The Time You Told Me What You Wanted
It's been three months. Three months since New Year. Three months since Edward and I had sex as the clock struck midnight. Three months since Edward and I had sex at all.
Yep, you heard that right. Edward and I haven't been intimate in almost a quarter of a year and if I'm honest, I'm getting sick of it. Why haven't we had sex I hear you ask? Because Edward's been given a promotion and therefore has been working longer hours, on more days, making him more tired than normal.
When he was first offered the promotion by Dr Carmichael, we were both so fucking excited. I'd even bounced around the room, squealing, like Alice. I knew he'd wanted to move up in his career for a while and he was really looking forward to working under Dr Carmichael more. They were close and had bonded over Tommie's death, so I got that.
Initially, the workload had increased and I understood that he needed to focus on his new position and give it all he had, that he needed to prove that he deserved to be there and that Dr Carmichael was right to believe in him. But then, a few weeks went by and things didn't let up. He would arrive at the apartment late, often dishevelled from a long day at the hospital. He would eat his dinner before falling asleep in front of the TV before I woke him up and he managed to drag himself to bed, before waking up and doing it all over again.
I'd tried to be patient. I'd tried to be understanding and supportive. I'd even tried to initiate things, not necessarily sex, but just...something. But nothing, he would always say he was too tired or had to be up early or once he even fell asleep! I'd been unbuttoning his pants, about to show him just how proud I was of him when I'd heard a small snore and realised he was out for the count.
Well, not tonight. Tonight, I'm taking matters into my own hands. I'm going to initiate some serious bedroom time, early mornings and late nights be damned. To be honest, it's not just the orgasms I miss, although I really miss those too, it's more the connection, the intimacy. I feel like I'm losing him a bit.
Suddenly, there's a knock on the front door and I'm snapped out of my musings, running to answer it. I open the door to reveal Edward, dressed in jeans and a light sweater. He gives me a weary smile when he sees me.
"Hey baby," He says quietly, giving me a brief kiss before walking into the apartment.
"Hey" I smile. "You look handsome," I tell him.
He looks over his shoulder at me with a slightly confused expression.
"I do?" He asks.
"Yeah" I nod before he chuckles.
"I think I smell like hospitals" He shrugs. I restrain a sigh before telling him that dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes. "Mind if I have a quick shower first?" He asks.
"No, you know where the towels are," I tell him with a smile.
He smiles back before disappearing down the hall to the bathroom. I hear the door close and the water turns on before I turn back to the stove, finish the pasta I've made and lay the table.
A few minutes later, Edward walks back out of the shower, a towel wrapped low around his waist and his hair dripping down his neck. I feel my mouth water and give him what I hope is a sexy smile before walking toward him. He slows his pace before I run my hands up his chest, kissing across his collarbone. Edward chuckles at me before pulling away.
"Let me get dressed, otherwise your dinner will be ruined!" He says, walking towards the bedroom.
"I don't care about dinner" I moan.
"Well I do, I'm starving!" He laughs.
I sigh a little before going back to the stove and draining the pasta before dishing up. I'm just placing the bowls on the table when Edward comes back out, dressed in his sweatpants and sweater.
"Better?" I ask.
"Much" He nods.
We both tuck into our food, talking about his day and all the new things he's learnt from Dr Carmichael. I'm pleased he's enjoying his new job so much, even if it is affecting our sex life a bit.
"So, do you want to watch a movie after this?" He asks.
"Do you think you'll stay awake for it?" I reply. He rolls his eyes at me.
"Yes, I'm not tired at the moment," He says, giving me a little grin.
"Okay," I nod. A movie, that could be the perfect lead-in for sexy time.
We finish our food before I clear away and hand Edward a new beer, grabbing one for myself. We walk into the living room, flicking on the TV before choosing a thriller to watch. As the movie starts, I cuddle into Edward's side, feeling him kiss the top of my head before sipping on his drink.
We watch the movie for a while and I'll admit it's quite good but I can't really concentrate on anything other than the man beside me. I can feel my skin tingling at his proximity and smell his shampoo and body wash in the air. It's a heady mix.
I glance up at him and his eyes are firmly on the TV as he sips his beer. He must feel me looking at him because he suddenly glances down and gives me a small smile. I smile back before he looks away again.
I bite my bottom lip before deciding to just go for it. I place my bottle down on the coffee table before tucking my legs under myself. I turn my head and kiss Edward's cheek, feeling him smile at the gesture.
I move my lips across to his neck, lightly sucking on the sensitive skin behind his ear, moving down until I reach the top of his shirt. I hear him make a little noise and start to feel victorious before he speaks.
"Bella, you're missing the movie," He says.
I freeze, feeling a stab in my gut from the rejection.
Does he not want me anymore? What is it?
I huff a little before dropping back down onto my knees. I cross my arms over my chest and stare at the TV.
"What's the matter?" Edward asks, sounding concerned.
"Nothing" I mutter, focusing my attention on the screen and not the maddening man next to me.
"Bella, there's obviously something wrong, so what is it?" He asks, pausing the movie.
Oh yeah, god forbid he misses a bit.
"Do you not want me or something?" I ask, looking up at him, a frown on my face.
"What? What are you talking about?" He asks, looking completely confused.
"I've tried to start something twice since you got here tonight and both times you've found a reason not to do anything" I argue, standing from the couch and running a hand through my hair.
Edward looks up at me, his mouth hanging open slightly, a frown on his brow.
"I'm sorry, I just thought you'd want to eat the meal you'd taken time to make. And...I thought you were enjoying the movie so..." He shrugs.
"Seriously? I always enjoy the movie" I argue, "That's never stopped you from starting anything before. But recently, anything remotely linked to sex has been off the table!"
"That's not true!" He says, looking a bit pissed off. "I've been working really long days recently, sometimes I get as tired as you do that's all" He shrugs.
"Three months!" I cry.
"What?" He asks.
"It's been three months since we last had sex," I tell him.
There's a beat of silence while we stare at each other. I can see Edward trying to think.
"No, it hasn't," He says quietly.
"Yes. It has. It was just after the new year. That was the last time we did it" I nod. "And even when you do manage to kiss me or half touch me it's..." I trail off, not wanting to hurt his feelings.
"It's what?" He asks, his voice becoming more agitated.
"Nothing." I huff.
"No, it's what? You've obviously got a problem with it so say it!" He says.
"It's a bit vanilla!" I cry.
We stare at each other, the silence in the room deafening.
"Vanilla?" Edward croaks, "What is that supposed to mean?"
"It's you know...vanilla...fine, but not great" I admit.
He stares at me open-mouthed and I can almost see his wounded pride.
"I resent that," He says, standing from the couch and placing his beer down on the coffee table.
For a moment, I think he's going to leave the room but instead, he just paces in front of me.
"How can you call me vanilla?!" He asks. "I thought we'd always had a good sex life?"
"We have, but ever since your promotion we've done nothing and even when we have you've just seemed so...distant, distracted...like you don't really want to be doing anything," I argue.
"Maybe I'm just tired!" He points out.
"I know but you've been tired before" I mumble quietly.
"So, what do you want? What do you want me to be?" He asks, coming to stand in front of me, his face angry.
"I want the old you back. I want you to make me feel desired and wanted. I want to feel like you can't keep your hands off me!" I cry, feeling the prickle of tears behind my eyes. "I want you to show me what you want, that you want me!"
"You want me to show you?" He shouts.
"Yes!" I shout back before suddenly his mouth is crashing to mine.
I'm momentarily taken by surprise before I return the kiss with enthusiasm. I kiss him hard, my hands going to his hair and twisting the soft strands around my fingers. Edward groans into the kiss before pushing me backwards and shoving me into the wall so hard that the shelves next to me rattle.
I feel his arms rest on either side of my head as he deepens the kiss, caging me in before they slide down the wall and wrap around my waist. I moan when I feel him hard against my stomach before his hands move to my ass, lifting me into the air and wrapping my legs around his hips. The movement puts his cock in direct contact with my centre and I whimper at the feeling.
"Is this what you want?" He grunts, his teeth nipping my bottom lip as he moves us up and down against the wall, grinding into me.
"Yes" I moan, my head tilting back at the feel of him after all this time.
Edward's mouth moves to my neck, kissing, licking and sucking a trail down to my collarbone before he pushes away from the wall and strides towards my bedroom. I could almost do a happy dance as my back slams into the hardwood of my bedroom door before Edward twists the knob and we stumble into the room.
He kicks the door closed behind him, his mouth fusing back to mine before he drops me onto the bed, my body bouncing slightly with the movement. I look up at him, hearing my laboured breathing and racing heart before I watch him reach back and rip his sweater over his head.
His eyes move hungrily down my body before he reaches forward, yanking my shirt up and over my head, throwing it behind him. His mouth drops to my exposed breasts, kissing along the tops as he unfastens my bra and tears the fabric from my body.
I groan as his mouth sucks hard on my nipple, my hands running down his chest to his the top of his sweatpants. Suddenly he's moving away from me and popping the button of my jeans, ripping the zipper down so fast I hear it scream in protest before he yanks my pants off so violently he drags me towards him slightly on the bed.
He then shoves his own sweatpants down, leaving him in just his boxers before he shoves those down too, kicking them off. He crawls back over me, kissing me hard and I moan when I feel his cock grind against my cotton-covered pussy, my breathing becoming heavier as he forces his tongue into my mouth.
I feel him blindly reach over to the nightstand, grabbing a condom and wrenching his mouth away from mine. I watch as he tears open the packet with his teeth before rolling the condom down his length, settling back over me.
"You want me to fuck you, Bella?" He whispers, his voice all deep and gritty and dripping with sex.
"Yes," I moan, grinding myself against him and wishing my panties were off.
"You want me to show you how much I want you?" He asks.
"Yes," I moan again before he slams his mouth to mine. I groan into the kiss before squeaking in surprise as he literally tears my panties off of me, ripping the fabric before thrusting into me hard.
"Urgh!" I groan, my eyes rolling into the back of my head.
For a second I revel in the feel of him inside of me after all these weeks, but my ability to think is short-lived because Edward suddenly starts a brutal pace. I moan incoherently, clinging to his shoulders and back as he fucks me into the mattress. I can hear him grunting into my ear as his hips slap against mine erotically.
"Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck" I whimper, feeling like I'm flying and dying at the same time.
Suddenly, Edward leans up on his knees, grabbing my calves and forcing my thighs back against my chest. He fucks me harder and I squeal at the pleasure coursing through my body as he begins rubbing against my g-spot.
"You like this? You like me being fucking rough with you?" He grunts and all I can do is moan in response, panting hard.
"Fuck, I'm gonna cum" I whimper.
"Yeah, fucking cum for me." He groans before he reaches down, rubbing his thumb roughly over my clit.
"Urgghhhh" I scream out, my back arching as I cum hard, flying over the edge.
My vision goes black and my hearing becomes muffled as I cry out underneath him, Edward's hips never slowing their pace. When I eventually start to come down from my high, my eyes flutter open to see Edward still thrusting into me. His eyes are dark, his hair is wild and his body moves above me like water. He's never looked hotter.
He suddenly leans forward, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me upwards. I gasp in surprise before he leans back on his thighs pulling me into his lap.
"Oh, shit" I moan, feeling him slide deeper inside of me.
In this position, I can do nothing but hold on as Edward fucks me like it's his one mission on earth.
"Fuck, look at you," He grunts as my eyes roll into the back of my head and I cry out as I feel my second orgasm approaching. "You gonna cum again for me?" He asks, grinding his pelvis against my clit.
"Yes," I moan, my back arching and my breathing stopping completely as I shake above him with my orgasm.
Edward groans loud and low as I tighten around him but still doesn't stop the movement of his hips. I feel like I'm going to go insane when he suddenly stops his thrusts and rolls onto his back, taking me with him.
"Fuck" I gasp, landing on top of him, my hands going to his chest to steady myself.
Edward looks up at me like I'm his last meal before his hands go to my hips as he lifts me up and down over him.
"Oh, shit" He groans, his back arching and his head tilting back as he moves me over him in quick movements, just how he wants.
I'm groaning and panting, unable to catch my breath as I rest my hands on his chest, feeling his heart pound under my palm. He begins to thrust up into me every time I drop my hips and I can't help but cry out with each movement, feeling him hit even deeper than before. Edward grunts with every movement and the sound is almost animalistic and so fucking hot.
"I want you to cum for me." He groans, his eyes boring into mine.
"I don't know if I can" I moan, feeling like my entire body is humming.
"It's not up to you" He grunts before his hand slides down to my pussy, rubbing quick circles over my clit.
He's right, my body is no longer my own as my back arches and I scream out at the intensity of the pleasure. My thighs tremble and my body shakes as I cum hard, trying to hold myself up by leaning on his chest. I'm breathing hard, as if I've just run a marathon before he lifts me up and off of him, rolling me onto the mattress.
I gasp for air, thinking that it's over when Edward suddenly rises to his knees, crawling over me. His hands go to my waist, flipping me over onto my stomach before grabbing my hips and pulling my ass into the air. He thrusts back into me hard and sends me into a fourth orgasm that has me moaning and twitching around him.
His rhythm is brutal and completely surrounds me. It's all I can feel, think, taste, and hear. Everything revolves around the thrust of his hips, the sweat that rolls from his skin to mine, the sound of his grunts and groans behind me as he fucks me harder, faster. I pant and moan and cry out and groan into the mattress before I feel his hand twist my hair around his fist and pull me back against his chest.
I rest heavily against him, my back arched against his chest as his skin slaps against mine hard and fast.
"Is this vanilla?" He groans, his eyes blazing and making him look like sex itself.
I can't answer. I can't even breathe. I just stare back at him with wide eyes, my mouth hanging open and sweat dripping off my body.
"I said is this fucking vanilla?" He grunts, his free hand going to my chin and forcing me to stare at him.
"No!" I cry. I can feel my orgasm approaching rapidly again and I don't think I can handle another one.
"Fuck" Edward groans, his eyes fluttering and for the first time tonight, he begins to lose his composure. "I can feel you," He says.
I whimper into the dark, my muscles straining from too much exertion.
"Come on baby...cum for me...give me one more" He groans, his hips slapping faster.
"I can't" I sob.
"Yes you can...come on..." He grunts before he reaches down and pinches my clit.
I scream into the dark, my body shaking and writhing against his. My orgasm is so strong it's almost painful and I sob into the air, my eyes squeezing closed as everything fades to black. I don't have a chance to recover before Edward is suddenly pushing me back into the mattress. His hips thumping into me from behind.
I sob into the bed covers, my orgasm going on forever, one cresting into the next. I hear Edward's grunts and groans become more high-pitched and breathing, his thrusts losing rhythm before he roars into the room.
"Fuuuuuuuck" He shouts, his body shuddering behind mine and sending me into one final miniature orgasm. I feel him empty into the condom, his body collapsing into mine until his forehead is resting between my shoulder blades, his hips occasionally twitching and shuddering against my ass.
I can hear him breathing heavily as if he's just run across the city and his hot breath makes my already slippery skin even wetter. I try to catch my breath, the occasional whimper leaving my mouth as I feel him twitch inside of me.
Eventually, I feel Edward move behind me, kissing between my shoulder blades before he pulls out of me and rolls onto his side groaning. I manage to open my eyes, looking over at his face and see his eyes are closed, a small frown between his brows.
"Fuck" He pants before his eyes turn to look at me and I see a mixture of emotions - concern, love, adoration, desire. "Are you okay?" He asks.
I nod, unable to speak at the moment.
"Was it too much? Was I too rough?" He says quietly.
I shake my head finally managing to rein my breathing in enough to swallow.
"Fuck...Edward..." I moan. "I didn't even know you could fuck like that" I giggle.
"Neither did I" He chuckles breathlessly.
"I'm sorry I called you vanilla" I whisper. He chuckles again, louder this time.
"I forgive you." He replies.
I manage to roll onto my side, shuffling closer to him until I can rest my head against his shoulder. He removes the condom, dropping it in the trash can beside the bed before his eyes meet mine.
"I'm sorry I didn't make you feel desired. I'm sorry it was three months too" He says, his eyes sad.
"I forgive you," I say, repeating his words back to him. He gives me a little smile. "And just so you know, you can do any of that, whenever you want".
Edward chuckles, rolling his eyes.
"You like it huh?" He asks.
"I've never felt like that. That last orgasm was borderline painful" I admit. He chuckles again.
"Mine was too" He nods. "I thought I was going to cum just from the way you were looking at me."
"I've never seen you that...desperate before," I tell him.
"I always feel like that around you. I just sometimes forget to show it...or life gets in the way" He whispers.
"Same" I admit.
"Maybe next time you can be the desperate one" He teases.
"Deal" I giggle. "Do I get to rip your panties off too?" I tease. He chuckles at me.
"You can rip my panties off anytime" He nods. I giggle at him. "Are you tired?" He asks.
"Exhausted" I admit.
"Me too," He says, his voice already turning sleepy. "But, when I wake up, I want to feel you again" He murmurs.
I giggle sleepily as my eyes droop.
"Done" I murmur before my eyes close I fall into a dreamless sleep.