Reason to Live

Chapter 8: Comfort under the Moon

March 1st,
Rome's Cemetery,
0600 hrs

(Triela's P.O.V)

It's raining. The skies' raining….Frederick's crying. As if the skies…no...As if everyone is mourning for Koch. His death hits the rest of us; especially Frederick. To the handlers, Koch is like a partner, a friend in combat. A comrade who taught everything he knows to those younger to him such as José, and Hillshire. To us, he's Frederick's caretaker; his handler. To Frederick, he's like his father. Through out his service, Frederick and Koch get along really quick. Frederick receives both of his pistols and his Primary weapons from Koch. Koch taught him every principle he knows about weapons handling. Looking from afar during most of his trainings with Koch, I notice that their relationship is not just between handler and partner. It's more than just frattelos. It's like father and son. Frederick would receive a pat on the back or a rub on his head by Koch when his mission is complete. And Frederick would tell Koch about his mission and what's going on. Sometimes I notice Koch would usually take Frederick out for lunch during Wednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays if there's no mission. Just like Father and Son. Now, those things will be mere memories left behind by Frederick….

Claes, Rico, and I decided to stay behind with Frederick after the burial ceremony. Henrietta and Angelica isn't here today after a direct exposure to Claymore AP mines. They're at the Agency's hospital recovering. We decided to stay longer with Frederick, so Hillshire is waiting for us in the van to pick us up. Meanwhile, Frederick just stood there with no umbrella. The rain pours down gently down his wet hair and jacket as he stares blankly at Koch's grave. I was about to approach him and hands and covers him with my umbrella, but he rejected it and decided to stay in the rain.

"Koch…danke…danke schön…vielen danke…(Koch…thanks...thank you…thank you very much…)" Frederick starts to mumble as he un-holster his rifle, the SG551

"Frederick?" I ask with a little discontent

"It's ok, Triela….guess it's all over…." He rests his main assault rifle Koch gave him in his tombstone; returning it

"Koch….I swear…..I swear I'm gonna' find that bastard…..I'll find him if it's the last thing Ill do!" With that said, he salutes his grave in respect of him. Though I can't see it, I know….I know he's holding his tears….

After our private ceremony, Frederick walk down the hill and heads for the van. Again, I try to cover him with my umbrella; but he rejected it. Hillshire ask me soon after what happened up there. I stayed quite….unable to say a word to him.

(Rico's P.O.V)

"Should we give him a new handler? He's one of the most effective and deadly assassins we have around here."

"Yes Jean, it's true that he's one of the most effective assassins around. But once they stuck with their handler, it'll be difficult to give him a new one."

Jean and Hillshire has been discussing about this over and over after the loss of Koch. After the death of his handler, Frederick turned into a loner. He's awfully quite, spending most of his time in his room alone. The agency can't tolerate it any further. He's an awesome assassin, and the agency knows it. They started thinking of giving him a new handler and hope he'll be back on his feet after a little modification through conditioning processes.

"…..I don't need a new handler…." Frederick steps out of his room after eavesdropping Hillshire's and Jean's conversation

"Frederick, it's for your own good. If you don't have any handler, you'll….." Jean tries to convince him on getting a new handler, but proved useless

"Shut up! Just shut up! I don't need a new handler! Just brief me about the upcoming mission and I'll do it!"

"Frederick!" Jean raises his hand in an attempt to grab his hand and forces him to comply. But Frederick replies with a stronger grip in Jean's wrist

"I said….I don't need a new handler….!" Frederick's grip tightens even more as Jean tries to grab his pistol

"Rico! What are you doing standing there? Shoot him!"

"Well….can you, Rico?" he ask

I froze. I don't know what I should do. For the first time, Jean's order doesn't seem to be absolute. My hand's shaking…..I couldn't….. no….I don't want to…

"S-sorry….Jean….but I can't…." I reply slowly; almost mumbling

"Rico! Do it!"

"I can't….."

"W-why?"

"Because…he's like a brother to me…." I take a deep breath afterwards; glad that I said that

Frederick releases his grip soon after. His face shows a sad little smile towards me before he turns his heads towards Jean and gives him a warning: "If you ever, or if I ever found out you pound her with those conditionings after this, I'll make sure you won't see the sunlight tomorrow!" Jean and Hillshire left afterwards; releasing me back to my room to rest. It has been a long day…

(Triela's P.O.V)

March 1st,
Social Welfare Agency's Dormitory,
0800 hrs

I can't sleep. Frederick has been in my head from morning, and knowing about his status just makes things worse. Now, I'm standing in front of his door after I managed to sneak out of my own room without waking Claes. The night's all starry as I was standing in front of his door; with the moon as the only source of light. My hand's all shaky out of nervousness as I lift my right up to knock on the door. My head keeps on saying 'turn around, he's already asleep', or 'there's nothing you can do about it Triela, just go back to sleep'. But my body won't listen. Slowly, I knock the door twice

"….Who is it?" a reply a voice coming behind the door

"I-its me…..Triela." I answer as I bit my lips

"Oh….it's you….hold on a sec while I unlock the door."

The door unlocks a minute later. Standing by the door was Frederick; still in his usual combat uniform as his room slowly being lit by the moons ray. I was speechless. I wanted to see him, but when I'm able to see him, I couldn't say a word….nothing came out of my mouth except a few garbled words that I myself don't even understand. Eventually, he let me in his room.

"So…what are you doing up this late?" he asks as he makes a cup of coffee

"Well…umm….I'm…just wondering how're you doing…?" he hands me a cup of coffee "Oh…I'm fine…..you want milk in your coffee?"

"Y-Yeah, sure…."

We talk nothing afterwards. After he gives a pinch of milk in my coffee and his', he sat down beside me in his single bed while taking little sips of coffee. The dark room is lit dimly by the moonlight that shines through the window. Looking around, his room's wall is filled with weapons such as the old scoped K98K rifle that he used during the Mansion assault; where he got himself wounded. Then there's two MP40 sub-machineguns he used to use before it got replaced by the SG551 Assault Rifle Koch gave him. Now that rifle is 'returned' to Koch. I don't know what he'll be using next. The StG 44 Assault Rifle, the mother of all modern Assault Rifle can be spotted, untouched. Over in his PC table lays a case where both of his Mauser C96 pistols are stored. Then, over by the window, stands a frame…a picture of us at the Piazza, taken by Hillshire and José using Henrietta's Camera. Hillshire, José, and us; the operatives, have the photos. But only Frederick's photo has his face covered by the misprint…

"Hey…Triela…."

"Y-yeah?"

"To tell you the truth, I still can't accept Koch's death…" he mumbles as he places the cup of coffee in his desk

"…I'll listen…."

He starts talking afterwards. I sit and listen. Frederick's depressed about his death. He can't accept Koch's death. Earlier this evening, Jean and Hillshire, my handler, tried to talk him out about giving him a new handler. He rejected it. He spent his time in his room, eating military rations, polishing his pistols and rifle, disassembling it, and reassembling both his rifle and pistol; hoping for Koch to come into his room and call him for a mission. But he never came…..he's gone…

"Hey…Frederick…." I start after I listen to his story

"You know…if I ever lost Hillshire, I might end up like you. I mean, I'll be depressed; just like you."

"Oh...conditioning results…everyone would be…"

"No, you got me wrong! The other girls….." I pause and take a deep breath "The other girls would've died out of depression…."

"But…Frederick…" I continue "I would've died…"

"…if I ever lose you."

(Frederick's P.O.V)

I was speechless. By the moment she said that, she immediately leap from her seat and embraces me tight; as though not wanting me to go anywhere away from her. I sat still, not knowing what to say or how to say it. Everything seems like a dream come true. Everything turns silent in the room. Only me and Triela, bathe in the moon's light that shines from my room's window.

"I-I know this might be from one of those conditioning process. I got a mixed up feeling with Hillshire as well but please….will you accept it?" She stated. I close my eyes and try to feel her heartbeat

"No, Triela…this is your own true feelings…"

She embraces me tighter. I wipe her tears of joy with my fingers and smile to her as she lifts her head up. We stay in that position for a minute or so, hoping for one of us to make a move. Eventually, we did. I slowly move my head closer to her. Noticing my movements, she responded by moving hers…

And we kiss…but she didn't pull away, perhaps, it was good, but I couldn't tell. My hands crept up to the back of her neck and tilted her head, reaching for her mouth a little easier. It was soft and subtle, but also strong, and passionate. I hardly knew how to kiss. But neither did Triela. So at the same time, we're learning, one inch per second….fingers entwined….body temperature rising…it's the greatest feeling I've ever experienced…

(Triela's P.O.V)

We pull away a moment later, enjoying the feeling we felt earlier. It's the greatest feeling I've ever felt…my first kiss. I don't know if Frederick ever done it before, but this feeling…it's a feeling of bliss….

"I-I better get back to my room now…it's late…" I stood up from my position and head for the door. Part of me wants to stay with him for tonight. But I must go…it's late, and I don't want the girls to find me in his room tomorrow morning

"Triela!"

"Yeah?" I turn around to Frederick as I was about to leave the room. He got up from his position and walks towards me

"Thanks…."

We kiss goodnight before I leave the room and creep up to mine. Lit by the moon's ray, I open the door to my room slowly and close it behind me. Claes didn't wake up. That's good. I creep slowly to my bed, lift the covers, and rest myself in.

"…Just been from Brother Frederick's room…eh, Triela?" I turn my head upwards towards Claes' bunk bed; face red all over. I guess she noticed it after all

"…Yeah…"

"Well, I'm happy that you two are able to get together."

"…Thanks…"

I smile softly as I was remembering what I did earlier with Frederick. The feelings…the kiss…everything seems so…unreal. Touching my lips, making sure if it's true, I close my eyes for my slumber.

"I love you…Frederick."

Author's Note:

Wew! Pulled it off! This chapter is one of the most difficult and complicated chapter I've ever created. Anyways, this is my first time I created some romance scene between two characters (haha). Sister No. 3 (nineixnayes) assisted me on this one. Arigatou! Now... with this chapter finish, the end will be near! I was hoping to write more, but I can't since Sister No. 4 (Penultima) has been forcing me to stop and study (0.o). I might do that…after I finish this story v(0.0)v

Besides, she's still working (excuse me, CREATING) Avatars. So, guess its even (:p)