Chapter Twenty-Five: Laertes' Lover
Sasha Tsukino (1), the lovely half-Japanese Ravenclaw peered with her striking grey eyes into the sky. Ancient Runes, as upset as she was to admit it to herself, was a bit of a pain. Sasha had adored Remus' film, even though everyone else said that it was something artsy and artificially deep that no one was meant to understand. Even she had admitted that Remus was probably making a load of cash out of it anyway, so it couldn't just be his artistic soul. But there was something sadly poignant about the story of a man who couldn't get out of his ways even when he tried, and just fell back into homelessness, time after time. She wrinkled her nose disgustedly – she was, as Harold Delaware would put it, "a sap".
Remus Lupin was very confident today, something that didn't happen as much as someone might have thought. He had just received another check from the executives at ABC, and he thought that Sasha Tsukino might have just smiled at him. Sirius was playing some horribly elaborate prank with Lummy, because James seemed to have reformed after dating Lily, much to Padfoot's dismay.
"I vote we get Snivelly," remarked Sirius, his mouth full of pancake.
"Alice Finchley," put in Lummy, a surprisingly devious grin on her face.
"You don't like her because she loves me."
"Am I supposed to reply with 'Snape loves me, because I'm good at Potions'?"
"How are you good at Potions? You fancy Slughorn, is that it? You're rubbish at Transfiguration."
"I am not rubbish at it, and I certainly do not fancy Slughorn. Besides, we're ties at Defense, and I think that I'm better at Charms."
"I think we're ties at Charms. We're all tied up, love."
"Where does that put us, then?"
"Both," smirked Sirius, his arm making its way across Lummy's shoulder. She gave him a cocky half-smirk back, and whispered, "I like the way you think, love."
Remus thought that Sirius was too caught up in pranks and Lummy to notice, but Sirius soon came bounding up behind him like the lovable dog that he sometimes was. Sirius pulled his elegant black hair behind his ears, pursed up his lips, and somehow slanted his eyes, and stared at Remus, shrieking,
"Guess who I am?"
"An idiot?"
"No, Saaaaaaaaaaasha Tsukino! And I love you!"
"Honestly, Sirius, grow up."
"No, seriously, she was checking you out for all of breakfast. It was appalling."
"Stop lying to me."
"Moony, she's pretty hot; I might just skive off my date with Lummy and…."
"You're not that stupid. How are things with you and the youngest Delaware?"
"Fantabulous. We are celebrating our five month anniversary soon!"
Remus quirked an eyebrow at Sirius' highly uncharacteristic statement –
"You remember things like that now?"
"Certainly. Anyhow, are you fond of Tsukino?"
"I suppose…in a way…."
"You want to rip her clothes off?"
"So….uncivilized."
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Sirius had received all the information he required. Remus was so easy to fool, sometimes. James and Lily hadn't been acting respectable; they were simply involved in this several step plan to be as visible. And Remus had swallowed it, hook-line-and sinker. Sirius was waiting in the Great Hall for the weekly meeting of the Sirius Black fan club. Sirius had once decided, back in his third year, that instead of having his fans simply taunt his current girlfriends and fawn upon him incessantly, it was far better to create a vast network for him to tap at will. It was said, although it may have been an urban myth, that a high office-holder in the SBFC would be able to get into almost any Ministry department upon graduation.
"Finchley, take roll."
"Very well, Mr. Black," said Alice Finchley, as she took role with extraordinary precision. She was the secretarial assistant, despite her long membership in the organization. Ashley Turpin was this year's president, since she was one of the more intelligent members, even though she had been rather annoyed with Sirius at one point. Hufflepuff Clarissa Waters was Vice-president, although she harbored another crush for Michael Jones, and various fifth and sixth years manned other important positions.
"Alright, today's itinerary consists of discussing possible internship positions over the summer, including cleaning Mr. Black's new apartment, but also a number of them at the Ministry. Also on the list is the new issue of hall protection – there have been a number of atrocious hexes being thrown around. Mr. Black, do you have something to add."
Sirius leaned back on the back two legs of his chair, his hair falling gracefully from his eyes, and drawled,
"Actually, Ashley, I do. And by code sixty-seven of the SBFC handbook, it takes precedence over the other items on your very admirable agenda. I want a complete background check done on Sasha Tsukino." Ashley smiled at his compliment, then became instantly businesslike –
"Frobisher, you want to handle that?"
"How about Quirke takes it – Tsukino is in her house."
"Very well, joint assignment. The usual, Sirius?"
"Hmm, past boyfriends, interests, house, family – especially siblings, mealtimes, classes, grades. That should be enough for now."
"Quirke, get a roommate verification."
"How many days?"
"Sirius?"
"Two days, tops."
"But Ash, I can't get a roommate verification in under two days! She's not in my year."
"Do we have a roommate?"
"Sarah Marsden may be a roommate."
"Why is she not present at this meeting? Finchley?"
"Hospital Wing. I have a note from Madam Pomfrey." Ashley frowned at this example of inefficiency. She turned back to Olivia Quirke, and commanded,
"Ok, I want you to do the primary background check. Find Marsden and get verification tomorrow. Frobisher, tail her. We will reconvene in two days. Dismissed." The majority of the club filed out, some of them ready to fulfill their tasks. Ashley stood and looked at Sirius quizzically.
"I thought you were with that Luhrmalleen now?"
"Jealous, Turpin?"
"Always, Black. But who is the BC for?"
"Remus."
Remus looked over at Sasha Tsukino during Ancient Runes. She was taking notes diligently, the exemplary student. It was very refreshing. Violet Frobisher was sitting behind her, taking notes as well. It must have been a trend…thought Remus, dreamily. But he remembered that Violet wasn't in Ancient Runes. And she never took notes. Just then, Sasha looked over towards him, and gave him a wide smile…which made him forget what he was thinking about to begin with.
The SBFC reconvened, not a full meeting, only those who were required for the background check. Ashley Turpin was sitting at the head of the table, looking businesslike and efficient as usual. She was tapping her foot impatiently as they waited for Sarah Marsden and Olivia. The two ran in, almost breathless. Violet was called to give her report first –
"Schedule is fair to good; her NEWT classes are applicable for a number of careers, including Gringotts curse-breaker and Healer. Favorites are probably Arithmancy and Ancient Runes, a particular pet of Vector's. Two smiles to Remus Lupin on first day of tailing, one in Ancient Runes, and a second in Divination. Lupin appeared to return smiles. I would conjecture that she has a fair interest in Lupin, given her jittery behavior in his presence. Oh, and she takes fantastic notes."
"Excellent, I have notes from the classes you missed. Frobisher, you are dismissed. Olivia?"
"Past boyfriends – not many. Mostly bookish types, one Quidditch player. Last boyfriend was almost one year ago, shall we say unrequited love? Interests – Ancient Runes, of course. I believe she is a Toyohashi Tengu fan, although she knows very little of Quidditch. She had a pet Kneazle, and has some sort of very scarring memory having to do with a Fwooper…" (To everyone's surprise, Sirius blushed), "Her favorite location for a date is the Astronomy tower, but she has some favor for next to the lake. Wizarding family, mother is Russian, father is Japanese. One older brother, graduated three years ago, name Alexei. Not known for beating up her boyfriends. Mealtimes are regular, grades are superb."
Everyone looked at Sarah for confirmation.
"Everything seems tip-top; she's a Ravenclaw prefect, of course. I agree that she is interested in Lupin." Sirius finally spoke –
"What's a good lure?"
"I would have to say that something about homework help would do it, she's a real sweetheart about that."
"Beautiful, ladies."
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Ah, there's Ashley now. "Now then, to review," – Turpin.
(1) This name means "Defender…of the moon," in a very literal sense. Sasha is a Russian nickname for those with the name Alexander or Alexandra – which means "defender" or helper", and Tsukino is a Japanese surname that means "Of the Moon".