A/N: Alright. Sorry for the delay, but I got in kind of a slump. I had no idea how I wanted to do this chapter. I had ideas but, I trashed those. It was not until I read CH. 40 of Samuraiko's story, The Sword of the Soul. So a big thanks goes to her for writing so great and being an inspiration. Anyways, I finally got around to it. So here it is. Hope you enjoy.
I do not own Samurai 7 in any form or fashion
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Why do I want to be a samurai?
I want to protect those who cannot protect themselves.
Is it really?
Yes. There are no more wars. Many say there is no more need for samurai; that it is better to let them die out. Merchants rule now and oppress the weak.
Does it matter?
Of course it does. The weak are unable to stand for themselves. Samurai serve to protect. So long as there is that injustice in the world, samurai will always be needed.
The others would say differently.
They are wise to this world. They have been samurai for much longer than I. However, the others are jaded from the battles they have fought and undoubtedly seek rest.
I contradict myself.
Then I should no longer pursue becoming a samurai because others tell me so?
I said they were wise to the world.
They are wise, but is their judgment clouded? It has been a long time since they have been my age and have forgotten the burning desire of youth. Were they not once young and restless as I?
Who is to say?
I have no doubts about becoming a samurai. Regardless of what others tell me I must continue forward. If I do not waver, the others will begin to see it anew.
Why the confidence?
Why should I not be confident? A samurai cannot be unconfident; otherwise death is the consequence. I have killed. I have proven my worth. Sensei has acknowledged me as one of the seven samurai to protect this village.
Is this confidence true?
I do not see why it would be false. I know I can face the challenges ahead. I am not afraid to kill. I will not hesitate.
This is what I want?
Of course. Hesitation is not something a samurai knows. I cannot and will not falter in my ways. I will move forward and show that I am a samurai.
Is this really for the village?
Yes. What other reason could there be?
Is it for myself?
No. It cannot. I am not here to protect myself. I am here to protect this village. It is my duty.
I am trying to prove something more than anything.
This is not true. I am working towards freeing this village from the nobuseri. I have already proven myself.
So it is for myself and not the village?
Impossible.
What is more important; the village or my acceptance by the others?
Am I not already accepted? I am one of the samurai. I work, I kill, I am injured. If I were not accepted, would I be allowed to be here if I had not proven myself? That may have been the case before, but at the cave of the Guardians, Sensei acknowledged my worth.
Was it my worth as a samurai or what I might become?
I do not understand. Why would Sensei approve of me if it was not because I am a samurai? I may not understand everything as the others do, but I am still a samurai. Samurai do not need to understand every little detail of the world. Sensei and the others have been samurai since they were my age. They had to learn once too. Once, they were in my position.
Can I really say that?
Why not? They were once young and new. I am positive they had no concept of battle at first. It was something they learned over time. In the same manner, I too shall learn as I am introduced to more battles.
They lived in a time of constant warfare.
Is there not a war now? True, it may not be on the scale of the Great Wars, but it is a war nonetheless. Battles are fought and skills are honed on the battlefield.
I have killed once in desperation. Why so proud?
I…I was able to act in a manner befitting of a samurai.
One kill does not make me a samurai.
But it does not make me a child either. Everything has a first step. The same is for battle. I will start small and as the battles progress, I will become a worthy samurai.
How many battles does it take?
I…do not know. But that is irrelevant. I have already adapted quickly. My sword shall become sharper and cut more easily.
How many more battles will there be?
Who knows? This war with the Nobuseri is far from over. I will learn much from these battles ahead. Then, I shall be prepared to travel the world and use my skills.
Now, battles rarely require a blade.
What is this? What kind of battle is there that does not require a sword? Guns have been becoming more common, but the samurai have shown that the sword overcomes such weapons.
Not all is fought with weapons.
What am I saying? Every battle I have fought involved weapons.
I have not fought in many.
Everything I have heard about the great battles of the wars were fought with weapons. A samurai is nothing without his blade. With the blade, a samurai is near invincible. Have not the others, has not Kyuzo-dono shown that guns are nothing when compared to blades?
I am far from Kyuzo-dono.
I am far…But, one day, I shall become as skilled as he. Then, I shall be invincible. I will be able to fight as a true samurai should.
Samurai are far from invincible.
But with their great skills, they are difficult to kill. Somebody like Kyuzo-dono would not die easily. He will see through this battle. Everything is already easy for him. I want to be at a level where nothing is a challenge.
How do you know that there is no challenge for him?
I have seen him fight. Sensei is incredible. Kyuzo-dono evenly matched him. Things such as simple bandits would not present a problem.
Is it that he is in control and I am not?
I am in control…
That is not what he said.
…My emotions…are not a weakness. It is what burns my passion on and drives me forward. I do not let them get the better of me.
Not that night…Not the fight with Kyuzo-dono.
…I am always blamed for my emotions…Why does nobody bother Kikuchiyo? He is a self-taught farmer. I have been trained to be a samurai. His emotions are everywhere yet he is not blamed. If anything, he was praised.
Because he was a farmer, it makes him more suited than me.
How so? Just because he was once a member of those whom he now protects does not set him over me and exempt him. In time, will he not be the same as me?
Perhaps there is something deeper that sets him apart?
What could there be? Is not my passion just as strong as his? Does it matter for what reasons? Kikuchiyo wished to overcome his status and prove himself as something greater.
He was a farmer. I have always had what I needed. Why do I need to prove anything?
It is not some romantic dream I followed on a whim. This is a true path that I have decided to walk. I knew it would be difficult, but I did not turn away.
What good am I as a samurai now?
The samurai of the Great Wars are getting old. It is soon time for those younger to take up the sword and take their place. Just as they have fought their battles, so too shall I take over and continue that tradition.
What tradition? Was I blind to those in Kougakyo?
No. I saw them. They are not to be called samurai. They became lazy and discarded their honor. If they had any pride and honor left, they would have done something. Again, there is always a battle to be fought.
What of Gorobei-dono?
He still has his honor since he took up the sword. Even though he became a street performer for a while, he realized that he was a samurai and above it.
Did I not pay attention to what he told Sensei?
…He said…he was fighting only because he wanted to fight with Sensei and see what happens…
What of Shichiroji-dono? He was happy not as a samurai, but being with Yukino-san.
I…He…He still took up the blade again, did he not? If he was happy just being alongside her, he would not have decided to join this cause.
He went because of Sensei.
Why does it always come back to Sensei?…He still traveled and continued to fight. He did not just roll over and loose himself as those others.
Is it right to be so harsh? What do I truly understand?
I understand enough. Samurai are always needed. It is a matter of searching. They have lost themselves to the changing age. If they held onto their honor more, they would not have wound up in that position.
They did it to survive.
If they were samurai, they should not be afraid of death in any of its forms. If there were to truly be nothing left for samurai, they should have the decency and honor to perform harakiri.
What right do I have to push my ideals onto others? Would I do that?
Without a doubt in my mind. A samurai is nothing without his honor.
Easy to say when not even close to being put in that situation.
My mind would not change. Whether I was facing death or far from it, my ideals would not change. It is foolish to consider such things.
Is it foolish not to consider it?
I may still be young, and death may be far away in my mind, but that does not mean I need to dwell on it. I just know that I do not fear it.
That is all there is then? If so, then why could Kirara-dono not sense the smell of the battlefield?
What is this "scent of the battlefield" that makes it so important? Sensei says I need to adapt to it. How should I adapt to something I do not know or understand? So, to be a samurai, one needs to have this "scent of the battlefield?"
This is what sets me apart from the others…
"Katsushiro!"
The young samurai heard his name called up and opened his eyes. He blinked a few times before he realized he was still sitting by the streams edge. Looking up to the sky, he noticed that the sun had begun to set low in the sky. Shaking his head to concentrate on the now, Katsushiro stood up and brushed himself off.
As he approached the end of the forest, he saw the other samurai standing behind Kambei. Their silhouettes accented by the fading sun. Gorobei put his hands on his hips and grinned at Katsushiro.
"What have you been up to, Boy? Taking a nap?"
"I was meditating."
"Yeah, I suppose I would too if I had to deal with Kyuzo-dono teaching me a lesson."
Katsushiro blushed at Heihachi's comment. He did not realize that the others knew. He glanced sheepishly at the silent samurai and was greeted by a blank stare. Kikuchiyo blew out a puff of steam as he began laughing.
"The guy said practically nothing. I was just able to tell you know, with my great instincts and all."
"You were able to tell only after I told you Katsushiro was with Kyuzo-dono and when Kyuzo-dono told you as well."
"Told me? When I asked him about Katsu he just said, 'a lesson' and stalked off to do whatever it is he does when we're not looking."
The mechanical did a double take when he looked to his side and noticed Kyuzo's burning red eyes staring straight through him. He chuckled nervously and tried to look the other way, but he still had a feeling he was being watched.
"We're going to survey the village once more as a group. More eyes and heads are better than one."
Katsushiro stared at Kambei a few moments in wonderment, before shaking it off and running up to join them with a small grin on his face. He looked at each of the samurai.
I may not relate as well to the peasants as Kikuchiyo…
The mechanical samurai was steaming at a joke. He pranced around angrily, but in good nature.
I may not have the sense of humor and agility like Gorobei-dono…
The samurai street performer was goading the other on with more jokes.
I may not be skilled with my hands and as justice driven as Heihachi-dono…
The samurai engineer laughed and comfortably walked along side the others.
I may not have the support and loyalty like Shichiroji-dono…
The friendly samurai smiled and walked leisurely besides the leader.
I may not be as collected and disciplined as Kyuzo-dono…
The silent samurai remained as unreadable as ever, always staring blankly ahead of him.
I may not be as skilled and adaptable like Sensei…
The jaded samurai had a barely discernable grin as he walked ahead and patted his companion on the back.
But…
But I am a samurai…No matter what anybody says…This is who I am…No matter the hardship ahead, I will continue to move forward…I am a samurai…I am accepted by the others…I will stand and face the challenge, never backing down…
…Yes…This is what I have…I may not have it now…But soon, I can tell…Soon, I will understand and know the scent of the battlefield…
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A/N: So what did you think? Sorry if there are spelling errors in anything...My brain is very tired and my computer can be evil so I tend to miss things once and a while. This takes place before any of the real drama begins so I couldn't write some things, but I decided to vaguely refer to future events. It seemed to fit in his line of thinking. Oh, if anybody was wondering about that italicsized voice, that was Katsu. Have you ever thought about something and even though you told yourself one thing, there was that little tiny part that would say otherwise? That's what I was going with for Katsu. Trying to supress that little subconscious, that's right a lot of the time, and deny it. I think, probably by the end of the series, little Katsu realizes that maybe the little voice was right...Well, he obviously realizes something. I'm just putting my spin on it. Anyhoo, I'll shut up now. I just hope that you enjoyed reading this because I enjoyed writing it! Thanks for everything!