Chapter 17

WARNING- THIS STORY CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS SELF HARM AND ABUSE, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS MAY UPSET OR TRIGGER YOU IN AN WAY

I have suffered with self harming before not long ago, and please if you or any of your friends/family are going through it, get help and just remember it DOES get better and you're not alone. I'm always here if you need any help I'll understand xx

Disclaimer- I do not own 'Twilight' or any of the other books written by Stephanie Meyer. All characters mentioned in this fanfic belong to the wonderful author and not me (although I wish Jacob aka Taylor Lautner belonged to me )

MAJORD TW FOR THIS CHAPTER- MENTION OF R PE, PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT CARRY ON READING THIS IF IT'LL AFFECT YOU ANY WAY WHATSOEVER, END THE STORY NOW.

Bella's POV

I asked both Edward and Jake to meet me at the beach by message, Jake to come ten minutes before so I could talk to him in private first. Knowing him as well as I do, I know Jake'll be panicking about what he said to me on the phone and the thought of making him worry even more than he already is makes me feel sick. The most sensible thing to do would be to just say no to him as gently as I could without hurting his feelings and moving on as if nothing ever happened but I can't do that. Not only would it hurt Jake but it isn't true that I have no feelings for him whatsoever, ever since he said those three words to me over the phone it made me realize that these feelings had accumulated over the last few months we'd been friends, I'd just done my best to ignore them because I was scared of what they'd change. But to hear Jake admit he had feelings for me too made me feel relieved I wasn't the only one that felt it, my heart had felt like it was about to burst out its chest with happiness when he'd said it but reality had hit as he'd put the phone down, not sure of my reaction.

Anyways, back to the present, the reason I had wanted Jake here alone before Edward came was to explain that I loved him back too but I loved Edward at the same time and everything seemed really confusing and complicated. I hope he'd understand, because even to my own ears, it sounded like some kind of pathetic selfish excuse as to not hurting his feelings so we can still be friends but so I don't have to get with him. I don't know how it all happened, but I had somehow found myself in love with two people at the same time and didn't know who I should be with. Which was stupid really, because I had so so many more things to worry about than which guy I loved more and which one I should let off easily.

Before I had any more time to attack myself with these dumb thoughts that make no sense, I hear the familiar heavy footsteps crunching underneath the soft sand and I turn round to see Jacob's tanned friendly face, his beaming smile seems different today though, more unsure.

"Hey Bells, what's wrong, how come you needed to see me?"

Here goes nothing, I thought, sucking in a breath, wondering if me admitting that I loved him back would ruin our bond forever, which I really couldn't bear the thought of. Jacob was my lifeline, I couldn't live without him being there for me.

"About your message.."

Jacob's POV

Fuck, here it comes. The moment where everything's going to change, Bella will set things straight and reject me and nothing'll ever the same between us again no matter how hard we try. I try and read her expression to work out what she's thinking but her face remains unreadable, her brown eyes staring straight at me, unblinking.

"I think I love you too" she breathes out, looking at me expectantly.

Wow, that was definitely not what I was expecting her to say. That she didn't love me, never would and didn't want to see me again? Yes. That she might love me back and wants me to stay? Never. I'm so shocked I can barely form any words, all this time I was cursing myself for having to ruin things for the both of us because I can't help feeling things for her and now she feels something for me too. I suddenly feel like I'm floating on a cloud of joy when I'm brought back to earth with a bump when I hear Edward's annoying silky voice.

"what's he doing here?" we both spit out in disgust at the same time.

"I wanted you both here together" Bella says apologetically.

"why do you want him here Bells?" I ask in confusion.

Especially after what she'd just told me, the fact that she invited Edward here makes no sense whatsoever. Just when I finally think I'm starting to understand how Bella feels about me, he shows up out of the blue.

"It's all so complicated" she says, her voice breaking and sits down on the rock, her head in her hands.

Me and Edward stop scowling at each other and turn to look at Bella instead, concerned.

"What's complicated Bells?"

She lifts her head up slightly and looks at me and Edward warily.

"I love you both. But I can't, can I? How can I love two people and want to be with you both at the same time?"

Oh, it all starts to make sense now. The reason why Bella told me she thought she might love me, almost hesitantly, as if she wasn't sure. And why Edward needed to be here. Nothing can ever be easy in life, the girl I loved since I first met her miraculously loves me back but she's still in love with her vampire ex-boyfriend too.

I feel angry, not at Bella, but at Edward. After all he'd done and Bella still loved him, he didn't deserve it. When he caused her so much pain after he abandoned her, he left behind a hole in her heart that I desperately tried to sew back together. Just as she was finally starting to heal, he shows back up and has the arrogance to worry about her as if he didn't cause a lot of her problems in the first place. And now, to make things worse, she was torn between the two of us.

"You mean you love that werewolf romantically? the bloodsucker asks, his eyebrows raised in disbelief.

"yes, I love him as well as I love you" Bella answers firmly, giving him a warning glare.

"But don't you just love him as a friend, Bella? I'm the one you really love, and now I'm back and I want you so much Bella," he pleads.

"No, I love him as more than a friend, and Edward, I love you too but you can't just expect me to not have changed one bit since you left all that time ago. I'm not just going to jump into your arms at the first chance I get like all those other girls who are obsessed with you," Bella says sarcastically and I smile as it's the first time I've heard her answer somebody back like she used to before she had her heart broken and its like parts of the old Bella are coming back to me slowly.

Edward, however frowns. "I know that Bella, and I'm truly sorry but are you sure you love Jacob?"

"yes."

She says it so matter of fact that I feel more confident about her feelings for me. She doesn't even need to think about the possibility that her feelings aren't real.

"okay" Edward answers defeatedly, having understood the message.

"I'm sorry to hurt any of your feelings, but I'm not going to lie and say I don't love Jacob like that because I do, and yes I'm confused at the minute, but I will have to decide which one of you it is that I want to spend the rest of my life with because it's not fair to lead you both on like this."

I see Edward's face drop out of the corner of my eye, as if he's just realised that Bella might choose me over him and he won't be the one she loves anymore. As much as I hate the guy, I can't help but feel sorry for him, it's obvious to everyone that he does love Bella even though he has a weird way of showing it. And, it does make sense after all, why he did leave so suddenly, Bella told me he said it was to protect her and I could see why he thought it was the right thing to do at the time, after Bella's disastrous 18th birthday. Vampires are dangerous for Bella to be around, and no matter how normal the Cullens are compared to other vampires, they still have blood urges they can't always control.

What the fuck is going on with me? I feel sympathy for that bloodsucker and even worse, can relate to him. What next, I'll want to become his damn bestfriend?

Shaking this strange feeling off, I force myself to focus on what Bella's saying.

"…but you don't have to wait around. I'll understand if you don't want to wait for me to make my mind up."

"No, we're obviously going to wait Bells, you're worth it" I say teasingly, watching the colour rise in her pale cheeks.

Edward nods in agreement, and I find myself feeling even more respect for him, what an earth?!

Charlie's POV

I've spent the last week asking around after Bella, just my luck, nobody fucking knows anything about where she is. I return home angrier than ever, slamming the beer bottle on the table in frustration. That bitch can't get away with this! Leaving her poor old man to fend for himself after 12 hour shifts everyday, stumbling around the house in exhaustion, doing all the shit jobs like cooking and cleaning which that whore was supposed to do. I still can't believe my own daughter, my own fucking flesh and blood, had the guts to walk out on me and think she could live happily ever after without me! My skin tingles in anticipation as I think about what I'm going to do to that girl when I finally find her. God, how she'll wish she'd never been born. I couldn't decide between beating the shit out of her and leaving her to die or r ping her and stripping away every last ounce of self-confidence she had before I decided on both. Sheer glee spreads throughout my body as the image of a beaten up, unconscious, tear stained naked Bella takes over my mind. Just she wait until I get my hands on her, she won't be so arrogant to disobey me then. The piercing sound of the telephone ringing breaks me out of my scheming.

"Hello?" I grumble, pissed of at whoever dared interrupt my pleasing thoughts.

"Hello, is this Charlie Swan?

"yes, speaking" I answer, wondering what the fuck this is all about.

"Good. I've heard you've been asking around about a certain Bella Swan, is that right?"

"yes," I sit up straighter, excited.

"I know her whereabouts."

"And?"

"I'll enlighten you with them for a small reward"

I sigh in dislike, what is it with people and their huge greed for money nowdays, gone are the days where people would help you out just because they were kind, now it was all about what was in it for them, for god's sake.

"how much?" I bark out in annoyance.

"$5000."

"5 fucking thousand? Are you taking the piss, I'm not giving you that much!"

"Looks like you aren't getting what you want then."

Who the hell does this anonymous person think they are? Manipulating bastard.

"Fine, now tell me."

"OK, she lives on _"

"Thanks very much, you'll have the money in your account by tomorrow."

"A pleasure doing business with you."

"Oh, I can assure you the pleasure's all mine" I grin.

Okay, not sure what to think of this chapter either, maybe a bit too graphic on Charlie's part? I wanted to pinpoint just how truly horrible Charlie is but not trigger anyone, so I'm truly sorry if the description upset anyone, that wasn't my attention. Thanks for reading :)