Chapter 20

Buffy carefully tensed her muscles and lifted her arms to see if they worked. She was sore all over and her left leg felt like it was broken. Spike and Kaya was dragging an unconscious Angel across the floor and it took a few seconds before she realized they were getting him away from the sun. She looked around still dazed from the explosion, and to her astonishment she saw a wide gaping hole where the embroidered canvas had once been and through it she could see the splendor of the mountains with the snow sparkling in the setting sun. There was no sign of the altar-table, the crystal or Catherine. A part of her was glad it was all gone but she also would have liked confirmation that the wicked witch really was dead.

She slowly pulled herself up from the floor. Her leg wouldn't move properly so she had to drag it along using her hands. But she needed to be with him, needed to make sure he was alright. She reached the shadow at far end of the room and collapsed next to him. He was awake, but barely.

"Quite a lightshow you put on." Spike said sarcastically. "I especially like what you did to the room." She just gave him a hard stare. She was not in the mood for jokes, sarcasm or any form of conversation right now. All she wanted was to rest. Angel opened his eyes when she touched him gently. They shared a smiled, the kind of smile you can only share with someone who knows the depth of your soul.

"I always knew you'd make it." he whispered lovingly and she put her head against his chest and felt herself relax for the first time in ages.

The scream woke her up. She sat up and looked around, trying to decide where it came from. Kaya was standing in the middle of the room, staring at something at the other end of the room. Buffy tried to stand but her head was spinning and she felt nauseous. She couldn't have been asleep for long; the sun was almost as bright as when she closed her eyes but it felt like an eternity. Suddenly she heard Xander's voice calling out in desperation.

"Willow! Will, can you hear me!" A chill spread through her body. Why hadn't she checked on the others? She could feel Angel move next to her and they helped each other off the floor. He came with her as far as he could before the sun forced him to stop. She let go of him and walked the rest of the way alone, dragging her useless leg along. When she got closer she noticed Xander hunched over Willow's lifeless body and her heart almost stopped beating. She wanted to run but her legs wouldn't carry her. It couldn't be! Not Willow! Deanna was sitting next to Xander trying to console him while continuously drying her own tears. Buffy stumbled towards them hoping against hope it was a mistake.

She kneeled next to Willow's body and gently touched her throat. She knew she was dead but still there was hope until her fingers felt no pulse. Xander had stopped screaming now and had buried his head in Deanna's arms, shaking like a leaf and sobbing quietly. Buffy whished she could cry but she had no tears left. With a great deal of effort she rose and went to check on Tess who was lying a few feet away. She quickly concluded that she was dead too as was Mayling. Her young body was sprawled across the stairs, her face twisted in pain and a hole was burnt through her chest. Buffy looked away in disgust and her eyes strayed in the direction of Angel in search for comfort. He was standing in the shadows, leaning heavily against a pillar. She could feel his grief as strongly as she felt her own. She had fought many battles over the years and lost too many friends but this was a price that was too high.

As she turned towards Willow again she noticed Giles. She wasn't sure why she hadn't seen him before, he must have been there. He was lying on the floor with his eyes closed and for a brief moment she feared he was dead too. Cassandra was letting her hands slowly glide along his shoulder but she looked so exhausted it was hard to imagine she had any healing left in her. When he slowly opened his eyes as she kneeled down next to him she felt such a relief that she wanted to curl up in his arms and cry. But she didn't dare touch him for fear of hurting him further and she couldn't muster any more tears.

"Buffy." he whispered, his voice barely audible. "You did good." He smiled but tears rolled down his cheek. She smiled back and as she glanced downwards she noticed his leg. "You're going to be alright." she whispered, smiling encouragingly and he gently patted her cheek with a weak hand. She took his hand in hers and kissed it affectionately. He closed his eyes again and seemed to fall asleep. Cassandra moaned a little and rested a heavy head in her hands. She had several cuts and bruises herself but she had chosen to help Giles instead of herself. Buffy whished she could help her somehow but she was useless here.

The need to be near Angel soon made her leave her friends and walk towards the shadows. As she got closer she noticed Angel and Kaya arguing. They were standing by the wall and Angel had his sword in his hand.

"Damn it Kaya! I have done everything for them!" he exclaimed angrily and Buffy's heart started to beat faster. "I will not stand by and watch her slip away. They own me, they owe us!" With that he raised his sword, said a few lines in a strange language she didn't understand and suddenly a white glow appeared on the surface of the wall. She recognized it as a portal and a scream escaped her lips but it was too late. Without hesitation he walked through the light and was gone.

Kaya met her halfway and put her arms around her for support as Buffy almost collapsed on the floor. She was speaking to her but it took a while before her brain could comprehend what she was saying. All she could think was that Angel was gone.

"It's OK Buffy. He'll be back soon." Kaya said reassuringly. "He just went to get help." "Bloody insane if you ask me." Spike scoffed from the shadows and Kaya gave him a cold stare.

"He knows what he's doing." she said confidently and helped Buffy sit down on the floor. She heard the words but they meant nothing as long as he was gone. She sat down on the floor, mainly because her legs would no longer support her. She felt numb and even though parts of her wanted to yell at Kaya for letting him go she didn't have the energy. Kaya sat down next to her and Spike hovered near by.

"Don't worry." Kaya whispered in an attempt to sooth her. "He'll be back soon." A few moments later a light appeared in the wall again and Angel stumbled through without his sword. He tripped and fell then pulled back in pain as he had come too close to the sun. Buffy couldn't breathe. She fought to get her muscles working but it was only with Kaya's help she made it up and with a couple of steps she fell into his arms again.

"Well?" Kaya asked cautiously, giving Angel a questioning look. He shrugged tiredly.

"I made my case. Now all we can do is wait."

Buffy had no idea how long she had slept but the sun had set behind the horizon and the room was now cold and dark. She could see a few fires burning in the distance and she could hear the quiet whispers of her friends talking. For a moment she felt safe and protected, as if everything was going to be alright, but then the memories hit her. She saw Willow's pale face in front of her again and she couldn't breathe. She had lost her best friend! Tears welled up in her eyes and she had no way of stopping them. She wept quietly, truing not to wake Angel. He needed to sleep, as did she. Her body still ached but the worst pain had already subsided. At least there was one good thing about being a Slayer. She healed fast.

When the tears faded she yawned widely and got ready to fall asleep again. Suddenly she felt something; a gust of wind but it wasn't cold, rather warm and it had a strange, delicate and quite nice smell to it. She could feel Angel stir and she sat up and looked around. Out of nowhere a mist appeared in the middle of the room. Something was coming and without a word they both got ready for the worst. The mist grew denser every second and soon the quiet buzz of her friends talking had died out as they all moved closer to the strange occurrence. Spike suddenly appeared out the shadow and asked quietly,

"Friends of yours?" Angel hesitated then shrugged.

"I don't know. It's always hard to tell but this seems a little too extravagant even for them." And it certainly did. The white mist was glowing now and the exquisite sounds of a choir were heard from deep within. The entire spectacle screamed the entrance of an angel and Buffy began to feel more and more suspicious. To her knowledge the Powers That Be never wasted any energy on theatricals.

"What if it's Catherine?" Deanna whispered with dread in her voice clinging desperately to Xander. Buffy's heart sank. She wouldn't be at all surprised it that bitch found a way back. But this seemed a little strange even for her. Giles came limping towards them using two bug-legs as crutches and Buffy sighed with relief. His leg had been set right and he looked a lot better than last time she saw him. When she caught his eyes she smiled and he smiled back. Then she turned back towards the strange mist. The choir was getting louder now and the mist sparkled like multicolored jewels. Then suddenly the mist parted and there she was, in a dress so white one would need sunglasses to look right at it and her hair so perfect it defied the laws of nature.

"Cordelia!" Angel gasped as the rest of them stared utterly speechless at the divine appearance before them.

Spike couldn't take his eyes off the breathtaking creature in front of him. As far as he could remember Cordelia had always been beautiful but this was out of this world. The dress clung seductively to her voluptuous body and her perfectly formed breasts practically screamed for attention, which he was more than happy to give them. But it wasn't just that she was a sex kitten she was also pure light and the innocence she exuded made for an extremely confusing contradiction. It was enough for any man to go bonkers.

Spike realized he was gawking like a dork and tore himself away form the apparition. He caught Kaya giving him the classic angry/hurt look that women always put on when a guy wanted to enjoy another woman's physical features. He quickly gave her the apologetic/I still think you're the best – look then wiped any signs of appreciation from his face. But little miss angel was without a doubt one of the finest female specimen he had ever encountered. And he clearly wasn't the only one who thought so. Xander was all-out starring and practically drooling, Giles had his jaw down around his ankles and even Angel had a look of absolute adoration.

The women seemed to find their former team member rather fascinating as well, except Kaya who seemed more focused on him and Buffy who was focusing on Angel. A sudden sharp pain hit him in his chest region as he suddenly realized Buffy had tears in her eyes. Why was she sad? Regardless of Cordelia's posh entrance she was clearly there to help so why wasn't Buffy happy? He vaguely recalled an almost romance between the then human Cordelia and Angel when Buffy was dead that time, but surely she couldn't be jealous? Then again women were strange creatures. They could get all sorts of strange ideas in their heads. He looked around to see if anyone was planning on doing anything besides staring but when it didn't seem like it he intervened.

"Nice to see you again, Cordelia." he greeted her cheerfully, hoping it would break the temporary madness they all seemed to be suffering from. The choir of voices stopped abruptly and he realized he hadn't even been aware they were still singing. As the mist faded away and the light that had her glowing like a star vanished Cordelia actually looked a little abashed.

"Did I overdo it?" she asked sweetly with a look of pure innocence.

"No not at all luv." Spike replied casually when no one else spoke. "A really…uh…interesting entrance. I especially liked the music. Nice touch." he continued, feeling more and more stupid.

"Oh I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tried so hard." she said in an apologetic voice. "I just wanted it to be right, you know. It's my first assignment and I wasn't sure how to… I mean what you're supposed to do and stuff."

"Well, for what its worth I liked it." he said encouragingly and became acutely aware that everyone was looking at him as if he had done something wrong. Like they had anything to be proud of, staring at her like she was a damn mermaid! He scoffed a little then walked up to her. Someone should at least try to be civil here. "Welcome back to earth." he said simply and offered his hand cordially. She flashed him a smile that could have melted the icecaps then shook his hand gratefully. He could feel Kaya sulking behind him. Bloody hell! He was just trying to be nice! You really couldn't win with women.

When she was done shaking his hand Cordelia looked over at Angel with a soft but questioning look but the old ponce just stood there drooling, clearly unable to move or speak. Spike gave him a hard nudge to the side and he almost doubled over. Perhaps it had been a little too hard. As Angel tried to regain his posture Spike threw a quick glance over his shoulder. It was clear Buffy was feeling worse by the minute here and that he couldn't bear. He promptly took Cordelia by the arm and started leading her towards Willow.

"I'm guessing you're here to give us our super-witch back." he said and she sighed a little.

"I'm not doing so good, am I?" she asked him quietly. He tried to smile as comfortingly as he could.

"What are you talking about? I think you're doing great."

"No I'm not. People aren't supposed to be sad when we drop in." she insisted.

"Oh you mean Buffy?" he said casually, hoping no one overheard them. "Don't worry, they've just been through a lot. They'll be OK."

"Yeah I know. But I never meant to come between them." She sounded so sincere he felt a sudden urge to cry. "And poor Xander." she continued verging on tears.

"Maybe you should try wearing a different dress next time." he tried cautiously. She stared at him, her eyes sparkling like endless pools of utter beauty.

"You mean there's something wrong with my dress!" she exclaimed in horror and he had to force himself to look away. They had reached Willow's lifeless body and the others were right behind them.

"No no, not at all." he reassured her quietly. "It just might be a little more than most mortals can handle." At that he stepped away from her, figuring he was going to get the ice-treatment from Kaya for days.

Despite his best efforts to get Angel to pay attention to Buffy the old bugger was still fixed on Cordelia. As she kneeled down next to Willow her dress poured over the floor around her in complete perfection and her dark hair glistened like stars on a night sky. Her smooth skin was… he gasped as Kaya put her elbow in his stomach. After the mind numbing pain from his wounds had subsided he gave her a hard stare that she matched without flinching. He soon yielded to her superiority and looked down in penance. Hang on a bloody minute! What had she done to him? He was as domesticated as a lap dog! And the weirdest part was he didn't really mind. It felt nice to have someone that cared, someone that was his. He hadn't really had a woman to call his own since Dru and considering she had been stark raving mad this was a definite step up. He smiled a little to himself and carefully let his hand brush against her nicely shaped butt. He had done that a lot lately and had always gotten a rather bemusing response. This time though she slapped his hand away with a stern look that said she was in no mood to play. Fair enough.

Cordelia was still sitting silently in deep concentration, gently holding Willow's head in her lap. A soft pinkish light flowed from her hands and over Willow's body and to Spike's surprise Willow's dress actually changed color. He knew the colors of the witches' dresses had something to do with status but he had given no thought what so ever to how they got their different colors. But as Cordelia continued to infuse her with life-force her dress turned as white as Catherine's had been. Suddenly Willow inhaled hard and her eyes flew open with a start.

"Shhh." Cordelia whispered soothingly. "It's alright. You're going to be fine. Just breathe."

When Cordelia was done healing Willow, Buffy gracefully kneeled next to her friend. Xander was basically felling apart as he dropped to the floor on the other side of her crying loudly and pressing Willow's hand firmly to his chest.

"I thought I'd lost you." he sobbed helplessly and dried his nose on his sleeve. Buffy just held her hand and tried to smile. Willow looked at her questioningly.

"Did we win?" she asked, her voice barely carrying. Buffy nodded, trying hard to hold back the tears when she answered quietly,

"Yeah, we won."

"Was I dead?"

"Yap."

"Did you bring me back?"

"Nop, Cordelia did." At that Willow stared at her in amazement. Apparently she hadn't noticed Cordelia sitting just out of her eyesight. But as Buffy shot a rather dark look in Cordelia's direction Willow carefully lifted herself up on one elbow and looked over her shoulder. When she saw their former classmate in all her glory she giggled.

"Hi!" she said smiling like only one with extensive experience in the supernatural could smile at a time like this. "Fancy meeting you here. I guess I owe you thanks." Cordelia smiled serenely.

"Just doing my job."

"Cool job." Willow offered calmly. She was obviously taking the whole being back from the dead thing with a lot more dignity than he had, or Buffy had for that matter. She carefully sat up with Buffy's help and looked up at their faces with a comforting smile. But while Willow was regaining her strength Buffy seemed to be losing hers. Tears started to roll in a steady stream down her cheeks and Willow looked at her in surprise.

"Hey, it's OK." Willow said trying to reassure her friend. "I'm back now." But that only made Buffy cry even harder and she buried her head in Willow's arms. Cordelia looked like she was about to cry herself but instead she rose gracefully and went over to Angel who hadn't moved an inch, his face all dark and gloomy. God he could be depressing!

"What's the matter with you?" she scolded him. "You should go to her." But as fierce as her eyes on him were he didn't seem to hear a word she said. Instead he stuttered,

"They…they made you a…an angel." he finally finished and Spike thought for a second the big guy was about to faint.

"Yeah, so?" Cordelia asked bluntly and Spike had to snicker to himself. He liked this girl, angel or not.

"You look…"

"Angelic, yeah I got that. I'll try to be less breathtaking next time. But really, what are you doing?" She motioned towards Buffy but the big bloc of stupid just wouldn't get it. He kept insisting on answerers.

"When they restored my soul, was it…" he hesitated, stared at the floor for a moment then tried again, "Was it true, what Catherine said? Is it real?" Cordelia sighed.

"Yes, you have earned your soul. It's yours to keep, unless you go lose it again." she added with a little smile but he didn't seem to notice.

"Are you…" he hesitated again and every word seemed painful to spit out. Spike was getting increasingly frustrated with the whole conversation. "Are you OK? I mean…" he stopped again and his face was filled with pain. "I should have been able to save you." he stated with a voice cracking with agony and guilt. Spike could hardly bear it any longer but Cordelia just gently caressed his cheek and smiled warmly.

"Oh please, I'm an angel, dufus, what do you think?" she said with a sweat smile but when he didn't seem to understand she sighed heavily. "You weren't supposed to save me, honey. It was time for me to move on, that's all. But there's a girl over there, the love of your life if you remember, that's crying her heart out. Why aren't you with her?"

It took a few seconds before her words finally seemed to hit home and he flinched. His eyes sought out Buffy and it was like he saw her for the first time. She still had her head in Willow's arms and everyone was watching him intently. With tears welling up in his eyes he went over to her without another look at Cordelia. He sat down next to her and rapped his arms around her. She attempted to punish his delay, as women often do, by refusing to let him comfort her but that didn't last long and soon she was nestled in his embrace again. After that they all seemed to breathe a little easier and Spike glanced over at Kaya to see if she was in the mood for a bit of a cuddle herself but he couldn't read the look in her eyes so he decided not to push his luck.

With Angel sorted out Cordelia turned towards Xander. Spike had forgotten they were dating once but by the look on his face Spike figured the bloke was way past a nervous breakdown. But he had held up well so far, all things considered. When he had discovered that Willow was dead he had wailed and whimpered like a madman, but after an hour or so he had pulled himself together. He had even gone to get wood for a fire. Spike had to admire the guy, going into the bug-den like that. Deanna was with him of course. She followed him around like a faithful puppy lately. But Xander had gone a little mad as he unsuccessfully tried to chop the bug-parts into smaller pieces though. Spike had to go bail him out before he lost it completely.

When Xander noticed Cordelia watching him he got up slowly. He avoided her eyes and when he spoke it was barely English.

"Do… she… I mean, has some…have you…" he stopped and took a deep breath. Cordelia simply watched him patiently. "Do you know if she's alright?" he finally finished. Spike figured he meant Dawn and Buffy lifted her head from Angel's chest. Cordelia just gave him a long, unreadable look then gently caressed his cheek.

"You still don't know how important you are, do you?" she asked quietly. He just stared at her, clearly not understanding a word. "Yes Xander, Dawn is fine. Happy. And you should be too. Why won't you let yourself be happy?" He flinched and shrugged uncomfortably. Spike had actually wondered the same a few times. Xander was always there, helping and encouraging, never letting anyone give up. But he couldn't remember ever seeing him really happy. Well, not since Anya anyway. Perhaps not even then.

"You're a good man." Cordelia pressed, unwilling to let him off the hook.

"That's not true!" he suddenly spat angrily. "I'm nobody! I'm a punching bag! Good old Xander, let's see how his head sounds when it hits the pavement! Getting knocked unconscious is the only thing I'm good at." He was crying again but this time he wiped away the tears angrily with his sleeve. She put her hands around his face and made him look at her. Then she spoke with a voice that cut straight to the heart.

"Listen to me! You are important Xander. You do make a difference, more than you'll ever understand. I should know, after all you changed me. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. I'd still be a spoiled bitch with a massive chip on my shoulder." She thought for a moment. "Well actually I would probably be a vampire or worse, but anyway…"she paused and seemed to scan his face to see if her words had registered but he just watched her with a blank expression, so she continued quietly, "Your whole life you've been telling yourself that you're just here by accident. You've been telling yourself that it was Buffy and Willow that were the heroes and you just got caught up in it by accident. But that's not true. Do you honestly think you would have been able to stay alive this long if you didn't matter? That They would have let you?" She suddenly flashed him an impish smile and added, "And for the love of God Xander, stop blaming yourself for what happened between us! You were seventeen! You made a mistake. Get over it!"

As hard as Xander may have whished to there was no way he could avoid hearing her words or believing in them. But for a guy who had never believed in himself for a second in his entire life hearing all that from an angel and a former girlfriend no less, that was too much. He suddenly gasped for air and pressed his hands against his stomach in pain. Cassandra made a move to try to help him but Cordelia simply placed a hand on his head and closed her eyes for a moment. A vague light flowed from her hands again and soon he was as calm as if nothing had happed. Calm but exhausted. He dropped to the floor and Deanna was there in a flash, holding him close to her. Cordelia smiled and nodded to herself in satisfaction. Then she turned her attention to Willow.

Spike had completely forgotten the other two witches who had also died but as Willow slowly rose from the floor she noticed them and went even paler than usual. When Cordelia helped her stand up she looked at her questioningly.

"Can't you help them too?" she asked faintly already suspecting the answer. Cordelia suddenly looked very sad and shook her head.

"It's not my decision who lives or dies, I'm just the messenger." Her eyes watered up for a moment and it seemed she would lose herself in grief but then she pulled herself together and focused on Willow instead.

"I have a message for you." she said gravely. "A vision actually. And before you ask, no I don't know what it means." She gently lifted her hand and touched Willow's forehead. Willow closed her eyes and a surge of energy went through Cordelia's fingers. Suddenly Willow flinched as if she had been electrocuted then gasped for air. Both Buffy and Angel was quickly on their feet to keep her from falling. When Willow opened her eyes again something had changed. She shared a look with Cordelia that was filled with mutual bewilderment then Cordelia suddenly looked upwards as if she heard something.

"I have to go." she said quietly. "Go in peace." she added serenely then gave Spike a bemused smile. "Do you think I can get away with that or was it too much?" she asked and he smiled,

"It was very angel-like. I'm sure your future customers will appreciate it."

As her last gesture she turned towards Angel and Buffy.

"Take care of each other." she said compassionately and then took a few steps back and was gone. No mist, no choir. Spike had to admit he was a bit disappointed.