Chapter Fourteen: The Magical Enquirer

Severus Snape walked into the Great Hall and hit his head against the wall. He messed up. He had looked at it. After years of practice…all for naught.

It was the Where's Waldo painting. The Marauders had put it up at the entrance to the Great Hall almost four years ago. However, it was no ordinary painting. When unprepared passersby walked in front of this painting, their mind became mysteriously devoid of all ordinary thoughts, and became filled with a single question.

"Where is Waldo?"

Over the years, Hogwarts students and professors had learned to look elsewhere when entering the Great Hall to avoid the embarrassment of looking bewildered for those ten seconds. Ministers and newcomers were usually caught in its gaze, much to their dismay. But today…Severus Snape had forgotten. Luckily, nobody had noticed. This was because thousands of owls were pouring in the Great Hall, dropping flashy magazines in front of each and every Hogwarts student.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a copy of the Magical Enquirer. On the cover were the smiling and waving faces of Sirius and Lummy, with the caption "FIND OUT THE TRUTH" in red letters underneath.

"Oh Sirius, I thought you loved me," murmured Alice Finchley, as she and the rest of Sirius' fan club strolled needlessly by the Gryffindor table. In the middle of the Hufflepuff table, students were busy speculating,

"He seemed like such a nice boy."

"Honestly, Florence, with a family like that…?"

"Aargh, can't everyone just mind their own business!" yelled Sirius, and disappeared from the Great Hall with Luhrmalleen Delaware, leading to further speculation.

On cue, James follows them with his invisibility cloak and Remus' magical video camera. Remus edges over to the Ravenclaw table, where members of Sirius' fan club are reading the tabloid aloud.

"…The heir of the Black fortune, Sirius, has been seen demonstrating his familial tendencies for DARK behavior…"

Remus supposed that this accompanied the staged picture of Sirius stabbing Lummy.

"…here we have an exclusive interview with those who know him best, Professor McGonagall, and Lisa…"

Remus did a double take – McGonagall? And who was Lisa?

"…The Professor remarks that she has never seen a troublemaker quite like Black…"

Remus whistled, of course, other than Potter, that is.

"…Lisa, our inside coverer from Hogwarts notes that Black has had a tendency to display murderous tendencies for a long time…often poisoning other students when angered…"

The erstwhile werewolf bit back a smile…that was one of Sirius' first pranks on Snape, only the "poison" was meant to be a laughing potion, but Sirius was never particularly good at mixing ingredients. His little reverie was interrupted by another shriek from the Ravenclaw table.

"There's another article girls! Here, I'll start – it appears that Hogwarts will become witness to its very own Romeo and Juliet story (Persius and Araminta, for those unacquainted with Muggle literature)…"

Remus was quite sure that this was opening the slightly less staged picture of Sirius kissing Lummy. However…hadn't Persius and Araminta been cursed to death by their own families? He listened intently –

"…Sirius Black, heir of the massive Black fortune, and Luhrmalleen Delaware, one of the heirs of the powerful stewards of Delaware, have found love in their seventh year. But this discovery has been met with anger on both sides…we have an exclusive interview with Regulus Black and Lisa…"

Remus gave an audible groan at Regulus' name. When odd looks were thrown his way, he mumbled stomachache and pointed at his toast. What was Sirius' Slytherin brother doing in a tabloid?

"…Regulus Black, the younger, very charming, brother of Sirius Black notes that Luhrmalleen "Lummy" Delaware will not be welcome to the Black fold, owing to her sixteen years spent as a Muggle…"

After he could no longer play off eavesdropping on the Ravenclaw table, and his toast was too cold to eat, Remus disappeared into the Gryffindor common room, where Lily and James were having what they enjoyed calling a "calm discussion", but was better characterized as a "blazing row". This time, it was about Head duties.

"James, dear, you are not fulfilling them properly. You are supposed to confiscate these…" Lily checked the label, "…Wrist-Bashing Wranglers, not add them to your own collection of illegal items." Then, as an afterthought, Lily sniffed,

"You are not even supposed to have your own collection of illegal items."

James had turned red, but was looking plaintively at his girlfriend –

"Lily, darling, I merely keep them because I know that I will be able to protect against their…er…ineffective usage."

Remus chuckled, and went up to his dormitory.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And then there were reviews, and the world burst into song