Disclaimer; don't own Sonic, believe we would all be better off if I did; fewer stupid plot holes and more original games, better gameplay and this would be a game.

WARNING; contains gun violence, stylised combat, smoking (bad for your health and everyone else's, kids and teenagers) and my best attempt at slapstick humour. Goon hackey anyone?

See bottom for long rant on above subject which hopefully has a point. Smoking is bad, and I'm actually gonna say WHY.

"You often to seem to be the bearer of bad tidings…" said Sabre.

"Like you wouldn't believe." answered Bingo. "I'll ask you again; exactly what is your business here?"

Shadow butted in. "We're here to find Maria! And damned if I let any of you get in my way!"

"Cool it, Shadow." said Sabre. "A young girl in a cryo-capsule is somewhere on this planet, we need to find her. This is personal, Bingo. I'm sure you can understand."

"Well…" said Bingo. "All right, I guess you can-"

"That is not on our agenda." said one of the soldiers, in a cold, emotionless tone. "All unfamiliars are to be classified as potential enemies and detained, or terminated if necessary."

"But- captain, this is Sonic, and Sabre, only looking for someone-"

"So they tell us." interjects the soldier. "I remind you, you are only here as representation of G.U.N. I am in command here. This is my authority." he says, raising his gun.

Then Sonic steps forward. "Just hold on a minute here- I don't know what's going on and I don't really care, we just want to find a lost little girl who G.U.N," he motions to Bingo, "Once tried to kill over nothing but a crazy suspicion."

Sabre nodded in agreement. "You do have a lot to answer for."

"I know." says Bingo ruefully. "I'm not exactly proud of a lot of things my superiors have been up to, but I'm in too deep to quit. And I'm not in control here."

"Affirmative." says the soldier. "Now lay down your weapons and come peacefully."

"What, so you can get our names before you shoot us?" says Sabre. "I don't think so. I know how your kind operates. Whatever country, whatever planet, whatever cause, you gun-toting gorillas are all the same…"

"Sabre…" whispers Rouge. "I don't think this is a good idea…"

Sabre steps back and speaks quietly. "Oh no, it's a brilliant idea. Sonic, Shadow… when I make my move, go absolutely crazy…"

"Captain, I officially object to this…" says Bingo.

"Then you can go with them." says the captain. "Lay down your-"

Then Sabre charges out at the captain and knocks him off his feet while whipping out his laser pistol and activating his signature sky blue laser short sword with a white hilt embedded with a crystal the same colour as the blade. The other soldiers raise their guns, but are then knocked off their feet by two blurs, as Sonic and Shadow heed Sabre's orders and go berserk.

The rest of the Sonic Crew then spring into action, Tails with his gadgets and tail attacks, Knuckles with his fists and martial arts skills, Rouge with her agent training, Amy with her hammer, and Cream directing Cheese as he unleashes Chao wrath on the poor soldiers, Cream apologising to every downed foe. Wildkid blasts and whacks unfortunate soldiers with his Big $&!ing Gun while Teepo uses energy spears, swords and shields to cut down his attackers.

A few soldiers get up and prepare to fire their assault rifles but are then cut down by Bingo, firing his machine gun and signature nine-shot pistol, using considerable hand-to-hand combat skills against anyone who gets too close. But it is Sabre who truly is the star of this fight.

More than a few fighters are impressed by Sabre in battle. He slices the gun of one soldier while firing off a pistol shot at another, then kicks the poor soldier while continuing to shoot and deflecting shots with his sword. He then punches one soldier and then kicks him into another, then as another tries to get him from behind the warrior grabs him, flips the soldier over to knock out another, and grabs his machine gun to fire at several soldiers almost overpowering Amy, then uses the gun to club out two others. He does this all in about two seconds, fluidly, calmly, not even exerting himself. He has fought off much more dangerous and powerful foes.

Amy smashes away three soldiers with her hammer, into Rouge who kicks them away in a blur of motion. The three then fly towards Knuckles, who knocks them all away with one punch. They then collect two more soldiers and fly towards Sabre, who ducks as they just brush over his dark bushy hair and land in a cargo crate, the impact closing the door on them.

Within less than half a minute, the soldiers have all been disabled. Those not dead, unconscious or wounded elected to play possum to avoid further injury from these clearly superhuman demons from hell. Sabre seems to realise this, but says nothing, instead just gathering up their functioning weapons and instructing the rest to do the same, which they then dump into another empty crate and lock the lid.

The captain was originally taken down by Sabre's tackle at the beginning of the fray, and then was knocked unconscious by Cheese charging at him ("Sorry Mister Captain, sir!"). But after the gunshots ceased he started to come around, and woke to Bingo looking down at him looking not too happy.

The agent lifted up the captain by the neck of his combat suit while spinning his pistol in his other hand. "Looks like I have the authority now, insurgent. You ready to obey?" The soldier nodded. "Good. You can start by giving back my smokes. I know you have them, loser. In your right chest pocket, next to the letter from you mummy."

The soldier hastily grabbed the packet of cigarettes from his pocket. Bingo took them and threw the captain to the ground. As the agent got out a lighter, Sabre said "I've told you once and a thousand times…"

"Smoking's bad for my health, I know." said the agent as he lit up his cigarette. "But believe me, right now on this planet, lung cancer's going to be the least of your problems."

Agent Bingo; old-fashioned, sunnies-wearing, customised pistol-toting superspy hero with a few disagreements with his employers. I just love this guy.

But that has nothing to do with is very occasional (usually when highly stressed) smoking; I cannot stress enough, smoking is BAD. It is a filthy, disgusting, highly unhealthy drug habit that involves setting on fire bundles of hundreds of unidentified, noxious, caustic and poisonous chemicals and inhaling the smoke. It is also dangerous; unfathomable numbers of fires are caused by cigarettes every year, and this is likely to increase highly as new cigarettes contain Avgas which makes them highly difficult to put out, which can only result in terrible accidents. It takes only one spark to burn down a city. I know, I pestered my dad for years to give up and he eventually did.

I could go on for pages, but I think that should be enough. If you are stupid enough to smoke, you deserve to die. Just smoke away from people who don't. Only old-fashioned people are allowed to smoke, from back when it was perfectly acceptable and nobody really knew the risks (except the Nazis, oddly enough, but well; go figure). To be honest, I got the idea from Solid Snake from Metal Gear Solid (neither of which I own, just to be sure). Yeah, I know…

Read and Review people! Reviews are the sustenance of life for all novelists and writers of all ages, cultures and walks of life! We all want our writings to be read, and like to know what people think of them!

And don't- shot

Bingo: They get the point already!