinations of words in anguish and frustration. "Them…mouth eating sons of bitchy frog lipped bloody fucker…thinking they can humiliate me that way." He slapped himself in anger as he realized the Jedi council had done just that; humiliated him in that way. He grabbed a plate of chocolate chip cookies and stuffed them into his mouth, continuing to rant, "Who do they think they are sending me on a meaningless mission that will go down as a joke in the Jedi archives? Fuck them sleazy metal eating Sith spawn—" His hologram buzzed to life, and a little blue Jedi master appeared on it's transceiver.

"Anakin! What's happening Anakin? I felt a disturbance in the force coming from you."

Anakin looked down at the little blue image of his comrade and best friend, Obi-Wan Kenobi. "The council!"

"Did they do something to you Anakin?"

"They are humiliating me!"

"How Anakin? How are they humiliating you? Take a deep breath, collect your thoughts."

Anakin breathed in and sputtered a few snippets of words, then vomited up his chocolate cookie, he felt so sick and terrible. "I went in there. They seemed like cool kats, then they gave me a mission."
"Anakin, what was the mission? It couldn't have been bad, you must look at is as an honor."

Anakin shook his head side to side, "No. It was a mission to protect the creatures of Belkadan, from a threat that isn't there. They're just trying to get me out of their perfect little world of games."

"Oh. Belkadan?" The image of Obi-Wan stared up at Anakin with a they-must-be-kidding expression. "I'm sure they have reasons you must not know Anakin." Obi said, trying to sound reassuring.

A fire shot through the colored rings of Anakin's eyes and he shut the hologram off. He shuffled into the bathroom, wiping his eyes on his sleeve and regaining himself. What! The corner of his mirror had something on it… a little red shiny thing…he looked in the toilet bowl, there was another…he'd seen them a million times, but never really noticed them. And then the little red shiny things clicked into place in his mind, he knew exactly what they were.

"They're spying on me!" And he raged off…

Two glittering eyes stared at Anakin through the camera with fear, he whispered into his sleeve "Agent blackchap, I think we have to speed up the plan."