Ch 9.
*****So here's the deal. Gunn and Wes have come to Sunnydale because of Buffy. Why? Well you have to read and find out.Riley and Forrest and nothing really than a bunch of assholes who enjoying beating and raping women. Not that it wasn't obvious.Buffy is taking sleeping pills every now and then. oh and I own thanks to one of my reviewers who pointed out that sleeping pills might at times make it difficult to wake up****
Buffy slowly reached of the cup of coffee that Angel handed her and snuggled deeper into her blanket. Her head was pounding, and the images of her nightmare still stirred in her thoughts.
No one had spoken while she changed into dry clothes and then sat on the couch. In fact all seemed completely happy to be on the other side of the room away from her. Not that she really blamed them, if she had her way she'd be on the other side of the room away from her as well.
Truthfully she was beginning to wonder if it would be a mistake to tell them about her past. She didn't own them anything.
But god she needed someone to talk to. Someone who could understand.
They were her friends. The only really friends she had ever had and just maybe they would understand. Understand what made her the way she was. Understand that she was a murderess and didn't feel the least bit of guilt on the matter.
Was that wrong? She didn't know and heaven knew she didn't care.
Angel sat down next to her and carefully squeezed her hand. It felt nice to have a bit of comfort, but better not to get used to it. It would cause many problems.
Buffy cleared her throat and instantly the room went still. Everyone was here including Xander, Faith and Oz. The only three that didn't live in the house. Willow had called them for her, telling them what had happened and that this couldn't wait till morning. All there had come in worried as sin and frantic for details, except Oz but then it was Oz.
Buffy swallowed a lump in her throat and with a hoarse voice began her tale, "When my mother was sixteen she ran off with a boy about five years older than she. She used to say that she was in love with him, but then love comes easy when your pregnant and getting married to the man who did it to you. Joyce would tell me of how kind he was and he would never hurt a fly.
My mother was wrong. Because not long after I was born he began to beat her. She held on for a few years, keeping me out of his way as much as possible, but by the time I turned seven I could see the truth. He beat her daily and when she could no longer feel the pain he turned to me. Joyce wouldn't leave him; she was to scared to do so. So she found her escape through drugs and as the years came and went she stopped knowing what was going on. Stopped caring when he beat her or when he beat me," Buffy stopped talking.
Her eyes were fixed on the dark liquid in her cup. She didn't want to relive the memories, but for some reason it felt a bit better to get it off her chest.
"When I was sixteen I met a boy of my own. Tall, dark and handsome, so sweet in every way possible, but just like my father it was all an act," she stopped again. Trying hard not to recall the memories, trying to remain detached.
"Go on," Angel urged her. He was now holding her, doing his best to block out the painful memories.
God he wanted to kill her father beat the fucker to dead with his own to hands.
But then it would make him no better than the man who had beat Buffy.
"My father was in the drug dealership, a very powerful man. Though you would never know it from the piece of shit apartment we lived in. But hey he found other ways to use his money; after all hookers and drugs of your own don't come cheap.
Anyways back to the boy his name was Parker and I thought at the time that he was everything I had ever wanted. I thought that I was in love. But everything changed after a few months; he began controlling with me. Wanting to know the smallest detail of my life. I told myself it was because he knew what Hank did to me. Knew the pain I went through. After all it's a nice fantasy to think some one cares for you when you've never had anyone before," Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat and looked up from her cup.
They all started at her, open mouth looks of amazement, even Oz seemed completely dumbfounded.
Buffy eyed her coffee again, "Turns out I got it all wrong. Parker worked for my father and I was nothing more than a prize. Parker had wanted me and since he had been doing such a good job my father managed to arrange it."
"Arrange it how?" Willow asked. Her voice was timid and her eyes weld with tears.
Buffy smiled ruefully, "The only way he knew how. He beat me and allowed me to escape him. I ran into Parker as a tore from the building. Lets just say the rest of the night is history. Anyways about four or so months ago, I was in my room and Hank came home in a fitful mood. He was looking to punish someone and I happened to be at hand.
I could hear him come down the hall that night and I knew what he was going to do. I just couldn't take it any more so I popped out my window and when out the fire escape. I ran a few blocks. But I wasn't save Parker had found me. Which to me made things worse; since he had begun hitting me a few days before," her voice was detached. As if she had stopped feeling it all long ago. As if she would never feel again.
"What happened luv," Spike asked.
"We fought and I killed him. I remember walking in to the police station with blood on my hands and crying so hard. That's when I met Gunn and Wesley. They became the police officers on my case. They were their the take me to the hospital the day I found my mother's body. The same day my father was arrested of child abuse and drug dealing. Along with third and second degree murder."
"You found your mother's body?" Angel asked. He squeezed her a little closer to him.
"Yes. Hank knew when I was coming home, he did it just to scare me." When she looked up again she found tears in everyone's eyes.
She wouldn't have their pity.
She had survived. And she was living in the world now.
"Don't pity me or cry for me. I don't and I don't want anyone else to," Buffy as sternly.
"Best get you home honey. Before they notice you missing," Angel said.
Truthfully he wanted to talk to her.
To tell her that no matter what that she was strong.
That he was proud of her.
That he loved her. He had known it since he had first seen her. He couldn't tell her but he wanted to with all his heart. A heart that he had long buried with its own scars of the past.
*****So here's the deal. Gunn and Wes have come to Sunnydale because of Buffy. Why? Well you have to read and find out.Riley and Forrest and nothing really than a bunch of assholes who enjoying beating and raping women. Not that it wasn't obvious.Buffy is taking sleeping pills every now and then. oh and I own thanks to one of my reviewers who pointed out that sleeping pills might at times make it difficult to wake up****
Buffy slowly reached of the cup of coffee that Angel handed her and snuggled deeper into her blanket. Her head was pounding, and the images of her nightmare still stirred in her thoughts.
No one had spoken while she changed into dry clothes and then sat on the couch. In fact all seemed completely happy to be on the other side of the room away from her. Not that she really blamed them, if she had her way she'd be on the other side of the room away from her as well.
Truthfully she was beginning to wonder if it would be a mistake to tell them about her past. She didn't own them anything.
But god she needed someone to talk to. Someone who could understand.
They were her friends. The only really friends she had ever had and just maybe they would understand. Understand what made her the way she was. Understand that she was a murderess and didn't feel the least bit of guilt on the matter.
Was that wrong? She didn't know and heaven knew she didn't care.
Angel sat down next to her and carefully squeezed her hand. It felt nice to have a bit of comfort, but better not to get used to it. It would cause many problems.
Buffy cleared her throat and instantly the room went still. Everyone was here including Xander, Faith and Oz. The only three that didn't live in the house. Willow had called them for her, telling them what had happened and that this couldn't wait till morning. All there had come in worried as sin and frantic for details, except Oz but then it was Oz.
Buffy swallowed a lump in her throat and with a hoarse voice began her tale, "When my mother was sixteen she ran off with a boy about five years older than she. She used to say that she was in love with him, but then love comes easy when your pregnant and getting married to the man who did it to you. Joyce would tell me of how kind he was and he would never hurt a fly.
My mother was wrong. Because not long after I was born he began to beat her. She held on for a few years, keeping me out of his way as much as possible, but by the time I turned seven I could see the truth. He beat her daily and when she could no longer feel the pain he turned to me. Joyce wouldn't leave him; she was to scared to do so. So she found her escape through drugs and as the years came and went she stopped knowing what was going on. Stopped caring when he beat her or when he beat me," Buffy stopped talking.
Her eyes were fixed on the dark liquid in her cup. She didn't want to relive the memories, but for some reason it felt a bit better to get it off her chest.
"When I was sixteen I met a boy of my own. Tall, dark and handsome, so sweet in every way possible, but just like my father it was all an act," she stopped again. Trying hard not to recall the memories, trying to remain detached.
"Go on," Angel urged her. He was now holding her, doing his best to block out the painful memories.
God he wanted to kill her father beat the fucker to dead with his own to hands.
But then it would make him no better than the man who had beat Buffy.
"My father was in the drug dealership, a very powerful man. Though you would never know it from the piece of shit apartment we lived in. But hey he found other ways to use his money; after all hookers and drugs of your own don't come cheap.
Anyways back to the boy his name was Parker and I thought at the time that he was everything I had ever wanted. I thought that I was in love. But everything changed after a few months; he began controlling with me. Wanting to know the smallest detail of my life. I told myself it was because he knew what Hank did to me. Knew the pain I went through. After all it's a nice fantasy to think some one cares for you when you've never had anyone before," Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat and looked up from her cup.
They all started at her, open mouth looks of amazement, even Oz seemed completely dumbfounded.
Buffy eyed her coffee again, "Turns out I got it all wrong. Parker worked for my father and I was nothing more than a prize. Parker had wanted me and since he had been doing such a good job my father managed to arrange it."
"Arrange it how?" Willow asked. Her voice was timid and her eyes weld with tears.
Buffy smiled ruefully, "The only way he knew how. He beat me and allowed me to escape him. I ran into Parker as a tore from the building. Lets just say the rest of the night is history. Anyways about four or so months ago, I was in my room and Hank came home in a fitful mood. He was looking to punish someone and I happened to be at hand.
I could hear him come down the hall that night and I knew what he was going to do. I just couldn't take it any more so I popped out my window and when out the fire escape. I ran a few blocks. But I wasn't save Parker had found me. Which to me made things worse; since he had begun hitting me a few days before," her voice was detached. As if she had stopped feeling it all long ago. As if she would never feel again.
"What happened luv," Spike asked.
"We fought and I killed him. I remember walking in to the police station with blood on my hands and crying so hard. That's when I met Gunn and Wesley. They became the police officers on my case. They were their the take me to the hospital the day I found my mother's body. The same day my father was arrested of child abuse and drug dealing. Along with third and second degree murder."
"You found your mother's body?" Angel asked. He squeezed her a little closer to him.
"Yes. Hank knew when I was coming home, he did it just to scare me." When she looked up again she found tears in everyone's eyes.
She wouldn't have their pity.
She had survived. And she was living in the world now.
"Don't pity me or cry for me. I don't and I don't want anyone else to," Buffy as sternly.
"Best get you home honey. Before they notice you missing," Angel said.
Truthfully he wanted to talk to her.
To tell her that no matter what that she was strong.
That he was proud of her.
That he loved her. He had known it since he had first seen her. He couldn't tell her but he wanted to with all his heart. A heart that he had long buried with its own scars of the past.