Chapter Forty-one: The Name Game

Sirius was quite open-mouthed in shock. This was quite forgivable, however rude, since when one arrives at the family reunion of one's girlfriend, one does not expect to find the wizarding world's worst enemy. But perhaps Sirius hoped too much.

"Hullo everyone, we've got a splendid turnout, every family member who's alive has arrived, and some we didn't quite know about, and everyone brought friends!" began Elder Benjy rather enthusiastically.

Sirius and James began to say something to the contrary, but their girlfriends stopped them.

"We've got to be polite, he's family," hissed Luhrmalleen into Sirius' ear, as she was apt to do when annoyed.

"Some family. I thought mine was bad…actually, mine's here."

And sure enough, there was Bellatrix Lestrange née Black, complete with her husband Rodolphus, and his revolting brother, Rabastan. She seemed to have brought some more of her pals along, including Narcissa's fiancé, Lucius Malfoy, and a Bulgarian wizard named Igor.

"I didn't know they invited blood-traitors to these reunions."

"Actually, apparently, we're both friends of the same family, right, Trixie?"

"I've always detested that nickname."

"Have you?" replied Sirius, grasping Lummy's hand somewhat forcefully, and turning away.

"Now, we've got to get to know each other," suggested Elder Benjy, with an air of candy shop owner with a very delicious sweet.

"Get to know each other? I think I got to know her enough at …"

But Lummy prevented Sirius from finishing his invective statement by clapping a slender palm over his mouth.

"We're going to play the Gaunt family version of the name game. Everyone gather around the table now."

Both Sasha and Lily gave little gasps at the name "Gaunt." When everyone looked at them curiously, Lily whispered,

"Lummy's descended from Salazar Slytherin…"

Sirius did a double take, but pulled his girlfriend closer to him.

"And that shouldn't make a difference to anyone. Let's sit down."

It took a lot to get Sirius actually angry, and this seemed to be one of those times, and everyone seemed to understand that, and sat down.

"Now then, let us all introduce ourselves; say our favorite thing, and our favorite sports team, shall we?"

This announcement was met with some amount of annoyance.

James obligingly began.

"My name's James Potter, my favorite thing is my broomstick, and my favorite team is the Gryffindor Quidditch team, when I was captain, that is."

Sirius throws James a look from two seats down.

"My name's Lillian Evans, my favorite thing is Hogwarts, a History, and my favorite team is Manchester United, of course."

The entire table booed. Muggle sports were not appreciated in this crowd. To be fair, Elder Benjy, Aunt Maia, and Bonaventure did not even know which team she was referring to.

"Mi nombre es Luhrmalleen Delaware, y mi cosa favorita es…"

"Lummy, we're in America now. So, talk English, love," whispered Sirius, knowing that she just wanted to break up the monotony.

"My name is Luhrmalleen Delaware, and my favorite thing is my pair of Omniculars, and my favorite team is the Philadelphia Eagles. Wahoo Eagles!"

"Now say that in Spanish, Lummers," mocks Sirius.

"Mi equipo favorito son las águilas de Filadelfia."

"I hate you."

"No you don't, love."

Elder Benji waited five seconds before he cleared his throat in annoyance.

"Fine. My name is Sirius Black, which, incidentally, is the name of the brightest star in the sky. My favorite thing is the Marauder's Map, and my favorite team is the Gryffindor Quidditch team, when I was captain, darlings."

"Touché," whispered James across the table.

"My name is Sasha Tsukino, and my favorite thing…is the story of the fwooper, the werewolf, and the hag. My favorite team is the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team."

This particular admission received boos from the entire table. This may have had something to do with the fact that there were no other Ravenclaws in the group.

"Filthy players!"

"Can't hold a Quaffle to save their lives!"

"Sneaky bastards!"

"I wouldn't team with a Ravenclaw if my life depended on it!"

Remus beamed happily upon his girlfriend.

"My name is Remus Lupin, which, incidentally, is a rather ingenious clue to my identity. However, I digress. My favorite thing is Magical Photoshop, which I have used to produce my Academy Award winning feature film, Peter's Struggle. If any of you are interested in …"

"Remus, we want an introduction, not a commercial."

"Technicalities. Anyhow, my favorite team is the Toyohashi Tengu."

Sasha returned the smile.

"My name is umm…Pearly Puff Delaware, and my favorite things are feathers. My favorite sports team is the Pittsburgh Steelers. Steelers OWN the Eagles."

Unfortunately, no one else present could make head or tale of this statement other than her sister. Lucius Malfoy looked interested for another reason.

"Are you descended from the Lords de La Warr?"

"Of course."

"Why, they're second cousins of my half-sisters twice removed (1). That makes us family!"

"I was wondering where you got that shock of blonde hair," commented Lummy rather snidely. Lucius pretended not to hear.

"My name is Gerald Afbetoqui Potter, son of the famous ventriloquist, Richard Afbetoqui. My favorite thing is snow gliding, and my favorite sports team is the Irish National Side. They're going to win the World Cup, you know."

"That's a load of trash if I ever heard it," burst out Igor Karkaroff, a half-Russian, half-Bulgarian wizard.

"Anyhow, that's enough interruption, Igor. My name is Lucius Malfoy, as you all must know. My favorite thing is money, and my favorite team is the Slytherin Quidditch team."

"The Slytherin side can't play for crackers, Lucius!" retorted Sirius.

"Only a Gryffindor would say such a thing."

"Stop acting like children. My name is Rabastan Lestrange, and my favorite thing is knitting. My favorite team is the Scandinavian All-Star Recruiting team, and that's that."

"Rabs, you don't even know where Scandinavia is!"

"Sure I do."

"Where is it, then?"

"Between the Atlantic and Pacific ocean, Mo-ron."

"My name is Rodolphus Lestrange, and my favorite thing is beating my brother with a large and heavy stick. My favorite team is also the Slytherin Quidditch team, when I was captain."

"Roldy likes to pretend he was a good Quidditch captain," remarked his wife, rather superciliously.

"I was a good Quidditch captain."

"That's what you think."

"I was a very good Quidditch captain, Trixie."

Sirius smirked as his cousin's own husband used the dreaded nickname on her. He leaned over to James to whisper –

"He's going to get it now. Bella hates being called Trixie."

"Well, my name is Bellatrix Black, and my favorite thing is Muggle-baiting. My favorite team was the Slytherin Quidditch team when I was captain for four years."

"Who's got a bee in their bonnet, now, Trixie?"

However, when everyone realized who was next at the table, they silenced. No one bickered while Lord Voldemort waited.

"My name is Tom Marvolo Riddle, and my favorite thing is collecting objects of great value to others…but of more value to me. My favorite team is the Vratsa Vultures."

"My name is Jude, but y'all can call me Bonaventure. That's a mouthful, folks. My favorite thing is rock fishing, 'cause I catch a lot of fish that way, and my favorite team is the West Virginia University Football team."

"My name is…er… Aunt Maia, and my favorite thing is knitting, just like Rabastan." She beamed at Bellatrix' brother-in-law. "My favorite team is Jude's soccer team."

Half the table didn't speak after this. Both Harold and Lummy were very surprised – what had Aunt Maia managed to say that would confuse so many powerful wizards. Finally, Sasha Tsukino piped up in a very small voice,

"What's soccer?"

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(1) The joke here is that everyone is actually related to everyone else: Lummy and Harold are related to Lucius Malfoy through their father, Drake de la Warr. Sirius is related to Lucius by marriage (or future marriage, since his cousin Narcissa marries him). Bellatrix is Sirius' first cousin, and is married to Rodolphus. Rodolphus is Rabastan's brother. In this manner they are also related to Harold and Lummy by marriage (through Lucius). Sirius, as a pureblood, is thus related to all other purebloods. He is somehow (unknown) related to the actual Gaunt family, or Lord Voldemort's ancestors. Lummy and Harold are related to Aunt Maia through their mother, Selene. Selene is a homonym for "Celæno", the brightest star in the Pleiades Star Cluster. As some of you may know, the Pleiades Star Cluster is also known as the seven sisters, three of which are Selene, Maia, and Merope. Merope Gaunt, or Voldemort's mother, was the dimmest of the seven sisters, because she married a mortal (in Greek mythology). Thus, Lummy and Harold are cousins of Lord Voldemort, although they are much younger. Oddly enough, Jude (Bonaventure) is genetically very similar to Voldemort. Elder Benjy is "the second born of twins" , or the second of the set that consisted to Tom and Benjamin Riddle. (Elder is a poor anagram of Riddle). Tom Riddle, was of course, Lord Voldemort's father. If you go back and read earlier chapters, you will see how the descriptions for Jude are very similar to that of a young Tom Marvolo Riddle. However, back to how everyone is related , James (by the Black Family Tree) , is Sirius' first cousin once removed. He is affianced to Lily Evans, rendering her a relation by marriage. He is a cousin of Gerald Afbetoqui Potter, who is therefore also related. Gerald is of course, affianced to Harold, so he is related through two directions. Igor Karkaroff is half -Bulgarian (pureblood) and half-Russian. His pureblood ancestry traces back to the same lineage as other pureblood lines, but his Russian half is related to that of Sasha Tsukino's (who is half-Russian and half-Japanese). Remus, is possibly the most indirectly related , for although he may soon be related through marriage, he is only a "blood" brother to James and Sirius, for all the Marauders share this deep bond, who are entwined very securely in this family web.