A/N: Alrighty, here is the third chapter. I would have updated sooner, but between schoolwork and writing other fanfics, I just didn't get around to it. I also kind of put it off because I still didn't really know what I wanted to have Gorobei talk about. As much fun as this is, it's much easier and smoother for me to right humorous things more than serious, but, it's always fun to try new things.
Anyways, I'm not sure if this will make any sense or not. Also, I don't know if it was even written well. Writing and composition have never been my strong points...I wrote this when I was kind of tired and my brain was overflowing with chemistry junk. Additionally, I have an odd writing style...I don't really plan out anything...At least, I don't write it down...Just the bare bone ideas hover somehwere in my mind until I write it and the details come as I write...So, if it doesn't make too much sense, my apologies and hopefully it will become much more clearer in the chapters to come.
I don't own Samurai 7
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An awkward silence hung around Katsushiro and Gorobei. He did not know where to start since he had no idea how long Gorobei had been standing there listening. The silence made the younger samurai fidget while the elder just stood as calmly as before.
"Katsushiro, how about I just give you an answer and save time?"
A look of pure relief flooded the boy's features as he became more relaxed. That was one of the things the entertainer was great at. His easy and understanding personality made him easy to feel comfortable around.
"Thank you, Gorobei-dono."
"Well, let's see…I suppose the scent of the battlefield would definitely be something beyond anything we could describe fully. But really, I think it is the weight that comes with possessing great skill."
Katsushiro was confused and it was evident by his expression of intense concentration and the look in his eyes that made it clear that he was comprehending nothing. Gorobei chuckled a little at the younger man and at himself. He supposed that did sound a bit odd.
"Okay, how about I put it this way. Katsushiro, you have worked very hard at honing your skills as a samurai, am I right?"
He nodded his head in total agreement, which indicated that Gorobei could move on to the next point.
"What do you use those skills for?"
"To protect those who are unable to do it themselves."
Gorobei had to smile at the idealistic answer and the quickness at which Katsushiro responded. While the young samurai had experienced things that most people his age would never see, especially in the day and age in which they lived, he still retained an air of youthful immaturity.
"And what do you think the consequences are for defending others?"
This time, Katsushiro was a little slower in answering. He paused and began staring at the ground as though that was where his thoughts were hiding.
"What real consequences are there if you are able to protect?…I'm sorry, Gorobei-dono, I'm not really sure…"
The older samurai chuckled and then rephrased the question.
"What is the cost you pay for using your skills to defend someone?"
"…You have to put your own life on the line…To protect somebody else means there is a chance you will not survive…"
Gorobei slowly nodded his head. The other samurai was beginning to understand.
"Right. But the reason you may die is because you fight. You fight and must kill. That is one of the greatest costs of defending others."
Katsushiro was gradually frowning more and more as he absorbed Gorobei's words. He was feeling even more confused than before. Any time before he met the other samurai, he would never have considered the longer-term effects. Now, he became fully aware at how true those words were. To protect the village he had killed.
"When I attacked that soldier that night…All I could think about was protecting the village and Kirara-dono…I didn't even bother to think about the fact that I would have to kill him to do so…"
The young samurai cast down his eyes and his shoulders sagged as realization hit him hard. Gorobei walked over to Katsushiro and place his hand gently on his shoulder.
"We rarely do. When fighting, the last thing on your mind is the realization that you are taking life. It's not until afterwards we truly comprehend what we have done."
"Is that why…Is that why the scent of the battlefield is difficult to bear? Because it's a constant realization of the life you have taken?"
Gorobei nodded his head. He watched as Katsushiro decided to stare grimly at the ground. He smiled and then whacked Katsushiro on the back a few times.
"But don't be so downcast about it. Even though you have taken a life, you were still able to protect."
He smiled merrily at Katsushiro who was at first surprised at the sudden change in tone, but then smiled weakly. Even though he still did not fully comprehend the weight he was feeling after killing, but he did understand that he was able to protect the village and Kirara. That was enough to make the confusion a little worth it.
"Gorobei-dono, is that why you chose to fight? To defend the village?"
The other samurai stared at Katsushiro a moment before breaking out into laughter.
"Of course not!"
Once again Katsushiro was completely confused.
"Remember what I told you and the others when I first met you guys? I said I'm in this because I want to know what it feels like to fight with somebody like Kambei-sama. And so far, I'm having a blast!"
Katsushiro could not believe what he was hearing. He could not wrap his mind around the concept of somebody fighting for the fun and feeling of it. This shock was fairly apparent on his face as Gorobei took one glance at him and began laughing all over again.
"I suppose you think I'm some sort of fool with no regards to a samurai's honor?"
The younger samurai began blushing and was about to defend himself, but was interrupted by Gorobei, who was still enjoying himself.
"Don't worry. Perhaps I am? But you know what? Fighting is a kind of thrill. You gamble your life each time, not knowing whether you will live or die, and that feeling is unlike any other."
"Why would that uncertainty of living be something desirable? I would think it would make things even worse…"
"Ah, but Katsushiro, it is not the uncertainty of life or death that is unbearable, but the uncertainty of taking action. Always questioning your actions is what holds a person back. One of the things that will cause you the most suffering is the question of whether you should act or not and how you should act."
He paused a second as he gathered his thoughts and then began chuckling more to himself than anybody else.
"I never though I would say this, but Kikuchiyo might be somewhat right in the part about thinking too hard. Worrying too much about what you could have done or should have done is what makes you suffer."
Katsushiro looked at Gorobei still confused and increasingly more frustrated.
"Yes, but not knowing whether you will live or die does cause suffering. I don't understand how indecision has anything to do with anything. Isn't that just natural?"
"Of course it is. But what I'm saying is that you cannot hang onto it and never let go. That prevents you from acting and therefore, you might as well forfeit your life."
He looked down at the young man in front of him and sighed. This really was a lot more difficult than he anticipated. Gorobei wondered if it was the age gap. Sure, this age still required fighting, but not the way it had been when he had fought. Katsushiro never experienced the wars so he only knew what he heard from stories, which were some of the least credible sources. He also blamed literature a little. Battle and a samurai's role were too often romanticized which caused the younger ones to gain lofty ideals. True, the honor code of the samurai and his duty to serve was admirable, but in this new reality, it no longer has a purpose.
"Katsushiro, do you regret your actions? Do you regret killing that soldier?"
"…No. I do not regret that action. If I had done nothing, then he would have gotten away and all our plans would have been for nothing if they knew what we were planning."
"Imagine how you would have felt if you hesitated, if you did not strike him down even though you had the chance to? Wouldn't the knowledge that you had the ability to do something but didn't make you suffer more than the weight of killing?"
Gorobei scratched the back of his head thoughtfully as he waited for Katsushiro to answer. He glanced at him and saw the younger samurai in deep thought. After a few moments of silence, Katsushiro answered.
"I think, the failure of doing what should have been done would be worse. It would be better to act and bear the burden of taking a life. Even though I would have to always have the weight of that person's life on my shoulders, I would know that I accomplished my goal…of protecting everyone."
"Precisely! It's the difference between inaction, no burden, and nothing accomplished and action, the burden of taking a life, and accomplishing all you stand for. It is better to take action and mess up then do nothing and achieve nothing. That's the gamble of life and death. As they say, 'nothing risked, nothing gained.'"
Katsushiro nodded in agreement. He had noticeably perked up after coming to an understanding with the older samurai. He was about to thank Gorobei but then remembered something he had been meaning to ask.
"Gorobei-dono…When we first met, you said that I had a scent of blood around me…What did you mean? I had never killed anybody before."
At first it seemed as though Gorobei had no idea what Katsushiro was talking about, but then he suddenly remembered.
"Ah yes… I'm not really sure."
He burst into laughter as Katsushiro about fell over from the answer or lack of one for that matter. After enjoying himself for a while, he calmed down and looked Katsushiro in the eye.
"You know, I can't explain it. But what you had told me and that look in your eyes…Something made me realize that you were somebody destined to become soaked in the blood of others…Seems I was right, huh?"
Again, he could not help but chuckle again. Katsushiro really had no idea why Gorobei found everything so entertaining. That was one of the things he could never understand about him. As though reading his thoughts, Gorobei patted him on the back.
"I guess you still wonder how I can be a samurai yet use my skills for entertainment and joke about everything?"
Katsushiro began to blush in embarrassment again. He decided he needed to learn how to be unreadable like Kyuzo. Gorobei seemed to be able to tell exactly what he was thinking from his expressions alone.
"I'll take that as a yes. I suppose you could say I'm a bit more practical than others. Yes, the high-flying ideals of being a samurai are nice and all, but in this age, what good does it do? I needed something to do so I could eat and survive. And that's the part of human nature we can never escape. We want to survive and are willing to do anything for it. Just some are willing to die a bit sooner than give up their ideals while others will find a practical use and continue to survive. People will do many things to survive."
"But Gorobei-dono, doesn't the weight of all those you have killed make living more difficult?"
"Perhaps it does, but life wasn't made to be easy. Maybe that's why it's more enjoyable to live?"
"How about you though?…Forgive me if I'm being rude, but you seem a little different from what you say…"
Gorobei paused in his laughter to look at Katsushiro curiously.
"Hmm, I guess I'm just not that normal…I've lived long enough and experienced enough to be content with life and now, what else is there except death? The world is the stage of which you perform your whole life. You're still beginning, but I'm at the final act."
He continued to look straight at Katsushiro who looked shocked.
"What do you mean? I hope you don't mean you plan on dying!"
Gorobei put his hands up defensively and chuckled at the younger samurai's outburst.
"Now, now, I never said that. I'm just saying that if I were to die, there would be no regrets. Besides, you've got to realize that this defending the village thing is most likely going to kill most of us."
For some reason unknown to Katsushiro, Gorobei began laughing at his last comment. He was still at a loss as to how to respond to such comments. Then again, he admitted that the other samurai did possess some innate knowledge that he seemed to lack.
"Do you really think so?"
"Yes…But don't get too concerned. We all knew what the consequences were when we first signed up for this gig. Everybody here is prepared to die. Maybe you on the other hand are not?"
"Of course I'm prepared! I would gladly give my life for the village!"
"Don't go getting rash ideas in your head about dying. You're a bit young to be thinking like that…You already proved you're willing to risk your life when you protected Kirara both times. Just don't go out dying without really understanding what it means to sacrifice your life for someone else…Besides, if you died, who would be there for poor little Kirara?"
Gorobei clasped his hands together in a mock gesture of a lovesick schoolchild. His antics proved a little much for Katsushiro who looked like he was about to explode from embarrassment.
"Gorobei-dono!"
He just began laughing all over again at Katsushiro's expense. Today was a good day to be poking fun at the young man.
"Ah, Katsushiro, relax a little and enjoy it and enjoy her company! You're young and have a full life ahead of you. Don't waste it meaninglessly."
Katsushiro was about to respond when he was interrupted by a loud voice coming from the distance. Kikuchiyo was currently yelling and cursing out Kambei was being mean and prejudiced against him. This caused both samurai to chuckle.
"Seems Kikuchiyo wasn't able to get there fast enough. Sometimes, I think he has it right. Whether he realizes that or not is left open to debate though I'm leaning towards the latter."
"Thank you, Gorobei-dono. I think I'm beginning to understand a little better now."
The young samurai bowed deeply and began walking away.
"I better get back to my duties as well."
"Alright, guess that means I have to too…Well, I hope I answered some of your questions…Just don't lose sight. You're a strong boy, I know you'll do it."
Before he could ask the older samurai what he meant, Gorobei was already walking the opposite direction. Katsushiro bowed once again and began walking.
"Oh, Katsushiro! Could you find the Woodchopper for me and tell him Shichiroji-dono was looking for him?"
He turned around and saw Gorobei in the distance yelling and waving. He smiled and waved back to indicate that he would. For the umpteenth time, Gorobei began laughing once again as he walked off.
"What an odd person…But he truly is a skilled samurai…I wonder what he meant by that last part though…"
Katsushiro shrugged his shoulders. He decided he was not going to think too hard about that since he would probably wind up giving himself a headache. Besides, he accepted that Gorobei had odd little quirks, but knew what he was talking about. So, he tucked it away in his mind for later and began looking for Heihachi.
"I suppose Heihachi-dono is working on that ballista…"
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A/N: So what do you guys think? Like I said I would, I wrote a longer chapter...which was difficult since they can say only so much...Anyhoo, I tried to keep the samurais' responses true to their personalites. I dunno, Gorobei strikes me as the more practical one who really does seem to get some really odd enjoyment in fighting and feeling pain...He always looks so drugged up when he gets a scratch or something...Well, like I said earlier, I don't know if this made sense, but in my mind it did...Though, I'm intentionally writing some odd things just because each response builds onto the previous one. So next up, Heihachi! Yeah, that's going to be interesting...