Chapter Twenty-Seven: Much Ado about Something

Sirius Black was officially the most awesome friend ever. At least, that was the name that his girlfriend had bestowed upon him. Not that she was biased, or anything. The costume ball had been a hit, and Sirius Black had narrowly avoided getting dead drunk on Fire-whisky. Others, however, were not nearly as lucky. Sirius smirked at the thought of Amelia Bones getting drunk.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I wonder what we'll put in the end-of-term speeches?" asked Lily, trying different hairstyles in the middle of the Gryffindor common room.

"Oh damn, I forgot we had to write those."

"That's right…Head Boy," scowled Lily, "I never could figure out how you got that."

"Easy, Sirius and I have the best grades in our year, minus some red-haired chick."

"Why didn't Sirius get it?"

"He has more detentions than yours truly."

"How did he manage that?"

"If you must know…"

Lily grinned, he was about to reveal some juicy secret,

"I must."

"Well, I tried to stop getting into trouble so that you would go out with me."

"What about Sirius?"

"Sirius never seems to have that problem. Actually, the only week he took off was when he was taking over the SBWA."

"Sib-Wa?"

"Well, it was called the Sirius Black Worshipping Association, Ltd. The name was changed after Sirius took over though, to the sensible SBFC: Sirius Black Fan Club. He thought worshipping was a bit much."

"Why does he run his own fan club?"

"It's dead useful, apparently. I'm not sure what he does with it though…he won't tell me."

"Anyhow, what are you saying in your end of term speech?"

"Oh, something about friendship and learning and joy. That sort of drabble."

"James! You have to make something that matters."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remus had just asked Sasha Tsukino out on a date. It seemed only right, he had just kissed her. Only Sirius would snog a lass and then leave her in the lurch. Actually, even Sirius didn't do that anymore, smiled Remus. He never had found out how they did it…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"That was brilliant, sweetheart," praised Lummy, her green eyes glittering.

"She'll never forgive me though."

"How did she get so drunk?"

Sirius snickered, and held up a vial. It was filled with a purple liquid.

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Milbern's finest."

"But mulberry juice can't get you drunk."

"Mulberry juice mixed with hangover cure can, though," smirked Sirius.

Lummy, who was far better at Potions than everyone else in their year, except the greasy haired Slytherin, did some quick antidote calculations in her head and laughed.

"How did you know that mulberry juice not only nullifies, but reverses the effects of the scale of salamander that make the heart of the hangover cure? Oddly enough, the mulberry flavor also twists the dragon claw extract, making it taste better," Lummy mused thoughtfully. Sirius, who had actually just figured this out when trying to make his hangover cure taste less jarring, merely nodded at Lummy's intelligence.

"C'mon, its time for Poisons."

"Potions, love," scolded Lummy, even though she loved his bad puns.

The Potions class had very little to do after NEWTs had commenced. Horace Slughorn actually couldn't think of anything particularly engaging to do. He clapped his hands, and the class came to attention.

"I would like to announce the first ever potions-off."

"A what off?" asked Sirius, cheekily.

"A potions-off. You will be divided into pairs. Each pair will receive the name of one potion. You will have twenty minutes to make it. No books."

Everyone gasped in shock.

"What are the stakes?" asked James, itching to know what he and Lily could get.

"That is for me to know, and you to find out," said Professor Slughorn, who had figured out what he needed to do to get the class to pay attention.

With a flash of his wand, they were in pairs. They were almost the same as they had been the very first day of class, only Sirius was partnered with Lummy this time. Lummy glanced at the parchment in front of her:

Anti-Kater Potion (1)

She smiled, and summoned scale of salamander to the table. Sirius, on the other hand, had finally discovered what he could bring to the Potions team. He would take out some random ingredient or another, and simply transfigure it into what Lummy wanted. Usually such things as "dragon claw extract" could not be merely conjured, but Sirius wasn't the best at Transfiguration for nothing.

Snape was livid. He was the potions Prince extraordinaire, and Narcissa was ruining it all. Instead of handing him ingredients, or stirring, she was staring dreamily into a two way mirror on the table.

"Narcie, could you hand me that silver knife?" he hissed.

"But Lucius, what color will the flowers be?"

Severus finally smacked Narcissa on the cheek. She rubbed a single finger against the red tint on her damask skin, and frowned.

"What was that for?"

"For being an insufferable twit. Now, pass me that silver knife."

"Lucy doesn't like it when you talk to me like that," she pouted prettily.

"Bully for Lucy, then," spat Snape, disgusted that the previously sane Lucius Malfoy would permit his fiancé to give him a girl's nickname.

Remus was mixing the potion dutifully when Harold suddenly noticed that something was wrong. Harold was far better at Herbology and Transfiguration than she was at Potions, unlike her sister, however, even she could see that the cauldron was melting.

"Spattergroit," she shrieked.

It did absolutely nothing to the slowly dissolving container. The potion had begun to drip across the table, sizzling onto the floor. As a last resort, she performed the flame freezing charm. Somehow, this worked. The potion itself, however, was ruined.

Lily Evans was reasonably good at Potions, but James Potter was an insufferable lab partner. Even Sirius was better…dutifully conjuring up ingredients. She was almost done…yes…CRASH!

"James Finckelstein Potter!"

"That's sure as peaches not my middle name."

"Sorry, I needed something long and obnoxious. What have you done?"

"Well…I tripped on the stuff issuing from Remus' cauldron, and I used our potion to break my fall."

"You couldn't have used something else?"

"It was either that…or…erm…you?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Wand's down! Stop stirring! Twenty minutes has elapsed. Now then, I shall now conduct a survey of thy results."

It was an annoying side-effect of Sirius and Lummy's pranks that everyone had adopted some crude variety of old English in their speech.

Professor Slughorn saw Narcissa and Snape's concoction and smiled broadly.

"What a fine whistling solution. Oh, but there's contamination, I'm afraid."

Severus appeared livid –

"Contamination, sir?"

Professor Slughorn pointed to a single strand of fluorescent blonde hair draped over the edge of the cauldron. Narcissa quickly whipped her brush out of sight. Snape gave Narcissa Black a withering stare and swept out of the dungeons, his robes billowing behind him.

Sirius snorted. That billowing charm was so outdated. Slughorn moved around the table to examine Ashley Turpin's swelling and shooting solution. Unfortunately, her partner had been the notoriously clumsy Patrick Sweeney. This was evidenced by the sharp crack down the side of the cauldron. Professor Slughorn beamed down at Lily's potion until he noticed that James' glasses were also in the mixture…slowly dissolving into the draught of Peace.

"Miss Evans, I expected better." Lily flushed, and smacked James when Slughorn wasn't looking.

Second to last were Harold and Remus, but they had already been sent to the hospital wing for the third degree burns they had received from their potion. It turned out that the combination of 'spattergroit' and the flame-freezing charm turned their poorly made potion into a peculiar breed of Ashwinder…which had proceeded to attack them both. Last were Lummy and Sirius, who were rather eager to know how they had done. Professor Slughorn came over to them, paused a moment, and removed a flask of fire-whisky from his pocket.

"Professor?" Sirius asked, alarmed.

"One moment, Monsieur Blaque."

Slughorn, who appeared to have taken a leaf out of Harold and Lummy's book, chugged the firewhisky. Then, with hardly a moment's hesitation, he downed the Anti-Kater Potion.

"Perfect."

"What's the prize, then?" asked Lummy curiously.

"You and Monsieur Blaque shall be the guests of honor and opening attractions to my next Slug Club Extravaganza. All of you present are invited, except for those who are not invited," announced Slughorn pompously. He gave a wave of his wand, and approximately half the class was holding purple and green envelopes in their hands.

"Lummy," said Sirius.

"What?"

"I wish you were horrible at Potions."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(1) Anti-Hangover, according to extraordinarily literal German from an online translator. Please, correct me if I am wrong. In a review, methinks?