Angela! You are supercalifragilisticexpialidociously delightful.

Notes: There will be another chapter after this, likely posted tomorrow. Now, if this doesn't make any sense...don't fight it, embrace the break from the plausible :) Also, ignore the convenience of it all. Really, coincidences like that occur everyday, trust me!

Chapter the Tenth: Get back

"Please don't kick Akhos the Thirty-fifth."

Nonplussed, Teyla, Ronon and Sheppard stared silently, weapons raised, until Rodney demanded answers. "Who's talking? What's that? Oh God, it's not the body is it?"

"No Rodney, the body isn't talking."

"Is it still there?"

Sheppard seemed confused. "What? The body?"

"Yeah."

"Where is it going to go?"

"I don't know. I don't know, can't whoever spoke take it away."

Sheppard raised an eyebrow at Akhos the Thirty-seventh who gave a long-suffering sigh before kicking the body until it went through the trapdoor. He shouted down the opening. "Take it away and return promptly."

There was no answer from the hole.

"It's gone now," Sheppard told McKay.

"Oh, thank God, I was begin– what is he doing here?" Rodney spoke as he turned around.

"I was just going to ask him that myself," Sheppard said, resting his hands on his P-90, knowing Teyla and Ronon took similar mildly threatening poses. He feared his was closer to pathetic than threatening, as Rodney had wrapped an arm around his waist to avoid the conclusion of John's body-meets-ground extravaganza.

"I have come to accompany Akhos the Thirty-sixth to the Taskmaster's circle and remove you from here, at the Masterich's orders."

"What does the Masterich want with us?"

"He wishes you to be removed, discreetly, from our world."

Rodney lifted his chin and frowned. "Why? Why now? Why not, hmm, let's say, this morning!"

"No one has ever broken the secret of the Core of Stone, not even Akhos the Taskmaster himself, and no one has ever progressed this far in the Tasks. The Masterich has no intention of cursing his daughter with the Akhos name," Akhos the Thirty-seventh explained, mournfully.

"We cannot be allowed to complete the Tasks, or the Masterich would be made to renege on his promise?"

Akhos smiled at Teyla. "Indeed, that is the situation in which Masterich Povall finds himself."

"Ok, so, what about the Taskmaster man? Why isn't he the one coming to get us? Why is he sending you? I'd think he wouldn't trust you with a big important mission like that!"

"Akhos the Thirty-sixth will return to the Taskmaster's circle shortly."

"Then what?"

"I will officially become Akhos the Taskmaster and hope to be worthy of the Masterich's beautiful jewel."

Akhos the Taskmaster, or Thirty-sixth as he was now apparently known, climbed through the opening. "Don't be ridiculous, Akhos the Taskmaster."

"I most certainly am not!"

Both men faced each other. "You cannot truly believe an Akhos will ever be worthy of the Masterichs!"

"I believe I could be the one to change the tides."

"Foolishness! Akhos the Thirty-eighth is already in preparation!"

"There might very well be no need for his existence!"

"You are a fool!"

"You are!"

"You are!"

"You are!"

"You are!"

"You –"

"Guys, guys, not that all this isn't terribly fascinating," Sheppard said, breaking off the childishness contest, "but there was some talk about us going home?"

Akhos the Thirty-seventh-Taskmaster-man-whatever, as he would henceforth be known in John's mind, nodded, sending a vicious glare the way of the other Akhos. "Please, proceed, I will be with your shortly," he said, indicating the trapdoor.

"Wait!" Akhos the Thirty-sixth shouted in a great panic, though no one had moved yet. "I need the vial, please, beautiful lady." He smiled at Teyla.

She regarded him with tranquil eyes, hiding her disdain much better than her team-mates. She reached for the wire attached to the vial and handed it to Akhos. That done, she went down the wooden stepladder into the hole. Rodney manhandled Sheppard towards the hole as the two Akhos bid adieu.

"It has been an honour to serve you for so many years. I hope your departure is painless."

"Thank you, Akhos the Taskmaster, you have been a good son, I shall remember you fondly in my remaining days."

"As shall I, Akhos the Thirty-sixth, as shall I."

Ronon, having lowered John to Rodney's awaiting arms, while very much respecting everyone's dignity, saw the two Akhos embrace.

"Be well, Akhos."

"Be gone, Akhos."

The team waited in a dark cavern as Akhos the new Taskmaster came down the stepladder, closed the trapdoor and walked over to them. Rodney looked from the trapdoor to Akhos and back. "What's happening with the other guy?"

"He will eventually perish."

"What?"

"He will eventually perish."

Sheppard poked Rodney so he would resume his walk, as he asked for clarification. "What do you mean eventually perish? Why?"

"He is no longer wanted in society. He has displeased the Masterich."

"And you leave him in there to die? What the hell kind of people are you. No, really, I know I've said it a lot today, but, what is your problem?"

Teyla smoothed the feathers Rodney had ruffled. "Is he not your father?"

"Not so wise there, Teyla, accusing the man of patricide," Rodney whispered. Sheppard snorted but disguised it as a cough, which turned into a full-blown choking episode that didn't do much for his ribs.

"No." Akhos was either a master diplomat or a complete idiot. Either way, he ignored the two men's antics.

"He called you son."

"As I shall call Akhos the Thirty-eighth son. The Masterich prefers it that way."

Their voices echoed through the carven as they rose in confusion and anger. "Ok, enough with the Akhos! What's going on here? What did we do all these Tasks for and why are we being sent home just like that?"

Akhos the Taskmaster sighed lengthily. He muttered under his breath before raising his voice so they could hear. "We Akhos provide entertainment for the court. You were the entertainment Akhos the Thirty-sixth provided. He had chosen well, for you lived when all have previously died, and this displeased the Masterich. He offers his daughters for every Tasks, with no intention of allowing the Akhos to take them. He cannot allow you to succeed, for it would undermine him throughout the Masterichade. Therefore, he asked that you be sent away."

"Didn't I just say enough with the Akhos? I don't care. Why did you have us risk life and limbs running around all day?"

"Because it is what the Masterich expects. We Akhos must provide."

Teyla frowned. "The Masterich was not pleased with Akhos the Thirty-sixth's offering so we are sent away and he is put to death?"

"What?" Akhos laughed lightly and shook his head. "No. Akhos the Thirty-sixth has filled his obligation; it is now my turn. He has mere days left, it is fortunate you came to him in the night."

"Days left for what?"

"For life," Akhos said, looking at Rodney incredulously.

Sheppard didn't really care as long as they went home, but this made no sense at all. He stopped walking, or tried to stop Rodney from manhandling him, and angled toward Akhos. "What are you talking about? What is he doing back there? We can't just leave him!"

Akhos sighed again. "Akhos has two, maybe three days left. The Taskmaster's circle will allow him to reflect on his best Tasks and spend those days pleasantly."

"He's your father!"

"He is not my father! Akhos' do not have such things as fathers!"

"Ok, that, that's just crazy! Everyone has one! Not everyone, but, it takes two, you know…" Rodney looked around at the four eyebrows that had lifted. He took his chin to new heights and exclaimed defensively, "Well it does!"

Akhos shook his head. He seemed to be finding them less entertaining by the second. "You strangers put the Masterich to great shame. How did you manage the Tasks when you are such simpletons?"

"Hey! Listen, you denied brain at birth twerp, we are not simpletons. We're much more evolved than you with your pointless games and your stupid rules and your…your murder by starvation." You could do many things to Rodney, but calling him a simpleton sat proudly at the top of the don't-list.

"There will be no murder. As you well know, you will be free to return to your world."

"I meant Akhos the Whatever you left back there! And, for that matter, Akhos the Before that was already in there!"

"Akhos do not die by starvation. We cease to function."

"Function?"

"Yes."

"How's that?"

The cavern ended. Akhos climbed the stepladder and opened another trapdoor as he spoke. "From the day of creation to the day of cessation, fifteen thousand three hundred and twenty-seven days will pass. Akhos the Thirty-sixth passed his fifteen thousand three hundred and twenty-fifth day, today. He will soon cease to function."

They all climbed out and Sheppard was relieved to see the gate, glinting in the sunlight. Teyla hurried to it and was dialling before Ronon had climbed out. Rodney was fascinated. "How do you cease to function? How do human beings cease to function?"

Akhos burst out laughing. Rodney was taken aback and he flushed slightly at the perceived insult. "What! Humans don't just cease to function after a set time! It depends!"

"Oh, I hope for Akhos the Thirty-eighth to be soon, so I can share this priceless memory with him. Akhos are not humans!"

"Uh…what?"

"We, the Akhos, are made from the Akhos that precedes us, on the Masterich's orders." He shook his head and continued to chuckle.

The wormhole came to existence and Teyla sent her IDC.

"What do you mean, made?" Rodney was not letting this go, no matter how hard Sheppard struggled to get him to move already.

"We are one and the same. The Masterich was rather fond of Akhos the First; he made us in his image so we would continue to entertain him and his people for as long as he existed. We have been providing pleasure for more than a hundred years."

"But –"

"Alright, thank you, bye bye," Sheppard said, as Ronon pulled Rodney, and himself by association, into the puddle. The last image Rodney saw of this insane world was that of a guffawing Akhos.