My Loopy Groupie

A fanfic by Setsumi-san

Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King. I do not plan, never have planned, and never will plan to make any money off of this fanfic.

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Quotable Quotes: "If you squint, Stephen Colbert kind of looks likes a really nerdy elf."- Me

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URGENT AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know I said I'd post this on my new MediaMiner account, but the margins get cut off every time I try to and I just don't know what to do. Here's the deal: The first person who can e-mail me with a solution to this problem gets a private drabble with the Mankin or Naruto pairing of their choice. Just make the message subject "MediaMiner Problem." Thanks in advance!

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"Hee-uh, hee-uh, hee-uh!"

Lee Pyron frowned and shifted the heavy pile of women's designer clothing he was carrying for Jun. This was the third time he'd heard that strange noise in Patch Boutique. It was like Darth Vader's breathing, but more high-pitched. He knew the sound was probably a broken air vent, but it was still creepy.

"I'm sorry for dragging you along on a townwide shopping spree. You're obviously bored to tears," Jun apologized.

He snapped back to reality and quickly replied, "Oh no! I like spending time with you."

"That's a sweet thing to say," she said.

"It's true. There's nowhere I'd rather be than by your side."

"Really?"

"Really."

They suddenly realized they were unconsciously holding hands. Jun blushed scarlet while her flustered mochirei looked at his feet and mumbled, "Sorry."

She stammered, "I-It's alright. Ah…I'll be in the fitting room."

The brunette man wished he could disappear into thin air. Jun probably thought he was a complete moron. Why could he dodge a thirty mile-per-hour kick without looking at his attacker yet still get distracted by a pretty face?

"Hee-uh, hee-uh, hee-uh!"

His embarrassment quickly became irritability.

Alright, he crossly thought, what the hell is that no-?

Before he could speculate any further someone zipped toward him at a light speed. He dropped the clothes and dodged just in time. The person slammed into the wall with an ugly grunt. Shockingly, it turned out to be a pretty twenty-year old blonde.

He flinched and asked, "Ma'am, are you alright?"

The young woman sprang up, glomped him, and gasped, "Lee…hee-uh, hee-uh…Pyron…hee-uh, hee-uh…talked… to… MEEEE! OHMYGAWD!"

"Gah, you're hurting my ears!" he exclaimed.

"Lee…hee-uh, hee-uh…Pyron…hee-uh, hee-uh… told…me…I'M HURTING HIS EAR-Wait, that's a bad thing," she said.

Pyron would have been sweating bullets if he could.

"Oh wow, I can't believe this is happening. Mister Lee, my name is Liz Ballard and I am your biggest fan! I have every one of your movies on DVD and devote at least two-hundred hours a week to watching them," she gabbled.

"Um…aren't there only one-hundred sixty-eight hours in a week?" he asked.

"I always make extra time for you," she answered in a sickeningly sweet tone.

Jun stepped out and asked, "What's going on here?"

Pyron chuckled awkwardly and introduced the women to each other.

"You're so lucky," Liz sighed, "How could you lose a match when you have a prodigy for a spirit?"

"Oh, we aren't participating in the Shaman Fight," Jun replied.

"You aren't?" she asked with a teeny-tiny hint of cattiness.

Jun instantly disliked his smart-assed fan. Who did she think she was? Why was she clinging to him? For that matter, why was he letting her do it?

"No. She's here to support her brother," the zombie clarified.

"…who probably needs me right now," the dao-shi coolly added, "We should leave."

"Oh, right. Goodbye, it was nice meeting you," he said.

"Wait," Liz blurted, "My team won't have a match until two weeks later! Could we hang around town tomorrow?"

What? thought the shocked priestess.

Pyron glanced uncertainly at his mistress. Too many dangerous shamans were in Patch Village for him to leave her unprotected. He would rather die all over again than let one hair on her head be harmed.

"Ah…I don't know," the martial artist answered.

Just then, Liz produced a gorgeous red and white striped flower. It was three feet in diameter and smelled ten times better than the most expensive perfume.

"You know, I vowed to give this to you if we ever met. I bred it myself. It's half rafflesia and half gardenia. Mister Lee…whenever I couldn't push myself any further, I remembered the fighting you did in your films. I was once a weak seedling like this flower, but you have been my water and sunshine," the blonde told him.

Moved to speechlessness, he slowly took the gift. Had he really affected her life that much? After hearing that, the least he could do was give her one day of fun.

As if she could read his mind, Jun said, "Go ahead."

"Are you sure?" he asked. She forced a smile.

"Don't worry about me. You'd hate to disappoint your fan, right? Besides, I have to run a lot of errands for Ren," she politely lied.

"Alright, why not?" he said.

"YAAAYYY! See you tomorrow!" Liz chirped.

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Jun dropped her fashion magazine with an exasperated sigh. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't enjoy having Team The Ren's cabin to herself. The thought of Liz and Pyron together bothered her like an itch she couldn't scratch.

"He merely wants to please a fan," she muttered.

A really beautiful fan, piped a little voice in the back of her mind.

"Oh, stop it," she scolded herself.

What was wrong with her? Was she…jealous? No, that was impossible! She was mistaking loneliness for jealousy. If only she could chitchat with Tamao, stroll with Pyron, fuss over Ren, laugh with Pyron, have some tea with Anna, or even do chores with Py-

Damn, she really missed her mochirei. As the song said: "Don't know what you got till it's gone."

Cl-Click! She smiled brightly upon hearing the door unlock. Thank goodness he was back! It would be so relieving and funny to hear him gripe about the awful time he had with his obnoxious devotee!

"I haven't had that much fun with anybody since college!" he happily exclaimed.

An avalanche of shock covered his mistress.

"Really?" she asked in a slow and steady tone.

He grinned like a drunk and responded, "Oh yes. In fact, we enjoyed ourselves so much that we decided to hang out again tomorrow."

Jun turned white as a sheet and thought, He actually wants to see her again! Why? Why is he suddenly tolerating this psychotic groupie?

"Are you alright? You look pale," he asked in a concerned tone.

Her heart fluttered slightly as he put his hand on her forehead. Pyron was so sweet!

"I'm fine; I just need to take a catnap," she lied.

The emerald-haired girl went into her bedroom unaware that her spirit's worried eyes followed her.

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This is the perfect way to take my mind off of Liz and Pyron's outing. All I needed to worry about in Patch Café is what to order, Jun calmly thought.

The Chinese girl sat by a window with a view of a beautiful stone fountain. She watched the sunlight turn the droplets into rainbow colored beads, listened to the musical walla of fellow patrons, and savored her green tea. What a relaxing place! She felt better already.

"Ooooh, this place is so cuuuttteee!" a girl's voice shrilly screamed.

The horrified corpse herder sank into her seat as lowly as possible. Why were Liz and Pyron here? Did the Great Spirit have some kind of grudge against her?

"I'm glad you like it. I was afraid this café would bore you," he replied.

Are they on a date? Oh, don't be silly! Pyron doesn't even have a crush on her…does he? It would explain why he's suddenly tolerating her, the shaman thought.

"Bore me! Oh Pyron, scrubbing toilets would excite me as long as I was doing it with you," she cooed.

Jun's face remained neutral, but her hand involuntarily balled up.

Alright, no more denial. I am jealous. She has some nerve to call my spirit by his first name! she fumed.

Pyron smiled shyly and murmured, "Ah…you know, Liz, I…"

"Yeeesss?" she playfully chimed.

"Never mind. It's corny."

"C'mon, tell me!"

"Well…I was going to say I've always dreamt of taking my special someone here."

"How romantic! Who knew you could grow more magnificent than you already are!"

'Special someone?' Jun dreadfully thought. This had to be a nightmare! Unable to listen to another word, she scooted out of the café as though it was on fire.

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Pyron's mistress sleepily groaned while she got a glass of water from the kitchenette. It was one-twelve AM and he was still on a date with his groupie. If they kept staying out until the wee hours of the morning, she wasn't sure could ever sleep again!

I shouldn't jump to conclusions. There is no proof that they're dating. Still, why else would he stay out with a pretty girl this late? she wondered.

She immediately felt ashamed of herself. Pyron was her mochirei, not her son, and he could stay out as late as he wished. Nevertheless, why did he have to stay out with Liz?

Presently, she overheard them talking outside the cabin door.

The former actor was saying, "Wait; I need to tell you something very important. It might sound very strange and I don't know if we'll still be friends after I say it."

"We'll always be friends. Now, what is it?" the blonde replied.

A four-second silence passed before he declared, "I've fallen for you."

The dao-shi's insides hiccupped. It was true! He liked her! He really liked her! She returned to her bedroom and suppressed a deluge of tears.

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The moody priestess ate lunch alone the next day. One half of her still ached for Lee Pyron's affection and the other half never wanted to see him or his girlfriend again. It wasn't fair! She angrily plunged her fork into her food.

Her kyonshi entered and questioned, "Why have you been avoiding me all day?"

Clank! Clank! She thrust her fork down harder and pretended not to hear him.

"Tao Jun, why have you been avoiding me?" he repeated.

Clank! Clank!

"Answer me." He was serious.

She paused long enough to "innocently" query, "Have I?"

"I can't read minds, so tell me why you're mad at me," he pressed.

"Alright, I'll tell you why. I don't approve of the fact that you're dating a loopy groupie behind my back," she bitterly said.

"What the-? Liz and I are just friends," he insisted.

"Don't lie. Who else is the special someone you've always dreamed of taking to the local restaurant? Why else would you confess your feelings to her!"

Pyron looked like he'd just seen a jet explode in mid-flight. Jun had heard him? Oh shit. Oh no.

"The answers are: One, I was practicing my confession with her so I would be less nervous once I told the real object of my affection. Two, the special someone…is you, " he quietly explained.

She gasped softly.

A crumb of food must be stuck in my ear, Jun thought, What did he say? Is his special someone…really…?

Her disbelief changed to rapture once she realized she didn't need a q-tip. Most ladies would hate to be hounded by screaming men, but she wasn't one of them. In fact, she was perfectly willing to thank her loopy groupie…with a kiss.

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Love it? Loathe it? Constructive criticism and compliments are appreciated. Review please!