It has been a week since that conversation. Keita was unwaveringly passionate, all too honest. He was too bold, too earnest, and if Kotoko is being honest with herself, it scared her. Very much.
Good news, however, something good to curb her confusion with Keita. Irie is speaking to her again. This time, she does not feel as if she has wronged him.
It's better like this, even though his words have been clipped, short, straight-to-the-point.
She supposes Auntie has had something to do with it, Irie's change in demeanor, but when Kotoko asks, Auntie gives her nothing but a confused glance.
"Me? Telling Naoki to start speaking with you again?"
Kotoko nods, slowly.
"I'm sorry, Kotoko, but I didn't tell him anything."
Kotoko can feel Auntie's sad eyes on her back long after she exits the living room.
Who then, if not Auntie?
Irie does not seem to notice her presence until she directly confronts him. It is not like Kotoko wants to, but how longer will it take? Will she have to completely fade out of focus, before he realizes that she is gone? What will it take?
She is fed up.
That night, when they're back in bed, facing opposite directions, she calls out his name, quietly.
Irie does not reply for so long that Kotoko thinks he's already fallen asleep. Her heart hammers in her chest when he finally speaks up, his tone neutral.
"What is it?"
"…Are you still angry at Keita's behavior? I know that he can be…too forward sometimes, but I'm not — "
"I don't feel like talking right now," Irie replies, brusquely. "And especially not about him."
"You don't have to hate him," Kotoko starts, pausing when Irie shuffles in bed. She gives him a moment, feels her throat dry when he's now facing her. "I don't…love him either."
"You do, though," Irie says, his face devoid of emotion, no hints of his mood at all. "You like him a lot."
"…That's different than being in love. I'm not in love with him, there's a difference."
"Sure there is," Irie says, and he says it in such a way that Kotoko begins to wonder if he's being sarcastic.
"I can't just, end my relationship with him," Kotoko sputters, "I can't drop him, Keita is my good friend."
"He's intruding in our business. Why would you want to keep someone like that around? Friend or no friend, people like him are nothing but trouble. I've told him, many times now, to leave us alone. He hasn't listened."
"Well, I'm sorry that he didn't, but that doesn't mean he's a bad — "
"You can't seriously be apologizing on his behalf."
"Keita is a special friend to me," Kotoko repeats, tries to explain. "He's helped me a lot."
"So you'd keep him around, even if I didn't like him?"
Kotoko is silent.
"I don't care how special he is to you," Irie continues, flipping back around. His back speaks to Kotoko. "If anything, that just proves you value your relationship with him more than you value this one. Go after Keita then, for all I care."
"Something different for this week. We'll be having short individual assessments instead of our usual group ones," the head nurse says, her trusty clipboard in hand, along with a black ink pen clipped to the top of it. "This method will speed things up."
Motoki glares at Kotoko. She ignores the directed glare, stares straight ahead. This way —staring at nothing but the head nurse's moving lips — Kotoko can ignore the glares of the rest of her classmates as well.
Her plan is ruined when the head nurse herself turns her head, fixes a stare at Kotoko. "We've been seriously struggling with time," the head nurse says, sighing as she walks away.
When she nears the door, she pauses, holds out her clipboard. "I've got the list of names here. You'll be called out one by one. Any questions?"
The class is silent.
"Alright," the head nurse says, still eyeing the students. "In the meantime, we've got to do some clean-up. You can work in pairs for this one, but you must exit the room when you hear your name. I'll only be calling out names once, so if you miss your window then you've missed it. We've got to work on our listening skills as well."
Kotoko sighs as the head nurse walks out the door. She dreads turning around and facing her group, does it anyway.
Marina sighs, starts chewing her gum again. There's always a large glob of bubble gum in her mouth, regardless of the time of day. "That message was for you, Kotoko."
Motoki nods. "It's like she was speaking directly to you," she muses, bringing a finger to her lip. "It's must be annoying, being singled out like that."
"It's not a big deal," Kotoko says, clasping her hands behind her back. "We should get started."
Marina and Motoki share a look, before Tomoko walks over, smiling. "You all should bring the sprays to me," Tomoko giggles, "I'll wipe down the tables."
"Don't get it in your eye," Marina warns, already moving to clear the long table, scattered with looseleaf papers. "Nothing like a good spritz of bleach in the eye."
"No, not bleach," Tomoko sighs, before suddenly perking up. "Ammonia is better!"
Kotoko joins in on the shared look between Marina and Motoki.
"…We should let Kotoko wipe down the tables," Keita says slowly, finally speaking up.
Motoki's eyes narrow. "Why do you say that, Keita?"
"It's the easiest thing here."
"I'd rather let Tomoko do it," Kotoko replies, smiling at Tomoko. "She asked first."
Marina glares at Kotoko. "Actually, it's better if I do it," she says. "I don't trust either of you two."
Tomoko is visibly confused, but nevertheless, she steps out of the way when Motoki shoves Marina forward.
"And why isn't anyone including me?"
"It's nothing like that, Moto," Keita sighs. "Stop taking everything personally."
"You guys don't have to fight," Tomoko adds, gazing longingly at the uncluttered table. "I wasn't thinking straight. The table is already clean. We should leave it alone."
"She might do an inspection," Keita says, referring to the head nurse. "Then she'd keep us behind again."
"On second thought," Motoki says, jumping at Keita's words. "Let me wipe down the tables. We can't trust Kotoko for this job."
"That's mean," Tomoko says. "Kotoko may not do a good job, but she should still help out."
"Thanks," Kotoko replies, unsure of what else to say. Her voice is a little dull.
"You guys need to keep it down," Marina hisses, eyeing the door. "Someone's taking an assessment right now."
"Like you care about that," Keita retorts, throwing one last jab before he leaves the table. "I'm going to get the sprays."
They watch as Keita leaves, makes his way to the other side of the room. It's only a short distance away.
"Well," Motoki finally says, glancing around. Her eyeshadow must have some metallic elements; it shines and twinkles under the bright lights of the room. "We should decide who's doing what."
Kotoko nods. "I remember head nurse saying we could work in pairs for cleanup," she starts, trailing off when Moto starts clapping.
"Good job for remembering, Kotoko!" She says, her laugher contagious. Marina throws a wry smile in Kotoko's direction and even Tomoko's laughing along.
"…You guys are making fun of me," Kotoko says, crossing her arms. "I'm trying to be serious."
"Irie's rubbing off on you, huh?" Marina says, leaning in. "You should tell us how he's been, Kotoko. Give us a little update."
Kotoko is quiet.
"Let's just get this done," she finally says, fiddling with her fingers. It's a shame Marina's already cleared the table; she could've busied herself with that, instead of enduring this uncomfortable awkwardness. "I want to be done cleaning before I'm called."
Motoko and Marina share a look.
Tomoko hums, a drawn-out thinking sound. "Usually these types of exams are randomized, but if it's alphabetical, you'd be closer to the start of the list, Kotoko."
"I'm used to that," Kotoko replies, smiling.
"It looks like Keita's back," Marina says, squinting. It's high time she purchases a pair of glasses. "We still haven't decided anything."
Keita drops three sprays down at the table; they land with a thud sound. Marina leans down, examines them, her face dangerously close to the spray handle.
"Are you out of your mind?!" Keita snatches the closest bottle away from Marina, shuts his eyes in frustration. "That's dangerous," he says, speaking slowly, tone laced with anger. "Don't inhale it."
Marina straightens with a huff. "I'm just checking if you got any bleach," she replies, smacking her gum as she side-eyes Keita.
"Bleach? What do we need bleach for? You've got this…obsession with it, no one uses bleach to wipe down a table! A normal disinfectant is all you need!"
"I know that! I'm just checking to see if you'd be dumb enough to grab a bleach spray!"
Keita opens his mouth to speak, pauses when his name is called out the open doors.
"Kamogari? Kamogari Keita?"
"Go on then," Marina says, jutting her thumb at the large door. "Don't be too red-faced now, else she'll take your temperature."
Motoki laughs out loud. Kotoko stifles her own laugh, coughs when Keita glances at her, a question in his eyes.
"Good luck Keita," Kotoko calls out, giving him a little wave as he makes his way out the room.
They're all quiet for a moment before Motoki speaks up.
"Really, Marina? Bleach? We don't even have that here," Motoki says, turning to her. "Have you ever paid attention? You're worse than Kotoko."
Both Kotoko and Marina glare at Motoki, unbridled rage in their eyes.
"I want to work with Tomoko," Kotoko suddenly says, latching onto the girl. "Moto's nothing but a bully."
"I am not! I'm just telling the truth."
"You're not working with Tomoko," Marina says, crossing her arms. "I am."
"You can't always have your way, Marina," Tomoko says, giggling. "Kotoko wants to work with me, and I'm fine with that."
Marina laughs out loud, a sharp, too-fake laugh. "Are you fine with staying after then?"
"Of all people," Motoki sighs, walking past the examination table. It is like she's forgotten there's actual testing going on, and the head nurse flashes the two of them a glare as they walk by.
Keita's sitting opposite the head nurse, and Kotoko notices there's another person next to the nurse, most likely an assistant. They do have those sometimes, she thinks, trying to recall if Irie's ever substituted as one. He probably has, at his advanced level, though she is not sure if it's allowed.
He is, after all, still under immense training.
"Are you even listening?!"
"Sorry! Sorry," Kotoko says, glancing around. They've walked pretty far. "Have we passed the broom closet?"
Motoki holds up a broom in one hand, a small dustpan in the other. "I've already gotten them."
"Oh," she says, sheepishly, "thanks."
"Aren't you going to take them from me?"
Kotoko glances around, takes the broom from Motoki's outstretched hand. "Geez," she says, frowning. "Don't be like Keita."
"You'd know all about him," Motoki says, wiping her free hand on her pant. "Wouldn't you, Kotoko?"
"…What do you mean by that?"
"Don't play dumb with me," Motoki says, glancing down at her. Her eyes pierce into Kotoko's. She always forgets how intimidating Motoki can be, especially when she's like this, eyes lined with perfect eyeliner.
"I know you're not stupid, Kotoko," Motoki continues. "Tell me."
"There's nothing going on between me and Keita," Kotoko says, laughing. "You really shouldn't think things like that, Motoki!"
"It's Moto," she corrects, frowning. "And I never said there was anything between the two of you — you're exposing yourself."
Kotoko pauses, glances around. Motoki is walking towards her; Kotoko can feel herself getting cornered. It is not a nice feeling.
"I — I don't want to miss my part," Kotoko says, truthfully, glancing around. "I'll tell you later."
"Really?" Motoki straightens, smiles an eye-crinkling smile at her. "You're the best, Kotoko."
Kotoko laughs, a weak laugh. She can feel the sweat from her palms on the broom handle.
"We should head back," Kotoko starts, pausing in alarm when Motoki whips out the small dustpan.
"Shh," Moto says, staring straight ahead. "I hear something."
"We really don't have time to wait around! I'm heading back," Kotoko says, walking away, leaving Moto behind.
It's bad to do so, yes, they're partners, but frankly, Kotoko doesn't want to be pestered with questions about Keita.
She'd like to stop thinking about him as it is.