A/N: Hello, lovely readers. Welcome back to another episode of shit-I-have-to-update-it's-been-10-days. Jokes aside, thank you for the new reviews, favs, and follows! I hope this journey has been enjoyable so far :) In case someone is wondering, this story technically is canon-divergence so later on, you will see differences in how events from the game play out...
And that will start subtly in the coming arc in Gaspard. As a heads up, this will last about 3-4 chapters. Yes, sounds incredibly long for a short rebellion that takes up only one chapter in the game. But I have quite a few important things to introduce so look forward to it!
Again, the discord code to the wonderful home of Fire Emblem writers is here: u89gs745fn
[White Clouds]
Chapter 15: Edge of the Storm
Satiana told them everything. There was no holding back once the worst of it was out. Sylvain thought she was joking about being the perpetrator and really, who could blame him? She recounted the details of her life in Caldea and the experiment facility. She took extra care to provide vivid stories leading up to the point where she was thrown into the battlefield of Duscur and stunned them into silence. To her surprise, they listened intently without interjecting and didn't move to report her to the authorities.
At least, that was a good start. It was when her story finished that things rolled rapidly downhill again.
"So let me get this straight," Sylvain started, staring stupidly at her with wide eyes like a gaping Teutates loach. "You're an orphan from Caldea who somehow got kidnapped by a bunch of creepy mages that decided to perform some weird crest experiments on you. They threw you into some arena to fight for your life, trained you to become assassins, then basically told you to go kill the king because why not?"
Satiana flinched at the bluntness of his words. She knew how ridiculous it all seemed, but hearing it straight out of Sylvain's mouth oddly made it sound even more absurd. "You asked for the whole truth, and I gave it to you," Satiana replied, keeping her voice steady. "It's up to you how you take it."
"I don't believe it," Felix muttered, shaking his eyes in disbelief. "It sounds so…so out of touch with reality." He genuinely looked lost for once, and Satiana would've teased him for it if only the situation weren't so dire and grim.
Satiana shot him a wry smile. "I hope I don't sound too cynical for saying this, but you two were born nobles. You have no idea how the rest of the commoners live on the streets. Minus the experimenting part, there are a lot of poor children out there who resort to underhanded means to make a living. Like thievery, for example." She folded her hands neatly on the table. "My story only sounds so special and unique to you guys because you haven't seen it with your own eyes. The empty streets. The starving children. The cries for help. We don't have any other choice than to do whatever it takes to survive."
She paused for dramatic effect, exhaling loudly. "If I didn't meet Jeralt, perhaps I would've shoved that knife into your throat, Felix."
Felix's weary eyes slowly met hers.
"Actually, I'm sure I would've done it. The me before I met Jeralt was no different than what you described me as: a beast craving for blood to survive," Satiana breathed a laugh, her inner cynic trying to burst forth. "That's why I was so angry. Because you were speaking nothing but the undeniable truth."
Sylvain frowned. "Satiana, you had no choice. If you really lived the life you told us, it wouldn't be surprising if you ended up that way."
"Sorry, but I don't need any consolation," Satiana's gaze flickered up to meet pity-filled brown orbs. "I've heard enough of those sweet lies from Jeralt and Byleth. Nothing will ever change the fact that I committed atrocious acts with my own hands, and I will bear the pain and guilt until the day I die," she spoke sternly, eyes blazing with determination.
Then, she placed her hands on her knees and bowed her head down in front of the two. "Please give me some time. After I'm done repaying my debts to Jeralt and sir Rodrigue, I'll gladly accept whatever punishment awaits. But right now, there is something important I have to do, even if it costs me this worthless life of mine."
"Woah, Satiana! You don't need to bow your head down to us," Sylvain raised his voice as he floundered in his seat, waving his hands in the air. "We're not going to turn you in. Right, Felix?" He turned to his friend for help, pleading with his eyes.
As expected, Felix ignored the silent pleas. He fixed his gaze on the top of Satiana's head, a complicated whirlwind of emotions rising up his chest. He chewed over a thought, eyes gleaming with genuine curiosity. "What is it that you need to do?" he eventually asked, voice calm and collected.
Satiana lifted her head, blue eyes smoldering with white embers underneath the silvery moonlight. "I asked for death when Jeralt found me lying on the ground, but he refused. Then, I asked your father for punishment, but he gave me a chance to redeem myself. Now, there's only one thing I want from the bottom of my heart: to deliver justice on those wicked ones laughing in the dark at Fodlan's miseries." She clenched her fists, voice trembling with deep emotion. "I'm tired of being helpless — of being nothing but an ignorant puppet on a string. I want to act on my own accord from now on. Fight for what I believe is the right thing to do."
There was a lull in the conversation after Satiana's proclamation. They lapsed in silence, the quietness blanketing their atmosphere.
Felix stared at Satiana with a tight lump wedged in his throat. He didn't know if he was still shocked, mad, or upset at the realization resting heavily on his shoulders, crushing the air from his lungs. If Satiana's story was true, Felix was sitting across what should've been the bane of his existence — one of the people involved in the incident that killed his brother, turned his best friend into a savage beast, and destroyed his relationship with his father. There was nothing to forgive about it, and if Satiana had started crying in tears, begging for mercy, he would've stood up and stabbed the sword into her neck.
But she didn't. Again, she defied all of his expectations, turned his world upside down with her declarations, and made him feel uncomfortable under those captivating blue eyes with so much clarity and sincerity.
Because no matter how much he barraged her with spiteful remarks and accusations, she was determined to live with them all in the end.
His mind felt blank. There were so many words he had prepared in his head to say to the perpetrators of the Duscur Tragedy one day — so many sentences he had tried out and moved around and changed and rephrased until he finally thought he had found the perfect things to say. But now that he was in the situation, they all sounded childish and stupid. All the words, all the sentences, had disappeared entirely from his head.
"What is it that you need to do?" was all he came up with after fumbling in silence.
He was surprised at the lack of bitterness in his tone following her confession, but perhaps, he should've accepted that conclusion. For some reason, despite all that they had been through the past few days, he could never bring himself to villainize her fully. His bitterness was the driving force behind his moods and the tone in which he addressed anyone who spoke to him — and Satiana was someone who somehow managed to rile him up every time. Whether it was her sword, her kind demeanor at times, or the small glimpses of darkness he saw underneath it all. Everything about her ticked him off.
But he was rendered mute every single time without fail by the sincerity and desperation in her voice. And now, he finally began to understand why — why she managed to get under his skin each time.
Sylvain mentioned once that she somehow reminded him of Felix. Of course, he would rather die than admit it, but Sylvain's words were starting to ring true. After hearing her proclamation, her reason to live, fight, and continue striving — it resonated with something deep inside of him.
It was like watching himself; her struggling pathetically against the tides of fate, fighting a lonely battle against no one but herself and the past that haunted her every move. But she moved forward — tried to move forward. Fought for the future, for the right thing to do, and for her own beliefs.
Perhaps it was time for him to yield and be honest about his true feelings. A small bud of respect was growing inside him and he could do nothing to stop it from taking root.
"Fine," he finally relented. "We won't report you to the authorities."
Sylvain's eyes widened, lips curving up into a smile. "I knew you'd come through for me, Felix!"
"Shut up, you idiot," Felix snapped back in annoyance.
Satiana visibly trembled, gasping as she covered her mouth with her hands. "A-Are you sure? You're not going to tell the others who I really am?" She was shaking in disbelief, eyes slightly damp at the corners.
Felix glanced away from the wistful look in her eyes. "No, but you'll have to tell them with your own mouth one day. Just like what you did today."
"I understand," Satiana quietly nodded, a tiny hint of a smile on her face. "Thank you for giving me a chance, Felix."
"Don't get me wrong. I'm not letting you off the hook yet," Felix scowled, glaring at her. "Make one wrong move, and you're done."
She nodded again. "Okay. That's already way more than I deserve."
Felix grunted in response, making no effort to continue the conversation. The rest of the dinner involved Sylvain and Satiana making small talk and discussing her next actions. At the same time, Felix sat quietly in his seat, feeling his stiffened muscles relaxing against the comfortable atmosphere.
The rest of the moon was spent peacefully compared to the first weeks she spent at the monastery. After telling Felix and Sylvain the truth, the two stopped eying her with suspicion, greatly relieving her stress. There were two fewer people she needed to keep an act in front of, and nothing could make Satiana happier. She spent the rest of her days sparring on the training grounds or reading books in the library. Before she knew it, the end of the moon came around.
And here they were, standing on top of the Red Canyon of Zanado. Climbing up the canyon was a long haul; steep cliffs surrounded the entire area, and one fatal mistake would've led to a damning fall down the edge. The rolling clouds could be seen up close from the high elevation of the canyon. After trekking up the spirals of staircases, the Blue Lions finally made it up to a large plateau.
A group of thieves stood with their weapons readied across the staircase doubling as a bridge connecting the different plateaus. Similarly, the central rocky plateau was connected to the north and east, leading to another patch of curved land. At the very far end of the canyon was the boss of the thieves, Kostas, the same guy Byleth and Satiana had fought against before.
"According to our information, there's a backroad to the west. Let's split up and approach from the west and the front," Dimitri suggested before turning to Byleth. "But I'll leave the final decision to you, professor."
Byleth stood stoically in front of the group, eying her enemies carefully. "From here on, it's going to be an uphill battle. Compared to us, the enemies have a longer attack range. They've got archers waiting on every bridge and a group of brigands protecting the archers."
"What do you suggest we do?" Satiana asked from the back of the group.
"For now, follow my lead," Byleth ordered as she began to walk forward. "Dedue, I want you right beside me as our tank. You're our main defense line. Annette, support us from behind with your magic. Ashe and Satiana, chip away at their defenses with your bow. As soon as we break through the first bridge, I want the rest of you to head straight toward the center. Don't rush the second bridge yet and hold our formation there."
"Understood," Dedue stoically responded, picking up his pace.
At Byleth's orders, the students shifted into position. The rest of the group followed Byleth, each readying their weapons while surveying their surroundings. As soon as Byleth reached the front of the staircase, a pair of brigands charged down. Her crest flared to life as she bounded forwards, slamming her sword vertically down, slashing through the opponent's armor. Dedue blocked the second brigand with his axe, knocking them backward at the impact. Right on cue, Annette summoned a wind spell, slicing the brigand's axe in half.
The two brigands screamed, collapsing to the ground in pain. Byleth stomped over their bodies, boots digging into their open wounds and one of the brigands screamed. She glanced briefly at him with a cold look and drove her sword into his legs. "Ingrid, take care of the rest," she ordered sternly.
Ingrid paused, eyes widening as she stared down in horror at the brigand writhing in pain. "But isn't he already defeated, professor?" her voice trembled slightly at the torturous sight.
"It's kill or be killed on the battlefield, Ingrid. You must remember that well," Byleth flatly instructed before she continued forward onto the central plateau, leaving her students behind in a daze.
"I-I know that, but…" Ingrid muttered, hands quivering on her lance.
That moment of hesitation allowed the brigand to throw his hand axe at her. Fortunately, Dedue blocked the attack with his shield, and the axe rebounded off into the distance down the canyon below. An arrow whizzed past her head and landed straight into the brigand's forehead, killing him with one clean blow.
Satiana walked up to her, lightly patting her on the shoulder once. "If you aim to be a knight, don't look away from the horrors of the battlefield."
Ingrid nodded stiffly, still shaken by the attack. Unlike Ingrid, Felix confidently strode up to the remaining brigand and flicked his blade upwards, piercing the throat. The body fell limply, blood oozing out of the fresh wound. Without hesitation, Satiana and Felix moved forward, stepping over the innards of the corpses.
Annette's face paled bluish-green as she clasped a hand over her mouth. Mercedes closed her eyes, looking away from the scene as she ambled up the stairs. Ashe gritted his teeth as he shot an arrow at the archer on the other side of the staircase, knocking him right in the head. Sylvain's gaze sharpened as he followed the rest of the students.
They regrouped in the center as three brigands charged from the left while two thieves darted towards them from the front.
"Professor! What should we—" Dimitri asked for assistance, but before he could finish his sentence, Byleth and Satiana were already rushing forward.
They shared a knowing look and parted in different directions without another word. Byleth sprinted towards the group of brigands while Satiana headed towards the thieves.
"Damn you!" The group leader of brigands screamed as he raised his axe high. But Byleth was faster, and before he could drive the head of the axe down, Byleth's sword had already pierced through his stomach. She twisted the hilt, sending a blood-curdling scream into the air before she slammed her knee into the brigand, sending his body flying over the edge, falling to his death.
Her war-trained senses tingled, and she ducked, narrowly dodging a horizontal slice from the other brigand. She drove her sword into the brigand's feet, knocking him off his feet as she shoved him towards the last brigand. Their bodies collided with one another, falling unceremoniously to the ground, groaning in pain.
On the opposite end of the battlefield, Satiana switched to her twin blades and swerved through the thieves with lightning speed. She slid to a halt behind them, and before they could turn their heads around to face their looming death, she cleanly sliced both of their heads off with one flick of her wrists. Blood spurt out of the headless corpses, the bodies falling to the ground with a thud. The remaining archer screamed as he released the arrow in her direction. She raised her right arm and parried the arrow, sending it bouncing down the cliff's edge.
"C-Curse, you monster!" The archer screamed as his vision flared red, sword piercing right into his eyeballs. Without mercy, Satiana used her strength to fling the archer off the cliff. His haunting wail echoed through the canyon, sending shivers down the rest of the students' spines.
Dimitri stared dumbstruck at the scene in front of him, the rest of the Blue Lions following suit as they stood frozen stiff. Byleth casually turned her head around to meet their lost gazes. She jerked her chin downwards at the two brigands lying below her.
"Ashe, Mercedes, you two finish them off," she ordered.
"Y-Yes ma'am," Ashe stammered as he stepped forward. He raised his bow, gripping the handle so tightly until his palms bled. Then, he shut his eyes as he let the arrow go. It soared through the air, piercing the brigand's chest, silencing his pumping heartbeat. "I'm so sorry…but it would've been me if not you," he softly muttered.
Mercedes swallowed loudly, tears pricking the edge of her eyes as she cast a fire spell. "Goddess, please forgive me…" she whispered as the fireball flew through the air, landing on the other brigand. The blast engulfed her foe, and a series of heart-wrenching screams reverberated through the canyon. She choked on her breath as the brigand finally fell silent, the flames dying out, revealing a completely charred corpse.
Byleth took a moment to judge the situation, eyes narrowing at the group of thieves huddling across the plateau. Unlike before, they stopped charging recklessly at the students, playing more defensively as they tried to protect their leader from harm. "From now, we will break into two groups. Dimitri, Ashe, Dedue, and Mercedes. You four follow me to the west bridge. Satiana, you take Felix, Sylvain, Ingrid, and Annette across the bridge to the front. We'll pincer them from both sides."
"Got it," Satiana barked a reply before she spun around to face her troop. "So, for now, you guys follow my orders. Is that alright with you?"
Felix grunted. "As if we have any other choice."
Sylvain's expression tightened. "You're the one with the most battle experience out of us. It's only right to trust your orders."
Ingrid nodded, grip tightening on her lance. "I…I won't hesitate this time. Please, tell me what I should do."
Annette exhaled shakily. "I'll try my best to support you," she answered weakly, clasping her hands together in anxiety.
Satiana nodded in understanding. Then, she peered over the bridge, narrowing her eyes at the shadows moving underneath. "Annette, on my mark, I want you to cast a wind spell over the cliff. Try to aim it towards the right. I believe someone is waiting to ambush us underneath the bridge."
"O-Okay!" she stammered as she raised her hand, magic flowing in her palms. The wind violently swirled around them, gathering into an orb in front of Annette.
"As soon as Annette launches the first blow, I want Sylvain in the front. Ingrid and Felix, hide behind him and wait for the thieves to attack before you parry their blows. Unlike before, these thieves are carrying swords, not axes. It shouldn't be a problem for you two," Satiana barked. Then, she glared at the bridge. "Ignore the archer hiding in the shadows. I'll catch him off guard."
The four students nodded curtly in response. On her signal, Annette released a slice of wind towards the bridge. The attack landed on the ground beside the bridge, sending large debris into the air. Surprised by the sudden attack, the archer underneath the bridge scrambled out of the shadows, head spinning in various directions as he tried to catch his bearings.
"Now!" Satiana yelled as Sylvain charged.
As planned, Sylvain thrust his lance into the first thief. "Don't blame me for this," Sylvain scowled, withdrawing the lance. The thief coughed out blood, falling to his knees.
The second thief moved to cover for his fallen comrade, raising his blade high, but Felix rushed out from behind Sylvain, blocking the blow with his sturdy swing. He scoffed in annoyance, slicing upwards, tearing through the man's upper torso and neck. "A bunch of weaklings. How disappointing."
From behind him, Ingrid drove her lance into the remaining thief's forehead, busting open his skull. This time, her grip remained steady as she yanked the blade out of his head, sending his lifeless body toppling down to the ground. "I won't hesitate this time…!" she muttered to herself. Then, from the corner of her eye, she spotted movement from the right. The end of an arrow pointed in her direction. "Ah…!" she yelped in surprise, preparing to dodge when a blur of black rushed past her.
Satiana leaped onto the edge of the bridge, gathering her strength in the soles of her feet before she practically jumped off the staircase, flying through the air. She barrel-rolled onto the other end of the cliff, catching the archer completely off-guard.
"What the hell? How did you get over here—" the archer let loose a piercing scream as the end of her sword sliced through his arm. His weapon fell to the ground with a clatter. He groaned in pain, clutching his bleeding arm as he backed away, eyes wide with horror. "D-Don't come closer!"
Satiana glared directly into his face, sneering loudly. "Perhaps you should've listened to your victims as well." She spun around on her heels, and with a roundhouse kick, her boots landed on the archer's head, sending his body hurtling over the edge. She grunted, sauntering back towards the rest of the group. They stared dumbfounded at her. An eyebrow arched upwards as she tilted her head to the side. "What? Did I do something?"
"What do you mean do something? You j-just…you jumped off the bridge!" Sylvain sputtered, shaking his head in disbelief. "What the hell was that?!"
Satiana blinked. "I just took a shortcut to reach the enemy. What else should I have done?"
"I don't know, maybe walk with your feet? Like every other normal human being?" Sylvain lifted his right foot up, pointing at it with his lance. "You're insane, I swear."
"Y-You really gave me the scare there, Satiana!" Annette screeched, clutching her face in horror. "I thought you were going to dive to your death."
"I have to admit. Even I didn't expect that move from you," Felix snorted, shaking his head in disbelief. "Sometimes, I can't tell if you're really a human being."
Satiana rolled her eyes at him. "Ah, yes. I think we've already established you have an animal fetish, Felix."
He sputtered, face flaming red in anger as her words sank in. "W-What?! How dare you—"
"Alright, stop! We're still in battle, okay?" Ingrid moved between the two, glaring behind Felix's head. "Two brigands and an archer spotted!"
"So, what did you think of your performances today?"
Byleth leaned her back against the podium in the classroom as she addressed her students. She crossed her arms over her chest, eyes flickering through the crowd of students, most with their heads hanging low or fidgeting with some imaginary piece of lint on their clothing.
The mood inside the room had plummeted to a new low. As soon as they returned from their mission, Byleth called for an emergency meeting and gathered her students for an impromptu lecture. She didn't give them time to return to normal from their high-alert state, forcing them to join the session while memories of their first battle remained fresh in their minds.
Really, she lived up to her nickname — Ashen Demon.
"I…believe many things could've gone better," Dimitri's clear voice cut through the tension in the room like a knife. "You probably realized this already, but many of us hesitated in front of our foes. We should've…acted with more haste." He spoke vaguely despite the confident tone of his voice. "We won't disappoint you next time, professor."
"I…I'm sorry, professor," Ingrid apologized from her seat behind Dimitri. "I should've acted according to your orders. I almost put my life — Dedue's life on the line with my mistake."
Dedue sneaked a worried glance at her, a frown deepening on his stoic face.
"I understand that we had to kill them. They pillaged and destroyed a bunch of villages. But, maybe they had no other choice to do so," Ashe spoke through clenched teeth, voice trembling. "I-I'm sorry, professor. But I can't wrap my head around the idea of killing them. Maybe we could've helped them somehow."
Mercedes clutched her hands together, placing her forehead on her fists. "It was my first time killing someone. I don't know if I can do it again, to be honest."
"But we did what we had to, Mercie," Annette consoled her friend, lightly patting Mercedes's shoulder. "Don't think too much about it."
"I have to be honest, I'll never get used to the feeling of impaling someone with my lance," Sylvain commented from the back of the room, eyes boring holes into the ceiling. His arms dangled lifelessly over the edge of the chair. "But I guess I'll have to change that somehow, huh?"
Felix scoffed, rolling his eyes. "If a small excursion of this level gets you all riled up this badly, I worry for the future of this class."
Satiana refused to comment. She stared at Byleth, eyes twinkling with realization. Byleth met her knowing gaze and nodded curtly, signaling her to speak. Satiana sighed, rubbing the back of her neck before she stood up from her seat. The sound of her chair rattling against the floor caught everyone's attention, and they turned their eyes in her direction.
"I don't think Byleth wants an apology from you guys. Instead, what she wants is for you to reflect on this battle. Remember the emotions you felt as you stood on the battlefield, holding a lethal weapon in hand. And decide for yourself what you'll fight for in the future. Am I right?" Satiana dragged her gaze towards the front of the room.
Byleth had a slight smile on her face as she nodded. She leaned off the podium, standing with her back straight in the middle of the room as she met the lost gazes of her students, one by one. "Perhaps things could've gone smoother. But for your first battle, you did plenty enough. As Satiana said, I want you guys to remember something from this battle."
She strolled down the aisle, hands behind her back. "As you continue on your journey at the academy, you will be faced with the harsh reality of this world. Sometimes, you might have to follow unreasonable orders from your commanders. Perhaps you might have to fight against someone you hold dear in your heart. Or maybe, you will be forced to kill just to survive. To protect the people that you care for. To protect this nation that you work for."
The students listened intently to her lecture, eyes sparkling with understanding.
"Whatever feeling it is lurking in your hearts, I hope it never goes away," Byleth declared, halting to a stop at the back of the room.
Dimitri's eyes widened in surprise. "Professor? What do you mean by that?"
Byleth met his weary gaze directly in the eye. "It's true that hesitation is deadly on the battlefield. You could lose your life over one mistake — perhaps lose your friend's life because of your reckless actions. However, if you do not hesitate, you are no different from an animal."
Felix perked his head up at Byleth's choice of words.
"And none of you are aiming to become beasts. Mindless puppets. Killing machines. Whatever you choose to do in the future, I am here to teach you that you are allowed to choose for yourself what path you shall take," Byleth confidently spoke, raising her voice slightly. "Rein in your hesitation and doubts on the battlefield, but do not forget to think about your actions. Do not turn your eyes away from the consequences of war. Learn from your experience so that you will not repeat the same mistakes again."
"Professor…" It was barely a shadow of a breath, but Dimitri's words were filled with admiration and newfound respect.
Byleth walked to the front of the classroom and clapped her hands once. "That is all for today. You all deserve a good night's rest. Your assignment for tonight is to write a reflection on what you could've done better. You are dismissed."
"Jeralt, you should've been there to see Byleth lecture the kids," Satiana spoke excitedly, beaming with delight. She shoved a piece of meat skewer down her throat, munching at the exquisite flavor, cheeks puffing outwards like a squirrel. "I feel so proud, like a mother watching her newborn child crawl for the first time!"
Satiana and Jeralt were having dinner in a small shop downtown. Unlike Renard, Jeralt was decent enough to avoid the taverns when meeting with her. Really, she wished Renard would learn a few tips from Jeralt about dealing with children younger than him.
Jeralt guffawed out loud, honey orbs filled with warmth as he patted Satiana on the head. "It's way too soon for you to be understanding how a mother feels. If Byleth heard you say that, she'd never let you live it down."
Satiana laughed, shaking her head. "Nah, you have to admit. Byleth has been getting softer around the edges lately." She placed the empty skewer down on the plate, gulping loudly. "Did I tell you how Byleth scared the students shitless when she started lecturing about knighthood and death on the battlefield for her first lesson?" Satiana rolled her eyes at the memory. "I swear that's just like her to ignore the mood in the room."
"I'm glad to hear that kid has been adjusting well to her life in the classroom," Jeralt snorted. "To be honest, I thought it was a lost cause. To imagine my daughter dealing with a bunch of noble brats in a school?" He shook his head in disbelief. "I'd rather have you teach the kids than Byleth."
"Who, me?" Satiana gaped, pointing at herself. "I can't teach for shit, Jeralt."
Jeralt shrugged. "You'd still be a better substitute than Byleth." Then, he grabbed the jug of beer on his table and chugged the contents down his throat. Sighing in satisfaction, he placed the glass back down. "Seriously though. You two have settled into the monastery way sooner than I expected."
Satiana hummed in thought, placing her head into her palms as she leaned on her elbow against the table. "I don't know. I guess I just kind of got used to it. Besides, the other kids aren't half-bad."
Jeralt arched his brow. "Hm? Have you made a few friends?"
Satiana's mind flickered back to her conversation with Felix and Sylvain, and she frowned. She fiddled with her glass of water, lips puckering. "I…don't know. I wouldn't call them friends."
Jeralt leaned his head comfortably to the side, placing his elbow on the table. "Why not?"
Satiana glanced off to the side, lips shifting in anxiety. "Well…it's not like we get along well. It's just that a few of them now know my true identity."
Jeralt's eyes widened. He straightened his posture immediately, gaze sharp on high alert. "What? Why did you tell them?" He harshly scolded her, burning glare making her flinch.
"I was being threatened," Satiana confessed bluntly, holding her hands in front of her innocently. "And there was nothing I could do about it. If I didn't tell them the truth, they might've sent me right to the authorities, and our hard work and effort would've gone to waste."
Jeralt sighed as he rustled his hair in frustration. "I knew it. I should've kept you away from the monastery. It was a dangerous decision to involve you," his voice was quiet and soft, brimming with regret.
Satiana frowned. "Jeralt, you wanted me here to accompany Byleth, and there was nothing wrong with that decision. Besides, this is sort of my fault. I wasn't acting discreetly enough, and they found out about my existence."
Jeralt glanced up at her. "How did the kids react?"
"For now, they promised not to report me to Rhea." Satiana folded her hands neatly on the table, nose crinkled. "They said they'd keep a close watch on me. See if I'm up to something nasty."
"And do you think you can trust them?" Jeralt narrowed his eyes with suspicion.
"Well…" Satiana trailed off as she gathered her thoughts together.
It had only been a week since she first stepped into the monastery, but Satiana felt as if she had already spent years at the place. Too much had happened in such a short amount of time, and if she were being honest with herself, she was utterly exhausted physically and mentally.
A week was certainly not enough time for her to get well acquainted with the rest of the students. Aside from Felix and Sylvain, she only exchanged a few words with Ingrid and Ashe. She avoided Dimitri and Dedue like the plague and never had the chance to join Annette and Mercedes in their tea sessions because she would only look out of place there. So, to answer Jeralt's question honestly, it would be no. She couldn't trust any of these students.
But it wasn't like she could blame them. Satiana herself was a walking time bomb, and associating herself with them would only backfire on her one day — just like how Felix and Sylvain forced their way through her barricade. She didn't want to trust them or get to know them better because she knew she had no future in the world they lived in. After all, she was doomed to live a life of solitude after paying for her crimes.
So what use was it to befriend them when she would only leave one day without looking back?
"I can't trust them. Not yet," Satiana replied bitterly. "Actually, I don't think I'll ever be able to trust them wholeheartedly. They're just normal kids. They don't deserve to be pulled into this nasty mess the adults caused," she laughed cynically with a wry smile.
Jeralt tapped his fingers against the table, eyes boring right into her soul, laying it bare with his keen insight. "So, it's not that you can't trust them. You're just choosing to avoid them from the start." His words were sharp, a bullet aimed right at the center of her heart.
Satiana closed her eyes tightly, gripping her hands hard until her palms turned pale white. "Jeralt, I'm just…afraid," the pain hidden in her heart spilled out from her lips, a concoction of fear, bitterness, and sorrow. "I felt relieved when I finally spilled the truth to two of the kids. I really did. They seemed amiable enough and reacted pretty well to my story. But I still…"
Jeralt exhaled lightly, eyes softening. "You don't think you deserve it. The chance I gave you. The chance sir Rodrigue gave you. The chance they gave you."
Satiana didn't respond. She kept her head hanging low, bangs casting a dark shadow over her face. "I spoke big words, you know? I told them to give me a chance because I had something I had to do, even if it cost me my life," she began softly. "That I was acting for some big cause. For world peace or whatever you want to call it. But that's not really it."
She sank deeper into herself, that swamp of self-loathing and guilt, a blackhole vast and crushingly destructive. "I was just trying to protect myself. Because if I don't struggle till the very end, how can I face the pile of corpses lying behind my back? How can I save myself from my own sins if I don't move forward?"
Her inner cynic burst forward, and she snorted. "Really, I don't even know if I'm trying to save people or save myself from my own dark past. I'm just a pathetic, selfish human being who survived by turning a blind eye to everything. And now I speak of some grandiose self-sacrificing plan when I'm really just afraid of being judged for the monster I am."
Jeralt silently listened to her rambles. He reached over to her head and carded his fingers through her hair, consoling her.
"I mean, think about it, Jeralt. It's already been four years, and what the hell have I ever accomplished? Destroyed a few corrupted noble houses, one experiment facility, and basically nothing after that. I'm just riding along with the tides of fate, failing to take action again. Nothing has changed from before. I'm still as useless as ever," Satiana mumbled, burying her head into her palms. Her breath hitched as she sighed shakily. "Fuck, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. Just forget it. I'm acting like a spoiled brat again. I don't deserve to whine and complain when I should be facing my fears head first because I—"
"Then here's your chance," Jeralt suddenly interrupted her monologue and threw a piece of paper right at her sullen face.
Satiana yelped in surprise, the envelope smacking square on her face. It drooped slowly down to the table, fluttering in the air. Satiana clutched her nose and glared at Jeralt with a look of furious betrayal. "What the heck was that for?!"
Jeralt scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Well, you wouldn't stop rambling about stupid things, so I had to shut you up one way or the other." Then, he crowded closer to her, bending himself over the table. He gripped both of her shoulders and gave a heavy, warm squeeze like an anchor keeping her from floating to who-knows-where in that hellish land inside her head. Satiana shrank against the domineering look of pure ice Jeralt was giving her, unconsciously whimpering.
"Listen here, you brat. It's high time I start drilling this into your head. You need to forgive yourself. You can't change the past, and yes, you will continue to be haunted by the shadows for eternity until you breathe your last breath." He wasn't mincing his words, and Satiana swallowed loudly. "But that doesn't mean you should be undermining your own accomplishments. I don't know what you expected, but this incident you've embroiled yourself with is something even the goddamn Duke of Faerghus couldn't resolve. So stop being so harsh on yourself. You've done plenty enough."
He then flicked her on the forehead, huffing a sigh of annoyance. "Seriously, it's about time you become more confident in yourself. Who cares what other people think? You just need to do what you believe is right for yourself. That isn't selfish; it's called being human. Besides, compared to those selfish nobles out there who ruined the lives of many innocents, you're a thousand times better, alright?"
A shadow passed over Satiana's face. "Am I?"
"Yes," Jeralt insisted, his voice growing stronger. "And if you doubt that one more time, you'll have to face my lance." He tapped the table rapidly, catching her attention. "Now, read that letter already."
Satiana blinked, glancing down at the innocent envelope on the table. She ripped off the seal with a frown, flipping open the folded paper. She scanned the contents, eyes widening with each word. Her mouth dropped, and she stared at Jeralt, gobsmacked. "Uh, you're not being serious, are you?" Sweat glistened on her forehead, hands trembling nervously.
The glare Jeralt sent her way made her blood freeze. He was completely, utterly, deadly serious. Satiana rubbed her eyes, blinking rapidly as if she couldn't believe her eyes. "Holy fuck, Jeralt. This is…well…something," she commented lamely, eyes bouncing comically between Jeralt's stern face and the paper in her hands.
"It's been a while since we've caught wind of their actions. Maybe this will help cool your head down a bit," Jeralt grunted, reclining back into his chair. "Hurry up and get out there already." He jerked his head towards the exit of the restaurant. "You better leave before the Church catches wind of this."
"R-Right." Satiana stood up from her seat, placing her hand on the table for support as she wobbled onto her feet. She glanced back at Jeralt, the letter still in her hands. "You sure you're leaving this to me? What if I fuck this up real bad?"
"Even if you do, the church will just clean up the mess for you," Jeralt replied nonchalantly. "There's no pressure. Just think of it as a simple mission."
Satiana stared blankly at Jeralt with a funny look that screamed 'are you fucking kidding me,' but Jeralt ignored her, choosing to chug another glass of alcohol down his throat. He waved her off with his hand, shoo-ing her away from the scene, and Satiana treaded with heavy footsteps back to the monastery, sputtering complaints along the way.
Imperial Year 1180
Harpstring Moon - Day 26
Hey Buddy,
You will not believe what the heck I just witnessed at the Western Church, Jeralt. Holy fucking shit. You remember the creepy mages from Count Orderlia's mansion? A few of them showed up at the Western Church, and the priests gave them a ton of chests filled with these weird stones. I think they might be the crest stones that Satiana mentioned. I'm not sure, though.
What I do know is that they're planning some massive rebellion against the Central Church on the coming moon. Apparently, this noble named Lonato joined hands with them to take revenge on the Church. And guess what? This Lonato had a son who got executed for being involved in the Tragedy of Duscur. I hit the jackpot, didn't I, Jeralt? There's got to be something fishy going on here. Maybe the Church really was involved in the Tragedy.
Also, do you remember the name Arundel? I remember he was a noble from the Empire. He's been donating a lot of gold to the Western Church. They also mentioned that he gave them some stones. Jeralt, I think we just found the entrance to the Lion's Den.
So, what I mean is, I'm planning on trespassing into Lord Lonato's mansion to search for more clues. Perhaps he might know something about the Tragedy or the secret dealings between the Church and the Empire. Do you think you can spare me a few of your men? If you can, before the end of the moon, please. I want to end this quickly so I can go back to the monastery. How's that kid doing, by the way? Anyway, hope to hear from you soon, pal.
P.S. Do you know someone named Aelfric? He's a priest who wears this weird red set of clothing. He was associating himself with the priests in the Western Church, so maybe he's some spy of theirs.
Stay alive and well,
Renard
"Here you go," Mercedes spoke softly as she placed a cup of mint tea in front of Ashe and Ingrid.
The three of them were currently seated in the empty dining hall. It was already way past curfew, but none of them felt comfortable enough to return to their quarters after the events during the day. It wouldn't be surprising if nightmares plagued their rest; it was their first time killing someone with their own hands, after all. Being the kind-hearted woman she was, Mercedes offered to brew a soothing cup of herbal tea for the two restless ones who gratefully accepted her generous offer.
"Thank you, Mercedes," Ingrid smiled, picking up the cup immediately. She took a small sip, sighing in relief as the soothing warmth enveloped her, loosening the stiffened muscles in her body. She placed the cup gracefully back onto its platter. "You really do brew the greatest tea, Mercedes." The light slowly returned to her eyes as she stretched her arms above her head.
Mercedes chuckled, hiding her mouth behind her palms politely. "Oh, no. You flatter me. It's just a small hobby of mine." Then, she glanced at Ashe and noticed that he was staring down absentmindedly at his reflection. "Ashe? Is something the matter?" Mercedes asked with a small frown, her brows creasing with genuine worry.
Ashe jerked his head up, cheeks flushing red in a panic. "Oh! S-Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts for a second there, haha…" he laughed sheepishly, sweat dripping down his face.
Mercedes's eyes trembled with kindness as she lightly shook her head. "You have nothing to apologize for, Ashe. Today was a rough day for all of us. Please, help yourself to some more tea if it helps you relax."
"Thank you, Mercedes. I appreciate it," Ashe brightened up immediately, and grasped the cup with his hands.
He smoothed his palms over the edges of the cup, sinking into the waves of lulling warmth and serenity. Eventually, he held the cup up to his face, breathing in the heavenly scent of mint and other floral accents before taking a large sip. He lowered the cup to chest level, resting his elbow on his knees, lime green orbs softening as they trailed the small white wisps of smoke.
"Do you feel better now?" Mercedes asked.
Ashe found himself nodding, suddenly feeling a wave of exhaustion rush over him. The adrenaline from the battle finally depleted, and he found his head bobbing up and down, sleep threatening to steal his consciousness away. "Yes. I think my nerves have calmed down quite a bit now," his voice was steady and calm, unlike before.
Mercedes clapped her hands together, beaming. "That's great to hear!"
Ingrid exhaled lightly, closing her eyes as she remembered back to the morning's events. "I need to get it together. My performance earlier simply would not do. I need to be stronger if I wish to be a proud knight," she uttered out, voice steady and stern.
Ashe met her burning gaze and nodded meekly. "I agree with you, Ingrid. I also found myself hesitating far too often for my liking. To be a knight, I must learn to act in a more composed manner."
Mercedes frowned, tilting her head to the side. "But the professor told us to take it easy. We shouldn't be so hard on ourselves. Next time, we can do better. I'm certain of it."
"I guess you're right." Ingrid shot a wry look in Mercedes's direction. She laced her fingers together on her lap and sighed for the umpteenth time that evening. "I still remember the look on the enemy's face, how the light disappeared from their eyes. The glares of hatred directed my way. My head understands that we only did what was right, but it still hurts to see such contempt towards us."
Ashe nodded in understanding, his smile drooping downwards into a frown. "My hand trembled the entire time on my bow. It would've been nice if we could find another way to resolve our differences."
Mercedes looked crestfallen as she pondered over Ingrid's and Ashe's thoughts. "I…to be honest, the moment I faced the burnt corpse of the enemy, my mind went completely blank."
"I can imagine so." Ingrid lifted her head to meet Mercedes's solemn face. "I believe we all experienced the same complicated feelings today. But as the professor said, we need to learn from this experience and grow stronger. Become accustomed to the feeling."
Ashe and Mercedes nodded in agreement.
The wind started howling outside the dining hall, sending the doors rattling. Mercedes blinked, turning her head to peer outside the window. "Oh my, perhaps we will have a rainstorm tomorrow. We should head back to our dormitory now."
"You're right. Today has been a long day. We need to rest up well for tomorrow's lessons," Ingrid replied, scooting out of her seat.
"Oh, I almost forgot," Ashe suddenly spoke up. He reached behind his back and touched the steel bow hanging on the strap around his chest. "I haven't put my weapons away yet," he laughed sheepishly.
Ingrid and Mercedes shared a brief look before they launched into a snickering fit.
"Oh dear, how could you forget something so important as that?" Ingrid shook her head in disbelief, eyes twinkling with amusement.
Ashe blushed madly, his cheeks dusting red. He groaned, puckering his lips out. "I-I don't know how it completely slipped my mind! I should hurry and return to my room now. I need to sharpen the arrows before tomorrow's practical lesson too." He hurriedly jolted out of his seat, scrambling towards the exit, sweatdropping along the way.
True to Mercedes's words, the clouds turned tar-black, blending in with the stygian darkness. Ashe frowned and quickened his pace, sprinting down the stairs towards the fishing pond. Alone in the open grounds, he was only accompanied by the wind whispers that seemed to blow stronger than earlier, creating a spooky atmosphere. He shivered slightly at the sudden coldness and rubbed his arms unconsciously.
Light drops of rain began to pour down on him from above, and he gasped. "Oh, no! I can't risk getting sick now!" He muttered to himself as he sprinted to the right, rounding the corner towards the commoner's dormitory. He lightly jogged up the small staircase, taking care not to slip on the puddles plinking as the rainfall grew heavier.
Soon enough, he reached the front of his dorm room. A shadowy figure stood outside his door, and he paused underneath the roof, squinting his eyes in the darkness. Lime-green irises flashed against deep blue, and he gaped. "S-Satiana? What are you doing out here?" he raised his voice over the thundering storm.
Satiana sighed in relief as soon as she spotted him. "Thank goodness. You're still awake, Ashe."
"Did you need something? Oh, hold on, let me open the doors to my room." Ashe walked over to his door, searching for the keys in his pockets before he suddenly froze. He gasped, ears turning slightly red at the realization, half from the cold air and half from embarrassment. "W-Wait, I didn't mean anything weird by that! I just wanted to invite you in so that we can talk in a, well, warmer environment!" He sputtered, the keys jingling in his hands as he almost dropped them in a panicked frenzy.
Satiana chuckled at his antics. "Ashe, calm down. I understand what you mean. But really, this won't take long at all. There's just something I need to ask you."
Ashe blinked. "Did something happen?"
"Yes." Satiana nodded sternly, the smile wiped off her face as her expression tightened ominously. "As you know, I used to be a mercenary. And well…" she trailed off, gaze wavering. "I just received a foreboding letter from a friend I know who lives in Gaspard."
Ashe's brows shot upwards to the sky, eyes widening with interest. "Gaspard? You know someone from the Gaspard territory?"
Satiana nodded stiffly in response. She placed a hand on her arm, turning her head away from his waiting gaze. For some reason, watching her nervous actions made Ashe straighten his posture. It put him on edge, the way she mentioned the Gaspard territory and how her friend's letter somehow involved him.
Combined with the raging storm around them, Ashe had a bad feeling about it all. His stomach felt queasy underneath her quivering gaze, and he gulped loudly in anxiety. "Uh, Satiana? What's wrong?" His voice lowered, turning to a more serious tone as he regarded the way Satiana flinched.
"Ashe, I don't know how to tell you this…" she started, voice drowning in the sound of rainstorm. "The letter I received from my friend. It was about an odd rumor surrounding Lord Lonato."
Ashe's heart skipped a beat. "L-Lord Lonato? What about him?"
Satiana's eyes flashed as a bolt of lightning struck the monastery grounds, adding to the tense air permeating the two. "It appears that he's planning a rebellion against the Central Church."
Ashe didn't know what to do. His mind went blank, a pure white sheet — the sound of raindrops reduced to a muffled, buzzing hum over the distance as he zoned out of reality. His brain had short-circuited and malfunctioned completely. The panic and horror inside him swelled up, a snowball gathering momentum down a mountainside, and he gasped, feeling the air knocked out of his lungs.
He was distraught, unable to function or succumb to anything other than mind-crushing despair.
"I-I don't understand. Aren't you just mistaken? Lord Lonato would never do something so…so horrible!" Ashe screamed, his voice cutting through the rainstorm around him, piercing Satiana's ears. He trembled, muffling a choked sob with his hands. "S-Something must be wrong. I won't believe you!"
"Then come with me," Satiana blurted out.
Ashe coughed loudly once, then twice. "W-What?" His eyes widened with disbelief.
Satiana stepped closer, filling Ashe's vision with nothing but her sharp, blazing gaze underneath the moonlight and crackle of thunder. Her eyes glimmered, face contorted into one of sudden confidence and resolution.
She moved her mouth to speak again, and her clear voice stole away his breath.
"Ashe. Come with me to Gaspard."