All sin tends to be addictive, and the terminal point of addiction is what is called damnation. - W.H. Auden
-Crucio-
She did it to her cousin Regulus at a family party.
He wasnt't hurt, not really. She was only testing it. But she felt disappointed when his screams were more because he was outraged than in pain.
Twelve years old, about to start her second year at Hogwarts. She'd heard of the curse somewhere, maybe in a Defense Against the Dark Arts book a fifth year had left lying around the common room. Maybe from her friend Alecto, who was always telling Dark stories.
Maybe he whispered it to her, one night, in her sleep.
It didn't really matter where she heard it, in the end. Father whipped her for it. Regulus was a child, he said, and had done nothing to Bellatrix. I didn't know what it would do, she pled. I don't believe you, he said with the whip. You mustn't. You shouldn't. You're only twelve years old.
Her aunt watched the whipping, and took a crying Bella by the chin afterwards, when her father was gone with his whip and his admonishments. Don't cry, wretched girl. You'll have your chance. Be patient.
The lesson? Not yet.
She never did it in front of the family. She tried it on flobberworms and then on garden spiders. She did it once to Cissy's cat. Never to a person.
Not a Pureblood person, anyway.
She was sixteen when she tried it on a Muggle, a filthy child she'd seen in an alley in London. He flailed and screamed in pain, twisting in ways Bella knew were painful. No one came running. She was not whipped.
She was rewarded, later. In his arms.
-Imperio-
"Cissy, I want those robes."
Twilfit and Tattings had these gorgeous midnight blue robes hanging in the window, and Bella knew she would look wonderful in them. The cost, however, was more than she could afford, after her last trip to Borgin and Burkes.
"They are beautiful. I'll remember at Christmas, Bella, that's not so far away."
Bella gritted her teeth and whispered the word. Narcissa would do her bidding. She would walk in and buy those robes immediately.
Rodolphus loved her in those robes. He loved her more out of them, but that was hardly the point.
The next time, it was theft. She sent Andromeda into their mother's wardrobe for the black diamond pendant that might have once belonged to a distant cousin of Rowena Ravenclaw's.
And then she ordered Professor Slughorn to give her top marks just before her N.E.W.T. She hadn't bothered to study, there were more interesting things to do at Hogwarts at night.
She flicked her wand in Madam Pince's direction and gained access to the Restricted Section. The first thing she picked out was a book that bled unless you gave it a drop of blood first.
There were more interesting things to study at Hogwarts than Potions.
-Possession-
"Rodolphus."
His name was command enough. They had left Hogwarts and it was time for other things, new things.
It was expected. They had been matched at school, and her father wanted it. He'll take care of you.
Auntie pressed the issue. If you don't, people will talk. Take his name, but never forget your real Master.
Bella Black became Bellatrix Lestrange, with Narcissa as her witness. That other one, her filthy blood traitor sister, was banned from the wedding.
She let him touch her, but he was not given permission to control her. Only one Wizard was ever given that power, and that was because he demanded it. Because Bella wanted it.
She got what she wanted. Always.
Rodolphus did everything for his Bella, even casting the Cruciatus once on her blood traitor sister. He threw a Killing Curse at a Mudblood who'd dared serve his beloved wife a summons to the Ministry. That one had been harder to hide, but Rodolphus got such a reward!
-Avada Kedavra-
Before she was allowed the Mark (she was to the point of near begging), she had to perform a chore.
It was almost lovely, the way he told her what he wanted from her this time. She closed her eyes and drank in his voice, kissed his fingers before she Apparated. Anything, my love, she thought.
Yes, my Lord, she said.
He'd made her do things, things she probably would have done anyway but that had more allure when he asked them of her. She tortured villagers, she set fire to shops in Hogsmeade. She poisoned a shipment of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, which went on to kill five before anyone suspected foul play. It was great fun, but it was mundane. Everyday. She wanted more, and he finally summoned her after only a couple of months. Most had to wait much longer.
She appeared at her father's doorstep and let herself be led to his drawing room. The house-elf left to fetch her mulled wine, and Bellatrix shut the door.
"To what do I owe..."
The Killing Curse left her lips before he'd even looked up.
Narcissa was still at Hogwarts for another year, and she would live with Auntie until she came of age. Bellatrix sent the house-elf to tell Auntie a story she would know better than to believe, then Disapparated.
The Dark Mark glittered on her forearm, and she laughed the laugh of the slightly mad.
-Godric's Hollow-
Her ears would not listen. Before Lucius even spoke, the blood rushed and she was deaf to his declaration.
"Bellatrix, he's gone."
They said a child had caused it, a baby. The child of the Prophecy.
She never believed it. Even as she watched her sobbing, stinking cousin cry over the ruins of the house, holding the Potter child with that cut on his forehead, she didn't believe it.
Lord Voldemort was alive.
"You're wrong, Lucius." She hissed as he tried to touch her and ran from him.
She would never give in.
In Azkaban, the worst memory Bellatrix Lestrange relived was of that night, feeling that she had lost him, and feeling she had been disloyal just for thinking it.
-Crucio, Revisited-
That wretched child of blood traitors whaled, and it only infuriated her, making the Cruciatus Curse worse for the parents.
"Where is he!" she screamed, her voice now hoarse.
Alice Longbottom writhed and screamed in response. Her husband Frank (this blood traitor deserves no name, Bellatrix thought, the curse intensifying once more) reached for her and Bellatrix shot the curse towards him.
"Crucio!"
She was sobbing now, and someone had pulled her away. Rodolphus, probably, she didn't know.
Foaming at the mouth and one of them moaning in what sounded like Mermish, the Longbottoms lay on the floor of their wrecked kitchen, their child still crying. Barty walked over and raised his wand, his mouth forming the first syllable of the Killing Curse.
"No, we will leave. Aurors will be here shortly. Leave the child." Rabastan had always had a soft streak for the children.
Rodolphus hooked Bella's arm under his, and they Disapparated.
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END A/N: I wonder if Bellatrix ever feared Voldemort, or just revered him.
Either way, I'm glad I'm not her.
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