The Beach Vacation Adventure
By Ruff Collie
Chapter Four: Zack, the Exhaulted Ninja
"May I ask what you're doing here?" Sephiroth sighed, eyeing Zack in a nearly weary manner.
"Aw, Sephy!" Zack whimpered, looking up at the general from his position on the floor. "Didn't you miss my delightful, drug-like self?"
"No."
A very fake sob emerged from Zack's throat as the SOLDIER threw himself to the ground dramatically. He managed to fill his eyes to the brim with crocodile tears, causing Aeris to lean over him in worry. She shot an infuriated glare towards her irritated companion, who was in the process of brainstorming Zack's demise.
"Sephiroth."
The general cringed, not daring to turn around and argue with his girlfriend. He knew that tone; alas, it was the fabled tone of the extremely pissed off and pre-menstrual woman. Legend had it that no earthly being stood a chance of disobeying its dreadful order. The brave men who had attempted to avoid the orders of the women were said to have met the most horrific ends; Sephiroth certainly did not want to become another casualty. He was good, but not quite THAT good.
"Yes..." Sephiroth paused, debating on how to address her; 'harpy' and 'PMSing hag' were tempting, but would probably get him mauled to death. "...Aeris?"
"Apologize to him. Now."
There was no room for question in THAT command. Sephiroth groaned, and mumbled out a pathetic excuse for a sorry. Zack's eyes started glowing immediately, and he pulled himself off the floor so that he was resting on his knees. The SOLDIER grinned brilliantly, winking in Sephiroth's direction.
"Aw, it's all right. I interrupted your little 'conquest', if you know what I mean...eh?" Zack turned his attention Aeris, who was trying to hide herself under the many blankets on the bed. "Did you know that ol' General Sephy here is actually a-"
"That. Is. ENOUGH." Sephiroth forced out, Masamune's blade dangeously close to kissing Zack's neck. The spikey-haired man continued, seemingly oblivious to any distractions.
"Heh, I don't know why a hottie like you would go for an ass like Sephers. I mean, what do you actually see in him besides pretty hair and a pretty face? You should go for someone who can treat a lady right...who knows how to please..." Zack winked at the Cetra, "Someone like my sexy self."
Grinding his teeth together, Sephiroth lost control for a second and managed to nick his second-in-command's neck, which caused a small bubble of blood to collect at the wound.
"OW!" Zack howled, clapping his neck to the tiny cut and glaring at a very agitated general, "Stop poking me with that over-sized kitchen knife of yours! It kinda hurts, if you didn't already know! Besides, all of that was the truth!"
"How did you manage to drag yourself up here?" Sephiroth asked skeptically, changing the subject.
"Oooo!" Zack clapped his hands together, looking at his commander proudly. "I used my ultimate Wutainese NINJA SKILLS!"
"Zack, sometimes I doubt that you possess even the most basic of skills," Sephiroth sighed, massaging his temples lightly, "let alone anything that involves being SILENT and INTRICATE."
"Hey!" Zack pouted, hmphing indignantly, "Watch it, General! I might just have to steal your girl here! She's probably more interested in my amazing tale of skill and heartbreaking bravery-"
"Right." Sephiroth glared daggers at him. "And by the way, my incompetent underling, if you lay one hand on 'my girl', as you so disrespectfully called her, my 'over-sized kitchen knife' will see to it that there will never be any mini Zacks running around."
The SOLDIER made a kind of soft 'eep' noise, his hands automatically moving down to protect everything he held dear. Much more reserved, Zack turned around and began to recap his 'adventure' to Aeris, whose face's color was deepening with each passing moment. Suddenly, Sephiroth narrowed his eyes and whipped around, Masamune still held tightly in his hand.
"Zack, what are you even doing here?"
Turning around slowly, Zack put on his most innocent looking face. He stared up at Sephiroth like a little child, his eyes wide and confused.
"What do you mean?"
"You know exactly what I mean!" Sephiroth snapped, "You must have a reason for dragging your sorry ass here from Midgar!"
Standing up, Zack let out an exaggerated sigh. Cementing his hands on his hips, the SOLDIER looked up at his commander with a huge grin.
"Sheffy luffs teh Zackeh, yesh he dosh!" Zack cooed, the words like blood oozing out of a particularly bad cut, "Dat's why Sheffy won't get all angry like at Zackeh when teh Zackeh tellsh him that Zackeh camesh becaush he wantsted to shpend shum aweshum fun time wif hish most favoritest person in teh whole wide worlds, General Sheffyrawff. Shinra doeshn't know either!"
"Wait!" Sephiroth sputtered, staring at his second-in-command in shock, "You mean no one knows you're here?"
"Yep!" Zack proclaimed proudly.
"You were supposed to be taking care of my duties in Midgar!"
"Oh, I solved that too!" Zack nodded.
Back in Midgar...
Reeve knocked on Sephiroth's office door, frowning when he didn't hear the usual 'come in.' Puzzled, the head of urban development opened the door, only to be greeted by a sea of white. A single yellow fin was parting the ocean if paper, coming closer to Reeve. The man was both annoyed and a tiny bit frightened.
"Uhm...hello?"
Suddenly, papers flew everywhere and the 'fin' popped up to reveal a young man with spikey, blonde hair. He looked at Reeve, puzzled.
"Are you Reeve?"
"Yes...?"
"Hi! I'm Cloud! Zack told me you'd help me with all this paperwork!"
It took all of Reeve's self control not to scream.
"And when did...my colleague...tell you he'd be getting back?" Reeve asked Cloud, wanting desperately to wring Zack's neck.
"Oh!" Cloud said brightly, "In about six days!"
"...Right. If you'll excuse me for a moment."
Reeve stepped outside the room, and took a deep breath.
Several floors below, Tseng raised an eyebrow as he heard what sounded like Reeve's screams and many death threats directed towards a spikey haired SOLDIER. The Turk turned to the secretary, who was confused.
"What was that?" she asked, a bit distrubed.
"Oh, nothing," Tseng replied absentmindedly, "It was probably the interns. Now, about that mutant cactuar..."
A/N: All righty! That chapter's done, and I'm very happy. My boyfriend reserved Final Fantasy XII...the Collector's Edition for our anniversary, because that's the day it comes out! Yay! I also played FFVII again...and had to watch the scene where Aeris dies FIVE TIMES before I beat Jenova.
Next chapter: Haven't thought out a title, but something with karaoke.