Chapter 14

Angel glanced at Buffy, where she stood at the entrance of the cabin. He could see she was cold and he wished for nothing more than for her to let him warm her, but she had made it clear she didn't want him near her. He didn't know why though, and it was driving him insane. They had gathered in a small house near the trail and were waiting for a guide to take them up the mountains to the temple. When they had arrived in this small Nepalese town it hadn't taken long to figure out that most of the folk here knew exactly where the temple was but for obvious reasons they were a little hesitant to go there. Willow was doing her best to convince them that there was nothing to worry about but they didn't seem to believe her. He couldn't blame them, he wasn't sure he believed her either. He nodded to Kaya and she produced a sizable bundle of money from her backpack. In his experience money was the best means of persuasion in any situation. Willow gave him a tired look. Perhaps she was as close to the edge as he was.

He had taken refuge in a dark corner of the room, keeping his distance from the rest of the group, gazing out of one of the small windows. It was still dark outside but the sun would rise soon, he could feel it. They had a nice five hour trek in front of them, mostly uphill. Then they had about three, four hours left to get to Catherine before she could finish the ceremony. Just another day at the office. Deanna was looking more and more desperate the closer to sunrise they got. If Giles's translations had been correct there should be a solar eclipse this morning covering the sun for most of the day, but if he was wrong it was up to Deanna to get the vampires there without turning into a pile of ashes. Not that Angel cared that much anymore. In fact death felt like a welcome relief at this point. Buffy had already gone outside and were getting ready to take up the lead with their guide; an gnarled old man who didn't look like he was going to make it through the day, but apparently he always looked like that. He had lived here all his life and made probably hundreds of trips up and down these hills. Angel hoped he wasn't too slow, though. They really didn't have time to wait for him to catch up. He would have preferred to go on without any civilians but as Xander had pointed out the Himalayas could be treacherous and going alone without a guide was an unnecessary risk.

As the sunrise grew nearer most of them left the small house and eventually only he and Spike remained. Angel left his corner and strolled up to the doorway. No one knew if Deanna could keep them both safe from the sun. If she couldn't Spike would have to stay behind. Angel wasn't going to leave Buffy for anything. Of course with Spike there was no telling how he would take that news.

"Without the Slayer we're doomed" Spike's voice came from behind him and Angel flinched. He turned to see Spike standing right by his side, watching him thoughtfully. Angel snorted, irritated at such an obvious statement.

"You don't think I don't know that?" he hissed.

"Do you? Cause I'm not sure what the hell you're up to anymore."

"What do you want from me?"

"You have to bring her back."

"Really?" Angel had to fight an impulse to hit him but Spike just looked at him completely serious.

"Look, all Willow did was bring back her memories of pain. She's still just half a Slayer."

"And exactly what do you suggest I do about it?" Angel was towering over him now, taking some small pleasure in the fact that he could actually tower. But Spike held his ground and his voice was perfectly calm.

"Common, we both know her strength comes from her emotions, and when she's unhappy she's a lousy Slayer. Right now she's thinking she's better off dead. If she goes into that temple with that attitude, she will die and so will we. She needs a reason to live and as much as I hate admitting it, you're it. You can be with her now, you know that. So go and be with her. Stop beating about the bush like some frigid moose and go remind her of what living is all about." Spike waited for the words to hit home then, before Angel had a chance to respond, he calmly walked outside.

Angel just stood there in the doorway, staring. Was the guy crazy? How was he supposed to remind her of anything? She wouldn't even look at him! He gritted his teeth as he watched Spike casually step outside, trusting Giles's predictions for a solar eclipse. Spike lit a cigarette in an offhand manor while the rest of the group stared at him in stunned disbelief. Deanna hesitated for a moment and threw a nervous glance towards Xander, then she reluctantly made her way closer to Spike. He on the other hand calmly walked up to Kaya and whispered something in her ear. To Angel's shock the fool girl actually blushed. Just then the sun rose over the mountains and in a fleeting second Angel felt the strange sensation of wanting to protect the annoying little half-breed. With only moments to spare, an eclipse suddenly covered the suns deathly rays. Angel clenched his jaws tight. Always the show-off!

He stalked outside to join the rest, itching to get moving. As he passed Spike the guy turned towards him and gave him an infuriatingly confident smile.

"See, sometimes all you need is a little faith." he said and Angel had to stop himself not to go over there and rip his head off.

With the eclipse covering the sun the high peeks and long valleys of the Himalayas were cast in an eerie blue, grayish light. It was dead quiet and nothing stirred in the majestic, barren landscape. Buffy pulled her thick jacket a little closer. She was still cold, even though her clothes were designed to shield against this kind of weather. Angel was just a few steps behind her, doing his usual thundercloud impersonation, which didn't exactly help with her mood. She had thought of telling him to back off and give her some space but that would have meant she would be alone in the lead and that she couldn't even bear thinking about. She felt like she was trapped in a bad dream and for a while there she contemplated the possibility that Catherine might have had something to do with it. But as the hours past and nothing happened, except the tedious walking up hills, down hills and up hills again, she concluded it was probably just another average day in her life. The most unnerving thing though was that her body didn't feel the way it used to. It had never felt this heavy and rigid, with every step a struggle. It was as if it wasn't her body at all. The old guide had turned out to be surprisingly limb and had set a much faster pace then she would have thought him capable of. It had left the others falling behind and even she had to fight to keep up, forcing herself not to give in to the pain in her limbs. That was new too, the actual pain of simply walking. She didn't even want to imagine what the fighting would feel like.

When they reached the foot of a particularly sterile mountain that stretched higher then the others, their guide stopped. He pointed towards a small, winding path that edged its way along the face of the cliff. In the distance it made a sharp turn and vanished out of sight around to the other side. Apparently they would find the temple somewhere up there but he was clearly going no further. Buffy gazed up at the path, so narrow in parts even she would have difficulties walking normally, and she couldn't help but wonder; would this be the last thing she ever did? This endless, winding path of torment leading up to certain hell and probable death, was that her destiny? She had been told death would be her reward but she had cheated death twice already, maybe hell was the place she would go next. She forced as much oxygen down her lungs as she could. Taking deep breaths was hard here, the thin air making breathing a chore in itself. Her legs ached and her back felt like breaking but she wasn't going to stop now. She had made a pledge and she was going to keep it. Catherine would die.

As she slowly struggled her way up the mountain all she could hear was the muffled sound of crushed rubble under her feet. She didn't bother to look up, simply walked on almost in a trance. Suddenly she tripped, her boot slipped on a loose rock and she fell. She slid down along the cliff and for a moment she feared she would plummet helplessly to the bottom. Then she felt someone grabbing hold of her arm and seconds later she was on her feet and safe in Angel's protective embrace.

"You have to be careful here." he whispered softly as he held her tight and she wanted to hit him. As soon as she had regained her balance she pushed him away. She didn't need him! When she was about to turn and get back to the trail she threw a glance downwards and suddenly noticed how high up they were. She had been so busy putting one foot in front of the other she hadn't realized how far she had come. It was just the two of them here, the others were so far below they looked like little insects crawling along the cliff. She shot Angel an angry glare then turned around and started walking again. She had strained a muscle in her leg from the fall and her hands were bloody and full of gravel, but she ignored the pain. She had a job to do.

"Buffy, what have I done to make you so angry with me!" Angel's voice cut pleadingly through the silence. She ignored him and forced herself to keep moving. But he just wouldn't give up.

"Look, I know you're hurting but I can't help you if you don't let me."

"I don't need you're help." she snapped and it seemed enough to silence him. They walked on, pushing relentlessly upwards, almost to the clouds. How she wished she could be back in the clouds right now!

When they arrived up on the edge of the cliff, as high up as they could get, she stopped, almost bending over with exhaustion. With a sense of great relief she let her backpack fall to the ground. After a few feeble attempts at deep breaths she looked up and found herself starring in amazement. Her surroundings where so breathtakingly beautiful that for a moment she forgot her aches and pains, even forgot him. But then he grabbed her arm and spun her around, forcing her to look at him.

"Buffy stop this! I can't take it anymore!" he said and looked at her so pleadingly she felt sick. She tore her arm out of his grip and calmly stated,

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not doing anything to you."

"That's not true and you know it! Ever since Willow brought you back you've been pushing me away and I want to know why." She tried to hold it in but it bubbled to the surface before she could stop it.

"I can't take care of you, all right! I can barely take care of myself!"

"I don't need you to take care of me." he answered, clearly stunned at her suggestion. "All I want is for you to let me help you." His voice was soft now and he had moved in closer to her. She could feel him reaching for her and she wanted to pull away. But that was the coward's way, she had to face him. She straightened, took a deep breath or as deep as she could at this altitude, and said,

"I'm sorry Angel but I can't bear being close to you. It hurts too much, can't you understand that? Please just stay away. We have a job to do and I can't do it like this." She made herself look straight at him, forced herself not to look away. He glanced down for a moment and she felt like she had won a victory. But when he looked at her again something had changed in his eyes. He smiled a little as if he had just figured out the answer to a riddle of some kind.

"You know how much I hate Spike, right?" he asked her and she stared at him, unsure how to respond. It seemed a very odd thing to bring up now. He moved in a little closer and it was all she could do not to run away. "Well, maybe hate is a strong word," he continued as if it was an absolutely normal conversation, "but I really don't like admitting he might be right."

"Angel, what are you going on about?" she asked, getting irritated.

"Just something he said that didn't make much sense, until now."

"What!" she exclaimed angrily. Why couldn't he take a hint? She didn't want him this close, she didn't need him, she... That look in his eyes, she'd seen it before. A long time ago, a lifetime ago. He leaned down, his face so close, his eyes locked on hers.

"I love you Buffy."

Xander had to stop and leaned against the cliff wall for a moment, panting heavily. This was his version of hell; the never ending struggle upwards towards the forever elusive goal of freedom. He had a pounding headache, he was nauseous, his feet hurt and there was a throbbing tension behind his eye-patch that was driving him insane. He drank the last of his water and glanced over his shoulder. Spike and Kaya were bringing up the rear, talking and laughing as if they were out on a nice outing in the park. Neither of them looked even remotely tired. Willow and the other witches at least looked a little weary. And poor Giles had also stopped a few feet ahead of him, looking as exhausted as he felt. But the old man held up surprisingly well, considering. Buffy and Angel had vanished out of site long ago. She had set an inhuman pace right from the start, for some reason, but at least Angel was there to protect her. No one knew what to expect when they got to the temple, but Xander was imagining the worst.

"Are you OK?" Kaya gave him a concerned look and he tried to nod convincingly.

"Why won't you let me help you with that bag? You'll keel over before we even get there if you keep this up." Spike offered again cheerfully. Xander had probably turned him down at least a dozen times already, determined not give him the satisfaction. But now he gratefully handed over his backpack. This was no time for heroics, he just had to make it to the top. He didn't want to think any further than that. He inhaled as deep as he could, cursing the thin air that made him feel like he was choking, then pulled himself together and started walking again. Spike gave him a friendly pat on the back. It was strange but he could swear the old vampire had acquired a soft side lately.

Buffy turned away from Angel, trying to hold herself together. She couldn´t let go, had to hold on, hold tight. Emotions riped her, but she had to keep them away, far away.

"Don´t fight it." he said, not moving from where he stood. "It´s who you are, what makes you strong."

"What are you talking about!" she snapped angrily, turning to face him, trying to sound cold, unemotional.

"Your heart, your love, your compasion. Don´t shut them out." His eyes pearced hers and she couldn´t breathe. Tears slowly made their way down her cheek and it took all her willpower to inhale. With a hoarse whisper she uttered the words she feared the most,

"But what if I can´t endure the pain?"

His eyes filled with tears as he took the few steps towards her and pulled her close to his chest.

"You´re not alone" he whispered passionately. "You are strong, and powerful and you will never be alone."

As if just uttering the words her fear almost vanished and she alowed herself to let go. He held her tight while she let her feelings out in an endless stream of tears. And while her pain drenched Angels shirt in salty drops she felt an amazing sense of freedom. In that moment she knew she could endure what had been and what would come. Pain was a part of life and for each time of desperation she would learn and grow. And through it all she would never be alone.

When they reached the top Xander was close to passing out. His head was spinning and whatever was left of breakfast in his stomach was threatening to pay a surprise visit. As he collapsed on the ground he noticed Buffy and Angel. They had their arms wraped around eachother and to his surprise he noticed Buffy was actually smiling. Perhaps all would be well after all.

When he had regained enough strength to stand up Xander suddenly noticed what an amazing view it was from here. All the way up here he had been so busy trying not to puke his guts out that he didn't bother to look around, but now he took his time to take in the scenery. Odds were he would never see anything like this again. Despite the weird, grayish light which gave everything a fuzzy, almost unreal vibe, the sheer magnitude of this place was humbling to say the least. Everything below them, the few trees that grew in this barren landscape, all looked like little ant toys. And the snow-covered mountain peaks surrounding them looked like giant cupcakes with frosting on top. He suddenly realized he was starving and looked around for Spike and his backpack. If they were going to stay here for a while he might as well get something to eat. The sandwiches he had gotten from witches before they left was just what he needed right now. Suddenly something dawned on him; they had reached the peak and there was nothing here! No temple, no High Priestess, nothing! Had their guide tricked them? Had they really made it all the way up here for nothing? He felt sick again. The thought of having to go down and maybe up another mountain was unbearable. He desperately looked around for the others. Surely they had to have noticed the lack of temple! Giles was speaking quietly with Fridha, while Willow was standing alone at the edge of the peak, seemingly looking at nothing. Xander rapidly made his way towards Giles, limping slightly.

"What's going on here?" he asked with a rather undignified high pitch in his voice, "There's no temple!" Giles gave him a rather haughty look.

"Yes, Xander, we have noticed that, thank you."

"So we're lost! Great, just great! You couldn't have doubled checked? I mean the guy wasn't exactly the poster-boy for dependability."

"What are you talking about Xander?"

"The guide! He obviously set us up!"

"No he didn't. He led us exactly where we wanted to go."

"Uh, sorry, hate to point out the obvious here, but there's NO TEMPLE!"

"Please don't shout I have a headache as it is. The temple is here."

"What? Where?"

"There." Giles pointed towards the edge of the cliff, where Willow was.

"But there's nothing there!" Xander exclaimed feeling like he was going mad and Giles looked even more frustrated.

"Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it's not there, Xander."

"Oh, you mean it's invisible. Like that cave in Sahara?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes, sort of like that."

"Good, so you'll fix it then?" he stated confidently but Giles simply looked over at Willow, who hadn't moved from where she stood, and suddenly the old man seemed more concerned than annoyed. He hesitated for a moment then said quietly,

"Not much we can do, I'm afraid. This is all up to Willow." Xander was a little surprised at Giles's lack of confidence.

"But she fixed it in Africa, right. She can do it here too?"

"It's not that simple. The invisibility spell in the caves of Kalandra was set to fade whenever a demon approached it with the proper incantation. Willow only assisted Angel, she didn't break it. This is set to let no one in, and it's far more complex than the one in Africa." Xander stared at him.

"Do you mean there's a chance we won't even get in?" Giles gave him an unreadable look then smiled faintly.

"Don't worry. I'm sure she'll manage."

The minutes dragged on infuriatingly slowly. Spike impatiently kicked at another pebble and watched it tumble downwards over the edge, then pulled out his pack of cigarettes. He was running low on smokes. Perhaps he should have brought more, but how was he suppose to know they would be stuck here doing nothing for an eternity, waiting for Willow to do her thing. He itched for a good tussle, anything was better than this. The waiting was driving him insane. Buffy and Angel didn't seem to mind, though. They hadn't taken their hands off each other since they got here. It was a bit sickening really. It might get difficult for them to fight, joined at the hip like that. He started pacing again. It was remarkable how claustrophobic he felt in a place this vast. But the spot they had to move around on wasn't very big and it's not like he could leave. He was stuck here, along with the rest of them. And Willow didn't seem to be trying very hard, she hadn't moved in ages. She just stood there, like a statue or something.

"William, stop pacing! It's getting on my nerves." Kaya declared in an irritated voice behind him. He sniggered to himself. Her habit of using his human name was rather endearing. Maybe he could take a page out of Angel's book and pass the time with her. He turned with a smile.

"Whatever you say, luv."

"Don't even think it." she said and gave him a blunt stare.

"Think what? I wasn't thinking nothing." he tried, as innocently as possible.

"Don't go there. I'm not in the mood to be her stand-in." She nodded towards Buffy and by the look in her eyes that scene hurt her a lot more than it hurt him. He put the cigarette out and sat down next to her.

"I wasn't thinking that. I haven't thought of Buffy like that in a lot of years. Besides, she was never for me." She gazed up at him, hesitated for a moment then said,

"But you still love her. Don't you wish she would be with you right now?"

"No, not really. I mean, she is where she belongs. I'll always love her and that's OK. Loving her made me what I am. And who knows, maybe somewhere there is a woman for me." He smiled at her but she just looked at him with those strange eyes and an enigmatic expression on her face.

"You really are a romantic, aren't you." she said softly and before he had a chance to react she leaned in and kissed him.

"What was that for?" he asked breathlessly, suddenly fearing the worst.

"Just because." she answered calmly and shot him a playful smile.

The kiss left him utterly mesmerized. He had kissed plenty of girls in his time. Most of them while he was a demon, but still... There was something different about this one. He watched her as she got up and brushed off the rubble from her perfectly shaped bottom. As he sat there gazing up at her in stunned bewilderment, she turned and looked at him. It was a look no woman had ever given him before, the same look Buffy used to have in her eyes when she was looking at Angel. Could it be?

The witches were up to something over at the edge. Willow and Mayling were holding hands and Willow had started chanting. Suddenly a lot of different colored lights flashed in the air in front of her and a booming noise came from nowhere. Apparently Willow had succeeded. He got up and tried to clear his head. Kaya was a dangerous distraction. It was bad enough with Buffy and Angel lost in their own lust-frenzy. He had to stay focused. The light-show eventually faded and Willow fell to the ground. In front of her now stood the temple in all its glory. It was larger than Spike had imagined and a lot more colorful. Thick, red pillars, at least twenty feel tall, framed the entrance and golden decorations covered the elaborate gates. The roof was made of small, green tiles, stacked one over the other, reaching up towards the sky. Protecting the gates where, as one might expect, three gigantic beasts. They stood snorting at the edge of the cliff, scrapping their hoofs, clearly as eager for battle as he was. Unfortunately Catherine had thought it necessary to bring part of the mountain down to keep her pets from running off. Between the temple and were they were, there was a gap probably more than eight feet wide and below them was a sharp drop too deep to estimate.

Spike had to admit this wasn't going to be easy. The beasts reminded him of rhinos, only twice the size. The horn in the middle of their face looked surprisingly sharp, as did the outcrops along their sides. Considering how slowly they moved he assumed they were fairly heavy built as well. Giles was studying the beasts with a concerned frown.

"So how do I kill them?" Spike asked and Giles gave him a startled look.

"Ah, yes, well. Not easily, I'm afraid. These are Racholocs if I'm not mistaken." He threw a questioning glance over at Fridha and she nodded. "Fairly difficult to kill as I recall." he continued, taking off his glasses to clean them. "They are well protected; their skin is impenetrable and their horns contains a lethal poison, lethal even for a vampire, I imagine."

"Off with the horns then." Buffy suddenly interrupted cheerfully, and as they all turned towards her in surprise she gracefully leapt off the rock she was sitting on. She smiled happily as she approached, with Angel right behind her.

"What?" she asked mockingly, "You look like you seen a ghost or something."

"Great to see you feeling better, luv..." Spike said tentatively, "...but maybe you should sit this one out. Leave it to me and Angel."

"And let you have all the fun? No way! I feel good, alive even. I'm ready. Besides, these things don't seem too threatening."

"You really shouldn't underestimate them Buffy." Giles cut in. "We're not even sure how to kill them."

"A sword through their brains usually does the trick." Angel said in an off hand manner, then hurried to explain. "I've run into them before, in Kaya's dimension, actually. There's a small gap in their armor, right between their neck and shoulder, and if you stick the sword in there they die pretty much instantly."

"Hm, very good, yes I suppose that could work." Giles muttered, mostly to himself.

"OK then, let's do it!" Buffy stated and went straight into Slayer mode. "You'll take the one to the right," she said to Spike, "Angel takes the one to the left and I'll take the one in the middle." Then she headed for her backpack and her sword with Angel looming after her like a lovesick puppy. Spike scoffed a little then went to get his own sword.

As he turned he noticed Kaya standing as far away as she could get, watching the Racholocs suspiciously. She didn't look scared exactly but she definitely didn't like them. He grabbed his sword out of his backpack and was about to join Buffy and Angel when he found himself hesitating. He should keep his head clear, but every part of him wanted to be near her. Eventually he couldn't resist, he had to walk up to her.

"You OK?" he asked cautiously.

"Just be careful." she said and looked up at him with those beautiful eyes. Right then he had never wanted to kiss anyone as much as he wanted to kiss her, but he didn't. Instead he gently caressed her cheek.

"I'll be all right." he said as convincingly as he could, then joined the others.