Chapter Twenty-nine: An Evening with the Walrus

And so, much to Sirius' dismay, the afternoon passed before he knew what was going on, and his presence was required in Slughorn's dungeon office. Sirius Black strode down the stairs, Lummy on his arm, and appeared in the entrance of Professor Slughorn's room.

"Here you are, my boy. Where have you been? I want you to meet some people," began Horace Slughorn. He suddenly pulled two disgruntled men in Muggle clothes out of thin air to stand beside them.

"Hello," Sirius said gingerly.

"These are two network executives from America. They seemed very eager to talk to you." Sirius heard the words "network executives" and "America" and blanched. He quickly disappeared into the center of the office, and nodded towards the orchestra. Sirius and Lummy began to waltz.

"You know, Lummy, the thing that really gets me about award shows is that they're in bloody December and January?"

"All award shows, love?"

"Muggle ones, anyhow. I was reading about that one with the guy - Omar. Why can't they be in June or July?"

"Omar?"

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"It is rather cute, isn't it?" remarked Lily, referring to Sirius and Lummy's waltzing.

"If by cute, you mean stupid," replied James, much to Lily's dismay.

"I think we should join them."

"My big mouth," lamented James.

"Would you like to dance, Remus?" asked Sasha Tsukino, stunning in light grey robes. Remus couldn't help notice that they matched her eyes perfectly.

"Dance? Yes. Shall I get some drinks? After I get dances, we can drink…no…I mean with drinks to dance. Or you drink, and I dance?"

"Actually, let's just dance. You don't need any drinks," teased Sasha.

"How do you keep getting inside the school all the time?" asked Harold, who was being twirled in one spot by Gerald.

"Passageways. Do you want to be my date to the Oscars?"

"Are there Oscars here? May Oscar was my best friend in sixth grade," began Harold, eagerly.

"Not the Oscar family, the award show."

"But we can't go to that. It's only for celebrities and their guests. Not us."

"We will be though, when Sirius is nominated. Oh, damn. That hasn't happened yet. Would you like a drink, sweetheart?"

Most of the guests had gotten tired of dancing, and as a result, James, Sirius, and Gerald had hidden away in the corner to avoid detection by Slughorn and the American network executives. Remus would have come as well, only he was unable to make any coherent sense, and kept repeating, "Sha-sa, drinks…dance?" As a result, a very amused Miss Tsukino had taken him to the hospital wing.

"Hospital wing, my foot. They're off snogging, the drunken fools," said James, bitterly.

"Lily flower isn't being receptive?" asked Sirius, mischievously.

"Haha, more like Slughorn has captured Lily for himself," remarked Gerald. James whipped around to see that the girls were being entertained by the great Walrus himself, Lily's red hair tossed as she laughed.

"Beat by a fifty-year old man. Sad, James, sad," quipped Sirius.

"I don't see Lummy anywhere."

"She and Harold are booby-trapping the network executives," answered Gerald.

"Mostly just confundus and memory charms, and some handy ink-runners," added Sirius. James looked forlornly into the crowd. He saw a glimpse of a girl with strawberry blonde hair dancing with a boy who was at least three years older than her.

"That's Amy Moran! What's she doing here?"

Without waiting for an answer, he ran over to Amy and ripped the other boy's hand off her. Amy just smiled; she had a good deal of experience with her over exuberant Quidditch captain.

"What's going on? Can third years come to these?"

"Only if they're very well-connected," bragged Amy, mockingly. By this time, Sirius and Gerald had finally caught up with James.

"She's the niece of a certain Josef Wronski, James."

James' eyes were as large as saucers.

"The Josef Wronski?"

"Mmhmm, Quidditch is in my blood. I'm half Irish and half Polish, from my mother's side. Mum almost named me Annika. Can you imagine?"

"Why didn't you try out right away last year?" asked James. It was Sirius, not Amy who answered,

"She was never a very good Seeker, but an excellent Chaser. She thought that dear Uncle Josef would be disappointed. Luckily, she finally saw reason." Amy blushed at the praise. She looked up at Sirius, and whispered,

"Thanks for the Quidditch mitts. And I love the Cannons and the Harpies."

"No need to thank me, those were from your friend Lorentia," blathered Sirius, anxiously.

"Loretta doesn't know anything about Quidditch. Besides, Felicity got a mysterious present too. We're not stupid, you know."

James was still staring into space at the thought of Josef Wronski. Gerald spoke for the first time to Amy as they were getting ready to leave the party.

"Good luck at the Quidditch World Cup, Moran." Amy stared at him wonderingly as the boy left her side.

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Sirius was standing in the center of the room, as though he was waiting for something to happen. Luhrmalleen Delaware strode up to him, beautiful in her pale green robes.

"Your eyes are like the moonlit waters of the Amazon…" whispered Sirius, mock-romantically. Everyone turned to watch in interest at the two.

"…infested with piranha…no?"

"Your barbs pierce mein heart, love."

Lummy looked at him quizzically, and then lay down into his arms, her face white with shock.

"The time has come, Sirius."

"But I thought you had fixed it?"

"How could I, when it was clear that sooner or later, you would pick one of us?"

"It did not have to be so…"

"How could I live onwards, when thy heart belongs to another?"

Sirius let out an odd strangled sound that might have been construed as a side effect of love, but in actuality, Lummy was simply clutching Sirius' neck painfully.

"I do not love her."

"Oh, but you do."

Sirius stood up, and Lummy fell to the ground with a clatter. The people around them looked confused. Sirius waved away their fears with a wave of his wand…which actually just caused funny crystal droplets to surround them.

"Fine. I am in love with Amelia. Art thou happy?"

Lummy stood up, her eyes ablaze with anger (but really amusement), and she picked up a steak knife violently so that the remaining viewers slowly inched away.

"Don't! Your life is not worth so little!"

Lummy laughed wickedly.

"But your life is!"

…and she thrust the steak knife into Sirius, and Sirius dropped to the floor in a pool of blood.

A particularly intense scream issued from amidst the crowd of surprised shrieks. It was Ravenclaw Amelia Bones. She could not walk straight, having had over six shots of fire whisky. Her eyes were streaming with tears. She knelt over Sirius, her tears falling and tickling his face (for he was, of course, still alive). He barely avoided bursting into laughter.

"Oh, Sirius, to think you died for the love you felt for me? I always thought it was a joke," (sob), "But here I am, kneeling over thy departed soul, and it comes to me…a moment too late. Hahahaha…late rhymes with fate…and skate…and gate…and spate…and trait…and Kate…and date…and hate…and wait…and…," said Amelia, somewhat deliriously.

Sirius was almost suffocating now, the fake blood was seeping into his expensive midnight blue robes, and the cane that he had transfigured the steak knife into was actually poking at his side. Not to mention that he had Amelia's tears running all over his face.

"SHUT…UP!" screeched the deceased Sirius. Amelia nearly toppled over in fright. She was staring at Sirius blankly, one long finger pointed in his direction…, and then, most surprisingly, her face broke into a smile.

"I have phoenix tears! I'm part phoenix! I must tell Dumbledore, he will be so surprised," cried Amelia in happiness and bounded out of the office.

Sirius stood up with great difficulty, his clothes stained with blood, a wooden cane clattering to his side. Lummy came up to him coquettishly and kissed him. The remainder of the Slug Club party-goers gasped; they thought they were looking at a dead man. It was going to be a long night.

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I'm part phoenix too! Amelia Bones is rather out of character, getting drunk so much, but she's only doing it for the reviews, love.