Warning: If you're looking for a tale about butterflies and rainbows, look elsewhere. This is not a happy little story. You have been warned!
A/N: Okay, so I'm really nervous about posting this one because it's completely different from anything I've written so far, but the idea for this fic kept nagging at the back of my mind and I just had to write it. I had to put my writing for my other story on hold, but a new chapter will be up shortly for those interested.
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own 'em, never have and never will.
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Dies Nefastus
She is in the Council Hall in the city of Parthon negotiating a peace treaty between the Parthonians and their neighbors, the Lanoans, when it happens. One minute she's asking the Lanoan High Councilor a question and the next she's thrown to the floor as chaos erupts in the form of debris and bodies flying through the air. She lands hard and briefly loses consciousness. The next thing she sees is a thick dust filling the room, and the only sounds now are the cries of the wounded which echo in her already ringing ears. She can distantly feel pain, but it's numbed by the shock her body is experiencing.
Suddenly Teyla is there leaning over her; Teyla, who John had insisted attend the meeting with her to protect her while he and the rest of the team went to explore the city's vast armory. The Athosian leader, blood seeping from a wound on her forehead, asks if she is all right. Something about the way the young warrior is looking at her and the tone of her voice sets off alarm bells. Something is definitely wrong. It is only then that she realizes she can't feel her legs. She tries to push herself up but one arm won't cooperate and a searing pain accompanies any attempt to make it. She glances over and notices shards of glass embedded in her shoulder, glass from the window she had been standing in front of a just a few moments before. Using one elbow, she manages to prop herself up enough to get a glimpse of the huge chunk of ceiling under which everything from her feet to her knees is trapped. Suddenly excruciating pain shoots up her legs, unpleasantly contradicting the earlier numbness, and she collapses back to the ground, once again slipping into blissful darkness.
When she next opens her eyes he is there kneeling beside her as he anxiously consults with his team. She can feel something warm and soft beneath her head, and craning her neck she sees it's a jacket, his jacket judging by the scent and the fact he's only wearing a tee shirt. Unfortunately the movement awakens a pounding in her head, and the pain in her arm and legs returns with a vengeance. She whimpers in agony and his attention shifts to her in an instant. He smiles reassuringly and tells her she's going to be okay, that they're working on getting her out; but his mouth is tight and she can see the worry behind his eyes.
She notices with concern that Teyla is nowhere to be seen and she tries to inquire about the Athosian woman but her throat is dry and sore and the best she can manage is a raspy, "Teyla?"
John's eyes fill with an emotion she can't quite identify as he answers, "She's fine; we sent her back through the 'gate. Don't worry, her injuries aren't severe."
She breathes a sigh of relief then coughs, licks her chapped lips, and attempts another question, "Wha happ'd?"
He pulls out his canteen, lifts her head up and places it to her lips. "It was a bomb." His voice is soft, but she can tell by the way his hand trembles beneath her head and the way the container shakes ever so slightly that he's furious, "A group of rebel Lanoans didn't want the peace treaty to go through."
He eases her head back down but lets his hand linger on her hair, "They're in custody and will be hanged in the morning."
She shivers slightly, the movement sending white-hot pain down her arm and side. She closes her eyes and grits her teeth to keep from crying out, but she can't stop the tears that prickle just under her eyelids, threatening to fall and give her away.
"Hang on Elizabeth, Carson's on his way," John's voice is rough and he swallows hard.
"C…c...cold," she croaks as she shivers again.
His brow furrows in concern as he turns to McKay and asks the astrophysicist for his jacket, which he then lays over her, careful not to jostle her injured shoulder. He takes her uninjured hand in his own, and his fingers feel like burning iron brands against her icy skin. His façade drops and fear writes itself all over his face. He barks at Ronon to get to the stargate and to bring Beckett as fast as he can, ordering the tall Satedan to carry the doctor "if it'll get him over here more quickly."
When John turns back to her he tells her once again to hold on and his grip on her hand tightens.
"John…" his name falls weakly from her lips.
He brushes her curls behind her ears "I'm here 'Lizabeth," his voice is gentler than she's ever heard it before.
She winces and gasps as a fresh wave of pain engulfs her. He briefly bows his head and when he raises his eyes to meet hers it looks like he's fighting back tears. Her breath catches as she realizes it's killing him to see her suffering so badly.
"It's 'kay…," she squeezes his hand.
He laughs bitterly, "Here you are injured and you're the one comforting me. You always worry about everyone but yourself."
Her mind flashes back to the look on his face when she asked about Teyla; he's directing the same look at her now. It's a mixture of pride and sorrow, affection and frustration, respect and exasperation. His gaze intensifies and despite the situation the air crackles and sparks between them. For a brief moment she can almost forget about the chaos, the fear and the pain. She is brought sharply back to reality by the familiar sound of Rodney snarking at Dr. Beckett and Ronon, who have just arrived.
Carson's face pales when he sees the condition she's in, but he quickly snaps into doctor mode. Throughout the entire examination, John never leaves her side, ignoring Beckett's pointed looks and making the doctor work around him.
After he finishes up by giving her a shot of morphine, Carson pulls John and his team off to the side to converse with them, and she knows John only leaves because he wants to know what her prognosis is.
She watches as Beckett relays the news, sees the stricken look on Rodney's face and the way Ronon suddenly finds something incredibly fascinating to stare at near his feet; and she watches John Sheppard come completely undone. He rails against Carson, who's desperately trying to get his point across. It's obvious the doctor has told them what she's been aware of from the beginning: she won't be leaving this building alive. She can already feel her body shutting down. She knows that deep down, John's known it all along too.
He stops arguing with Carson quite suddenly and seems to collapse in on himself as the doctor places a comforting hand on his arm and softly apologizes. John makes his way back over and once again kneels beside her, his expression schooled. At first he can't even meet her eyes, but he grabs her hand, clinging to it like a lifeline.
"How mu time d'I have?"
His eyes shoot to hers but before he can offer her some sort of false reassurance she whispers, "S'kay, I know."
His eyes well with tears, a few escaping to streak down his cheeks and she's stunned; Colonel Sheppard rarely gets emotional, and he never cries. Her heart clenches with the realization that while Colonel Sheppard might not cry, maybe John Sheppard does. She can't believe she's affected him so strongly and she suddenly feels terribly guilty that her situation has caused this normally stoic man to break down.
She releases a few tears of her own, "I'm sorry."
He shakes his head, a ghost of a smile on his lips, "You have no reason to be." He brushes her tears away with his thumb.
Rodney, Ronon and Carson join them, their faces somber and drawn. John steps back so she can say her goodbyes. She tells them to take care of each other, that it was an honor to work alongside them. She notices Carson's poorly-hidden guilt and lets him know there is nothing he can do. The rest of the team respectfully move a short distance away when John approaches.
"Are you in any pain?" He stumbles over the last word.
She shakes her head ever so slightly, "Not t' bad…morph'ne helps."
He manages a tight grin, "Yeah, it's good stuff."
She doesn't tell him that part of the reason she feels better is because she can't feel anything from the waist down. She starts shivering again and her vision blurs, then she feels him sever physical contact. She panics, "John…John!"
"It's okay Elizabeth, I've got you." His voice is thick with emotion.
She blinks hard and everything's in focus again. Sure enough, he's still holding her hand, but she can't feel that anymore either. It's getting harder to breathe, to stay conscious.
She meets John's eyes and holds the connection. He runs his thumb over her lips before leaning in and kissing her tenderly. She can taste his anguish and desperation in the salt of his tears.
"I am in love with you Elizabeth Weir," He proclaims huskily, his breath warm against her cheek.
She smiles weakly in an attempt to lighten the situation, "Picked…great time…t' tell me."
He tries to smile back but fails miserably. The next part is uttered so softly her failing ears almost miss it, "I think I always have been."
She hesitates for a split second, part of her rebelling at the possibility of sounding too cliché, before realizing how lucky she is to have him here with her at the end, and to have the opportunity to tell him what he deserves to know. He opened himself up to her and she's not going to let it be for nothing.
She gathers every last ounce of strength she has and draws in one final shuddering breath, "Love you…too."
The last thing she hears is his whispered, "Please don't leave me,"
Then she's gone, the light in her eyes quenched forever, leaving the man who loved her with nothing but a shattered heart and a memory.