The Time I Said I Love You
It's been just over two weeks since Valentine's Day and things between Bella and I have never been better. I don't know exactly what happened that weekend, but it's as if something changed between us and things can never quite go back to how they were.
When I realised I was going to be away for Valentine's Day I felt so fucking bad, especially as I had completely fucking forgotten too. I knew I would miss Bella while I was away, but I really didn't appreciate how hard I would find it. Every day felt like a year and all I could think about was what she was doing, what she was thinking, whether she was missing me the way I was missing her.
I spent most of Sunday morning scrolling through my phone looking at earlier flights, finally deciding just to book the first one I could feasibly make so that I could get back home, back to Bella. That flight was one of the longest of my life. I was so jittery the poor woman sitting next to me actually asked me if I had a fear of flying.
When I finally landed I couldn't get across the city fast enough to Vipers, my heart beating double-time as soon as I saw the sign for the club down the street. As soon as I walked into that place it was like my eyes were drawn to Bella, as if there was an invisible string that automatically pulled me toward her. I saw her dancing, laughing, and smiling under the lights and had thought to myself that she'd never be able to look more beautiful. Then, she'd turned to face me and proved me wrong, once again. Her smile could have lit up the entire city. I'm sure mine must have been the same because I could feel that I was grinning like a goof.
Ever since that night, it's like I can't get enough of Bella. When I'm with her I can never get close enough, touch her enough, feel her enough, be with her enough and when we're apart, she's never far from my mind. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an idiot. I'm fairly sure I know the cause of my sudden madness.
Love.
Even the thought of it makes my stomach flip flop and my mouth go dry.
Fuck. Am I in love with Bella?
I think so.
You know so, dipshit. If this isn't love, what is it?
The first time the thought had entered my mind was about three days after Valentine's. Bella and I were hanging out at her apartment, eating dinner. She was making me laugh by telling me some stupid story about one of her co-workers. As I watched her laughing so hard she could hardly speak, I'd thought, "I fucking love you right now". Initially, the thought had completely freaked me out and I had ignored it, but then I kept having those kinds of thoughts with increasing regularity.
Despite knowing in my gut that I'm falling in...love...with Bella, I don't feel quite ready to say the words out loud yet. The moment has never felt right. Plus, I'm fucking terrified she might not feel the same way.
Bella and I haven't seen each other since last weekend thanks to Bella's workload increasing and my unsociable work hours but tonight, she's coming over to my apartment and we have the whole place to ourselves. I may have made it plainly clear to Jasper that unless he wanted to spend the entire night hearing Bella and I through the wall, he should make himself scarce and thankfully, he seemed to have the same idea about Alice, so things worked out perfectly for the both of us.
On Friday evening I change quickly out of my scrubs before leaving the hospital and hailing a cab. I quickly duck into the back, out of the cold winter air, before pulling out my phone and typing out a message to Bella.
Hey. On my way home now. Can't wait to see you. x - E
It's sappy and Emmett and Jasper would tell me I was fucking whipped but I don't care. When her reply comes through I care even less.
Hey. Just packing my bag. Can't wait to see you too x - B
I smile like a fucking fool before I lean back in my seat, watching the city pass by the window. Soon enough, we pull up outside my apartment and I get out and pay the driver. I make my way over to my building before stopping outside and pulling out my cigarettes. I light one and take a long drag, leaning back against the wall and trying to avoid the winter chill. As I smoke, I think about what the weekend might hold.
Maybe I'll find the right moment to tell Bella?
How do you know when the right moment is?
What if she doesn't feel the same?
What if those three words kill what we have?
I'm pulled out of my thoughts by a car horn and I quickly stub out my cigarette before making my way inside. I take the lift to my floor before unlocking my door and heading into my apartment. Jasper has already left for his night with Alice so until Bella gets here, I have the whole place to myself. I head to my room, deciding to take a quick shower before she arrives to wash away the smell of disinfectant and cigarettes. I strip out of my clothes before heading into the bathroom, turning the water on and stepping under the hot spray.
As I stand in the shower, I cast my mind back to that weekend when I'd surprised Bella. I think about how she'd looked in that fucking red dress and how she'd felt under me when we got back to her apartment.
She was so fucking tight from behind. Even thinking about it now makes me hard as a rock.
I wonder if she'll let me do it again?
Eventually, I shake my head of dirty thoughts and step out from the shower, toweling off. I'm just wrapping the towel around my hips when I hear a soft knock on the front door.
Shit. I must have zoned out longer than I thought.
I quickly make my way to the door, opening it to reveal Bella. She's dressed in sweatpants and a sweater and she's holding an overnight bag in one hand.
"Hey baby. Sorry, I didn't hear the door because I was in the shower." I tell her as her eyes rake over my half-naked body.
No shit doofus. You're only dripping wet with a towel wrapped around you.
I step back, letting Bella into the apartment. She drops her bag to the floor before kicking the door shut behind her and slamming her mouth to mine. I'm momentarily taken aback by her actions but quickly respond to the kiss with just as much enthusiasm.
Fuck, I've missed her.
I groan quietly into the kiss as Bella slides her hands up my chest, leaving a trail of fire in her wake. Suddenly, she pushes hard against me, pushing me into the wall next to the front door. I let out a grunt as my back hits the hard surface, momentarily breaking the kiss. I wrap one arm around her waist, the other holding my towel before she breaks the kiss, moving her mouth across my cheek to my neck.
"Mm" I moan quietly, tilting my head to give her more room to work. Bella kisses down my neck, sucking gently on the sensitive skin behind my ear.
Oh shit, I love it when she does that.
I feel her move her lips down my neck, along my collarbone, and then down my chest. I let out a groan as she sucks on my nipple, my head falling back against the wall with a thump.
Who is this woman and how can I make her stay forever?
My eyes fall closed as she continues to lavish my chest with attention before snapping open again when I feel her drop to her knees in front of me. I look down and watch as she reaches up, taking my towel from my hand and dropping it, leaving me completely naked in front of her.
"Fuck" I groan as she takes me into her mouth, sucking me deep before bringing her lips back up to the head. She starts an almost brutal pace and soon I'm panting into the air, hissing as she does that fucking amazing thing with her teeth before fluttering her tongue under the head.
"Oh shit" I pant into the air, feeling my orgasm already approaching. I push her hair out of her face so that I can watch, wrapping it around my fist to keep it out of the way.
Holy shit, that's hot.
Bella glances up at me and the sight of her big brown eyes and her rosy lips wrapped around my cock is enough to make me groan and the tingle of my orgasm increase. She increases her efforts, wrapping one hand around the part that won't fit in her mouth and moving it in time with her mouth.
Oh that's so good.
Suddenly, I feel her other hand sliding up my thigh until they reach my balls, rolling them in the palm of her hand. I grunt at the feeling and my hand twists in her hair. I feel her suck on me harder and my legs start twitching with my impending release.
"Oh fuck baby...I'm close" I tell her, my eyes squeezing shut under the pressure. Bella starts sucking harder as she slides her hand further back to the soft skin behind my balls. I spread my legs a little to give her more room and then let out a loud groan as she starts stroking her fingers back and forth, coaxing my orgasm from my body.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck" I pant, my head falling back against the wall. Then, she presses her fingers up slightly into that magic spot while taking my cock deep into her mouth and swallowing around it.
"Fuuuuuuuck" I groan loudly as my orgasm hits me. My entire body tenses and my legs twitch and my hand clenches Bella's hair tightly. I cum hard and Bella swallows everything I give her, only pulling away when I start to twitch at the sensitivity. I feel her stand up as I try to get my breathing under control before I force my eyes open to look at her.
"Fuck" I pant, my mouth hanging open trying to gulp down some air. "Where the fuck did that come from?" I ask her.
"What did you think would happen when you answered the door half-naked?" She says making me laugh loudly.
"Not that!" I tell her, "But I will remember it for another time" I chuckle. Bella rolls her eyes and slaps me lightly on the arm making me laugh harder. She shuts me up by leaning in and kissing me softly. I'm just about to offer to return the favour when her stomach lets out a loud rumble.
"How about I get dressed and order some dinner?" I ask her. She grins at me and nods.
We head into the bedroom, Bella dumping her bag in the corner while I dig through my dresser to find some clothes. I settle on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie before sitting on the side of the bed and pulling out my phone.
"What do you fancy?" I ask her, smiling a little when she rests her chin on my shoulder so that she can read the options.
"Chinese?" She suggests. I smile, nodding. We choose what we want from the menu and I ring it through before telling her it will be ten minutes. "Wanna watch a movie?" I ask her.
"Sure" She says with a smile. I stand from the bed, holding out my hand for her to take. She grins at me, taking my hand before we make our way into the living room. I lean back against the couch, pulling Bella into my chest and grabbing the remote. I flick on the TV, selecting Netflix before handing the remote to her for her to choose.
"What do you fancy?" She asks, scrolling through the options.
"You" I tell her honestly. She laughs while rolling her eyes at me.
"Smooth Edward" She teases, but I see a little blush creep up her cheeks despite her nonchalant demeanor. I chuckle quietly at her.
"I don't mind" I tell her, "Ladies choice."
"Oooo, well, in that case, let's go for something really sappy" She says with a grin, scrolling to the romance section. She scrolls through the options before deciding on a movie. "What about this?" She asks.
The movie is called The Perfect Date and looks like some teen rom-com.
"Oh thank god you chose that one, I've been dying to watch it and didn't know how to bring it up" I deadpan. She laughs loudly at me, making me chuckle in return. "Sure baby, whatever you want."
"Seriously?" She asks. "I was only teasing."
"No no, let's watch it." I insist. She looks at me like I'm crazy but shrugs. A moment later she jumps a little as the buzzer goes, signaling the arrival of our food.
"It's just the food baby" I whisper, moving her off of me and heading to the door. I return a moment later with our food and two beers, placing them on the coffee table before handing out the containers. Once we're settled Bella presses play.
The movie isn't actually that bad, just a little predictable. It follows a guy trying to get into Yale and in order to make extra tuition money, he hires out his services as the perfect date. His first client seems to hate him and is completely different from all the other girls...you can see where it's going. We watch the movie for a while, eating our food and drinking our beers. It's easy and simple and something that I want to do every night. The idea kind of freaks me out but when I glance over at Bella and see her tucking into her food and completely hooked on this stupid, fucking movie, I don't even care.
About halfway through the movie we've finished our food so I move the containers out of the way and tuck Bella into my side, stretching our legs out along the couch. It's at that point that there's a moment in the movie where the main character is hanging out with an old lady. They're discussing her late husband and she describes what she feels real love is like.
When you're meant to be with someone, and they truly are the one, you just sit, start talking and a Beethoven sonata will begin to play.
I think about those words as Bella and I continue to watch the movie. It's like that with her, simple, easy, yet complicated and beautiful and timeless.
I need to tell her.
What if she doesn't feel the same?
I open my mouth to speak, my heart surging into my throat. Suddenly, Bella sits up a little and looks back at me.
Fuck, does she know?
"Want another beer?" She asks.
Oh thank fuck.
"Sure" I say, my voice coming out in a big breath. She looks at me for a moment, one eyebrow-raising a little.
"You okay?" She asks.
"Yeah, course" I tell her. She nods a little before standing from the couch and heading into the kitchen. While she's out of view I take a minute to get myself under control. I scrub one hand over my face just before she walks back in with two beers. She hands me one and I smile gratefully at her. I pop the cap and take a long swig as she settles back against me. The rest of the movie passes uneventfully and soon the credits are rolling.
"That was kinda cute" Bella says quietly, her head resting on my chest. I chuckle quietly.
"I know right. I feel like we should braid each other's hair now" I tease her. She scoffs, poking my side and making me flinch.
"Oh!" She says, poking me again, "Are you ticklish Edward?" She asks, poking me harder as she raises her head to look at me, a wicked look in her eye.
"No" I tell her seriously, my face a mask of calm.
"I don't believe you" She says, poking my sides looking for that sweet spot. Suddenly, she digs her fingers between my ribs and I can't help but flinch away from her with a chuckle. "There it is!" She cries, high from the victory. She presses her fingers harder making me laugh louder. I try to move away from the assault but she swings one leg over my hip, pinning my body beneath her.
"No!" I cry out, laughing as my sides start to ache. She's laughing loudly above me as I try to grab her wrists, pulling them away from me.
"I don't think so! You're mine now!" She cries, bending her body down over mine so her face is close to me and her hands are trapped between our bodies.
"Please!" I cry out through laughter, "Mercy, mercy!" I tell her. She giggles slowing her torture and I can finally catch my breath. As I lie beneath her, my chest rising and falling rapidly, I feel the atmosphere between us change. My eyes flick between hers, so close that she's almost out of focus.
"What are you thinking?" She whispers quietly to me.
"That I..." I nearly say it, I nearly tell her but then the panic sets in my chest and I feel like I might suffocate from it. "That I want to kiss you" I reply quietly.
Coward.
Bella grins at me before leaning in and giving me a slow, soft kiss. Her hands move from my ribs to my chest and then into my hair, holding my head to hers. She moans quietly into my mouth as I deepen the kiss, moving my own hands around her waist. I sit up slightly, moving into a better position which in turn moves her down my hips so that she's positioned directly over my now hard cock.
"Urgh" I groan quietly as she starts to move her hips over me.
"Edward" She moans as my mouth moves to her neck.
"Mm?" I moan back.
"I want you" She breathes. I pull back, looking at her in the eye.
"Yeah?" I ask her.
"Yeah" She says, kissing me hard again. I waste no time, slipping my hands under her ass and swinging my legs over the side of the couch, standing up, taking her with me. Bella wraps her legs around my waist, dragging her tongue along my bottom lip as I stride towards my bedroom. I kick the door closed behind us as her tongue assaults my mouth making me groan. I drop her down onto the mattress gently, feeling her unwrap her legs from my hips and scooting backward up the bed.
I crawl up the mattress toward her, capturing her mouth once more, making her moan. I place a knee on either side of one of her legs, my hands going to the hem of her sweater and dragging it up her body. We break the kiss as her sweater goes over her head. My mouth drops to her breasts, kissing along the tops as I slide one hand under her back and undo her bra. I feel Bella shrug out of the fabric before I latch my mouth onto a nipple. Bella throws her head back with a moan as my hands move to the waistband of her sweatpants. I remove my mouth from her, moving down the bed so that there's more room.
"Lift up" I tell her, dragging the fabric over her ass and pulling them off her legs, throwing them behind me. I immediately return for her panties, leaving her beautifully naked in front of me.
"Fuck" I groan as I look at her. It never gets old, no matter how many times I see her like this.
"Baby, please" She moans.
"What?" I ask her, running my hands from her thighs to her hips, ignoring the place she wants me the most.
"I need you" She moans, her hands meeting mine on her hips and entwining our fingers. That small act makes me feel like my chest might explode.
"How do you need me?" I ask her, unable to stop my teasing.
"I want you inside of me" She whispers. Those words make me feel like my entire body is on fire. I quickly reach back behind my head and yank my hoodie off before standing from the bed and pushing my sweatpants and boxers down in one go. I crawl back up the bed, grabbing a condom from the nightstand and fixing it to myself. I nestle between her thighs before slowly pushing into her.
"Urgh" Bella groans when my hips are flush with hers. I start a slow, steady rhythm, in and out until we're both panting for air.
"Fuck you feel so good" I groan into her neck.
"More" She moans as her legs wrap around my hips.
"More? You want more?" I ask her, lifting my face to look into her eyes. She nods at me, her eyes widening as I increase the speed of my thrusts.
"Yeah" She moans as I thrust into her harder and faster, bringing her closer to release. Despite my own earlier release, I can already feel the tingle of my orgasm at the base of my spine. I lift up slightly, tilting my hips until Bella gasps as I hit that magic spot inside of her. "Oh fuck, right there" She moans as I increase my efforts.
"Yeah, come on baby" I groan, feeling that I won't be able to last much longer. I lean up on one arm, taking one of Bella's thighs in my hand and bringing it forward slightly so she's opened up for me more.
"Fuck!" Bella cries out, her eyes slamming shut as her orgasm hits her. I watch her face as she cums, her eyes screwed shut, her mouth opening in a silent scream. I continue to move inside of her until she comes down from her high, her eyes fluttering open as she looks at me. As we stare at each other, both panting for air, Bella recovering from her orgasm and me chasing mine, I see an emotion flash through her eyes.
"Oh fuck, I'm gonna cum" I groan quietly, my eyes never leaving hers.
"Yeah, I want-" She says but her words are cut off by a moan as I adjust my hips slightly and hit a spot inside of her.
"You want what?" I pant, her eyes finding mine once more.
"I want you" She moans. That's all it takes, those three words.
"Urgh" I groan. "Fuck I-" I nearly say the words but stop myself just in time. It's not that I don't want to, but I don't want her to think it's just something said in the heat of the moment, during an orgasm.
I feel my body seize as my orgasm hits me and my hips move sporadically over hers until eventually, I fall on top of her, heavily, panting for air. I lie there for a moment, trying to catch my breath, feeling Bella's hands stroke up and down my back in a soothing motion. I lift up and look at her in the eye, seeing her give me a small smile. I smile back before moving off of her and disposing of the condom in the bin beside the bed. I roll back over onto my stomach so that half of my body covers Bella once more, needing to touch her, feel her skin against mine.
"What you smiling about?" I ask her as I catch her smiling to herself.
"Nothing" She says with a small shrug.
"Tell me" I say. Her eyes meet my own before she opens her mouth to speak.
"I just like doing that" She says with a giggle. I chuckle at her, giving her a soft kiss.
"I like doing it too" I tell her. She gives me a goofy grin and I feel myself grin back. As I stare at her, I suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of calm.
Tell her.
But what if she doesn't feel like I do?
But what if she does?
Just tell her.
Say it.
Say the words.
Out loud.
"What are you thinking about?" She whispers, her voice cutting through the thoughts swirling around in my head.
Tell her! Right now! Just say it. You want to right?
Yes.
"I was thinking..." I start to say. I feel the panic swirl in the pit of my belly and my heart flutters and my mouth goes dry.
"Yes..." She trails off, her warm eyes meeting mine.
Tell her!
But shouldn't the moment be different?
How?
Aren't the stars supposed to align and fireworks go off or something?
Just shut the fuck up! She's yours, right now, just as she is.
Do you love her?
Yes.
Then tell her.
I clear my throat a little and swallow thickly.
"I was thinking that..." I take a deep breath "I love you".
As the words leave my mouth it's like I'm having an out-of-body experience. My entire body tingles and my head spins and my chest tightens. I watch Bella warily for her reaction. She stays completely still, her eyes flicking between mine.
Oh fuck.
"You love me." She repeats quietly as if the words don't make sense to her.
"Yeah." I whisper. "I love you."
As I watch her face, I see the corner of her mouth twitch up slightly before the most beautiful smile I've ever seen breaks out across her face. It's like seeing a sunrise for the first time in your life.
"I love you too" She whispers back. At that moment, I feel like my entire body could fly on the butterflies in my chest and I feel my own smile break out across my face. It feels like the closest thing to magic I have ever experienced.
"Yeah?" I whisper. She giggles a little before nodding.
"Yeah." She whispers back. I chuckle a little before leaning in and giving her a soft kiss. I feel her smiling against my lips before I pull away, seeing her eyes shining like diamonds. "You really love me?" She whispers.
I laugh loudly. The question seems ridiculous after the internal monologue I've been having but I just nod at her.
"Really. Totally. Completely" I tell her. She beams at me and giggles before wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me into her body, hugging me close. I wrap my arms around her waist, holding her tightly to me. "I wanted to tell you but I was scared." She whispers.
"You did?" I whisper back. I feel her nod against me before I pull back to look into her eyes.
"I was scared you didn't feel the same way." She tells me honestly.
All this time I've been worrying about her not feeling the same way and she's been doing the same.
"I was scared you didn't feel the same way too." I tell her honestly.
"Really?" She asks. I nod slightly, feeling a bit vulnerable at the omission. We stare at each other for a moment before she giggles again. "I can't believe you love me." She says.
"Well I do" I chuckle, feeling so light I wouldn't be surprised if I just floated up to the ceiling.
"Say it again" She whispers a moment later.
"I love you" I tell her. "I love you, I love you, I love you". I say over and over again making her giggle and then laugh as I tuck my head into the crook of her neck, kissing her quickly before pulling back. "Tell me again" I say to her.
"I love you, I love you, I love you" She says to me too. The words sound amazing coming out of her mouth and I just want to hear it on repeat for the rest of my life. "When did you know?" She asks me.
"I think I've known for a long time but the first time I thought it was about three days after Valentine's when you couldn't tell me the story about your co-worker because you were laughing so hard." I tell her, chuckling at the memory. She giggles too. "When did you know?"
"I think on Valentine's Day, when you called me your favourite." She says quietly. I grin at her.
"You're always my favourite" I tell her honestly. She grins at me. "So we're in love with each other." She says after a moment, giggling quietly.
"We are" I tell her, lying down next to her and facing her. We lie there for a long time in the dark, just looking at each other, sharing kisses every now and again. Eventually, I see Bella's eyes flutter closed and her breathing start to even out. I watch her sleep for a long time, thinking about the day.
Who would have thought that the perfect moment would have been lying naked in bed together after eating takeout and watching a stupid fucking teen movie? I almost laugh to myself at the ridiculousness of the situation.
She loves me.
She really loves me.
And I love her.
I grin into the dark until I eventually fall asleep, with a smile on my face, my arms wrapped around the girl I love, my favourite thing ever.