Title: Out of Darkness (8/9)
Summary: Remus Lupin has exiled himself from the wizarding world, unable to deal with the pain of the second war but a near fatal accident reacquaints him with the past and he realises that some old friends may be more in need of him than he thought.
Archive: SB/RL mailing list, Azkaban's Lair. Anywhere else; just ask.
Rating: PG13 - NC17 (eventually)
Disclaimer: Unfortunately these characters do not belong to me. I am just practising my Imperius Curse on them (shhh).

Dedications: Beta thanks, as always, to Clara.

Chapter Eight

XXX

Hermione got them into the Ministry without any trouble and they made their way quickly to the Department of Mysteries. The whole time Remus's mind was reeling. He was questioning himself. Hoping that he was wrong, that Harry wasn't trying to do the impossible, but the more he thought about it the more it made sense. Harry had consulted Slughorn on restorative draughts. He must have been determined to stay in the Chamber as long as it took. Maybe he had even brought food with him. Surely someone would have found that suspicious even if it had been the Boy Who Lived.

"Are we sure about this?" Neville asked as the elevator rattled to level nine.

"Yes, Neville," Ginny answered and Remus was thankful to her. He wasn't sure if his own voice would have sounded so determined.

Neville seemed to take some resolve from Ginny's words although he still looked like he was about to face a firing squad.

"This brings back memories," Ron frowned darkly when they closed the door of the Department of Mysteries antechamber behind themselves. The room spun, each door flashing by them until finally coming to a halt.

Hermione looked around. "Which one," she asked herself. "This is Hermione Granger, Ministry employee," she said in a commanding tone. "Show me the Death Chamber."

The walls shivered at her voice. The black door to Remus's left shuddered in its frame. They all looked at it as a blue glow of magic formed around its edges sending lighting sparks over the door.

Neville frowned, "It shouldn't be doing that, should it?" as he took out his wand.

"No," Ron murmured, but a moment later reached his hand through the sparks. It disappeared into murky blackness. The blue haze of magic outlining the door shot to his wrist and up Ron's arm, propelling him violently across the room and into the far wall.

He landed on the floor with a thud. Dazed but okay.

"Ron!" Hermione scolded. "What were you thinking?" she sat him up against the wall and seemed to check his eyes to make sure he was okay.

"Well, it's Harry, isn't it," Ron shrugged matter-of-factly as he rubbed his shoulder. "It's wasn't going to kill anyone. Just... keep us away." He grabbed Hermione's hand and stood up. "Fred and George did something similar to their room when they were at home. If anyone but mum or dad tried the handle they'd end up with cauliflower for ears and horseradish hair."

"He's right," Ginny added and Remus turned to see her casting her wand over the door. Checking the particulars of the spell. "Fred and George set it up so that anyone with the same blood make-up as them would be affected by the spell."

"Blood," Remus repeated.

"It's not really blood magic," Ginny said seeing Remus's frown. "This is similar," she said indicating the door with her wand. "But set to all blood types. It's not the door that's spelled. It's the force field around it that won't let anyone pass."

"So if we get the door opened some other way," Neville asked, "we can see inside?"

"No," Remus replied as he approached the door and examined it. "Didn't you see Ron's hand disappear? He must have built a Disillusionment charm it, as well."

Remus reached forward as if to push the door.

"Remus," Ginny warned, her voice alarmed as she laid a hand on his arm.

He looked at her. "You said its blood based... about blood type," he added when he saw her about to argue.

"I think so, but-"

Holding his breath, he reached his hand out. It too disappeared into the blackness and he could feel the smooth door against his palm. He waited but nothing happened.

He turned to see the confused look on Ginny's face and simply said "Werewolf" by means of explanation. Not moving his hand, for fear of his theory being wrong, he turned to Hermione, "Get Kingsley, he knows the situation," he told her. "Bring McCrimmon as well," he added. "Between the six of you, get this down," he ordered, nodding his head at the door.

"Remus, what if-" Hermione stopped, her face full of concern.

"He's fine," he told her. He looked at Ginny and added. "Anything else we can fix."

He faced the door again. Taking a calming breath to prepare himself for what he might see; he pushed the door open and stepped through.

XXX

Voldemort's body crumpled to the ground. It fell so easily Remus was sure it was an act. A show put on for his and Harry's benefit.

The Dark Lord could not be defeated with a simple Killing Curse.

Remus couldn't move. His brain trying desperately to process everything that had happened. He only looked up again when Harry placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" the boy asked. He frowned when he saw the blood seeping from Remus's left side. "Can you stand?"

Remus nodded and enduring the pain coursing through him, he got to his feet.

"You're injured."

"So are you," Remus added, his eyes raking over the cuts on Harry's face and arms. Through his shredded t-shirt Remus could seeing a new scar on Harry's chest. It was no bigger than an inch or two, just where the locket would have rested against his skin. It looked like the boy had been branded. "Harry, what-"

"What happened?" Harry finished when Remus's words simply evaporated into the night. "I'm sorry, Remus. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't tell anyone, it was too risky."

"You found the locket," Remus added, looking at the Horcux grasped in Harry's hand.

"Dung actually," Harry smiled momentarily but it soon faded. "I'm didn't mean to get you involved like this," he said, his face anxious, "but I needed someone I could trust in case things didn't go the way we'd planned and Kingsley would have just turned him in straight away."

"Turned him in?" Remus repeated and from behind Harry a darkly clad form moved towards them; his figure emotionless. A flick of his wand and Remus's felt the pain in his ribs subside.

"You'll need to get him to Mungo's," Severus ordered, casting his eyes at the scene around him. "I'll stay here until-"

"No," Harry answered plainly. "You're still a wanted man."

"Thanks to who?" Severus charged, his eyes harsh as they turned to Harry.

Remus felt for his wand as he looked at his old classmate. "You think you don't deserve it for killing Dum-"

His words were cut Severus's wand under his chin. "Do not finish what you were thinking, Lupin!" he warned. "Or you'll be going to Mungo's with more than some broken ribs."

"Do you have your wand, Remus?" Harry asked as he placed himself between the two men.

Remus nodded, his eyes not leaving Snape's face.

"Apparate to Mungo's," Harry said. "I'll be there soon."

"I'm not dying, Harry! I deserve an explanation."

Harry looked at the scene around them and the slowly drying blood on Remus's robes and seemed to make a quick decision.

"After Dung took the stuff from Grimmauld Place I went to check what was missing. We'd seen the locket before and couldn't open it, but this time I knew what it was because of Dumbledore. I couldn't break it myself but there was no need for anyone else to know. It might only put them in danger. We needed to find the other Horcruces before it became important, anyway. No one seemed to notice when I changed the fake one for the real."

"The observation skills of the Order never cease to astound me!" Severus criticised.

Harry raised his hand to silence the old Potions master before he continued. "It was only after the meeting about Ravenclaw's wand I knew I had to do something; make a decision about how to destroy it. We couldn't use the Killing curse because of the power of the Horcrux itself - look what happened to Dumbledore's hand - but if Voldmort cast it himself... I thought that would work. You can't cast a Killing Curse on yourself, just as you can't strangle yourself, but his soul was so alien to him, had been out of his body for years, that it wouldn't be until after the Horcrux was destroyed that he would realise what happened. All I had to do was get him to cast the Curse on me," Harry smiled. "Once I was wearing the locket it would find his slice of soul first and destroy it."

"That's what the backlash was," Remus reasoned. "The spell was kicking out at the caster, realising what it had done?"

"I had hoped that in itself would kill him," Harry said. "But I hadn't bet on it."

"That's why you asked me to finish him," Remus realised, his eyes widening. "You weren't sure if you'd survive."

Harry took a breath as if about to continue but was interrupted.

"No," Severus said stonily. "That was in case I didn't do it," he dark eyes flicked to Harry. "Am I right?"

Harry looked from Remus to Severus and nodded.

"I would never have thought you so calculating," Snape charged and it almost sounded like a compliment.

"You trusted him," Remus scolded. "After all he's done!"

"Didn't you hear the boy, Lupin!" Severus snarled. "He didn't trust me. He trusted you." Severus's dark eyes bored into him. The hate and anger in them firing at Remus before he stalked away to disarm to the other fallen Death Eaters.

"How could you?" Remus asked Harry, his voice low. "Severus!"

"Remus," Harry said, his voice filled with concern. "I've told you what you need to know. There's not enough time to explain everything! Please go to Mungo's."

For the first time in months, something Harry said actually made him sound like a boy of seventeen rather than a leader in war. It made Remus stop and think.

"You'll be okay?" Remus asked, reaching his right hand out to Harry's shoulder.

"Once Severus is gone, I'll call the Aurors. Then I'll come to you in Mungo's, okay?"

Remus nodded and before he realised what he was doing, he pulled Harry into a sincere if clumsy hug. His side ached at the contact but a moment later, he could feel Harry begin to shake with emotion. His own emotions not far from the surface but the pain he was feeling seemed to be overwhelming them for the moment.

Harry pulled back. "Sorry," he said, his eyes glistening in the darkness. "I guess I'm just... surprised." He rubbed he hand across his forehead. "It's finally over."

"It is, isn't it?" Remus replied and couldn't help but feel himself smile.

Remus glanced over Harry's shoulder and could see Severus taking the wand from the first Death Eaters he Stunned. There was more of the story he still had to be told but it could wait.

"I'll go now," he said to Harry.

With a grimace, he took his wand into his right hand to Apparate.

Out of the corner of hit eye, he saw a jet of red hit Severus in the chest sending him unconscious to the ground. Remus pushed Harry aside instinctively, his wand pointed at the black figure that was turning frantically towards the two of them.

The hood flew back, revealing Bellatrix Lestrange.

Remus's body filled with fear and rage as he watched her eyes rake over the lifeless corpse of her immortal Lord.

"I'll kill you, boy," she said, turning to Remus and Harry stood on the far side of the circle. Her voice high and savage. It cut through whatever physical pain Remus was feeling and pierced at the heart of him. He felt a pain altogether different from that pulsing in his skin and before he knew what was happening a jet of green light surrounded her and she fell to the ground. Her wandless hand stretched lifeless over her master's heart.

Remus turned to see Harry staring at him. Surprise and terror ripping through his face. It was only then Remus realised his own wand was the one pointing at Bellatrix. His own mouth that had formed the Curse.

"You have to go, Remus," Harry ordered as he looked from Remus to the body of Bellatrix . "You have to go now!"

"To Mungo's?" Remus asked, his own voice sounding distant.

"No!" Harry said as if this should have been obvious. "Remus... they'll check your wand. They won't care what really happened. With all the stunts Greyback and his gang have been pulling. You'll just be a werewolf who cast an Unforgivable." Harry's hands were on Remus's shoulders now, his voice strong, the voice of a leader again.

"You need to get away from here," Harry said. His eyes flickered to Remus's side. "Get to Ginny. She'll heal you the best she can, then you have to disappear. I'll take care of everything," he added at the look on Remus's face. "Go... NOW!"

A moment later Remus pulled his wand up and Apparated away. If he had known how long he would be running, he would never have left that night.

XXX

It felt as if he'd stepped into thick black smog. Every sign of light and life disappeared. He couldn't see his own wand hand, which a moment ago had been stretched before him. The noise of the antechamber and the others disappeared and there was only the void of sound surrounding him. It was one of the most unnatural things he had ever experienced, and that was saying something. He couldn't feel the ground under his feet but his brain told him that it was still there.

He tried taking another step forward, then another, and finally emerged at the top of the stone pit in the Death Chamber. The smog dissipating as the room became clear.

It was darker than he had expected but he could still make out the dais and the crumbling archway twenty feet below him. The corner of his eyes itched and he wondered if it was an after effect of the smog.

At the foot of the dais were a number of scattered items, stacks of books, a bundle of robes and a small opened satchel with vials and bottles sticking out. He began to make his way down the stone steps, his footfalls echoing loudly around the room. It was only then he realised the bundle of clothes was moving.

With a few leaps, he landed beside the form and turned it to meet long forgotten eyes.

"Harry."

Tired green eyes blinked at him and Remus smiled when he saw the confusion there.

"Remus?" Harry asked, sounding as if he didn't trust his own eyes and ears.

"Yes, Harry. It's me," Remus soothed.

"I don't know," Harry said, half sitting up and backing himself away from Remus. "I've been having... dreams, I suppose you'd call them."

Remus took a closer look at the items around them. A few drained potion bottles, Harry's glasses, but no real food.

"When was the last time you ate?" Remus asked as he looked back at Harry.

"I dunno," Harry said pulling his robes around him. "What date is it?"

"Here," Remus searched in his pockets and came up with an old bar of Odgen's Oatmeal Occasions. He held it out to Harry, "eat this. You must be starving."

Harry smiled but didn't reach out. "The first time we met you gave me chocolate."

"The first time you remember," Remus corrected, pushing the bar into Harry's hand. "On the train."

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "Before I knew about Sirius."

"Before we both knew," Remus said and they fell silent for a moment.

Harry didn't open the bar in his hand and. He must have been starving but he wouldn't die if he didn't eat right this moment so Remus felt there was no point in pushing him.

"Is that why you're here?" Remus asked finally. "For Sirius."

"What else." Harry opened his clouded eyes and looked at Remus. "Isn't that why you're here?"

"No, Harry," Remus answered, surprised by the question. "I'm here for you! The others are waiting outside."

"I'm not leaving without him!" Harry said, a slight panic in his tone. He made to stand but either his legs were too weak or he didn't have the energy.

"Harry, he's..." Remus took a deep breath. "I know what you might have happened here... but he is gone."

"He's not, Remus," Harry said now, his eyes wide and unequivocal. "I thought that too, but its not true. There's no proof."

"Harry, the Ministry pardoned him," Remus reasoned. "Dumbledore explained-"

"Dumbledore didn't know Sirius," Harry nearly screamed. "He locked him up all over again when all Sirius wanted to do was be helpful. To be part of things." Harry turned his head away. "At first, I believed he was dead. I listened to Dumbledore and Hermione and Ron and you!" he spat. "Just another name to add to the list of people who died for me, right?" he rubbed his forehead, becoming emotional.

"Look..." Harry pulled a book from behind him and flicked a few pages. He frowned and rubbed his eyes before handing it to Remus.

"Page seventy-four," he said. "Third paragraph."

Remus looked from Harry to the book and turned a few pages until he found the text.

Traditionally, death occurs when the body and soul are separated. The body remains behind and the soul continues on to the spirit world (for alternate soul destinations see Wisp's 1874 study You're The Reason I'm Leaving). Although most direct forms of death are unavoidable (see Killing Curse pg 234) there are some accounts (the author must stress they are very rare) of witches and wizards evading death and passing over by means not commonly discussed. Means by which they remain the complete and undivided whole of themselves. In cases such as this, it is theoretically possible for them to return to this sphere of existence and continue their life as if never interrupted. In order for a successful return, the body and soul of the witch or wizard in question must not be parted. In other words, if the person dies by natural means or by most, if not all, known magical mean, a 'resurrection' is impossible.

Remus frowned. He turned to the book's cover. Moste Deadly Deaths and the Killer Killings.

"Harry, this isn't exactly the most-"

"Keep reading," Harry instructed his hand pointing to an anonymous part of the book.

However, if the passing complies with all criteria of Perpes' Law it is possible to enact a rebirth to bring the body and soul back intact.

The theory continued but gave no definitive directions on how this 'rebirth' could be carried out.

"Harry, I can see why you'd think-"

"There's no research on the Veil, nothing solid, nothing to suggest Sirius can't come back."

"Harry, these... rebirths," Remus held up the book at the word. "They're the stuff of fiction."

Harry picked up another book and handed it to Remus.

"That's Break on Through, isn't it?" he asked, his hand still resting on the cover.

Remus looked down at the cover and let out a sigh. "Yes."

"Turn to page forty-three."

Remus shook his head and was about to argue when a thought struck him.

"Harry, why aren't you wearing your glasses?"

Harry turned his head away. "My eyes are tired," he said quickly. "That one talks more about the Perpes' Law and all the criteria fits what happened to Sirius," Harry continued with his eyes diverted.

"Look at me, Harry," Remus said, laying the book aside.

"I'm just tired, Remus," Harry argued but Remus grabbed him by the chin and turned Harry's face to meet his.

Remus had thought Harry's eyes looked clouded with emotion before but now he saw a definite opaqueness to them. A milky sheen that reminded Remus's of his Muggle grandmother who had developed cataracts in later life.

"What happened?" Remus asked, holding his own voice steady as he wondered exactly how much sight Harry had left.

"Nothing," Harry said, trying to pull his face away. "It was just one of the spells. It didn't work," he added as if this wasn't obvious.

"And you lost your sight to it!"

"I can still see, Remus!" Harry said rudely, this time pulling Remus's hand away from his chin. "And it would've been worth it to have him back."

"He wouldn't want this, Harry? It's too much. You're going to end up killing yourself and it'll be for nothing."

"It won't be for nothing," Harry shouted, finally managing to get to his feet in an effort to get away from Remus. "He's NOT - DEAD! He's stuck in that thing," he pointed in the general direction of The Veil. "He's living in some kind of hell! Screaming every day to be set free! I'm not going to stop until I do it."

"Until you kill yourself, Harry?" Remus shouted. "Because that's the only way you're going to see him again." Remus hadn't meant to say this but he couldn't see any other way to get through to the boy. He caught his own thoughts then because for the first time he realised he wasn't talking to a boy anymore.

"You think you can't just come back here after disappearing for years and tell me what to do. I thought you'd understand," Harry argued. "You of all people."

"Why? Because he was my friend?" Remus shook his head confused.

"No, because you killed for him, for revenge."

Remus stopped in his tracks at that. Harry was the only one who knew he had killed Bellatrix. The only one who could possibly confront him with his own actions.

"Don't, Harry," Remus said, his voice shaking.

"Why?" Harry spat. "You argue with me over a few potions, a few spells, when you're the one who held me back from killing her in the first place."

"And you think you would have killed her? At fifteen."

"At fifteen?" Harry repeated sarcastically. "I'd already faced Voldemort three times by then. Already seen my parents killed, my school mates. He'd been in my head, in my dreams!" Harry shook his head. "I would have done it for Sirius. He was the only one that cared for me. That loved me for who I am, not what. Sirius, my mum and my dad. They were the ones that loved me," he said angrily. "And I loved them," he added as if to prove something.

"I loved them too, Harry. You think you have some kind of monopoly on that?" Remus asked trying to keep his voice calm. "That it gives you some right to act like this? To risk your own life when there are other people who love you just as much?"

"They don't know me! Everyone just sees me a being this kid who killed Voldemort."

"Is that what you think we see?" Remus asked in disbelief. "Is that what you think Hermione and Ron see?... What Ginny sees?" Remus moved towards him now. "They're just things you've done, Harry. They're not who you are."

"You don't know what it's like, okay!" Harry turned away as if he couldn't look at Remus anymore.

"I don't know what it's like?" Remus repeated unconvinced. "I don't know what it's like to have my world crash down around me, is that it, Harry? What it's like to lose the only people, outside of my parents, who truly loved me. The only people who looked beyond the scars and saw the boy underneath. I don't know what it's like to love someone so much, that you would do anything to protect them. Anything to bring them back from the hell they'd lived in." Remus stopped, his breathing heavy in his ears. "Don't dare act like you're the only one who's ever felt like this, Harry. I lost the only friends I knew when I was younger than you are now but I learned that there were other reasons to go on. Other people who loved me."

"Like who?" Harry asked, his back still to Remus but his head turned.

"My parents, for one."

Harry snorted. "Doesn't really work for me, does it?"

"They still love you, Harry," Remus pushed. "The people who love you never really leave you. And there are more people, just outside that door, who love you too. They have proven that repeatedly... and they're only here to help you."

Harry shoulders slumped and when he spoke, his voice was shaking. "Who?"

"Hermione and Ron, of course," Remus said with a smile. "And Ginny."

Harry turned away again. "She can't love me."

"I don't think you can stop her," Remus replied with a half smile.

"No, I mean she can't!" he shook his head. "She deserves more than this. With me she'd have to put up with a lifetime of nightmares."

"This isn't you, Harry." Remus placed a hand on Harry's arm. "You're grieving."

Harry looked at him. "Grieving? After all this time," he frowned.

"Yes, after all this time," Remus explained. "For Sirius. For your parents."

"I used to be angry at them," Harry confessed in a whisper. "When I was living with the Dursleys. Before I knew about Hogwarts. I used to get angry that they'd died and left me there."

"They forgive you, Harry. They still love you," Remus smiled.

"He's... he's really gone, isn't he?" Harry asked, his face crumbling under the words. "I've spent the last three years trying to get him back and..." He slumped onto one of the stone benches. His shoulders falling with weariness. "I tried everything, Remus. Everything I could find and nothing has worked."

"That's- that's because he's not coming back," Remus said feeling his own grief tightening around his chest.

"I've never felt like this before," Harry admitted. "I feel responsible for everyone that died in the war, because I was meant to be The One, wasn't I? But Sirius... He didn't die because of Voldemort or a Death Eater, not really. He died because of me."

Remus put his hand on Harry's back. "No, Harry he was protecting you. That's all he ever wanted to do. If he hadn't been there, we would have been outnumbered. Things would have been a lot worse."

"When I first starting thinking about that day. When I realised Neville could always see the Thestrals. I came here. I sat on this step," Harry said, raising his head. "And I could hear him. Like he was standing right next to me." Harry blinked and looked up at the archway. "I heard his voice in The Veil."

Remus looked from Harry to the Veil, trying to mask his surprise. "You did?"

"Yeah," Harry laughed. "That's why I thought I could bring him back. A part of me still does." He turned his head and looked at Remus. "I've never talked to anyone about this. Do you think I'm... going mad?"

"It's grief, Harry," Remus counselled, though he felt distracted by Harry's words. "Maybe if I'd been here-"

"No," Harry said lightly. "You had to go." He reached a hand out and held Remus's shoulder. Harry smiled bitterly. "You know they just assumed I'd killed Him." He shook his head. "The Aurors showed up and seen me... scarred and bloodied... and Voldemort's body lying there... just assumed I'd done it all on my own."

"And Severus?" Remus asked.

"He..." Harry smiled. "All those years in school, I never thought I'd protect him the way I did that night." Harry shook his head. "We had our plan. I told him to leave, ordered him, in fact. I think he might have laughed in my face. I wasn't very coherence to be honest. The curse had hit me harder than I'd first realised. The scar," his hand went to his chest, "was more powerful than I'd imagined. A piece of Voldemort's soul had wrapped around me. He waited until just before the Aurors came. I was half-conscious and babbling. MLE took me to Mungo's. I didn't wake up until a week later. They arrested Severus two days after that. They got a tip about some Death Eaters leaving the country. Severus was one of them. I think he was the one who tipped off the MLE." Harry stopped. His breathing shallow. "He might have killed Dumbledore but-"

"I know, Harry," Remus interrupted. "I talked to Albus. I know about The Unbreakable Vow and the choice Albus made; the sacrifice." He smiled. "A very Albus choice, if I must say. I don't think I could have done what Severus did."

They sat there for a few moments. Remus's hand gently soothing Harry's back.

"Are they going to be able to open the door?" Remus asked when it seemed Harry had calmed down enough.

"No," Harry said. "I have to go back through-" He turned to Remus, as if only realising he must have gotten through the door. "How did you..." he didn't finish his sentence but the look on his face said it all.

"Didn't think about half-breeds, did you?" Remus said, his smile hiding the pain behind it.

Harry's face dropped slightly, "I don't think of you like that, Remus," he said.

"I know," Remus smiled. "You go ahead," he continued. "I'll collect your things and follow behind.

Harry nodded and got to his feet. His gaze rested on the archway for a few moments before he began to walk up the stone steps.

"Remus," he said, turning halfway. "It's good to talk to you. To have you back."

Remus didn't loose the smile on his face until the dark-haired man disappeared through the door. Once he was on his own, he took a steadying breath.

When he turned to pick up Harry's things his eyes fell on The Veil. Harry said he had heard Sirius's voice. Remus wasn't even sure if this was possible.

He walked towards it and placed his right hand on the archway as if to stop himself from going too far.

They were just whispers, one indefinable from the other. A soft wind brushed down his left side and he leaned a little closer until one voice became louder than the others. It's tone solemn.

Remus felt his chest tightening with pain.

Against the silence of the Death Chamber the familiar voice simply said, "Remus?"

XXX

Author's note: Thanks to the small group of you who seem to be following this. Much love is being felt. Next chapter warrants the NC-17 rating so keep your pants on and enjoy the ride. ;-)