Notes: Total chapter count is 11. Should be posted soon, only a quest for titles and typoes is standing in the way! Thank you, guys, for the giggle-inducing, happy-making comments :)

Chapter the Eighth: Logical Song

Rodney and Teyla helped Sheppard back to the door.

"Now that you have me, this task is going to be child's play!"

Sheppard groaned, more from oh-please-disbelief than pain. He was not displeased when he was settled, rather comfortably, against Teyla, and Rodney was put to work. "So, what's the timeframe on this?"

Rodney muttered unflattering things under his breath then saw the futility of such an exercise and spoke louder. "The timeframe is what I choose it to be, now shut up, I'm thinking." Lucky bastard, he added as thought, there he goes, all cosy with Teyla because he fell, while I, who have been forced to sit in a damp cave, run at crazy speeds obviously better suited to beast than man and be generally traumatised by a Giant Mountain Man, get to work more. No nice to see you, Rodney, no nothing. Just work.

"Rodneeeeey?"

Sheppard received a dark glare for his efforts and smiled. It sent Rodney in a fit of additional mutterings. He turned to the door and talked himself through it. Rodney recognised most of the words, as well as the ones above the door, but could make neither sense nor surmise anything helpful from them. "The choice has been made, fortify it." He repeated it, hoping it would give him a clue, or that Teyla and Sheppard would hear and he wouldn't have to ask for their opinion. Sheppard was good at sticking his nose in Rodney's work and commenting. "The choice has been made, fortify it."

"What's that mean?"

"Obviously, that we have to choose the right word." Rodney got that part, but which word was it? He looked at them all. Chant. Honour. Sight. Fall. Solid. Curve. Haste. Praise. Hold.

"What are the words?"

"Chant. Honour. Sight. Fall. Solid. Curve. Haste. Praise. Hold."

Sheppard whistled. "Got your work cut out for you."

Rodney ignored his friend. He ran his fingers over the symbols, looking for a different texture that would indicate a button, a place to insert a key they hadn't found, a place for something, anything that would move. He continued to read the words to himself as he searched for an obvious solution. Why he did so, he wasn't sure, for the Ancients were many things but obvious wasn't one of them. This was definitely of Ancient design. The people here must've stumbled upon the Ancient tech. Why the technology was always used to put them in danger, McKay hoped to discover someday, preferably while Ronon scared everyone in a ten-mile radius.

Bypassing thoughts of Ronon and his cowboy ways, Rodney turned back to the door. He concentrated on the job at hand and forgot the world around. The words continued to taunt him with their hidden secret. How was he to devise what the Ancient meant, they of the obscure ridiculousness. They thought they were so Zen and clever. Well, they weren't, because Rodney McKay could out-think them on his worst day. He settled in, opposing the door in a face-off that would surely become legendary. Not that anyone ever seemed very impressed by the miracles he made daily…but he was and that had to count for something.

"The choice has been made, fortify it. Chant. Honour. Sight. Fall. Solid. Curve. Haste. Praise. Hold."

His finger hovered over solid, but it seemed such an easy answer that he was uncomfortable with his choice. He had a bit more respect for the Ancient than that, though not much.

"It can't be chant, fall, sight or haste. That really wouldn't make any sense. Unless we're supposed to chant something, and that would be annoying."

"I do not know of a chant that carries those words."

"So not chant. Honour has nothing to do with fortifying anything, so that can't be –"

"A man, to be strong, needs only honour."

Frowning, Rodney turned toward Teyla. "What?"

"It is a saying of my people."

"Yeah, but we're not on Athos, are we?"

"I believe many of our beliefs came to us from the Ancestors themselves."

"Just great! I have to take beliefs into account! Got any tips, Mister Ascended Tarts? You're good with the ethereal nonsense."

Sheppard made a rather rude gesture in response.

"No. No? You and your girlfriends are useless. Well, ok, fine, let's leave honour in there. It can't be sight; sight has nothing to do with fortifying anything." Rodney waited a beat, but no contradictions came from his team. "Fall. Not relevant. Solid. Now, solid is the obvious choice. Maybe too obvious, so I'll come back to it. Curve. It's a possible choice. Haste. Nope. Praise...praise…well I guess you can praise someone and make them stronger. I mean – oh, praise goeth before a fall, doesn't it?"

"That's pride goeth before a fall, Rodney. I'm not surprised you didn't know that."

Rodney sneered at the door trusting that Sheppard would know what type of look a comment like that deserved. Just to be safe he added a spoken, "Jackass," to his sneer. "Hold. Hold. Uh…"

"Being held will strengthen the spirit."

Rodney turned and caught the beatific smile that crossed Sheppard's lips as Teyla strengthened her hold on him. "Teyla, stop squeezing him like that, you'll break his ribs." He smiled with satisfaction when Teyla grew concerned and lightened her embrace.

"Spoilsport," Sheppard muttered sulkily.

Teyla laughed and Rodney hummed his answer. He sighed and reached for his pack when no brilliant insight came from staring at the door. He missed the words exchanged sotto voce by his team-mates as he pulled his Super-Genius paraphernalia out of his pack.

"He's ok."

"He seems to be."

"Oh, no no no no no. Not, not you, not again." Rodney sat down, utterly dejected. Could this day get any worse?

"What?"

"It broke," Rodney said, cradling his data-pad in his arms. It was the fourth one that was smushed this year and Elizabeth would not be pleased. "Look at it." He held it away from himself just enough for several pieces of the cracked screen to fall. He sighed deeply.

"It's fine, you can get another."

"I know, but last time Elizabeth said I could go through the proper requisition forms and she wouldn't free one for me until it came from Earth. It'll take weeks!"

"You have your laptops."

"I don't like to take them off-world, they're too bulky."

"We'll get you one for missions."

"I'll have to transfer all the data back and forth if I take a shared one. Anyways, Elizabeth said I wouldn't be allowed."

"Rodney, shut up and get back to work."

He allowed himself another sigh before rising to his feet again. He returned the data-pad to his pack with a gentle pat. Yes, Rodney had a thing for technology. He loved it and was sorry to see it go to pieces uselessly like that. Sorting through his effects, looking for other breaks, he laid a hand on a device he did not instantly recognise. He pulled it out and memory flooded.

"Huh."

"What? Rodney. Huh what?"

"This is for rock."

"Ok."

The scientist turned toward Sheppard and Teyla. "No, I mean, I can make and unmake rock."

"How's that?"

"Well, it's the Centre of Rock or whatever they called it."

"The Core of Stone," Teyla supplied.

"Yes," Rodney said, point-snapping at her. "That thing. I found it. I turned Ronon to rock and back."

"You what!"

"Oh…I...before we were chased by those things, in the cave. It turned him into rock. The other device changes rock to, not-rock."

Sheppard stared at Rodney, then pointedly at the rock wall and back to Rodney. "You didn't think to mention you had a device that turned rock to not-rock before now?"

Rodney's chin lifted, his shoulders squared and the device bounced from hand to hand. "I didn't remember, ok? It's been a…traumatising day. First, there's this dark room and I thought I was alone then I thought you were all dead. Then I thought I'd lost you two, then we were in that stadium and I was expecting lions and swords. After that it's find the device in the mountain of crap and turn your guy to rock. See him break in tiny little pieces and put back together again! Oh, let's not forget the beasts I had to run from. Ronon yelled at me and pushed me and I couldn't go faster, ok? If we hadn't seen that crack in the rocks we'd be done for." Rodney fell to his knees, lowering his head so his nose nearly touched the dirt. "Oh God, ok. Ok. No problem, it's fine. I'm not dead; we're not dead. No one's dead. I'll just, I'll fix this and we'll go home. Oh God, oh God."

Teyla removed Sheppard from his comfy spot, letting him recline against the cold rocky surface. She kneeled beside Rodney and put an arm around his shoulders. Nothing unusual, Rodney having a – thankfully – delayed realisation of the dangers he'd faced was a perfectly normal occurrence after a day like this; McKay could take an impressive amount of stress, but once he reached the limit he lost sight of the way home. Teyla whispering soothing nothings to him was also par for the course.

Sheppard was not so fond of the losing Ronon part, the falling and hurting like hell part, nor the whole Tasks thing, but otherwise, this day had gone pretty well.

How had his life come to this, both men wondered. Rodney let Teyla's voice bring him back from the edge of running naked through the forest reciting sonnets. He concentrated on the words and let everything else slide.

"We will return home, Rodney. We found you; we are here. Home, we will be home soon; Ronon will join us, you will complete this last task and we will escape."

The sting chose an unfortunate moment to befall them. They all jumped from the sharp burn they had almost forgotten, and Rodney was once again approaching the edge. He felt the lure of wild abandonment and wanted nothing more than to go gallivanting, as free as a wild child on deserted island, or possibly go back to hide between the hardness of stone. It wasn't far; he could crawl in the hole and hide until Ronon returned with rescue, after he'd killed all those Truck things. Yes, that was an excellent idea. Oh, but to leave he would have to detach himself from Teyla and that really wasn't sounding good right now. She was nice, and if he left she'd go back to Sheppard and he'd milk this for all it was worth. Bastard. I'm fine, he said, just a little sore. I'm fine, just a little cold, and there's Teyla all warm and comforting. He's taking advantage and…

…and I'm behaving like an idiot, Rodney thought, straightening and feeling Teyla's arm fall away. "Ok, I'll…I'll be there working."

She smiled and nodded, returning to Sheppard's side now that she had taken care of Rodney's temporary condition. Rodney rose to his feet, breathed deeply and returned to the door. He held the device loosely in his hand. Red, it glowed red. This was the one that turned rock into something it wasn't.

He held it in a tight fist and thought, activate. He was not prepared for the change.

From the curses he heard coming from behind, he wasn't the only one caught off-guard.