Chapter Eleven: The Date
Sirius, who has been basking in the glory of the recent prank, realizes that the next Hogsmeade weekend is coming up. He thinks forlornly of his failed attempt to ask Lummy out. At breakfast, he begins to eat his eggs and toast in a most depressing manner.
"What's eating you Padfoot?" Sirius gives a half-smile, and quips,
"Well, I'm eating eggs and toast, Moony."
"Don't be absurd – something's up."
"I haven't got a date for Hogsmeade weekend."
Remus chuckled upon hearing this – Sirius was the only boy at Hogwarts who had never been to Hogsmeade without a date.
"Don't worry, you'll get one."
"Now you're being absurd, I've already thought of one."
"Then what's the problem?"
"What if she's another idiot?"
Sirius had been having this problem a lot lately. He had discovered that every girl in the Seventh year at Hogwarts…with few exceptions…was an idiot. In fact, almost every Seventh year, boy or girl, was an idiot. Even more to his dismay, the few exceptions that did exist consisted of his Slytherin cousins, his cousin's friends, and Lily Evans. There was that one Ravenclaw girl, but she hated his guts after an incident involving…a hag, a werewolf, and a fwooper. Sirius sighed rather audibly. What if Lummy was just like the others?
Remus looked at Sirius' sighing face. Since when had Sirius, the official "Most Charming Boy at Hogwarts", ever cared whether his date was an idiot? It was true that Remus and James had often wondered why someone as intelligent as Sirius could date so many stupid girls. But it was Sirius who had dated Alice Finchley, the Hufflepuff seventh year who had stuck her head in a bucket because she thought she'd hear the ocean inside. Remus looked at Sirius again, and tried to decipher his inscrutable expression. Who was Sirius pursuing anyway?
Down the table, where Harold and Lummy had elected to sit after persistent urging from Lily, a similar discussion was taking place. Lummy had indeed realized what Sirius was trying to do after the incident with the broom. She gave an absurd sigh and bit into her French toast viciously.
"What's up Luhrmalleen?"
"Don't call me Luhrmalleen, Pearly Puff."
"Alright, alright, don't be tetchy. What's going on Lummy?"
"You know that Sirius Black character?"
"The one with the longish black hair who was in the Shrieking Shack?" asked Harold, somewhat confused, why was Lummy asking her these questions?
"The very same."
"Well, what about him?"
"D'you think, well, d'you think he's an idiot?"
Harold thought for a second. So much had happened these past seven days that it was difficult to remember the salient points of Sirius' intelligence.
"I think he's fairly smart."
Lummy looked at Harold with a happier face, and asked,
"Shall I go to Hogsmeade with him then?"
Harold finally understood what was going on. Little Lummy was going on a date!
"Sure."
"Who are you going with?"
"Gerald, I expect."
And then the conversation deteriorated to less interesting matters.
After breakfast was over, and the Great Hall was clearing out, Sirius walked over to Lummy. He stared pointedly at Harold for a moment, who was walking with Lummy, and remarked,
"Could I er, speak to you alone?"
Harold looked upon the two in a superior manner, and disappeared, smirking.
Sirius took a deep breath –
"Would you like to go to Hogsmeade weekend with me?"
Lummy gave him a mock-appraising sort of look, and replied,
"Sounds like a plan."
Hogsmeade morning, Sirius waited for Lummy in a set of stunning midnight blue dress robes. He had allowed his beautiful black hair to fall gracefully, allowing his sapphire eyes to stare back at whoever had the audacity to approach him when he was waiting for Luhrmalleen.
Lummy came sweeping down into the entrance hall, her green eyes glittering with excitement.
"Shall we, then?"
"Of course. But what about…?"
"Amelia? I've got her." Sirius tapped his pocket with his wand. "Shrinking Spell."
"Could we?"
"Of course."
Sirius brings out his broom – "Amelia". He sweeps his cloak behind him in a dramatic manner while holding Amelia in one hand.
"Oh Amelia, how I have loved you…"
Just then, the Ravenclaw prefect, sixth year Amelia Bones walks past and gives Sirius a withering look. Sirius blanches for a moment, but Lummy just laughs.
"My turn! Now, what shall I do?"
Lummy slaps Sirius across the face, and cries,
"But I thought you loved me, Sirius."
A string of pretty, but slightly shifty Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw girls (otherwise known as the Sirius Black fan club) sneer at Lummy after she utters this line.
Regardless of such sundry interruptions, Sirius and Lummy take turns acting theatrical.
In the meantime, James and Remus are watching from underneath the invisibility cloak. James waits until Lummy and Sirius go off flying on Amelia, and then turns to Remus.
Remus asks, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Uh, why am I doing this instead of snogging Lily? Oh yea, because she has Charms homework," James shakes his head, clearly annoyed.
"Actually, it was more along the lines of - why don't we film them?"
James thinks for a moment, and then nods his head.
The two of them rush off to their dorm to collect all of Remus' magical videotape equipment, which he has amassed from his continuing obsession with Muggle television. When they return, they discover that Sirius and Lummy have left for the Three Broomsticks.
"What would you like to drink, m'lady?" asks Sirius in a debonair voice. Lummy looks at him, and says in a fluttery voice,
"Perhaps a butterbeer, kind sir."
As Sirius trounces off to Madame Rosmerta's counter, James and Remus set up a prime spot and begin filming.
When Sirius returns with two butterbeers in his hand, the doors of the Three Broomsticks open with a thud. Five photographers, two reporters, and a witch with curly red hair walk through the doors, throwing Madame Rosmerta aside. One puts a mic up to Sirius, and asks,
"What's your name?"
From the tittering of the photographers it is evident that they already know his name, but Sirius obliges,
"Black, Sirius Black."
One of the reporters gives a little gasp, and the witch with red hair prompts,
"The heir to the Black fortune?"
Sirius grimaces for a second, but replies,
"The very same."
The same reporter gives another little gasp, and almost falls over. The red haired witch pays little attention, and they put a mic up to Lummy, and ask,
"And what is the name of this pretty little girl?"
Lummy quirks an eyebrow, but replies in a rather cold manner,
"Luhrmalleen Delaware."
The reporter who gave a little gasp actually falls over, but the witch with the red hair verifies,
"The heir of Delaware?"
Lummy makes a face, and answers, "The very same."
The witch with the red hair finally smiles, murmurs "this is what we came for," and announces,
"I am from the Magical Enquirer. Would you honor us with some photographs, Mr. Black?"
Sirius gets up with a flourish, and poses dramatically.
"How shall I stand?"
The red haired witch gestures at the photographer, who comes up to Sirius and suggests,
"With the knife, against Miss Delaware's throat?"
Lummy and Sirius smile at each other, enjoying the theatrics, while the rest of Three Broomsticks looks properly shocked. Sirius pulls out a knife from his pocket, makes a villainous smile, and gently places the tip of the knife on Lummy's back.
"It shall be called, Killing Her!" cackled the red-haired witch.
Lummy clicked her tongue impatiently.
"We don't have all day."
The woman from the Magical Enquirer grimaced, and once again gestured at the photographer, who suggested timidly,
"Kiss her, Mr. Black?"
"It's the first date! I won't do it, so clear out," shouted Sirius angrily.
Lummy smiled a little half-smile, and piped up,
"As long as it's for a good cause, right Sirius?"
Sirius smiled a mischievous smile, and added,
"You'd better get this, because it's going to be good!" just as he gave Lummy a dramatic kiss on the lips.
James and Remus, who have been filming all this time, whisper to one another –
"This is getting better and better!"
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They end up together, and end up happily ever after. Harry marries Voldemort, and Hermione bewitches the Hogwarts castle into a fairy princess resort and moves in. Now, then, review – it is a far, far better thing you do than you have ever done before.