Title: Out of Darkness (7/9)
Summary: Remus Lupin has exiled himself from the wizarding world, unable to deal with the pain of the second war but a near fatal accident reacquaints him with the past and he realises that some old friends may be more in need of him than he thought.
Archive: SB/RL mailing list, Azkaban's Lair. Anywhere else; just ask.
Rating: PG13 - NC17 (eventually)
Originally posted: my LJ Username: lovegrrl
Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters do not belong to me. I am just practising my Imperius Curse on them (shhh).
Dedications: Beta thanks goes to Clara who is the faster beta I've ever seen. Thanks.
Chapter Seven
XXX
They stayed in The Wizard's End until well after midnight. Only stumbling out the door when Madam Curtan began tapping her foot impatiently. They were laughing at their own drunkenness when Brendan looked up at Remus.
"Come on," he said mischievously. "I want to show you something." He grabbed Remus's hand and pulled him through a gap in the buildings to a half trodden path etched between the village and the lake.
They staggered giddily until they reached the water's edge where a fallen tree acted as a make shift seat. Brendan sat and pulled him down. Remus stumbled over a half buried branch until he collided with the trunk. He righted himself against Brendan's shoulder before giving him a lopsided grin.
"Think that last glass pushed me over the edge," he confessed.
"The last glass?" Brendan teased as he fixed Remus's robe which had fallen from his shoulder. The water lapped against the shore and Brendan leaned back looking at the cloudless sky above them. "You take Astronomy?" Brendan asked still looking up.
"Dropped it after O.W.L.s," Remus answered. "Took the more practical subjects, as my father called them. Not that it did much use."
"What did you want to do?"
"At seventeen?" Remus laughed as if this seemed more than a lifetime ago to him. "Who knows," Remus shrugged. "I just wanted to keep my head down. Make sure no one noticed me, wondered about me."
"Did it work?" Brendan asked, turning to look at Remus.
"No," he laughed, "but by then there were more important things to worry about."
"I loved Astronomy," Brendan admitted, his voice soft as he turned his eyes skywards. "Even tutored a few other students."
"Not really a subject looked for in Auror training," Remus said, leaning his own head back to look at the stars.
"Well," Brendan said slowly, "I took the long route on that one. Aisling didn't approve, like I said. My parents didn't know much better being Muggles. I travelled for a few years after school doing this and that, anything interesting or that paid well. When I got back to England, I was offered an apprenticeship with Whizz Hard Books. Even thought about setting up my own place after a few years."
"Strange your sister disapproved seeing as she was an Unspeakable."
Brendan turned sharply and stared at Remus. "Who told you that?" his voice shook.
"Someone mentioned it," Remus explained, "from the Ministry."
This information seemed to relax Brendan somewhat but he frowned as he went on. "I didn't even know until after she was killed. It's all the Ministry would say when my parents asked how it happened. They wouldn't say what she was involved in or how she died, just that she was dead." He shook his head angrily. "As if that explained anything to them. That's what made me go into Auror training."
"You went to work for the Ministry after-"
"I know," Brendan interrupted. "But better the devil you know." He frowned slightly and watched the stars. "I was barely out of training when the war ended," he added. "My sister would have been glad about that." His face flexed with emotion.
Remus placed a comforting hand on Brendan's back.
"I was still so angry about it all; even angrier when I'd missed all the action. I thought I wanted to be on the front line - right in the thick of it - but those first few years after the war." He shook his head. "You can't imagine the things people are capable of until you see them; until you see the bodies. Human beings treated like..." He stopped and rubbed a hand across his face.
Remus pulled him closer, resting his forehead on Brendan's temple.
The touch caused Brendan to smile. He turned to look at Remus. His brown eyes unusually solemn, searching. A few moments later the cheeky twinkle returned.
"I had my first kiss here," Brendan admitted, tilting his head slightly.
"Really," Remus said in mock intrigued.
"Hmm," Brendan murmured. "One of the Gryffindors I tutored. We were meant to be tracking the progress of Ganymeade and he said we'd get a better position from here."
"Not the Astronomy tower?" Remus asked.
Brendan raised an eyebrow. "I suppose it was too crowded for what he had in mind. Anyway, he said the view from here was amazing." Brendan smiled at the memory. "I didn't even know I wanted to kiss him until he did it."
"Brave boy," Remus said of the giver of Brendan's first kiss.
"He was a Gryffindor," Brenda teased. "Seems to have given me a taste for them." Brendan smiled at Remus and his eyes flicked momentarily to his lips. "And I always know what I want now."
"And you think Gryffindors always make the first move?" Remus asked, his hand moved to Brendan's neck where he stroked the skin with his thumb.
"That's what I'm waiting to see," Brendan sighed, his breath heavy in the night air.
Remus moved forward, his palm tingling against Brendan's neck, until their noses nearly touched. "The thing about Gryffindor's," Remus breathed. "We're also stubborn. Don't like to do what's expected of us. Like to keep people on their toes." Remus grinned. "Especially Ravenclaws."
Brendan leaned forward but Remus moved back teasingly.
"Remus, the things you do to me," Brendan breathed. His voice a whisper. "I've been imagining this since the first time I saw you." He leaned his forehead against Remus's.
"In the hospital?" Remus asked, pushing his forehead against Brendan's. "When I was half naked.?"
"Please." Brendan's eyes closed as he said it, as if he couldn't take what would happen next either way. Couldn't bear to look in Remus's eyes.
Remus finally leaned forward and captured Brendan's lips. The other man seemed so relieved he gasped into the kiss, opening his mouth easily, eagerly, and Remus was only too happy to oblige.
XXX
"He doesn't even know how much danger he's in," Sirius ranted.
"Just like any other fifteen year old then," Remus sighed as he took off his cloak.
"What did Dumbledore say?" he demanded.
Remus walked over to the counter to make some tea. "He was... disappointed."
"That's an understatement," Sirius balked. "How can he allow Snape to just-"
"At Harry."
"What do you mean, 'at Harry'?"
"Sirius!" Remus started sternly. "Harry deliberately violated Snape's memories."
"What do you expect when he just leaves them lying-"
"So that makes it okay, does it?"
"I didn't say that," Sirius ranted. "But it's no excuse to cut off the lessons that could end up saving-"
"Think about what he's done, Sirius," Remus ordered. "Harry knew that Snape wanted to keep those memories private. He threw himself into them regardless."
"Of course he did," Sirius argued. "He was curious. Anyone would be."
"And look where that's got him," Remus sighed as he turned to finish making the tea.
He ignored the half formed noises coming from Sirius until he had added the milk to his cup and taken a comforting gulp.
"I still don't think it's any reason to stop the lessons," Sirius said dropping into a seat at the table. He ran a hand through his hair pulling it back from his face in agitation.
"Of course you don't," he sighed sitting in the chair beside him. "You would defend Harry till the death. That what makes you a good godfather."
"Much use it's doing now!" Sirius pointed out. "He would have been better off with you. At least you could tell him off when he does something stupid."
"But he doesn't want me," Remus eased. "He wants you." He put a comforting hand on Sirius's leg.
"Well, he's got me whether he likes it or not, doesn't he?" Sirius countered. He finally pulled his eyes away from the table and looked at Remus. "And what use can I be? Stuck in this god awful place with only an evil house elf for company."
"You've got me," Remus said putting his tea aside and placing his hand on Sirius's.
"When you're here," he said softly, his hand shook slightly under Remus's. "When you're not off on your mission being useful." he broke his gaze with Remus. "Harry'd be better off without me."
"That's not true, Sirius. You know that." Remus watched Sirius but the other man turned his face away. "Without you Harry wouldn't know the truth about Wormtail. Wouldn't know what really happened to his parents."
"So, a different friend betrayed them. They were still betrayed."
"But he knows the truth of it. There's more power it that than anything else."
"I can't do anything, Remus!" Sirius vented, turning back to face him. "I couldn't go to the Triwizard because I'd be recognised. I can't go out as Padfoot because the Death Eaters know me now. I can't even go and defend him against Snape."
"But you were here when he needed you, Sirius," Remus observed. "He wouldn't have talked to anyone else about it. We would never have known the lessons were stopped and we wouldn't have been able to make other plans."
"That's nothing."
"Nothing, Sirius!" Remus exclaimed. "He trusts you more than anyone else. More than Dumbledore. And he loves you."
"Do you think he does?" he asked, his words coming in a rushed whisper.
Remus reached his hand up and stroked Sirius's cheek. He smiled gently at the dark haired man who looked so uncertain. "Of course he does, Sirius," Remus pressed.
Sirius's eyes closed against the tears in them and he let his head rest into Remus's touch. "I worry every day that I can't do right by him," Sirius breathed heavily. "That Lily and James made a mistake picking me. That... we won't survive this."
"They'd be proud of you, Sirius," Remus said pushing a lock of Sirius's hair back from his face. "They'd be proud."
XXX
When Remus woke shortly after sunrise, he hadn't expected to be traipsing around the castle for most of the morning searching for the elusive figure of Albus Dumbledore. He'd arrived in the castle just after breakfast having owled Minerva the night before. She was more than willing to give him permission to talk to Dumbledore's portrait but added that he'd have to find the old man first.
The comment had confused Remus until he found out that the portrait's subject had a nasty tendency to go missing. Well, perhaps missing was not the right term, wandering would be more accurate.
He eventually found the old headmaster playing a rather energetic game of Gobstones with a portrait of monks. When Remus caught his attention, the old man looked up and waved jovially in greeting.
Dumbledore excused himself from the game and stepped into the next portrait that held an empty chair next to a jug of water and a porcelain washbowl.
"What a nice surprise," Dumbledore said as he sat down. "I haven't seen you since before I died," he added with a smile.
"I'm afraid I haven't been around too much, headmaster," Remus apologised.
"Oh, no," Dumbledore shook his head. "Not headmaster anymore. Minerva's doing quite a good job of that I think you'll find." He smiled wistfully. "I do miss it, I suppose, but when I'm feeling particularly maudlin I just pop down to the third floor. There is a wonderful portrait of some ladies who cheer me right up."
Remus moved uncomfortably at the thought.
"But what brings you here, Mr. Lupin," he asked leaning forward. "I've tried to keep up to date on the comings and goings but no one seems to talk to the portraits, unless they want something, and I seem to have lost track of your doings."
"I have come to ask you something as a matter of fact," Remus apologised again.
"Oh dear," Dumbledore sighed as he leaned back. "You know my mind is not as sharp as it once was. Whether I'm getting on a bit or it's just the fact of wandering around a painted world." Dumbledore's head looked to the right and out a window in the portrait. "Well blow me," he exclaimed as he stood to look properly out the window. "There's a child riding a fully grown dragon out there." His hand grasped the windowpane. "Not doing a bad job either," he added, impressed.
Remus frowned and looked at the portrait to the left of Dumbledore where a piebald horse was lazily chewing at some grass.
"Professor," Remus urged. "I don't have much time."
The grey haired man turned to look at Remus. "Of course," he said, shaking his head. "You wanted to ask me something, didn't you?"
"Yes," Remus agreed. "I'm not sure if you can help... Harry has gone missing."
"Harry," Dumbledore replied with a frown. "Missing again, is he? Well I though he was agitated the last time I saw him."
"When was that," Remus asked with surprise.
"Oh, a few months ago perhaps," Dumbledore answered. "He also comes to me when he wants something."
"What was it?"
Dumbledore frowned and seemed to be weighing up the right and wrong in his head. "I'm not sure it's right to talk about it. He was troubled, that much I can tell you but his questions... He seemed determined."
"He was researching Grindelwald and I thought you might be able to help."
Dumbledore let out a small laugh. "Ah yes. What is it my wizard card says... 'Famous for defeating the dark wizard Grindelwald'," Dumbledore chuckled at Remus's confused look. "Have you ever thought me a murderer, Mr. Lupin?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
"No sir, but you only did what had to be done."
"And you think killing is the only solution?"
"Sometimes there's no choice," Remus answered looking away.
"Remus, you are an educated man," Dumbledore chided. "There is always a choice. But people are so willing to believe the most obvious solution - the easiest - that they rarely find the truth." Dumbledore looked away. "Having the world think something of you that is not true is very hard to carry. Hard when it makes you a hero." Dumbledore frowned. "Even harder when it makes you a villain. I believe your Mr. Black knew something of it." The old man did not meet his eyes.
"So, you didn't kill him?" Remus asked, years of unshakeable knowledge falling around him.
"My actions led to his death, yes, but I never used the Killing Curse. Whether I would have been forced to do so I would have found out if fate had not intervened."
XXX
Remus went into auto-pilot. His brain unable to process what was happening had instinctively gone on the offence. He pulled his wand up and Stunned another Death Eater before he realised Harry's body hadn't fallen to the ground but was suspended three feet in the air; slowly turning as green and white snakes of magic coiled around him. The boy's head had fallen back and his eyes were large.
Remus stared as Voldemort stumbled backwards in alarm, his wand still outstretched from the spell.
"No," the dark wizard whispered his red eyes reflecting the glow surrounding Harry, as if realising something beyond Remus's understanding.
A bolt of white shot out from Harry's chest and into the tip of Voldemort's wand. It enveloped the wizard's wand before violently exploding, sending him crashing backwards at the same time as Harry's body fell motionless to the ground.
The silence surrounding Remus punctuated only by the sound of his own breath. He was paralysed, and would have thought himself in some awful nightmare had it not been for the pain in his side reminding him that, for now, he was alive.
Voldemort lay crumpled against a stone on the far side of where Harry had fallen. The dark wizard looked broken, but still breathing,
Remus lifted himself up, his chest throbbing, and stumbled towards Harry's body. The boy lay on his side; his back to Remus and didn't seem to be moving.
He reached his hand to Harry's shoulder and turned the boy onto his back. His glasses were shattered and his t-shirt torn to rags. His wand laying in his limp hand.
Remus felt himself crumple inwards as he looked at the face of his friends' only son. He turned his head away as tears began to fall to the ground.
"Remus," came the half whisper from Harry's lips. The sound of his own name caused Remus to jump in surprise.
"What do you need, Harry?" Remus gasped, overpowering relief rising in him.
"Where is he?" Harry asked and Remus nodded his head towards where Voldemort lay. "Help me up," Harry ordered, his shaking hand already grasping his arm and against Remus's better judgement he did it.
It took a few moments but once Harry was standing he let go of Remus's shoulder. His eyes focused on the rousing form of Voldemort. "Get back," he told Remus before moving forward. His breathing rough and legs unsteady.
As Harry got closer to his fallen nemesis, the wizard looked up into the boys face.
"So this is what it comes to, is it?" Voldemort charged, his voice frailer then the body that lay crumpled at Harry's feet. He could barely lift his head. "Dumbledore's golden boy!" He took a breath. "He trained you well, did he? Trained you to kill." Voldemort made to stand but Harry pointed his wand directly at the wizard and he stilled.
"Not to kill," Harry said. "He gave me something more important than that."
"More important than power over life and dead," Voldemort laughed. "Stupid boy!"
"Not stupid! He gave me the choices you thought foolish," Harry continued. "Gave me knowledge."
Voldemort laughed again. He seemed to gain more strength from each word spoken. Unconcerned at being wandless against the might of the Boy Who Lived.
"And what knowledge could possibly defeat me?" Voldemort sneered. "I am the greatest wizard of all time. I cannot be defeated!" he taunted.
Harry faced hardened at the Voldermort's declaration of sovereignty but he didn't let it deter him.
"He gave me knowledge of a diary," Harry told the sneering face. "A cup... a snake."
Voldemort was looking up now, the sneer draining from his face at the words.
"A ring," Harry added as he pulled Dumbledore's ring from his pocket and threw it at Voldemort's feet. "A wand!" Harry held his hand out and Remus wordlessly placed the wand from his own robes into it. Harry showed it to Voldemort before snapping it between his fingers.
"Now, am I forgetting anything?" Harry asked.
Remus felt his own fear rising as the smile started to return to Voldemort's face. They were acting too soon.
"The last piece..." Harry added shakily. "Didn't you wonder why you couldn't feel me? Why you couldn't read my thoughts?" He took a steadying breath before his hand reached into the folds of his t-shirt and pulled.
When his fist emerged Remus saw hanging from it the locket they had been searching for. It was not the fake Harry had spent so many hours toying with. The Slytherin crest was dented and the clasp hung open in the night air. The horcrux broken.
"Do you feel it?" Harry asked, the locket hanging from his outstretched hand.
"Do I feel what?"
"The fear," Harry whispered.
There was a flicker of something in Voldermort's eyes before he answered.
"You think I fear you."
"No." Harry actually smiled. "You don't fear me, but you can feel it - The Fear. The one thing that makes us realise our humanity... our mortality."
Whatever smugness Voldemort was feeling dissolved into pure anger.
"And you think this means anything?" he asked trying to push himself up. Harry didn't stop him this time. "You think it means you'll be able to kill me? A child kill Lord Voldemort?"
"No," Harry shook his head. "I won't kill you." His voice was so steady it frightened Remus. "A child you call me but still man enough to know what killing means. I've seen enough of it, haven't I? My parents died protecting me from you and they wouldn't want their protection traded to make me a murderer."
It was now Remus remembered the promise he had made. A promise he had meant.
"So, no," Harry shook his head. "A child won't kill you."
Remus was already moving forward when he felt a hand on his shoulder push him back.
"A traitor will," Harry added. He stepped aside as another figure moved forward. The Death Eater Remus had forgotten about in the mess of what was unfolding in front of him.
As he walked, the tall man removed his mask and hood to reveal long dark hair that Remus's recognised.
Stopping just inches from where Voldemort had managed to claw himself up the stone - a look of utter terror and disbelief on the dark lord's face - the Death Eater raised his wand and with the barest hint of hesitation said:
"Avada Kedavra"
XXX
When Remus left Dumbledore nearly an hour later his brain was bursting with new information. Truths that had been certain all these years now lay discarded like bread crumbs in his wake. Dumbledore's own history, the history Remus had believed unquestionably, was pockmarked and reduced to ashes.
The old man had carried the weight of unknown truth on his shoulders all these years just as Harry was doing now.
He made his way to the library where he had agreed to meet Ginny and Hermione. It was a beautiful Saturday and yet he couldn't allow the warmth of the day invade the dredge in his head.
The girls were seated at the largest table inside the door. Books strewn here and there. Hermione's quill copying down passages she'd highlighted while Ginny searched a long list of book titles. They didn't notice Remus walking towards them.
"Did you tell him to get the one on ley lines?" Ginny asked Hermione.
Hermione nodded. "Yeah, and volumes referencing them, as well."
Remus picked up a book from the desk and flicked through a few pages.
"Remus," Hermione greeted. "We were expecting you ages ago."
"Did you find Dumbledore," Ginny added.
"Yes," Remus answered but felt unsure about what to add.
"Bloody hell," came a voice from behind an approaching stack of books. They toppled over when dumped unceremoniously on the table.
"Ron!" Hermione shrieked as a number of them fell to the floor.
"Hermione!" he teased as she scrambled to pick them up.
"Hello, Ron," Remus greeted the tall red head.
"Professor Lupin," Ron exclaimed when he looked up.
"Just Lupin," Remus corrected. "Or Remus even seeing as that's my name."
"Remus," Ron smiled and leaned across the table to shake his hand. "These two said you'd been around," he added as he jerked his head to the girls. "Though they never mentioned where you've been hiding all theses years."
"Ron! Don't be so rude," Hermione interjected with an apologising look at Remus.
"I'm just asking, Hermione. Honestly! There's no harm in that, is there?"
"No," Remus agreed. "I was going to go for a walk on the grounds actually. Why don't you come?" Remus offered.
It was a beautiful day and in the end Hermione and Ginny came along as well. Ron seemed glad to get Hermione away from the library and as they walked he put his arm comfortably around her waist. Remus smiled as he noticed her lean into the embrace. Young love and summer time seemed to go hand in hand.
He walked behind them with Ginny. She seemed not to notice the summer warmth and had pulled her cardigan tightly around her.
"I don't blame you," she said out of nowhere. "I know you don't want to talk about it, and I'll respect that. But I saw you that night, Remus. I can figure out what happened and I just want you to know..." she stopped, the next words seemed difficult for her. "I would have done the same to protect my family." She looked up at him before he could hide the grief on his face. "That's what he meant to you, didn't he?"
He simply nodded in reply to her answer. She deserved that, at least. Ginny, who it sometimes seemed, had been through more than the rest of them and yet had managed to come out of it all with a semblance of something whole.
She smiled sadly at him then caught up with Ron and Hermione. Linking arms with her brother. A moment later Remus fell into pace with them.
He found out Ron had set up a Quidditch camp for young witches and wizards. They held special classes and events throughout the year but summer was their busiest time with kids from all Britain and Ireland rolling into get tips and swap stories.
"That's not all they swap," he added with a grin. "You get a camp full of teenagers away from their parents and, well... nature starts taking it course," he frowned. "Never thought I'd be playing dad to fifty unruly Quidditch addicts, I tell you that much."
Ginny digged him in the ribs. "Shut up! You love it," his sister teased.
"It's alright," he conceded. "Better then working in the..." he frowned. "Bloody hell, what's that?" he pointed to a paddock just beside the Forbidden Forest.
Neville was rubbing down a Thestral. He waved when he heard their voices and called them over.
"Hey," he greeted. "Just collecting some samples for work," he explained when Remus noticed the vials of clear liquid in the bag slung over his shoulder. "Best to do it just after the mating."
"What the hell is it?" Ron asked. He took a step back from the creature who was taking an unhealthy interest in his jean pockets.
"It's a Thestral, Ron," Hermione reminded him. "I showed you in that book on death omens."
"Bit different in the flesh though," he frowned as he patted the creature.
"You've never seen them before?" Remus asked confused.
"No," Ron answered his eyes warily on the animal. "School closed down before our last year and... it's a bit sweaty isn't it?" he grimaced.
"You've never seen them!" Remus repeated with a frown. "But... you were there!" Remus said and the red head's eyes turned to him.
"Where?" Ron asked.
"In the Chamber," Remus explained. "When Sirius fell, you were there." Remus knew his voice sounded frantic, pained, by the way Ron looked at him.
"Me?" Ron exclaimed. "No, I didn't make it that far." Ron shook his head. "It was Neville who was with Harry."
Remus spun around and faced Neville. "But you saw him fall, didn't you? Through the archway, you saw Sirius fall?"
Neville nodded, his eyes wide and frowning.
"You saw him fall and then you saw the Thestrals?" Remus clarified.
"Well..." Neville's eyes flicked to Hermione's before coming back to Remus. "No."
"What?" Remus's hand reached out and catching Neville by the arm, the man winced.
"I didn't... I could already see them," Neville explained. "Ever since my grandad-"
"And Harry knew that?" Remus asked.
"We had a class," Hermione said reaching her own hand out to touch Remus's arm. "In fifth year. Harry saw them too."
Remus let go of Neville's arm when he met her eyes. Things were falling into place. Everyone else had been Order members; had seen death before Sirius's had fallen. They had all assumed the kids had been innocents.
Cedric. Cedric Diggory, of course. Harry had seen death before and if you've seen one death what was to stop you raising questions when another death produced no body and no closure except for a Ministry pardon.
"That's where he's gone," Remus's eyes widened and he grabbed Hermione's arm. "Think about it Hermione. There was no body. No proof. It was only Harry and Neville who saw Sirius fall!"
"What's going on?" Ginny asking, pushing passed Ron and trying to get Remus's attention.
Hermione's eyes widened. "Oh my god!" she exclaimed. "But he wouldn't..." she shook her head "He wouldn't try to..."
"Yes, he would!" Remus let her go and began running.
He heard Ron shouting, "What's going on?" as Hermione chased after him.
"Where would you go-" she shouted. "Where would you go if you thought Sirius wasn't dead?"
There was a moment of silence then more running as Ron exclaimed. "Bloody hell!"
XXX
Author's note: I know. Another cliff that I leave you hanging off. I'd like to say I don't like to deliberately torture you but… meah!