"Button it up, Mr. Wade" Mr. McElroy, who had made his way past her, next to Ben, said "You wanna talk to somebody, talk to me"
"I don't like talking to you Byron" Cecilia bit back a snicker
"Not when I have the gun" didn't everyone have a gun?
"No that ain't it. I just don't find you that interesting" both she and the doctor laughed at that.
"Laugh it up, you two. Till he guts you or even worse" the last part was accompanied with a glance back to Cecilia. She got the reference and felt her cheeks heat up.
"I think I made it pretty clear that she's under my protection. Guess also killing the doctor would harm her"
"You? Protecting her?"
"Got rid of Tucker for her, didn't I?"
"Because that's the only way to protect her…"
"Wonders me you know 'bout alternatives. You ever read another book in your life, Byron, 'sides the bible?"
"No need"
"I think Missy here would disagree" he said with a glance at her "Now Byron acts pious. Few years ago when he was under contract to Central, I seen him and a bunch of other Pinks mow down thirty-two Apache women and children"
"Renegades, gunning down railroad men and their families. Picking them off the road, one by one, scalping them"
"You know" Cecilia said, moving Cherry a bit closer to them "As soon-to-be-mother I can tell you that I'd never take my kid somewhere with the intention just to kill people. I don't know much about Apache culture or if there were men involved but I guess it was the railroad men that started the conflict. I doubt the Apache would take women and children with them to just go and kill a bunch of people for fun"
"Exactly my point, Missy. Not even I'd take women or children and would endanger them in a robbery. There was young ones running around, crying and screaming. No more than three years old. You telling me they been gunning down railroad men too? His boys shot them all and pushed them into a ditch. Some of them were still crying"
"Didn't you say 'not a soul taken didn't deserve what it got' yesterday during dinner? You mean to tell me those children were so bad they deserved to die just like that, without a trial, while this man, who is able to see what his actions cause and willingly chooses to kill and rob others gets one?" she glared at the Pinkerton "You remind me of a character in my favorite book. And that's not a compliment, because he's not really one of the nice guys. Do tell, were your parents criminals too that you think the law can do whatever it wants? Oh and besides, that story I mentioned gives you a better guide on religion and how to treat – or not to treat – others than the bible. The bible talks about love of neighbor but also implies that the only people to treat properly are Christian men"
"Now I guess that's what Byron figured as well. That Jesus wouldn't mind because apparently, he don't like the Apache"
"Keep on talking. All the way to Yuma, right up them steps, to the rope, straight to hell"
"Conclusion: he doesn't take criticism" Cecilia muttered to herself.
"Day I die, Byron, I'm getting sprung from hell"
"I might feel the same, if I come from the seed of a drunk gravedigger and the rancid womb of a whore"
"Uh-oh" Cecilia said and saw to it that she got some distance because she wasn't sure how her husband would react but there was no way he liked what Mr. McElroy had just said. Her action proved to be right when Ben grabbed the Pinkerton, yanked him off the horse, so that both of them fell to the ground. Despite having anticipated that, Cecilia let out a short shriek of surprise and around her everyone stopped, so she did the same. They also took out their guns but she made no move, unsure what to do. Then, Ben got up and threatened Mr. Evans with the rifle he had gotten from the Pinkerton, ordering him to drop his weapon before telling all the rest to do so too, before turning back to the rancher to make him drop his second weapon, which he hadn't even drawn, as well. Somehow, she was surprised that he said nothing to her and she wondered if it was because he knew she had not taken out a weapon or because he knew she was no danger to him if she had one. She still had no idea what to do and so decided to wait and see what would happen.
"Now I always liked you, Byron" Ben said, kicking the man on the ground. From the corner of her eye, she saw that Mr. Evans rode towards her and slowly started opening her bag which contained her gun "Dan, if I was you I'd take my hands off Missy's saddle bag and leave her gun alone. And you, Byron, really should learn when to shut up" he told Mr. McElroy, before pulling him back up. Cecilia had to bite back a smile. Sometimes, she found, also Ben should better know when to shut up at times. Maybe herself too when talking to certain people. Somehow, she still was surprised when her husband pushed the Pinkerton down the hill and covered her mouth as she gasped. "Now I think it's time for everybody to go home" he said, facing them again.
"What about the five dollars I paid you to bring me to contention?" Cecilia protested, not sure what else to do although she knew how weird the comment and its timing might appear to the others. But then she looked to the side and saw how someone was pointing his weapon at Ben, ordering him to let go of the rifle. It was the older Evans son, who had already been sent home last night. She felt Ben's glance on her and she swallowed. What did he expect of her? That she took her weapon and pointed it at the teenager or even shot him? Or should she just make a scene so he'd be distracted? Her heart felt like it was beating right in her throat and black dots appeared in front of her eyes.
"Easy there" she heard the Doc as he came over to her "You just focus on breathing. In and out. In and out" she gave a nod and closed her eyes, deciding that not falling off the horse currently was the most important thing. But she opened her eyes again, when suddenly a shot was heard "Just a warning shot from the boy, no one hurt. Breathe" the doctor told her and she closed her eyes again, focusing just on getting air into her lungs and exhaling it. "There that's it. In and out" after a while she opened her eyes "Are you better?"
"Yeah" she agreed and looked around to make out the scene. As it appeared, Ben had given up and Mr. Evans had taken the gun back and was getting everyone else's weapon. When she looked at Ben again, there was a questioning and worried look in his eyes and she understood that this had been why he'd looked at her earlier; because she probably had already been looking not so well. In a way Cecilia was relieved that nothing worse had happened but it could have been the chance for an escape.
"Is she alright, Potter?" Mr. Butterfield asked
"Guess so. But I'd like to examine her later on. Or let her take a break soon" he nodded and ordered everyone to get onto their horses to ride a bit. This time, no one said anything against the rancher's boy coming with them.
About an hour later, Mr. Butterfield decided to have a short break and instantly, the doctor cited her to an examination after she had peed. Everyone else was already waiting on their horses when they returned.
"And?" Ben asked, leaning slightly forward "Both Missy and baby fine, Doc?" despite the joking tone she realized it was a serious question of concern.
"None of your business"
"Well, we wouldn't wanna have her falling off the horse, now do we?" she glanced at him
"I'm sure he'd have forbidden me to continue if I was in such bad shape…"
"So you are fine?" she rolled her eyes
"That's what I just said. Now shut up" under other circumstances she would have liked to give him more details but that wasn't the time.
"What?" she heard Ben ask and saw how the others had been looking at him "Ain't I allowed to be concerned 'bout our guest's wellbeing in contrast to you?"
Somehow, she was glad when they stopped at dusk to spend the night near a little cave. Just like the other night she settled down close to the fire. This time not really because she wanted to read but because she was cold, probably since she was tired. It wasn't before long that Ben asked Mr. Evans to untie one of his wrists.
"Why would I do that? So you can kill us all and flee?"
"No. That I can take off my jacket and give to a pregnant lady who's cold"
"Are you serious?" Mr. Butterfield asked
"Already told you I'm concerned 'bout her wellbeing. That now a crime too, looking out for weaker members of society?" at that, the rancher's son began taking off his own coat "You keep that, kid. I'm used to a life out here. Neither of you is. 'Sides, I die from the cold, less work for you getting me on that train. All it takes is a turn of a key" he held out his hands. Mr. Evans looked at the railroad man who gave a nod before leaning over to her husband and opening the shackle around his left hand. Ben took off his jacket and before he could do something else, the other man neatly cuffed him again "Them shackles wouldn't stop me from killing y'all, you know?" he said before moving closer to Cecilia and helping her put on the jacket.
"Thanks" she just said.
"What's your family doing in Colton, Mrs. Dawson?" Mr. Butterfield asked, making her shrug. Oh well, he would probably always be calling her that instead of Cecilia.
"I don't really know what they're all doing. I mean not all of them are living with my grandparents. Just my father, stepmother and brother" she chuckled "My stepmother told me that my Dad's now working for the Southern Pacific too. He's guarding some tracks there"
"Colton Crossing?
"Yes, I think that's it"
"So it was your father who prevented the shootout at the Battle of the Crossing?"
"He did what?" Mr. Butterfield quickly told her the circumstances and she smiled "Sounds like my Dad"
"I'm grateful for him having been there" she gave a nod
"You see, I was grateful of your old man being in charges of them first payroll coaches too. Made things a lot easier for me back then. But I don't get you, Butterfield. You're glad Virgil Earp made you lose money by letting another company take over your tracks but are grateful he saved lives. Yet at the same time you're more bothered I took your money than killing the agents protecting it"
"Does your family know you're coming?" Mr. Evans asked, ignoring Ben's comment. It took her a while to answer because she was thinking about Ben's statement. He did have a point.
"No. The time was too short. Besides, if I had written them, I'd probably have been there before the letter arrived"
"Do they know you're expecting and that you left your husband?"
"Yeah, they do" in fact, after she had told them about the pregnancy, her father had stopped writing her for a short while.
"And they endorse your decision?"
"I'm not sure. My stepmother does but the rest stopped writing to me after they found out"
"Do you think they'll accommodate you anyways?" Doc Potter asked.
"I hope so" she was certain that if she actually went there, her grandfather wouldn't even let her enter the house. Even if she had only left her husband "I mean, they can hardly send me away, right? I'm sure my father will understand when I talk to him. He does love me and surely just wants me to be happy in the end"
"Will you remarry?" William asked
"I don't know. Can't imagine it right now. But I sure as hell will cut all bonds to Grant"
"Annul the marriage?" the railroad man asked
"Killing him works too, ya know?"
"You stop interrupting the conversation, no one's asked you"
"Missy said she likes talking to me" he said, leaning back a little
"I said I hate talking to Tucker more than talking to you"
"You said you preferred me. Also for marriage" she let out a gasp of fake disgust "Your words, not mine"
"Enough, Mr. Wade" Mr. Butterfield insisted
"Just telling the truth" at this the railroad man glared at her husband, making her chuckle. After all Ben was right. That had been her words and it really was the truth. "Yeah, I think she likes me"
"Well, you thought wrong" Cecilia muttered "I've still got Moby Dick"
"You'd throw it at my head too?" she just let out a snort and because she couldn't think of something to say, she got up, claiming she had to pee when she was asked what she had. "And y'all are gonna let her go alone?" Ben looked like he was on the brink of getting up but the doctor was quicker.
"Can I ask you something?" Potter wanted to know once she was done.
"Yeah, sure"
"Well…. it's occurred to me that you may know him"
"Know who? Besides, where's the question in that?"
"The outlaw, Ben Wade. Something tells me you know him"
"How-how do you think to know?" her heart was beating faster.
"There's many things. First of all, animals are bad liars. His horse knows and likes you - that's obvious. Then I know how you talk about or to people you don't like. Your voice's different when you talk to him, as if it wasn't genuine hatred. The looks you exchange, your little smile when your eyes meet or when he says something. And your humor's similar as are your views on certain topics. You obviously were scared of Tucker or at least greatly annoyed but that's not the case with him. Or how he's concerned about you and your wellbeing. He may play it off but I can sense there's more behind it. He instantly knew when you were hungry, freezing or that you needed to relieve yourself during the day and tried to help you right away. And today, he's come to me to ask more about a breech position and what to do against it. Claimed he heard you mentioning it to Mrs. Evans. Or before he killed Mr. McElroy, he never asked you to drop your weapon although he's seen you shoot Tucker's hat off. Now, I know I could be wrong and this are just coincidences and that there's another explanation for this… but there are also things that made me doubt your story when we first met. A housewife with such a tan? Being mistreated and no traces of it whatsoever? And you really swear a lot, more than some men" she looked down and swallowed
"Oh well, shit. Did you tell anyone about this?"
"Of course not. Even if it was true, I wouldn't let them know" she let out air through her nose in a small snort. Then she gave a nod
"You-you're right. I've never been married to Grant Dawson. He was my fiancé, two years ago. But I already hated him back then because he really didn't treat me well. So I tried to get away from him but the plan backfired when Butterfield's coach to Bisbee I was hiding in was robbed. That's how we met, Ben and I. First, he just wanted to bring me to a train station so I could go somewhere and start a new life. Then I heard about my family being in Colton and decided to join them but finally I stayed. We got married on that same day" she smiled as her hand came to where the wedding ring was around her neck.
"You're married?"
"You didn't figure that?"
"No, I just thought you had to do in the past and now just were friendly with each other or something. That you're part of his gang. Or more of a… lover. Was it forced or did you…?"
"No, all we did - all that happened - was what I wanted too. Only time he tried something I didn't want was within the first 24 hours after we met, he tried to kiss me but I hit him and after that he never tried anything again"
"Is it true, what he said about marriage? How he'd treat his wife?"
"Yes. Most of the books I told you about are from him. Hell, he's even given me a good $2,000 in the time I was in Bisbee. He's always been nice and never hurt me. Well, okay there were accidents when we fooled around, like me trying to hug him from behind and he whipped around and smashed our heads together. Or the time we drunk-danced and he fell on top of me. Stuff like that. The only time I did something he greatly disapproved of he just made me wash everyone's shirts and mend them, while he'd have shot the offender if it had been any of the others"
"Well, I could tell he does care about you. And in a way I'm glad you know him. I mean… we all thought we had to protect you from him but actually he's the one you know best. What about his gang?"
"They know me too of course. I'm friends with some of them. Two or three aren't my biggest fan but they tolerate me and they know they're dead the second they try as much as harming a hair on my head" she chuckled "Though, before Ben and I started courting officially, some did try to woo me. But nothing improper, guess I scared them off when I hit their boss right in the face when he tried something"
"Did you ever participate in a robbery?"
"No. Ben meant it when he said he'd never take women to robberies. Only time I was 'involved' was the one I met them. Although I wasn't really involved in that way. Only a bystander, a 'victim'. I've also never killed or seriously hurt someone. Though I did threaten people with a gun but alas, I'd have never had the guts to pull that trigger. Okay, sometimes I hurt people that tried to hurt me"
"And you're happy?"
"Yes, I am. Although sometimes I know I uh… probably shouldn't love him, abominate his actions or even be scared of him and what he could do…"
"But how did you land in Bisbee then? How did he even react to the pregnancy? I mean… I take it is his child?"
"Yes" she said, placing a hand on her belly "He was shocked at first and needed time. But he never was mad at me or angry. He just knew it would cause trouble. But he said I could and should stay with them – with him – until my condition gets worse and I can't be riding all day. He wanted to get me to Mexico, so people wouldn't ask questions if he paid for everything and that he could come and live with me. But I didn't want to and said I wanted to be in Bisbee, so I would hear more about him and be closer. When he came to Bisbee, he came to see me and bring me somewhere else, where we both could live together. Like settling down and having a more ordinary life together"
"Did he know you were thrown out of the saloon?"
"No, he didn't. It's been a coincidence. That's why I'm here too, you know? Because he couldn't come back to Bisbee to pick me up but like this I'm already travelling with him and if they do get him on the train, the boys will come and take care of me till he's back" she saw his look "What? Did you really think he'd make it to Yuma or further? He's been there before and escaped twice already. And Charlie'd come and get him out if he can't do it himself. I know him" she looked at him "You know, that first night, Tucker fell asleep during his watch and the only reason Ben didn't flee was because he wanted to leave with me and thought I had to get some sleep. He could have left if he wanted but he stayed, for me"
"You know, I thought you were crazy for talking to him the way you did. Now it makes sense"
"Well, I talked to Tucker that way too. But maybe only because I knew that no one would let him hurt me"
"Is that why he killed him? All the things he done to you?"
"And taking his horse too. He does take that personal"
"If you think about it, it's funny how Mr. Evans asked him what he'd know about marriage"
"Yeah, I know, why'd you think I giggled so hard at that?" he chuckled too
"Or all the times you told Tucker you prefer Ben Wade over him and he couldn't believe it. We all thought you were joking…"
"To be honest, Tucker kinda is like Grant was. And back then, I soon noticed that I do like Ben more than him. So maybe even if I hadn't been married to him the statement might still have been true. I mean… I tried to tell myself that it would be better for the woman that her husband is a killer but treats her well rather than him being honest but treating her like shit. I mean what change does it make to the society who she marries? Her happiness is important too."
"I see your point. And you can't choose whom you fall in love with"
"I told you about Billy, my first fiancé… he was not much better. I told myself that probably all men have one big flaw. And women do too, you just need to find one that has a flaw that doesn't… harm you more. Then, I guess, you can…"
"Hey" she heard William call "Doc? Mrs. Dawson, are you alright?"
"Uh yes" she shouted back "Well uh, maybe we should get back. They'll start worrying. Well, one in particular"
"Does he worry that much about you?"
"Did in the beginning and now since I got pregnant. But this is different. It's night and we're in the middle of the Apache land he always avoids…" he gave a nod
"Just that you know, no one will hear a word about this. I'll even persuade them that they're wrong in case someone else starts guessing things"
"You think we're that obvious?"
"Not if you don't pay attention but who knows what else happens on the way"
"Let's hope nothing" she gave a nod and they returned to the rest of the men.