AN - That seemed like where a show would have put a commercial break. Slightly shorter this one.
Sarah had no memory of getting out of the chair, she just suddenly found herself on her knees by Chuck. It wasn't so much what he'd think of her that worried her. It was what knowing this might do to someone like him. That it might… tarnish something, someone, who was still relatively pure. Then she noticed that she wasn't alone on the floor. He'd dropped down beside her and was hugging her and speaking. "How could they do that to you?" She'd been paralyzed by a kind of fear she wasn't used to, and when he finished the sentence that had been hanging over her, sagged against him in relief.
Her hand was clenching his shirt so hard it hurt. Finally she managed to draw in a breath and spoke, into his shoulder because he hadn't let go… and she wasn't either, "I wish to God you hadn't seen that. Even more than I wish I'd never done it."
"Evelyn Shaw" Chuck said, softly.
She looked up suddenly and jerked back slightly when she realized that put his lips dangerously close to hers. "What?"
"The files, they don't…" He paused and the look of sympathy on his face deepened. "They, no not 'they'." His face showed a flash of anger she'd never seen before. He cursed in a way she'd also never heard him do. "Fucking Graham, never even told you who it was or why?"
"That's the point." Sarah replied bitterly. "Can you blindly obey and simply execute your orders." her lips twisted in a mockery of humor at the word she used.
Chuck pulled her back in and squeezed her tighter. "I'm no lawyer… but from what this thing in my head is telling me…" He stopped.
Sarah pushed and extricated herself to sit upright. The embrace was too distracting for her to focus. "Tell me."
"Evelyn Shaw was passing classified materials to a group… not Fulcrum, though they were involved. Someone else." He frowned and tapped his head. "Not sure who, this thing may need more pieces. That's not the point though. There's no way that was sanctioned." He spoke gently, enunciating carefully. "There was no way for you to know. Yes she was a traitor, but Graham though, he didn't have the evidence this thing found. There's no notation that the order came from above him. His suspicion was enough for him to use you that way. Bastard."
"So I murdered a woman, on his gut instinct ?" Sarah choked out.
Chuck looked uncomfortable for a moment and then let out a breath. "There was video, a security camera caught the event and the French police saved it. Sarah, you weren't going to do it were you." He made it a statement, not a question.
"You saw?" She looked away after he nodded. She felt almost naked. Except that actually being naked wasn't embarrassing to her. She'd tell the truth but it felt like a thin defense, since in the end she had shot the woman. "I couldn't just kill someone like that." She sighed and had to acknowledge another true thing. She could do it now. "Not then at least. So I was going to walk away, make up an excuse. I didn't have a plan."
"And then…" he prompted quietly.
"I shot her." Sarah admitted and saw from his look that he wanted her to keep talking. "I'd passed by. She turned and bent down. There was a car's side mirror, I could see her reaching into her purse. I heard something, something metallic I thought." She shrugged with resignation. "Training and fear are powerful motivators. I'd fired before I even realized it."
"And then you got out of there." Chuck said, taking one of her hands and rubbing it. "The police report was included, and let me tell you the headache from the Intersect translating it… that sucks. She did have a gun, Sarah. She knew what you were there for. She knew what she'd been doing." He squeezed her hand. "And one of you wasn't walking away from that, thanks to Graham. I don't know what it says about me, but I'm glad it was her and not you."
She looked down at the hands holding hers and snorted. "You know, I just wanted to be a person that had your back. To take care of you because, dammit, no one else was. And then you go and flip it completely around and take care of me." She looked up at him. "You make it really hard to be professional, to maintain the cover… to not… well.. you know." She had an impish thought and bit her lower lip in a calculated manner. She watched his face turn pink again.
"Um…" Chuck looked like he was trying desperately not to say the wrong thing. "How about we take care of each other?"
"Deal." She replied instantly, smiling almost naturally. "We'll see who gets more out of it, I bet its me though." Then she took in her position on the floor, how close they were sitting, and the condition of her face after crying. She took a napkin and wiped her face a bit to gain a second, then dropped it. Hell with it. You win Chuck."You've managed to break a perfectly good spy. I'm sitting here spilling my guts about everything and showing emotions… well I never show anyone." She gave him a wry smile. "Guantanamo's got nothing on you. So… anything else you were burning to know before I go take a shower and collapse for a few hours?"
He hesitated, obviously torn, and she laughed and gave him a quick impulsive hug. Then she leaned back and said, "My baggage handler has earned a few more answers. It's OK."
"OK… well, I suppose there's really only one question that matters." Chuck said after a bit. "This whole thing… the cover. Us. Look, Sarah, I know you're good at what you do, and its your job to fool people, but I mean…" He looked uncomfortable. "Even my sister, who's like a bloodhound when it comes to prying into people… she seems to think you're… that this is real." he finished in a rush and shrugged. "Am I wrong to be confused? Is it…" he trailed off.
"I guess I earned that. I am the queen of mixed signals." Sarah replied with another smile. "And, your neighbor is NSA. So, what your sister said was 'Trust me, I have seen the way that girl looks at you and she is into you.' Casey gave me crap about it for a week." She stopped and grinned at the look on his face. "We'll talk later about surveillance." Sarah paused as she felt a sudden flutter of nerves. "She's not wrong." she admitted with a small shrug.
He blinked and it looked like he was having some trouble processing that.
"If it helps." Sarah continued, grinning, "The only thing I lied about on our first date was my ex's name and why I moved to Burbank. Since I hadn't actually moved here yet."
"So, you aren't a cannibal." He shook his head dejectedly. "Again my hopes are dashed."
"Wait to see what I do after our third date and ask me that again." she growled without thinking, then clamped a hand over her mouth. I did not just say that...
"Right, so…" Chuck sat up straight and turned very red. "We're dating, for real?" he finished with a bit of a squeak.
"Technically, if we count mission things and tonight…" Sarah said a considering tone, tapping her chin. "This would be at least our third date."
He tugged at his shirt's collar. "I feel like its getting warm in here."
"To be clear, Chuck, there are rules. If I break them, and our bosses find out, they might bunker you or send me away. Or both. Or worse." Sarah said quietly, seriously. "The number one rule for a handler is that I'm not supposed to be 'compromised' in regards to my asset. Compromised being is when you want to treat someone like a valuable human being instead of a disposable napkin." Sarah took his hand. "So, they'd be OK, even encouraging, if I felt nothing and slept with you. They're marginally OK if I like you, but keep it under control, since my primary job is your protection. They are NOT OK with me falling pretty hard for you since that would mean I wouldn't shoot you if they told me to." He looked like someone had just slammed a door in his face and she felt a sudden pain at having said it the way she did.
"Hold on, Chuck, I'm not finished." She leaned in until her face was nose to nose with his. Then she paused for a long moment. "The flaw in their rules, their planning, is that its already too late. I did fall for you, I do care, and I am compromised." Then she kissed him.