Chapter Thirteen: Sirius, the Teenage Wizard
Excerpt from the Style section of The Washington Post:
"The hit new TV show that hit ABC this past Thursday, Sirius, the Teenage Wizard is a must for teens and their parents alike. Dashing seventeen year old Sirius entertains audiences with his magical capers…"
Excerpt from What's New in People Magazine
"The as yet unnamed actor who plays the part of Sirius on Sirius, the Teenage Wizard is certainly America's new heartthrob – with his elegantly draped black locks and stunning sapphire eyes…"
Lily, who has retained her Muggle habit of reading Muggle newspapers and watching their television begins to read an excerpt from Entertainment Weekly,
"There's a new Television show that's number one by all accounts…"
"Come on Lily, nobody cares about Muggle Tele-what's-it!"
"Yea, if you haven't noticed, we're not Muggles."
Lily pursed her lips in a very superior manner, and continues,
"Listen you guys, it's about this great TV show, I know you think it doesn't matter, but American Muggle Television can be rather good."
At the words "American Muggle Television" Remus and James stop eating and look nervously at each other. Across from Remus, Sirius is devouring two slices of buttered toast and three whipped cream lathered pancakes at the same time. Next to him, Lummy and Harold pore over a particularly nasty Transfiguration assignment. Lily's lilting voice continues to carry over the table –
"…it's quite sensational, considering the story behind the show called Sirius, the Teenage Wizard…"
The entire Gryffindor table gasps.
"…it must be a coincidence; his escapades start off with a visit to a nearby wizard town with a pretty blonde actress, named affectionately "Lummy" for the series…"
The table gasps one more time. Lummy looks up absentmindedly, then goes back to Transfiguration. Sirius finally takes heed –
"What's going on here?" and reaches over the Gryffindor table to grab the magazine from Lily's hand to continue reading,
"For additional coverage and pictures of America's new heartthrob, the as yet unnamed actor who plays the role of Sirius Black, turn to page sixteen…"
Sirius looks darkly and adds, "Now, ladies and gentlemen, we shall know if it is mere coincidence."
There, on page sixteen, is a half-page picture of Sirius standing and holding his wand. Sirius seems to know that his fellow Marauders are behind this, and turns to Remus and James and demands,
"Explain yourselves."
"Well, you see," began Remus rather weakly.
"It makes loads of money, mate," cut in James as explanation. Sirius smiled his mischievous half-smile, and added,
"I expect about half then, Prongs." Lily looks sternly at the three of the Marauders, and scolds,
"What about the International Statute of Secrecy? Hmm? Have you thought about what would happen if the Muggles catch on that maybe Sirius' life isn't a set?"
James offers a toothy smile to his red-haired girlfriend, and replies,
"Nobody believes that it's true, Lily dear."
After breakfast, Lummy and Harold are among the last to leave, owing to the fact that they had been devouring Transfiguration as opposed to toast. However, Lily catches up with Lummy, and asks sweetly,
"Aren't you upset that you're on Muggle Television?"
Lummy cocks her head thoughtfully, and answers,
"Not really, it seems funny, and Sirius'll give me some of the money."
"Lummy, you really are an idiot for going to Hogsmeade with him."
Lummy gasped – did Lily, the Head Girl, just call her an idiot? That was her line…but wow, maybe Lily wasn't such a tosh after all,
"Hey Lils, d'you want to be my friend?"
"Don't be such a sap."
"Come now, have lunch with me sometime."
"My dear, sometimes, you're full of corn."
Sirius had kept a copy of the Muggle Magazine. Thousands of fans? …Wow.
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Sirius the Teenage Wizard…ring a bell? Well, now it's on in the late seventies instead of the nineties…do review, for a review in the hand is worth two in the bush. Reviews love bushes.