Summary: This story is set in the future, sixteen years from the Season Six finale. Tasha, a girl whose past is unknown even to her, appears to the Charmed Ones, asking for help. Along the road to controlling her powers, an attraction springs up between her and Chris, but can their feelings for each other overcome the demons in her past--and future?
Dedicated to:
1) I couldn't be happier, no - I couldn't be happier, though it is I admit the tiniest bit unlike I anticipated… )
2) "And now whatever way our stories end…" sorry guys, injoke ;) This one's for you Laura.
3) My new obsession, you rock. I should tell I blew the candle out just to get back in… I'm back in baby.
Disclaimer: …are you trying to rub it in?
Important Note: Most of this stuff is either flashbacks, or dialogue. There's hardly any action, just so you know. Hope it doesn't get confusing.
Chapter Fifteen
"I refuse. I will not take another step."
"Tasha, you're being melodramatic. How bad can it be?"
"Um…really, really bad?"
Chris shook his head in exasperation. "Listen, all we need to do is walk towards the light. On the way, we might have to live through a few memories—"
"YOU SAID A LOT!"
"Okay, okay, more than a few. But honestly, how bad can they be? Right?"
Tasha remained silent.
"It's the only way out. At least you've got me."
"Mixed blessing, that." She sighed. "Okay. Go into the light."
"Somehow, it's not hard for me to connect your mind with The Exorcist."
"Hang on, wasn't that line from Poltergeist?"
"Like I would know? Maybe it was The Omen. Maybe it was The Blair Witch Product. Shut up and start walking."
"I still don't get how I can walk through my own head. It's just weird."
"Listen, Tasha, magic is a complex thing. One extra ingredient or wrong emotion can change things drastically. Magic is in fact a physical representation of the Chaos Theory – the idea that one small change in the world can start a chain reaction to make a change that can affect the entire cosmos."
"In other words, you don't know."
"Not a clue," Chris effectively confirmed, grabbing her hand and starting to walk.
x0x
"Tash, you don't know what you're doing."
"I know exactly what I'm doing."
The kisses she ran along his jaw were tempting, the way she nibbled on his ear was torture, and the movement of her body rocking against his was painful. He didn't doubt his need for her in any way, but he never pictured taking her like this. It would go against everything he wanted them to share, and it wasn't like she would even remember anything that happened. No, this wasn't to his liking at all.
Gripping her shoulders, he pulled her back until he could see her clouded eyes. "We can't do this tonight. It wouldn't be a good idea."
"But—"
"Tash, I'm trying so hard to be good about this. Trust me when I say that you will hate yourself if we do anything tonight. You're already going to hate your life tomorrow, and I'm not going to add myself to that list."
She leaned forward and kissed him so deeply and thoroughly that his body went languid and he allowed her to lay him back before he had a chance to think up any objections. He heard himself groan, as her fingers grew even bolder on his body. His arms felt heavy and weighted, and he could feel his restraint slipping away as she positioned herself on top of him and kissed him deeper and more forcefully.
Tasha's eyes widened in shock. "I didn't do that."
"Of course you didn't."
She shot Chris a glare. "Christopher Halliwell!"
They had traversed what seemed to Tasha to be several miles at this point, at it was getting more and more tedious. The first few memories had been okay, memories of dinner with the Halliwell's, that kind of thing. But this!
He tried turning his head to the side to break the contact, but her hands came up and held him still so she could continue kissing and nibbling at his lips. "Sweetheart, you're very convincing but…but…oh God."
It took every bit of strength he had, mentally and physically, to move her from on top of him to his side. The moment her back hit the bed, she reached over and pulled his head down to where she could continue her seduction.
Chris knew himself well enough to know that they were nearing the point where all of his good intentions would be shot to hell. He kept reminding himself that this was not the way he wanted them to be together the first time. He sat up and stood to look down at her.
Running a hand through his hair, he fought for the control that was rapidly leaving him. "I'm not doing this. Call me a freak, or any other name you want to. But I'm not going to do this tonight. Not when you're like this."
She sat up and fiddled with his fingers as she looked up at him. "Can I call you sexy instead?"
"Tash…" The words died in his throat. "I'm having a hard time thinking right now."
He grabbed both of her hands and pulled her up until she was sitting in front of him. "You are the biggest weakness I have. And I'm not just talking about your body and the things I'd love to do to it. I'm talking about you. Don't make me do something that I'll regret when it comes to you. I'm begging you."
Tasha hid her face in her hands. "Oh…my…God. Just – shoot me right now. I can't believe this. I can't freaking BELIEVE this."
Chris laughed. "It's not that bad! Okay, well, it is, but at least it was just me."
"JUST YOU?" she echoed hysterically. "You are HARDLY a 'just'! You – " she stopped when she saw his raised eyebrow and cocky look. "Oh, don't."
She stared for a few more minutes at the memory, which showed Chris quietly climbing into bed next to her and holding her comfortably against him.
"Uh…Chris?"
"Mmhmm?"
"Why didn't you…you know. Try anything?"
"Tash, I didn't have to TRY anything. You were pretty much climbing on me right then."
"Shut up. Why didn't you take advantage of that fact? I mean…it's not like you and I are…and I wouldn't've…" she trailed off, blushing.
"Minded? Yeah, maybe not. I wanted it too. But the only thing is, in my imagination," at this he pulled Tasha onwards. "In my imagination, you had full control of your mind and you still wanted me. You're not like everyone else. I wasn't going to use you like all those other girls. You…you're different."
Tasha smiled, charmed. Then she frowned. "Wait, in your imagination?"
Damnit.
"What do you mean, in your imagination?"
"Tasha, let it go." He hurriedly let go of her fingers and sped on, almost feeling the incensed glare scorching his back.
"We're going to discuss that later."
"I have no doubt."
x0x
Chris turned and exited, but then poked his head back around the doorframe.
"Yeeeesss?"
"Just forgot one thing." He kissed her slowly and softly. It was sweet in its simplicity yet potent, and once it was over, he swaggered out, looking extremely pleased with himself.
"Damn." Tasha breathed, brushing her fingertips over the lingering warmth.
"HAH! I knew that affected you more than you let on!"
Tasha at this point was a vivid crimson. "Listen, you cocky little weasel, one kiss does not – "
"Tasha, will you please save the lame excuse for later and let me gloat? Thank you."
x0x
Tasha considered his words. "Life is a gift. Cliché, I know, but it's true. There's so much we don't see because we don't reach out and try to catch it as it goes by. Life goes on, but it's also as fragile and as fleeting as a falling star."
He swallowed loudly. "And love?"
Tasha turned to face him, and that was a mistake. Those emerald eyes caught her and held her almost hypnotized.
"Uh…"
For the life of her she couldn't move her eyes away from his. She also felt, rather than saw, that he was moving closer and closer to her.
"I think it's a big word. It holds…a universe in itself. Responsibilities, promises, expectations, hope and joy and…" She remembered the look in Chris' eyes when he had jumped at Agoth to protect her. "…Protectiveness rolled into one. It's not something anyone should ever take lightly. To me…it's pretty scary, giving your self and committing yourself like that. It's…terrifying, really."
He leaned even closer to her and searched her face with his sparkling eyes. Her breathing rate increased and her raven eyes widened.
"Are you afraid of me, Tasha?"
Her breath was coming quicker as he leaned his head down even further and closed his eyes. She opened her suddenly dry mouth and confided in a whisper, "Terrified."
Tasha sighed, smiling. "I can't believe I admitted that to you."
"I can't believe it either. For the longest time, I thought you hated me."
"I never hated you. Like I said…I was scared. Terrified, of all the feelings I had inside of me."
"You're much more outspoken in your head about the whole you/me thing than you are outside." Chris noted.
"Yeah, but after that whole drunken Tash thing, I figure you deserve to know some of this. I always wanted you to know. I could just never say it."
"Why not?"
"Because for the longest time, I didn't believe in love and romance and stuff. Well, I believed in it, I just never thought it would happen to me."
"What? Why?" the idea seemed ludicrous to Chris. Tasha shrugged and carried on walking.
x0x
"You two have such an intense relationship," prodded Pearl, not letting it go.
Tasha opted for acting insulted. "Of course we do! He's my whitelighter, I'm a witch demon angel thing! I think that 'intense' would sum it up, y'know?"
Pearl rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant, and you know it. Come on, haven't you noticed the way he looks at you?"
Tasha looked up. "How?"
Pearl snorted. "Hey, if you don't know, then I'm not going to be the one to tell you." She stood. "You know, Tasha, you're lying to yourself, and hurting him as well. He's the one who went out on a limb down in that cave, and he's the one who's going to have to deal with the repercussions."
"What repercussions? He was evil! He practically made his own get-out-of-jail-free card!"
Pearl just looked at Tasha steadily.
Tasha sighed, defeated. "We kissed, Pearl. And it was…weird. I knew he wasn't Chris, wasn't himself…but I still wanted him. I…I've--" she broke off, and tried again. "I really like your cousin. Ever since the first time I saw him. He's funny, and smart, and brave…he's completely gorgeous. And he has…this charisma, this aura around him that I just can't get enough of."
Tasha swallowed, and Pearl nodded encouragingly. She could sense that talking about her feelings was not something Tasha did often, and didn't want to scare her off.
"And in the cave, he acted…well, like Chris, with the charm, the intensity…but different. He was…more dangerous, wilder."
"That would be because he was evil." Pearl observed dryly.
"Yeah…which brings me to my point. Why did Evil-Chris manage to make a move when Chris couldn't? That's gotta say something, right?"
Pearl rolled her eyes. "Yeah: that evil is more upfront. Think about it: we practice self-control. We can't have the luxury of acting on our most powerful feelings, because if we could…well, let's just say that all schools would be burnt down, and there would be much more fighting in this house."
Tasha snickered.
"But evil…well, they don't care. They're there for themselves. I quote from Buffy: Want, Take, Have."
"But either way, Chris doesn't want me. Not when he's sane."
"Or maybe he's just waiting for the perfect time. Not just for him, but for you as well."
"Thanks, but no thanks. I have no desire to be Ms. I-want-Chris-Halliwell fourteen hundred kabillion and one."
"Okay, so he has a lot of girlfriends. So what? He's a seventeen-year-old male. His primary thinking organ is not his brain. And yeah, he wants you, but he doesn't know you want him. He has needs."
Tasha snorted. "What, he couldn't just ask me and be done with it?"
"Would you ask him?"
"That girl is much too smart for her own good."
"I am in total agreement."
x0x
She felt herself relax in his arms before she knew what she was doing. His heart was beating so fast against hers, and a shiver ran through her. Then his soft kisses turned into slow shivery ones and then into white-hot ones, like the heart of a star. Tasha was still afraid, even as she clung to him—was it true that fear had to be a part of passion? She could feel his mind all around her, strong, demanding. She remembered the other times she'd been in his arms, when he was orbing her, when he was comforting her. He'd made her feel safe, protected. Now…she was trembling, falling and soaring at the same time. The electricity they'd always felt when together was flowing into her, shocking her nerve endings sweetly. Everywhere he touched she felt fire and ice. He was kissing her as softly as twilight, tiny soft kisses, and long kisses that turned wild. And she was kissing him back, her arms around her neck, hands tangled in his chestnut hair.
Suddenly, he changed the pressure of his lips on hers, and light coursed through her. She opened her eyes in shock. He looked down at her, eyes sooty with passion, his lashes long and dark.
"You see?" he sounded thrilled, exalted…he didn't move away, but spoke with his lips brushing hers. "We fit. We were meant to be like this."
"Man, I got scary when I went evil," Chris muttered.
"Yeah. And I totally rescued you. So it more than makes up for the drunk thing."
"Tasha, you spent half the night throwing up and I had to stand next to you to make sure you didn't concuss yourself on the toilet seat."
"Okay, maybe not MORE than. Funny though, isn't it? That circumstances turned out so we both had to take care of each other."
"I don't find it funny."
"Funny peculiar, Chris, not funny haha."
Chris titled his head to the side, considering this. "Nah." He took her hand, squeezing her fingers. "We were meant to be like this."
x0x
"Good thinking," nodded Wyatt. "This way they can't deny it." With a quick movement, he threw the glass of icy water over Tasha and his brother.
Instantly, Chris woke up, gasping from the coldness. "What-" he looked, bewildered, at the girl in his arms, who chose that precise moment to awake as well.
"What the Hell?" Tasha tried to jerk away, but failed, they were too entangled. She looked up at him, getting lost in his eyes for a moment. "I could've sworn I fell asleep on the couch."
"Yeah, I coulda believed that too." He gazed at her for a second. "You know, this isn't as uncomfortable as I imagined it would be."
"You've imagined it?" she asked tartly.
"Very funny. Now, what in the world possessed you to take advantage of the situation last night and snuggle up to me oh-so-sneakily?" asked Chris comfortably, making no effort to remove his arms.
"Pfft. You probably orbed me into this position because of your insane, out-of-your-mind attraction to me," snapped Tasha.
"Exactly who is attracted to whom here?" he moved his face so close to hers that his lips were only a few centimeters away. And then less than that. And then so near that he must have been able to feel her breath. "You wouldn't be the first girl to fall for my charms."
She ignored the shiver that went through me as his breath played across her skin and struggled against his arms. "No, but I'd be the first human to," she retorted, squirming for all she was worth.
Tasha and Chris gazed at the memory a little longer, before shaking themselves and carrying on.
"You really do have a lot of faith in your charm, don't ya?"
"Hey, it got me you."
"Nah. That was your heart."
x0x
She sat up. Maybe she was an insomniac. She pondered this for a moment. I wonder if I could do a spell or something that would make sure I never got tired. Then I wouldn't have to sleep, and I wouldn't be torturing myself like this. Tasha would have followed this train of thought further if it wasn't for the music she heard suddenly. Curious, she climbed out of bed and wandered into the hallway, searching for the source of the soft, melodic strains. She didn't have far to look; the melody came from the room beside hers. Chris's. She pushed the door open carefully. Chris was sitting on his bed, clad in only his boxers, eyes shut, hands strumming at a guitar. Tasha, entranced, crept in silently, and settled herself on a couch in the corner of the room, listening to his voice as he sang to the tune he was coaxing from the strings.
"…and be the one who catches all your tears/that's why I need you to hear/I found a reason for me/to change who I used to be/a reason to start over new/and the reason is you/and is the reason is you--" Chris stopped mid-verse as he opened his eyes and caught sight of Tasha. He nearly dropped his guitar as he stared at her in shock. "What are you doing here?" he asked loudly.
"That's one of my favourite memories." Tasha said, smiling.
"That? Why?"
Tasha raised an eyebrow. "Um, Chris, maybe no-one's told you this because your ego would get even bigger, but your voice is positively orgasmic. And you're really good at the guitar thing."
"The guitar thing? You make it sound so naughty."
"Not my fault. The way you play it is naughty."
"When I play my guitar? We must have different thoughts regarding naughtiness. How is the way I play it naughty?"
"You play that guitar like you're making love to it."
"Is that a fact?"
"Uh-huh. What can I say, you and the way you make love to your guitar is more than enough to weaken my knees."
"Are you turning into a groupie?"
"Don't get me started on the things I'd like to do to you," teased Tasha, grinning hugely at his wide eyes and slightly-parted lips. "I'd have sex with your voice alone."
Chris started choking and Tasha patted him on his back. "Was it something I said?"
"Mental…picture…" he coughed out, before swallowing hard. "Oh…God."
It took him a while to finally get his breath back, and before Tasha could say anything, he placed a hand over her mouth. "Nuh-uh. No more talking. Let's just get moving."
x0x
Tasha opened her mouth and started screaming. Without warning, out of the blue, Chris appeared in a shower of blue orbs. In a split-second he surveyed the situation and grabbed Tasha's hand, pulling her backwards.
"Witch!" snapped the demon, raising his clawed hand. A fireball appeared in it, and came straight for Chris, who waved his hand, conjuring from nowhere a translucent blue shield that deflected the fiery orb.
"You got that right." Chris snapped. He waved his hand again, and the shield disappeared. He outstretched his hand towards the demon, and made a sort of tossing motion. In the blink of an eye, a tiny flame appeared in his palm. Chris repeated the tossing motion, and the flame left his hand and flew through the air towards the demon, enlarging as it went. When it reached the demon it covered him completely, and he screamed as the flames devoured him. With a baleful glance at Tasha, it spoke. "I'll be back for you." Its last words, as it exploded in very gory pyrotechnics.
"In your dreams, moron," spat Chris. He looked at Tasha, who was standing stock-still, eyes wide. "Are you okay? Sorry it took me so long, I was kinda…asleep."
"Damn, that was scary when it happened."
"You were scared of that? I thought you'd seen worse."
"I have. I was scared for you. That was the first time I've ever seen you out of your element, so to speak. And I was terrified about how you'd handle the next demon, or the one after that. I didn't realize you were Buffy and Lara Croft rolled into one."
"Without the bad grammar and pneumatic chest."
"Hey, it looks fine to me," Chris winked, and Tasha hit him on the shoulder.
x0x
The hooded figure stepped into the light, and pulled back his hood. "You can call me Dakaki for now. I like that…mortals have absolutely no idea concerning demon hierarchy. And you…you are the angel born in Hell."
Tasha started. "What?" she stared at the…Dakaki. He looked like—ohmygod.
"Principal Withers? You're a demon?"
Okay, not the brightest thing to say.
"Obviously. Think about it."
Tasha thought.
"Oh come on. Your powers become unbound just a while after you meet me, while doing a project on the Salem Witch Trials? A little convenient, don't you agree?"
Tashas shook her head. "My powers became unbound because I was angry."
Dakaki shook his head as well. "Nope. I unbound them, that morning when I met you. However, I didn't manage to do it fully, and had to wait for some emotion to trigger it." He shrugged. "Please. You weren't nearly angry enough to unlock an upper-level power like throwing fire."
Tasha swallowed. "You tried to keep me away from Chris because you knew he'd try and help me."
"I must admit, that part didn't work so well. I tried to sow seeds of discord and what happens? He becomes your whitelighter—and I find you shacked up in his house, no less."
"Tasha…what the HELL was that?"
Tasha cringed. "I was going to tell you…soon! I swear, I was."
Chris looked angrier than she had ever seen him. "Tasha, our principal is evil?"
"Heh…kinda ironic, isn't it? Heh."
Chris wasn't buying. "So. Let's just see if I have this straight, based on that pathetic little fragment of memory and the ZERO details you gave me. Our principal is a demon. He's trying to make you evil. AND YOU DIDN'T BOTHER TELLING ME?"
"You were evil! It slipped my mind in all the confusion and after that, I didn't bother. Besides, I threw a fireball at him before I shimmered out – he's long gone."
"I hope so. If not, I just might kill you before he does. Tasha, that was irresponsible of you. I'm your whitelighter, and more to the point – I care about you a damn sight more than any other average charge! I can't believe you didn't -"
"Can we get out of here before you start trying to kill me by evil glares alone?"
Chris ran a hand through his hair. "You have got a lot of explaining to do."
x0x
"You know, you really have an attitude problem," said Chris, trying to keep the anger in his voice down to a bare minimum.
"I do?" asked Tash. "Do you really think so?" she asked conversationally.
"Not to mention what a big pain in the ass you are," snapped Chris.
"Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! When it comes to pain, I'm a paper cut and you're an amputation without anesthesia!" retorted Tash heatedly. Chris stood up so fast he almost lost his balance.
"What the Hell is wrong with you? I'm trying to apologize!"
"And I'm making it pretty clear I'm not accepting it!" yelled Tash, just as loudly.
"See, now, that would be the attitude problem. Why are you so stubborn?"
"Stubborn?" gasped Tash angrily. "Stubborn?" She was shaking with rage. She held up her right hand and pointed it at Chris. "I am stubborn?"
"Yes, stubborn and arrogant and bossy and snobbish!"
Tasha stared at Chris, hatred in her eyes. She felt livid enough to cheerfully kill Chris, furious enough to hit him.
"You--" she spluttered, and then words failed her. "I hate you!" she yelled, pushing the air with her hand as though it was him. What happened next was something Chris didn't expect and Tash wouldn't expect.
"Man, you were such a pain."
"Like I said then – I'm a paper cut and you're an amputation without anesthesia."
"Have you ever had an amputation with anesthesia? Don't be so melodramatic."
x0x
Tasha pulled a wad of money out of her pocket and handed it to a seedy-looking man in a trench coat. He passed her a small transparent packet filled with white powder.
"Thanks Ramon."
The man nodded and Tasha moved on. She walked quickly to a small apartment building and climbed the stairs, entering her loft. There, she began quickly and efficiently heating the white substance, loading a syringe, shooting the remaining amber liquid into her veins.
Chris blinked. "Tasha…"
Tasha was pale and blinking profusely. "I can't believe…" she sighed. "Damn memories. I've been trying so hard to forget."
"That was a one-off though, right?"
"Did it look like that? I was on smack for about a year. Then – I quit."
"How? Just like that?"
"It was damn difficult, don't get me wrong. And rehab isn't cheap. But I did."
"Why?"
"Because…well, because I had this strange dream – more like an epiphany."
"Of what?"
"That something really amazing was going to happen and I would miss it. I mean, for all I knew then, it could've been a hallucination, I was that far gone. But I just kept seeing these bright green eyes looking at me out of darkness and even though I didn't hear anything, I knew that those eyes were trying to tell me that if I didn't stop, I'd lose out on something wonderful soon."
Chris looked at her in wonderment, barely daring to believe. "Was it…" he hesitated.
"Yeah. Weird, isn't it? Kismet, or fate or whatever you want to call it. But I guess…" she paused. "I guess I really did know you before I met you."
Chris pulled Tasha closer, rubbing her arms, noticing that she was shaking. "I'm…sorry."
"For what?"
"That you had to go through all that alone." Chris watched as the glistening hologram-like image before him showed a Tasha sick, shivering, cold.
"I…I went pretty deep into something when I was in LA. I'm just glad I got out." She shuddered, and Chris took her in his arms.
"Ssh," he said, stroking her hair. "It's all right."
Chris hugged her tighter to him, and carried on walking, trying his best to shield the memory from her view. He just wanted to protect her, keep her safe in his arms.
x0x
The next memories were no better – painful for Tasha and terrifying for Chris.
Tasha, dressed in black, dancing wildly at a dark, smoky club with strobe lights flashing around her.
Tasha, drinking shots of vodka, emptying one small glass after another until finally stumbling, tripping her way out of the club to return home, to an empty unmade bed.
Tasha, fighting with a tattooed man, kicking him viciously until he collapsed, spitting out blood. Turning and taking out two tough-looking figures, one who was slapping an iron bar into his palm threateningly. She weaved, she dodged, she fought dirty. Then, sirens – the three of them looked up from their dance of death and on some unsaid signal, ran in separate directions.
"Tasha…"
"Chris, please don't. Please. I had bad friends, I did bad things -"
"Tasha, I'm not judging. I just want to know…why?"
"Have you ever felt so alone that you wanted to just give in to all that dark stuff inside of you? Felt so unwanted that you were desperate for comfort from anything? I was so…tired that sometimes breathing wore me down. The idea of waking up every day, only to see darkness closing in around me? Terrified me. I could see myself dying – not literally, but I could see all the good in me fading. All the innocence. It just didn't matter anymore. Nothing did. I was angry, bitter, hateful. I was alone. I lost myself and I even lost a sense of who I was, all because I hated the world around me."
"Why Tasha?"
Such a simple question that carried such a multitude of meanings. She took a deep, shuddering breath, scared at both the intensity of Chris' eyes and the pain that the onslaught of memories was bringing back.
"I know most teenagers would be thrilled to get to live alone, to experience the freedom I had. But I hated it. Imagine always being alone, Chris. Never having a family to come back to, to share your triumphs with. Never having anybody who cared about you."
Chris understood – not only was his family very close, they were made closer by the secret they had to keep of their heritage, their magical powers. As a result, the Halliwell's were close-knit and strong family values encompassed them all.
He placed a finger under her chin and tilted her head up to look at him. "You're not alone now."
"Aren't I?" Tasha whispered, transfixed by his cypress eyes.
"Nope." He said simply, resting his forehead against hers. If before she had been shivering, now she was shaking, her eyes wide with remembered pain.
"Hold me Chris," she said, and he his arms around her, hugging her tightly. "I don't ever want to do anything like that again. I'm never going to. I just wish I…" she sighed, shutting her eyes and hiding her face in his shirt. "Wish I could stay with you forever." Chris' mouth dropped open. For once he didn't know what to say. His mind whirled in a multitude of emotions – anger, rage, pain, sympathy.
She's so brave. Strong, determined, smart. I feel like I've known her my entire life, and yet she still manages to surprise me.
She was everything he could hope for. Chris snapped to attention, startled by that thought.
I'm falling in love with her, he realized. I really am.
x0x
"Tasha, are you okay?" he said presently, when she hadn't moved from her hiding-place in his arms. "We should really start moving."
She shook herself and disentangled herself from his arms. "God, I'm so sorry -"
"Don't – don't apologize. I'm just glad I got to see more of who you are. Understand you a little more."
"Are you angry?"
"No."
"Are you disappointed?" her eyes were wide.
"Tasha, no!" he pulled her close once more. "How could you think that? How could you even say that?" he muttered feverishly, trying to communicate to her through voice and touch alone that nothing had changed.
"Chris -"
"Tasha, I don't care what you were like. In fact, does it matter? It just made you who you are today, and -"
"Chris -"
"People do things they regret! It's a fact of life. We can't -"
"Chris!"
"What?"
"There! Look!"
Barely three feet away was a large white doorway, composed of pure white light and shining brightly. Chris looked at Tasha, who was blinking at the blinding sight, and grabbed her hand. "On three?"
"On three. One, two…"
"Three!" they shouted in unison, running together for the portal and diving through.
x0x
"There are a thousand beavers chewing on my skull." Tasha looked around from where she was lying on the floor. Chris was draped across her, his head using a very sensitive area of her body for a pillow.
"Chris! Get up."
Chris twitched slightly and looked around, eyes focusing on Tasha.
"Get up! My cleavage is not a pillow."
His mouth curved into an evil smile. "Oh the pain. I think I'm paralysed."
"Convenient position." She pushed him off of her and clambered to her feet, sinking into an overstuffed armchair.
"Well."
"Well."
"That was interesting. Let's never do it again."
"Sounds like a plan." Chris agreed.
"Only…"
"Only what?"
"You got to see a lot of me, Chris. In here," Tasha tapped her forehead. "So I think I deserve to know – but you don't have to tell me – why do you hate Jenny so much?"
Chris shrugged. "It's really not that…I don't know. I just don't like to talk about it, but it's nothing amazingly scandalous."
"You don't have to tell me."
"No." Chris sat next to her. "I want to."
His voice was rough and it was emotional, but he managed to give her the biggest reason of all to hate Jenny.
"I told her I loved her…and she…she laughed in my face. She laughed in my face, Tasha."
Tasha's eyes closed as the horrible words echoed over and over in her head. The image of Chris opening up his heart to someone, only to have them crush him in such a humiliating way…
He was so guarded and yet so giving. How could anyone not cherish the gift he was trying so desperately to give?
She wound his arms around his neck and Chris wrapped his arms around her waist; and they held onto each other as took comfort in her nearness and buried his face in her neck. At that moment they became a team, and Tasha knew she would do whatever it took to protect him. Against anyone and anything.
"I'm so sorry, Chris."
"It's nothing for you to be sorry about. I made a mistake, and I allowed her to hurt me. After that, I swore that I would never let myself be put into the position where my feelings, my happiness were determined by someone else's. I promised -" he broke off.
"Promised what?"
"Nothing. It's nothing."
Tasha looked reluctant, but something in her told her to let it go, to not press the point.
"I don't think it's nothing, but I'm willing to wait for you to tell me when you feel like."
"Seriously Tasha, it's nothing big. Really." At this Chris gave her a bright, winning smile; and Tasha felt her face heating up involuntarily.
"Chris, I think -"
"I'm really getting sick of thinking about things. I have no idea what I'm doing or even if I need to be doing this but I just have to."
"Doing what?"
Chris pulled her closer and dipped his head to slide his lips over hers, while her hands slowly roamed up his chest and slid into the dark hair at the nape of his neck where they pulled him closer to deepen the maddening pressure of his lips on hers.
Chris was getting lost very fast. It had been so long since he had been as attracted to a girl as he was to Tasha. He had lied to himself for far too long. He had never hated her, he had never even disliked her; and the truth was that he was always wary of her because she got under his skin. She made him need in a way he thought he never would again. And yet, despite her passion and the power she held over him – her intoxicating, bewitching personality, her beauty, her attitude, he couldn't bring himself to tell her of that promise he had made not so long ago, the one he had never even thought of breaking until he'd met her. And now?
And now…
I promised myself that I'd never fall in love again.
©WalkThruTheFire, 8th September 2006