Epilogue

Laughter filled the room and Xander cut himself another large piece of the most delicious chocolate cake he had ever eaten. They were back at the witches' coven in Austria and strangely enough he didn't mind it this time. It even felt a little like home. The warm glow from the fire, the attentive audience hanging on their every word as they tried to recite their adventures and the wonderfully rich and mouthwatering food that kept turning up on the table, all of it made him feel like he had ended up in heaven. But it had taken them a long time to get here, almost a week had past since their victory over Catherine. They had been forced to stay at the temple until Angel's team arrived. Neither of them wanted to leave until they could make sure the crystal was really and truly gone. Hundreds of people, demons and psychics had scurried the site, but no one found even so much as a hint of the crystal or Catherine. It had been extremely frustrating but finally Willow had composed enough information to convince her that the blast had destroyed the crystal. Then they had all come back here.

He couldn't remember last time he felt this happy. The threat had been averted, they were all together again, there was great food and he had a girl that liked him by his side. And this time she wasn't a demon, half-demon or a government agent. Just a girl that liked him. Sure she was a witch but he could deal with that. He smiled at her and she smile back, her black eyes glistening in the soft candlelight.

"Weren't you scared?" Deanna asked him suddenly and it took a moment before he realized she was referring to the story Buffy had just told of how they had defeated the Mayor on graduation day. He looked over at Buffy.

"No of course I wasn't scared. Why should I? Buffy was there." He winked at Buffy and she gave him a warm smile. Spike then launched into an amusing story of how he and Buffy had killed a couple of chaos-demons together a few years ago.

Xander glanced over at Willow. She was sitting at the head of the table, smiling a little at Spike's story, a smile that never touched her eyes. She had stepped into the role of High Priestess effortlessly and the second she arrived here it had been obvious to everyone this was now her castle. She had given orders without hesitation and no one had challenged her. With Tess gone Willow was the most powerful witch on earth and the phone had been ringing off the hook with people and other creatures wanting to pay their respect to the new High Priestess. Willow had taken all the commotion in her usual calm way but Xander could see something had changed in her since that vision Cordelia had given her. She had refused to talk about it but Xander had caught her sharing a quiet conversation with Fridha were they had both agreed that darkness was coming. Fridha had stated with complete confidence that they would prevail but Willow had just hugged her without a word. It bothered him a little but there wasn't much he could do. Besides he felt Cordelia might have been right. He hadn't let himself be happy and it was about time he did.

When Spike had finished his story there was a temporary silence when they all just sat and enjoyed their full bellies, warm and cozy surroundings. Suddenly Kaya spoke, her voice strangely suspicious.

"What's your problem with Spike? Hasn't he proven by now he's on our side?" Xander stared at her in shock as he realized she was speaking to Deanna. He immediately felt a desire to protect her and was about to launch into a tirade about Kaya having no right, but one look at Deanna's face told him he should be quiet. She was watching Kaya with complete calm and when she spoke her voice was firm and even compassionate.

"I know he's on our side. But he was an animal once and that animal killed my whole family." Her words hit like a bomb and they all held their breaths. When she shifted her gaze from Kaya to Spike she did it without flinching.

"I was six years old. My mother let you in cause you said you were with the police. You had a badge and everything. Then you killed them all. I don't expect you remember but you and Dru really excelled in cruelty that week before our Voodoo priest ran you out of town."

When she finished the warm atmosphere in the room had turned into Siberian winter and no one dared breathe. Kaya looked like she wished the floor would open up underneath her and the other witches had utter shock written on their faces. Apparently Deanna had kept her secret well. Even Willow stared at her in stunned disbelief.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked faintly but Deanna simply shrugged.

"I didn't want you to think I couldn't handle it. Besides, he's proven his loyalty often enough. It's just…" she hesitated for a moment and threw a quick glance in Spike's direction then looked away. "…when I see his face I see the beast that killed my mother, my father and three brothers and then spent three days waiting for me to come out of my nanna's house. But the fear…It's just a reflex. I mean he's saved my life since then so… " She went silent without finishing the sentence.

Xander whished he could be surprised at this revelation but over the years he had been forced to accept the demonic past of both Angel and Spike. And he had always known something was wrong between her and Spike, but as he listened to her speak now he thought he could sense a change in her. She seemed to grow stronger by the minute, empowered by the words themselves. When she spoke again she looked at Spike with a whole new expression in her eyes.

"You probably did stuff like that all the time but the experience changed me. I lived with my nanna for a few years, but after she died no one really wanted to have anything to do with me. I was a scary reminder of the horrors in the world, horrors people prefer to ignore. I left town at fourteen and a few years later Catherine found me. I never blamed you, just hated you. But I suppose its time I let go."

Spike had been silent and kept his eyes firmly on the plate in front of him. Now he met her eyes and to Xander's surprise there were tears in them. Spike, unlike Angel, had always taken a rather unsentimental approach to his former demonic persona. And Angel's deep yearning for penance had never seemed to be an issue with Spike. Then again he had never been forced to deal with it in the same way Angel had to, at least not until now. When he spoke his voice cracked with emotion and it was so quiet you could barely hear him,

"I remember. You escaped through the window. You ran so fast. I remember thinking you had a lot of spunk for someone so young." Spike's eyes glazed over as he recalled the experience, "You ran to a house across the street and when I caught up to you you had already made it past the threshold. An old woman screamed and fainted but you just stood there. Then you closed the door." He flinched as if the memory was physically painful. Kaya was crying openly now, clearly feeling the pain too. Xander wasn't sure what to do. He had always kind of gotten used to not liking Spike. They always argued and bickered. But truth be told the old vampire had sort of grown on him. Somehow he was always there, loyal and honest, never wavering no matter what the danger. It had been easy to forget his past though, perhaps too easy. With Angel the darkness was always there, written on his brooding face. In Spike's case though his carefree attitude had made it difficult to imagine him a monster, especially since they had known him while he was a monster and the chip had made him such a unremarkable one that it never really registered that he had once been dangerous. But now it was painfully clear his reputation was more than just words in a book and you could cut the tension in the room with a knife.

"Sorry isn't a very useful word is it?" Spike suddenly stated thoughtfully, looking at Deanna again. She met his eyes calmly and when she replied she did it calmly without hesitation,

"No it's not. I'll never forgive the monster in you, but you're different now and so am I." Spike glanced over at Angel who had been sitting very still and quiet.

"So this is that pesky remorse you've been yapping about." he said with half a smile but Angel just gave him one of his dark looks that felt like he could see right into your soul. Spike clenched his jaw and looked away and Xander had to smile to himself. The fact that Angel had such obvious seniority on Spike was rather satisfying. Spike thought for a moment then cleared his throat and got straight to the point, as usual.

"Right, so I won't apologies cause that ain't enough and I don't want you thinking that I think it is. But you're right, I have changed. The past is what it is, I can't do anything about that but I do good now, or I try to at least." He paused for a moment then leaned in across the table. That gesture would have made Deanna pull back only a few moments ago but now she held her own, meeting his eyes levelly. "Look, I'll make you a deal." he continued in complete sincerity, "If you give me another chance I'll do my best to keep you safe from whatever beasts there are out there. OK?" His eyes scanned her face questioningly and when she smiled a little he looked so relieved it was almost funny.

"No, that's alright." she answered smiling confidently, "I can take care of myself. Just one thing." she added, her face getting serious again. "What happened to my brother?" Spike swallowed hard and looked away.

"Dru turned him." he replied simply.

"Yes, I kind if figured that. I mean what happened to him. After?" Spike looked up, his eyes filled with sympathy.

"He got caught in the sun a few weeks later."

"Good." she said. "Then he didn't have time to kill too many."

"No." Spike said with a comforting smile. "He didn't kill anyone as I recall. Didn't have the heart for it."

Xander squeezed her hand affectionately as the atmosphere slowly defrosted. He felt proud of her and the feelings that had lingered in the back if his mind now demanded his attention. He allowed himself to admit she was beautiful, more so than any other women he had ever met. She was stronger than most women too, except Willow and Buffy of course. But what he liked the most about her was her sincerity. She never played any games or tried to be anything she wasn't. As she turned her head and met his eyes he felt like he could drown happily in her warm gaze. In that instant he knew he loved her.

Buffy sighed happily and nestled in a little deeper in the comfy couch, resting her head against Angel's shoulder. This was perfect; all her closest friends were here with her, sitting around the big fire, talking, listening and laughing. And most importantly they were safe. By defeating Dacq'ilion they had managed to wipe out a large percentage of the worst demons around and now that the Crystal was gone it was almost as if their side had finally gotten the upper hand. She had always assumed that they would be fighting against impossible odds for all eternity but for the first time in her life it didn't feel so impossible anymore.

The revelation at dinner had taken its toll on all of them but since Deanna handled it so well no one else felt a need to make a fuss. The line between good and evil had blurred a bit the past week. And it's not like she didn't know what Spike was capable of when he put his mind to it. The really big surprise however had been the ease with which everyone had accepted Willow. It was almost as if Catherine had been just a bad dream and they had finally woken up. Only Willow was throwing uneasy glances towards Catherine's old chair and she had bluntly refused to sit in it. They had to go and fetch a new chair before she would sit down. But all though her friend did her best to hide it there was a great deal of sadness in her eyes since Cordelia had given her the vision. She had asked Willow what the vision had been but she had skillfully evaded the question. Whatever it was it had rattled her friend big-time. More evil no doubt but evil for another day.

While they were digesting their food and enjoying quiet conversation Kaya had managed to find a guitar that she now handed to Spike with an encouraging nod. Buffy vaguely recalled he had taken up songwriting a few years ago but she had never heard him sing. To her surprise he was actually very good and soon the whole room was in high spirits. Apparently Catherine had disapproved of her coven to engage in any frivolous activities and it took a while before the witches dared to express any pleasure over this sudden musical entertainment but after Willow had joined in during a song they all relaxed considerably. Eventually the cheerfulness had spread and more people began to contribute to the fun.

Buffy had found she couldn't stop smiling and when glanced up at Angel from time to time he seemed to be smiling as much as she did. It was heavenly to be able to let go and just have fun. She couldn't remember last time she had fun. And when a couple of the witches from Ireland suddenly got in their heads to teach Angel Irish folkdance she laughed until she cried. It certainly revealed a whole new side to him she had never seen before and she loved him even more. But that wasn't nearly as much fun as watching Giles go wild in some African tribal dance. She laughed so hard she almost fell off the couch.

As the evening wore on though, they all began to feel the effects of the past weeks demands. Giles eventually nodded off in his chair and Willow had resumed staring vacantly into the fire. Spike was singing a slow, fairly sad song which he had dedicated to Kaya with a glint in his eye. While he sang the atmosphere in the room changed and everyone knew it was time to call it a night. Buffy felt Angel stir next to her and suddenly the cold lump of ice in her gut was back. There were too many memories spinning around in her mind and the not so pleasant ones were the loudest. The touch of his body, the feel of his lips, all the good things she could vaguely remember were tangled up with memories of Angelus killing off her friends and sinking his teeth in her neck. She knew it wasn't Angel but it still hurt. Like Deanna had said the fear was a reflex.

Suddenly Kaya took a firm hold on Spike's hand and got up off the couch. By the look on her face there was no doubt where she was taking him and Spike seemed as surprised as Buffy felt. But he didn't object much, in fact he was grinning like a Cheshire Cat. Xander and Deanna were saying goodnight to everyone aswell, although Deanna didn't seem to be sending out that kind of invitation just yet. She glanced over at Willow but she was completely absorbed in her own thoughts, staring into the fire. Giles was snoring in his chair, his head hanging rather uncomfortably against his chest. For a moment she thought of waking him but decided against it.

With everyone slowly retiring to their rooms Buffy suddenly felt very tired. The events of the past few days was catching up to her and she felt herself drift away, leaning heavily against Angels shoulder. She blinked and poised herself again as she looked up at him. He smiled down on her, a sweet, gentle smile.

"Time for bed, huh." he said quietly and helped her off the couch. She gratefully accepted his help and as he held her protectively as they walked upstairs she had a flashback of simpler times, before Angelus, before all the death and destruction. It had felt so right then, like the universe had created them to fit perfectly together. Now she knew the universe was far more complicated then that.

Shrieks echoing in the darkness. A bright light, blue shining lights. No Buffy, don't! Armies facing each other under a cloud of ashes. Demons. Armies of demons. No air. No hope. Please help us! Have to fight. Humans fighting humans, fighting demons. Fear. Pain ripping her body. I failed. Nooooo!

Willow woke up screaming, her body drenched in sweat and she was shaking all over. The images Cordelia had given her were tearing at her and the nightmares were getting worse. She whished she could make sense of them or at least find some clue how to stop it. But the intense sensation that she would fail this time was burning through her mind like wildfire. It couldn't be! Why would the powers to be give her these images if she was meant to fail? It made no sense. She pushed away the damp sheet and got out of bed. Her legs almost buckled and she had to lean on the bedpost for a moment. When she had regained enough balance she stumbled over to the dresser. She filled the bowl with water and splashed the cold liquid on her face, hoping it would wash away the images. But as she looked into her own eyes in the reflection in the mirror she knew they would never go away.