Chapter Twenty-one: A Trial

Lily Evans had a good many advantages that were not available to the average attorney. She had magic, and more importantly, the defendant had magic. But magical techniques aside, very few lawyers had the luck to defend one of the hottest actors in the Muggle world. Not only was Sirius, the Teenage Wizard being aired worldwide, but the mass eBay sale had added to the publicity a great deal. In fact, most fans were incensed that the State of California had the audacity to take the striking Rufus Scrimgeour to trial. Lily found it odd, considering that there had been many attractive actors and actresses who had been arrested for various violations – but the law enforcement had never received the criticism it was receiving now.

It was a good thing that Lily Evans was a very hardworking witch, because otherwise she would not have understood the voir dire process. She and the attorney for the prosecution would be allowed strikes each from the pool of forty possible jurors. Looking through the list of possibilities, Lily had a very good idea about what the first question she would ask her prospects.

"Do you watch the show Sirius, the Teenage Wizard?"

"Yes, Rufus Scrimgeour is the cutest one I know!"

"Yes, dear Rufus is such a good role model for my sons."

"Yes, he and that Narcissa…such chemistry."

"No, television is the spawn of Satan."

Lily raised an eyebrow at the last woman, and moved her hand to strike number thirty-six. She had realized that she would eventually have to include some men in the jury. Perhaps those who had a taste for blondes, thought Lily wickedly.

"Do you believe Rufus Scrimgeour is guilty?"

"Of course not."

"Never, he is a saint."

"…a pinnacle of male morality…"

"He has a bit of a mischievous look about him, but then again, so do I," laughed an elderly gentleman, who was looking at Lily in a very grandfatherly way.

"No one that funny could be bad."

"He's such a gentleman."

"…gorgeous…."

"He is a traitor to the human race to preach such anti-Christian beliefs."

An evangelist, mused Lily, and struck number twenty-five.

It was not long until both Lily and the Attorney for the State of California were pleased with their jury selection. Lily was happy to note that they were all relatively young, except for the friendly old man who Lily had selected herself. Furthermore, the majority of them were women, another plus. In fact, the only juror who gave her some cause for concern was the dark-haired man, who would never fall for Sirius…but perhaps, he would fall for another member of the cast.

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"All rise for the Honorable Judge Feinberg."

The date set was meant to be the preliminary bail hearing, but Lily knew that they would have to head back to school soon, and had petitioned the court to move up the actual date. This meant that less evidence was shared between the two parties, but then again, Lily doubted that the other attorney would take her evidence anyway. The courtroom was packed nevertheless, as it was a public trial. A dozen teenage girls who Lily suspected had never been near a courtroom before were congregated near the defendant's side; one had even brought an autograph notebook.

Sirius had strided in a mere five minutes before, his handsome appearance drawing cheers from the audience. Lily found it amazing that he could maintain himself so well in jail. But then again, not every murderer was a wizard. James, Remus, Harold, Lummy, and Gerald were gathered directly behind the defendant's post, since they were likely to be called up to testify as witnesses. James in particular, looked very pale, but it was only to be expected since his girlfriend and his best friend were being judged by the court. The judge was looking at the prosecution expectantly for the opening remarks.

"Rufus Scrimgeour has demonstrated callousness unusual for one of his age. He has used the public's adoration to curry favors that he does not deserve, and has wreaked havoc on a neighborhood. The Beverly Hills Hotel, ladies and gentlemen, is a historical wonder where stars from Marilyn Monroe to Paris Hilton have resided, and not one of them has treated it with the disregard that Mr. Scrimgeour has shown. He seeks to show that celebrities consider themselves above the law – something that we in California, will not tolerate. Perhaps it is done differently across the pond, but…."

And so Attorney Jones continued, speaking of patriotism, honor, and a myriad of other things that were relatively unrelated to the trial, thought Lily. Ten minutes had elapsed before Jones finally sat down, whereupon one of Sirius' admirers clapped in relief, allowing titters from the back of the courtroom.

"Knock 'em dead, Evans," whispered James as she stood up to walk to the podium.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, honorable Judge Feinberg, the man you see in front of you is not a murderer. He is not even a common criminal. He is barely seventeen years old, and it is because of his celebrity status that he has been accused of these crimes. In fact, even if he were not famous, he has become a man far greater than his history would have expected him to be. Rufus Scrimgeour's childhood in the harsh underworld of London would have made even you shiver, Mister Jones. But instead of wallowing in self pity, he became the best actor any man could be, and one of the best friends someone could ever know…."

Lily went on, adding subtle references to the Sirius, the Teenage Wizard, periodically. By the end of the ten minutes of opening, half of the jury members were in tears, and nearly all of the audience, weeping for Sirius' lost childhood. She had it in the bag, that is, until the prosecution did the very worst thing possible.

"The prosecution would like to call Miss Harold Delaware to the stand, friend of the defendant."

Lily nearly gasped. Harold hadn't been prepared as a witness – who knew what she would say. She turned around frantically, but everyone was looking as upset as she…except for Gerald.

"Do you Harold Delaware agree to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?"

"I do."

"How long have you known Rufus Scrimgeour?"

Lily winced; Harold probably didn't even know that Rufus Scrimgeour was what the Muggles called Sirius. Her perfectly crafted case was going to be shot to pieces. Harold opened her mouth, but her close friends recognized that it wasn't Harold's voice that was speaking, it was Gerald's. It was a high-pitched form of Gerald's tone, but it was unmistakably Gerald, for those who had heard him speak, that is.

"I have known him since my cousin began to star on the show with him."

"Which show is this?"

"Sirius, the Teenage Wizard."

"Has Rufus Scrimgeour ever caused you some sort of harm? Perhaps a joke or a prank?"

"No, he has always been the perfect gentleman."

"Doesn't he have a tendency to overreact?"

"No, he does not."

"Isn't it true that he demolished an entire hotel room worth of furniture."

"No, it is not."

"Where did the furniture from his bedroom go?"

"It was thrown to the bottom of the Beverly Hills Hotel."

"Was he not the person who threw it?"

"No he was not."

"Are you aware that lying under oath is a crime known as perjury?"
"I am well aware."

"Would you like to reconsider your statements?"

"No, I would not."

"Are you sure?"

Lily stood up and spoke clearly to the judge –

"Objection, your honor, this question has been asked and answered."

"Objection sustained. Next question, Mister Jones."

"That is the end of this line of questions, your honor."

Lily turned around to Gerald, and mouthed,

"That was brilliant." Harold, on the other hand, looked almost as confused as she had that day in first grade, when her name was first altered from Pearly Puff to Harold. Lily went up to the stand to present her own line of questions to Harold (really Gerald).

"What is the sweetest thing that Rufus has ever done for your sis – er – cousin?"

"He gave her sixteen and a half long-stemmed roses for her half birthday."

At this, half the room of girls began to flutter their eyelashes and fan themselves.

"In your opinion, what is Rufus Scrimgeour's greatest goal?"

"World Peace." (A la Miss Congeniality)

Here, the more elderly women in the room beamed upon Sirius, who took the opportunity to flash a dazzling smile at the jury.

"That is the end of this line of questions, your honor."

"You may be seated, Miss Delaware."

The judge peered over her spectacles at the prosecution, clearly warming up towards the defendant, and remarked sharply,

"Your next witness, Mister Jones?"

"The prosecution would like to call Elizabeth Dalton to the stand."

Once again, Lily was confused. Who was Elizabeth Dalton? Sirius, however, recognized her immediately. It was the girl who had gotten thousands of dollars of plastic surgery to resemble Lummy. A waft of air passed the members of the front row, but the Judge simply passed it off as a draft. In the meantime, Elizabeth took the oath, looking more bewildered than she had a moment before.

"How are you acquainted with Rufus Scrimgeour?"

"Me?"

"Well, we are asking you questions."

"Umm…I wish I knew him."

"Don't you?"

"I want his autograph. He is gorgeous." The attorney for the prosecution looked quite upset himself – his star witness was flaking out. The female members of the room nodded their heads knowingly, sighing in Sirius' direction.

"Excuse me, Miss Dalton; I was under the impression that you knew Mr. Scrimgeour."

"I wish."

"Do you or do you not know Mr. Scrimgeour?"

"Objection, your honor, badgering the witness."

"Objection sustained. Next questions please, Mister Jones." Attorney Jones looked even more disarrayed and was muttering something along the lines of "blatant favoritism".

"What do you think of him?"

"He is absolutely stunning. His personality – his charm…"

"Your honor, this is the end of this line of questions."

"Miss Dalton, what is most attractive to you about Mr. Scrimgeour? Not physically, my dear," asked Lily, in the most patronizing tone she could muster.

"Just…he's so…honest. You can see it his eyes, like pure truth is falling from them."

Lily snorted inaudibly – Gerald couldn't have fed her better answers than she was spouting right now – truth falling from his eyes?

"Would you like an autograph, sweetie?"

"Oh…could I?" answered Elizabeth Dalton breathlessly.

"But of course – Sir- Rufus Scrimgeour is very generous with his autographs."

"Oh, thank you so much."

"That is the end of this line of questions, your honor."

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Gerald Afbetoqui, the ventriloquist's son, begs you to review regarding his brilliant imitation of Harold's lilting tones.