It had been a week since Natalia had come back from the mission. There must be apparent signs something happened. At least she could feel it: the suspicion; made her hair stand up. The way Kudrin eyed her. It was alerting and she watched her back far more often than she was used to in the Red Room.

Natasha stopped as she heard familiar male voices talking to each other close to Pchelinstov's office. It was the scientist and a handler, Ja- no, the Winter Soldier's one. Something about this meeting didn't make any sense. But, unfortunately, she couldn't eavesdrop on the whole conversation.

"-it is what it is. We need the file, now-" Pchentislov sounded worried; clearly, he wasn't used to being reprimanded and was bothered by the scientist's nonsense.

"It is missing and we need it back. It is vital for the program's success. If it gets into the wrong hands, we can close this department. Am I clear? The Soldier's file is necessary!" He was pretty clear about the instructions. "He arrives here in two days and I want that file found!"

What she heard made her stomach drop. Was this really happening? Things finally came together: Kudrin's gazes, the way people gossiped behind her back...The way they talked about James. Each mention of his name, rank or alias made her heart bleed again.

This was clearly about the file she had stolen from Pchelinstov months or was it years ago? They were searching for it and at least Pchelinstov thought he had misplaced it. This bought her some time. Not much but enough.

Looking back now, she knew it had been a lost cause. It wasn't even worth it anymore. So, why did she think she could help James…even change him for the better? No, he only ever had seen her as a means to an end. He had made that clear. He said that he would have changed it for her, but he didn't. Never would; the truth was so clear. It only made her battled heart hurt like it never had before.

Now, she had to ensure that something wasn't for a lost cause. Another truth was sinking in. The stolen file was her death sentence. So she had to make sure… or at least try to make it worthwhile. To at least make him… James… Winter understood he was more. It felt like holding onto the last straw.

It took her a few more hours to plan everything effectively. Natalia had disappeared to a local market that day to find the perfect hiding place for the files. That day she had been searched by the guards more than necessary. By now, she knew she couldn't simply sneak the files out of the facility unless she disappeared secretly. This was the safest option to go, but Natalia wasn't sure if James could find them outside the Red Room area.

That day she returned with many scarves in different colors and sizes. Again, the guards eyed her suspiciously until she found a group of the girls moving towards their mid-day meal after their ballet classes.

One of the girls pulled Natalia out of her thoughts. "What do you have there, sestra?" she asked her curiously while pulling on the silken fabric. Natalia opened her bag and pulled out a yellow scarf "A little gift for you and the girls." she told the blonde girl. Natalia smiled friendly and placed it gently around Yelena's neck "A little gift from one Black Widow to the next." she winked at her hoping to give her some hope in this triste life.

Suddenly she was surrounded by some girls. They were all asking her questions, trying to be unsuspicious in front of the guards who already eyed Natalia. She was used to it. After all, everything had led up to this plan. In a way, Natalia had made her peace with it. She had lost the battle but won the war, so to speak. It just needed one more sacrifice. The biggest of them all. In a way, it was like one of those American novels she had once found and read. For the leading character to survive, the love interest… no, the best friend had to be sacrificed. She was just a puzzle piece in James Buchanan Barnes' life. But, it would give the protagonist enough drive to do what had to be done. At least, that was how it felt now. It had been great while it lasted- but it hurt too much to think about now.

Afterwards, not only Yelena but a lot of girls wore scarves as accessories around the facility. Natalia tried to use her fondness for the girls as an excellent cover. That helped ease the guards' suspicion of what was happening and hopefully offered her the needed freedom and time. Just one of Natalia's quirks, like the Winter Soldier would've said some time ago. The thought only made her heart ache more. It was a pain that she was growing accustomed to. That she needed to ignore right now for the greater good.

Kudrin walked up to the girls as Natalia handed out more scarves for cover.

"Are you getting soft, Natalia? So soft and fat," the mistress of the Red Room called out in front of the girls and stepped forward, making most girls scramble away in fear of being punished later.

"Excuse me?" Natalia raised her eyebrow and huffed as she noticed the other woman had found yet another way to reprimand her. She even looked down at herself despite herself but saw nothing wrong. "Just leave me alone, Lyudmila. Don't you have better things to attend to than to insult me?"

Kudrin just continued to pierce Natalia with her stare "It's such a shame. Such a waste of potential. Soon you will not be able to just rely on your beauty: fat and ugly."

Natalia ignored that woman's continuous insult and just went on her way. For once, she decided it was better to shut up and just get out of her way.

That night, she cut out a small piece of the remaining four scarves. Those had different colors, so hopefully, he would understand that this meant there was more than just one thing to find. She had left four other fabrics, red, blue, yellow and white. Natalia placed the squares into an envelope and simply wrote 'Find them' on it. Natalia even wrote with her left hand, so the writing didn't look like hers to the untrained eye. She took a deep breath, grabbed the file from its hideout, and divided it into four different packages. Natalia placed one most prominent part back into the folder and wrote Question! - N on the brown paper. Afterwards, she grabbed a piece of paper to write a small letter to him:

Dear James,

If you find this, it means they have found out that I took the file from Pchelinstov and that you have found all four parts of your file... These parts contain everything about you, James Buchanon Barnes. Hence about you. Most of it might shock you (at least, it surprised me a few months ago). But I verified it except for some data and would've loved to show it by sharing this with you personally. Probably should've given it to you way earlier. Sorry about that. Yet life had different plans. The books were really helpful and I hope it helps you remember your previous life. I know you told me not to do stupid things, but I had borrowed this without asking before our first mission - so I did know your name was James. Just do me one favor and remember to question. This was worth it - believe me, I promise.

It doesn't seem like I have much time left, though. It was a real pleasure knowing you and training under you, James. But I know you are more than you believe you are. You are more than their pawn, if you just chose to finally fight.

I love you, Nat.

She placed the letter inside the folder and wrapped it into the red scarf with her two books about Captain America and the Howling Commando. She put a small part of the file into the yellow scarf written solitary confinement on it and another element into the blue one with the note where they first found me. In the last part, Natalia put into the white scarf with a picture of a small alley next to a ballet studio, which was inside the nearby town.

The ballet studio was sentimental to Natalia; she had used to sneak into that building to watch the ballerinas as a child and in that alleyway. Natalia had shot her first person before being caught by the Red Room for killing that security guard. She hoped he would understand the reference of the picture and link it to the alleyway, where she intended to hide the red scarf with its content. Natalia hoped that those small notes would help them find everything. It was the only clue she would be able to leave behind to make it easier for him. He would just need to find the first package - the yellow one. Afterwards, each note would make him go to the right place, like a treasure hunt.

Natalia looked out of her window and waited until it was completely dark. She dressed in dark clothes, hid her blond hair underneath a black cap, and placed the files into a backpack. Her bed was made so it looked like someone had slept in it. In case the guards or Kudrin chose to check on her if she was still asleep. She looked out of her window, waiting until the patrolling guard was gone and jumped out of her window. She closed the window until it was almost unnoticeable ajar. Her heart was hammering against her chest, knowing that she would be dead if someone caught her tonight. Her first reaction was to hurry to James, but she knew it would wake him and she would need to explain herself. For now, he was better off not knowing. It would keep him alive and most likely save him from some pain. Physical pain and punishment, at least.

So she snuck into her old room. The one they had kept her in solitary confinement for years after she had tried to escape. She knew the room like the back of her hand and instinctively knew where to hide it. Natalia went over to the bed and pulled it away from the wall. It screeched a bit, but the loose tile on the ground soon moved as well. A smile appeared on her lips as she saw that the small stack of sweets was still there. Natalia used to steal them from the kitchen and hide them there if they ever chose to starve her again. It wouldn't have been very healthy, but at least it would've kept the hunger away. She placed the blue bundle into the small hole in the ground and put the tile back on it before moving the bed back in place. She knotted a red thread to the lower third of the bedpost, hoping James would understand what he needed to do.

Afterwards, she sighed. Natalia felt relieved that she had placed away the first package. It eased some of her nervousness, but she knew the most challenging part would be to get out of the facility without the guards noticing. But it wouldn't be the first time Natalia broke out of or into and she knew the area very well by now.

So with some luck, she'd managed to do so. Afterwards, she sneaked to the gym area. Natalia went to the old room where they used to spar together. She hoped he would stumble across the hidden documents. Natalia went to the wall where she had accidentally punched it while fighting. She had broken her hand from the force, but it had knocked off the wall cladding. She loosened it again and placed the yellow scarf with its content behind it. The note solitary confinement was securely placed on top of the documents. She placed the cladding neatly back but allowed a tiny part of the red thread to look out of it. This was risky, but Natalia was sure it would strike his eye. Hopefully, he would find it before anyone else.

Now, things would become risky. She would need to get out of the buildings and over the fence to where nothing except for trees and bushes would hide her from the guards. She stepped out and saw the back of a guard. Natalia held her breath hoping the man would continue but unfortunately the man turned around to walk back. He spotted Natalia but before he was able to draw his gun or alarm anyone Natalia had sprinted quietly over to him and knocked him down with a hard punch between his legs. She quickly stood upright and broke the man's neck by pulling his head to the side. She made the dead body sit against the wall so it looked like he made a short break or something. It would give her valuable minutes before the whole Red Room was looking for a traitor or intruder.

She ran out of the hallway and tried to move in the shadows till she was near the fence. Natalia waited several minutes until two guards had passed until she moved quickly and ran to the wall climbing over it and hiding in a bush. Her heart was hammering against her chest as she felt fear creeping into her. She feared running into the same trap again, which she had years ago, knocked her out. The electricity shock had left scars on her ankle as a reminder of why it was dangerous to escape. But she needed to move and ignore the fear. Just to push her father and father. Natalia went carefully to where the guards had found her and dug a hole in the ground. She placed the white scarf with its content and put the soil back on top. On the nearby tree, Natalia knotted the red thread on a twig. It was hidden beneath bigger branches, but she was sure a careful observant would notice the red.

Natalia pushed forward, watching her steps carefully as she slowly made her way through the forest to the city. Her clothes were too thin to walk through the woods in winter, but she didn't care. The cold on her skin and the adrenaline rushing through her veins kept her awake and pushed her. Two hours later, she finally arrived at the village. She tried to behave like nothing was off with her. Her dark clothes might give her away, but she moved quickly to the ballet studio. She walked into the alleyway and looked at the garbage bins where she had shot the security man when she had been so young and inexperienced. Still dreaming about becoming a famous ballet dancer - away from the Red Room and the future that lay in front of her.

She walked up to the loose brick in the wall and removed it. She shoved the red scarf with all its content inside the hole and placed the brick back in place. The last bit of red thread was knotted to the zipper of her backpack. After removing the fabrics from the bag, she placed them in the garbage bins. She hoped James would link every clue together like a puzzle that first made sense. Natalia really hoped it was worth it. The risk, everything. It would be so easy for her to leave and run now. But she couldn't leave James behind.

She stood there until the sun slowly rose, indicating a new day. She moved to the local supermarket and purchased red hair dye. Natalia wanted to face death and Kudrin as herself, not as her cover Sonia. But this time, she took her time walking back to the Red Room. It was likely, they would've noticed her absence already, so why not take some time until sneaking around to face all the consequences.

Natalia sat down on the ground and glanced towards the Red Room Academy before facing the sunrise. She enjoyed the colors, which painted the sky, and the warmth on her skin. It was funny how life worked. They had made her graduate and even become a role model for all these girls; now, she was somewhat on the run from them. She didn't expect to be able to see the next day again. They would dispose of her and Kudrin would look smug as hell for once again being able to thrust her will upon everyone. She shook the thought off as some sort of sadness overtook her. She did fear the outcome of stealing and knew what awaited her, but Natalia was still sure she had done the right thing by stealing them. To help James. To make him remember. He was worth it. She told herself over and over again like a mantra.

Eventually, she broke the sadness and raised her chin. She moved back to the Red Room and into her room. Once inside, she placed the chair against the door knob so they wouldn't be able to enter. Half an hour later, she returned to her red hair and only determination filled her eyes. Natalia had come to terms with her death and welcomed it with open arms. Like an old friend. Making sure James would get all the packages and not get blamed for this was far more critical than her own well-being.

The redhead tried to move unseen to the Winter Soldier's quarters. Only two girls saw her on the way, Yelena and Lina, but a quick finger to her lips indicated to them to stay quiet. At first, they seemed unsure, but slowly they nodded, agreeing. They knew it meant that they had seen nothing.

Natalia continued her way and slipped into James's room. She looked around and placed the fabrics underneath his mattress. It wasn't a good hiding place, but it was good enough for a few hours. She moved some things and made his bed a little untidy so that he would grow suspicious enough to search his own room.

Afterwards, she made her way to the dining area to miraculously appear again.

Author's Note:

Back again! Updated will continue on their regular weekly updates! It's gonna be a great couple of chapters, any guesses what lays in store for these two?

This is the first story of a full series around Bucky and Natasha's unseen past in the MCU. Stay tuned!

Leave a kudos or put it in the comments what you think will happen next or what you loved! It'll be great to hear from you! If you enjoyed the story, feel free to treat me to a coffee on KoFi! ko slash fi dot com slash fatedmuses