CHAPTER 5

Everything was a whirlwind once they landed hard on the ramp in the gate room. The Jack who had come back for her disappeared and the fierce colonel resurfaced. He immediately stormed off straight to the infirmary to get an update on Wong and she automatically followed. When they got there, Daniel and Teal'c informed them that Wong had been taken straight to the OR for surgery. There wasn't any news yet so they decided to get their post-mission physical exams out of the way while they waited.

Once the adrenaline settled down, a sharp pain shot through Jack's leg. Upon examination, he had a mild MCL sprain and a huge gash in his shin requiring thirty stitches. Sam had a bump on her head and a couple of bruises forming from when Jack had fallen on top of her when they came crashing through the gate. After they were cleaned up by the medical staff, they were positioned on two of the beds at the end of the infirmary with the curtains pulled around and in between them as they changed into fresh clothes.

"Colonel, I wanted to apologize."

"For what?"

"For not being completely honest with you."

"You mean lying to me?"

"I didn't lie. I just...didn't tell you all the information."

"Same thing in my book."

"I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt."

"Well someone did," he said very sternly this time.

"Listen here buddy—" she started to raise her voice as she flung the curtain separating them open only to find a shirtless Jack O'Neill standing there. She knew he was an attractive man. She wasn't blind. Perhaps it was his grumpy, sarcastic attitude that altered her perception before, but she didn't realize just how attractive he was. She couldn't help but examine his body with her eyes. After all, it was what she had trained them to do when encountering a fascinating specimen.

Her eyes travelled over his sun kissed skin from his broad shoulders to his strong chest covered lightly in hair. It looked soft. Her gaze continued down to his abdomen. He wasn't chiseled by any means, but he was definitely in shape and the outline of his abs was evident. He had battle scars that were subtle but didn't go unnoticed; and she wondered what memories those souvenirs reminded him of. Surprisingly her hands didn't take over with a mind of their own and reach out to trace them. Then she remembered his hands when he helped her up. His grip was firm but his hands felt gentle as they held hers. She imagined what else his hands were gentle with as her eyes drifted further down to his unbuttoned pants and her mind slowly unzipped—.

"Hey, do you mind?" Jack said interrupting her thoughts and throwing up his hands.

"Huh? Oh, sorry." Sam blushed and quickly turned to her right and found the most interesting crack in the wall to look at. "What was I saying?"

"I think you left off at calling me buddy."

"Oh, right," she said recollecting her thoughts. "You make it sound like I had some malicious intent by not telling you exactly what I was thinking."

"You lied to me!" Jack yelled again as he finished buckling his belt and throwing on a black shirt. "Stop trying to phrase it any other way."

"Is that all you got? You know, if you hadn't been acting like you were trying to get rid of me from the moment I got here, maybe I would've felt more confident that you would actually be reasonable."

"So you're saying this is my fault?!"

"No, I was simply trying to point out that if you weren't so biased against scientists and had an open mind for once—"

"I have a duty to every man and woman on this base to be a little skeptical at times. The stakes in what we do here are too great if we're not."

"We're supposed to be fighting the Goa'uld, not each other!"

"The Goa'uld aren't our only threats so excuse me if I'm not giving away my trust to just any long legged scientist in a tight skirt who bats her eyes at me. You put that device before your life and the lives of my team. You think that just because you're so much smarter than everyone else means that your opinion is automatically better?!"

Suddenly, the outer curtain pulled back and they both turned to see Dr. Fraiser standing there with Daniel, Teal'c, and three nurses staring back at them. Dr. Fraiser shot them an infuriated look while the others suddenly found more interesting cracks in the walls and ceilings to stare at. Forgetting that people could hear them, they didn't notice that their voices had gotten progressively louder and louder until they were basically in a shouting match with each other.

"That's enough you two." Janet didn't have to raise her voice to get her point across. Sam and Jack both looked down at their feet apologetically. "Whatever issues you're having, please sort them out somewhere that's not my infirmary."

"Sorry Doc."

"Sorry Janet," they said in unison.

"Uh, how's Michael?" Daniel cut the silence to bring everyone's main concern back to the forefront.

"Well, he lost a lot of blood from a liver laceration. Fortunately, I was able to repair it before it was too late. It's a good thing you got him back when you did; I'm not sure how much longer he would've lasted. On top of that, he's also got a broken right leg, a few crack ribs, and a severe concussion; but those are the least of our concerns."

"So...he's going to be ok?" Sam asked anxiously.

"The hard part's over; but he's not completely out of the woods yet. He's still a little unstable. I've left him on the ventilator to let his body rest and we're giving him medications to increase his blood pressure. Hopefully he turns around in the next day or so. If everyone can behave, you can go see him in the ICU room."

They both nodded, and Janet gestured for everyone to follow her. As they exited the infirmary, Sam fell behind and slipped away to her lab. She couldn't be around the colonel right now. His words struck hard but like hell was she going to let him see how much he had affected her.

When they reached the private ICU room, Daniel noticed that Sam wasn't with them. They entered the room to see the youngest member of SG-1 with tubes and lines hooked up all over. There was a steady beat on the heart monitor which brought some comfort as evidence that he was, in fact, alive. His skin was pale and other bruises from the fall were starting to show more. The three men sat in silence almost willing the young man to continue to fight.

"You were a little harsh back there in the infirmary, don't you think?"

"No, Daniel, I do not."

"Jack, she made a mistake, but it had nothing to do with what happened to Michael."

"Still...can't trust her."

"Jack!" Daniel said as loudly as he could without summoning the ire of the nurse.

"Fine. Maybe it was a little harsh. What do you want me to do about it?"

"Perhaps you could start by apologizing to Samantha Carter."

"Ugh," Jack sighed as he dropped his head in his hands. He knew there was no arguing. He had been on the fringe of crossing the line—if he hadn't already—if Fraiser hadn't broken it up when she did. When he saw her she slip away from the back of the group, he couldn't help but notice the look on her face. He'd hurt enough people in his lifetime to know he hit a sensitive spot. He really needed to figure out why this woman got under his skin before he did anything he couldn't take back.

Almost a week had passed since they returned from P5X-224. Michael continued to slowly recover and was scheduled to be released from the infirmary in a couple of days. Sam had gone to visit him almost every day after hours when she knew there was no chance to run into anybody. During the first couple of nights before Mike had regained enough strength, she found herself just sitting with him in silent support listening to the beeping of the monitors.

Although the solitude at night meant not have as many distractions, it also meant that she had more time left alone with her thoughts; and she couldn't stop thinking about the Colonel's words. He had called her out, and it struck a nerve because he was right, well mostly. Of course she didn't think she was better than everybody else, but her judgment had been clouded.

She was on a mission but she had put that mission ahead of the lives of others; and it almost cost them. That wasn't like her. This wasn't who she was. Sam had never been a believer in the ends justify the means philosophy, but that's exactly what she had done without even realizing it. The position she was currently in was slowly changing her and unknowingly which scared her. Is this what I've become? She asked silently, but then reminded herself why she was there in the first place. You signed up for this. This is what you wanted. Now you have to finish what you started.

With new determination, Sam had gone into full work mode, burying herself in it. She never got the chance to poke more into J's possible invitation, but it was probably for the best since she was under enough pressure already without the thought of meeting up with him. Although their recent messages were intermittent, it was still comfortable and familiar. After the week she had, she welcomed the comfort of talking to someone who didn't know the specifics of her most recent shortcoming.

"Sorry I haven't been the most fun to talk to recently."
"Things have been pretty stressful at work lately."

"Yeah things have been pretty crappy at work for me too."

"What's going on with you?"

"I had an argument with someone and made it personal. I said some things that I know hurt them."
"I don't even know why I said them."

"I'm sure they know you didn't mean it especially if it was said in the heat of the moment."
"Have you apologized?"

"Haven't had the opportunity yet."
"Not sure it'll make a difference. I don't know her that well but I don't think she likes me very much."

"Well maybe you should get to know her better."
"I'm sure she'll forgive you once she gets to know you. Just put on some of that charm I know you have."

"You may find this hard to believe, but most people don't find me all that charming."

"You're right. I do find that very hard to believe. I guess I'm not most people."
"Maybe extend an olive branch. Try to start with a clean slate?"

"This woman just knows how to push my buttons."

"We all have coworkers like that. Sometimes we have to be the bigger people."

"I'm not that big of a person. I don't find myself on the high road often."

"You're a better person than you give yourself credit for."
"JUST TALK TO HER."

"Ok, ok. I will, but only because you told me to. And you're almost always right."
"Enough of my problems. How's it going with your work nemesis?"

"Not great. I made a mistake and he shoved it in my face."
"Now I'm starting to doubt myself."

"Don't listen to him. We all make mistakes."
"I'm sure you're a badass at work."

"I feel like I'm losing myself in this job."

"I've been there before."
"Just remember your job will never define who you are."

"Ha, wise words, but as long as I can remember, my job has been my life."
"Not sure there's much more to me."

"I wouldn't say that."

"I don't even know what your job is and there's a whole bunch of you that I really like."
"And you should too. If you need help, I can list it all out for you."

"That's very sweet."
"Maybe after this project I'm working on, I'll be able to do work on that."

"Sounds like you need this project to be over."

"You have no idea. It's becoming bigger than I anticipated."
"Might not be able to chat a lot until it's done."

"I'll be here."

And there it was. Reading those three words was the moment of realization. Sam had come to the fork in the road that she had been avoiding. In many ways, J made her feel grounded and secure; and it was never more evident than right now. He saw her for more than her achievements and more than even she saw in herself; and despite what he saw, he wanted to be there. But this meant that she had to find out for certain how real this thing was before she fell in too deep.

She had almost sunk the last time she had to unchain herself from someone. Of course, that was a different situation. She had anchored herself to Jonas thinking it would bring stability to her life, but instead it only allowed him to drag her down. On the other hand, J had slowly become like a steady wind rising up to gently support her at whatever heights she flew.

She wanted him. And she needed to know if he wanted her too. With a deep breath, she typed her message and hit send before she could talk herself out of it. It was short and to the point this time. No more throwing feelers out there or trying to read between the lines.

"Do you think we should meet?"