Cross Country: Chapter 5
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The ride out of Evansville that morning was quiet…very quiet. CJ had her arms crossed, staring out the window while Ammie sat on the other side of GJ's booster seat, sobbing every so often. GJ was angry as well, fully realizing he was the victim of the girls' prank, yet sharing equally in part of their punishment.
Kim sipped from her rapidly cooling cup of decaffeinated coffee, wishing it was at least twice as strong and the plain, normal Columbian blend she was accustomed to. In front of her, on the dash, were the remote to the SUV's DVD player and Ron's old Kimmunicator. There would be no television that morning, perhaps for that day. That's what had her son so irritable. That, and the fact he hadn't slept well in the strange bed and was forced to change clothes again when Ammie retrieved his underwear from wherever it was she sent it. It didn't matter his briefs had been on another planet, what mattered is he was dragged back into the bathroom and made to put on a clean pair.
The air of crankiness was almost palpable in the vehicle. Kim was already slightly hormonal, even before the kids got started up. The girls were upset that the punishment didn't fit the crime, well, CJ was. Ammie was genuinely sorry, even though her roommate kept insisting there was no harm, so no foul.
Ron should have been in a better mood. Of all of them, he could enjoy a good prank. Unfortunately, that put them behind schedule with his aborted trip to Smarty Mart, and being his father's son, there was nothing more important than making good time on the road. What's worse it took three stops to find something his sister would actually eat for breakfast.
The girls were also grumpy because they had been banned from the back seat. Kim wanted them where she could see them. That meant being separated by GJ's booster seat, a prospect none of the three children relished.
"Ron, I think we might want to take the extra day anyhow. Maybe give the kids some time to play in a pool or something."
"If we're careful with lunch and supper, we should be able to get to Durham around eleven or so. That'll give us a full day to unwind before the wedding."
"Some marinating time would be spankin', but sitting this long in the SUV, it's killing my butt."
"Then play with the controls on your seat."
"Not what I meant, baby. I just think if we're not aiming to go the whole remaining distance in one day, we could have a really nice sit-down dinner, then some real quality family time before hitting the rack." She leaned a little closer to him. "That means some more quality Mommy and Daddy time as well. You know what's going to happen before long. Besides, once we get there, you know Moni is going to want to spend some time with me before the rehearsal and dinner. It'll be a whole lot better if the kids aren't all irritable."
"Why don't we wait and see how far we've gone by lunch." He glanced back at the kids in the rearview mirror. "What are we going to do about GJ? It's not fair he's being punished right along with the girls."
Kim rolled her eyes. "You really want to spend the next four hundred miles constantly listening to the Jabber Mittens or that horrible Sponge-whatever show?"
"We've got some Scratchy and Bitey DVDs with us." He added.
"So not. It's bad enough when you want to sit and watch those things for hours. You'll just be craning your head so you can see it instead of keeping your eyes on the road."
He looked up at the screen, which was folded up into the ceiling for the moment. "I think they designed this so the driver couldn't see it at all. I know every one of them by heart, so I'd know what's really going on."
"You could let me drive for a while. Then you could sit back with the kids and watch them to your heart's content."
"Nah, I'm fine. I'd rather drive. Besides, when you drive, you move the seat and all the mirrors and you know the rule about the radio."
Kim crossed her arms. "Have you considered maybe I want to do some driving? Ever since we got married, it's always been you doing it all when we're together."
"We'll see. Maybe if you weren't such a hog with your car before I got mine."
"Hey, I let you drive, though it was my car, after all."
"You just never let me live it down that I wrecked that old motorcycle."
"So not the drama, Ron. Besides, if I wanted a bike I could go out and buy one." She lapsed into silence, realizing her husband was actually subconsciously baiting her into a fight. They hadn't had a motorcycle since they were both seventeen and now she wouldn't be able to ride one for months.
Who was driving was actually an old fight between them. Her parents had given her a PT Cruiser for graduation, not long before Ron's old used hatchback had bitten the dust for good. For the longest time, Kim became the primary driver between the two of them, on the basis it really was 'her' car, even though they tended to share almost everything else.
They all rode in silence for about the next twenty miles or so. Finally Ron looked back over his shoulder at the kids. "GJ, you get to pick where we have lunch. What do you want, Stinker?"
GJ glared back at his father. He utterly hated that nickname and would often not respond to him when he used it. Kim really couldn't blame him, having suffered through years of her father calling her 'Kimmie-cub,' a name she only barely tolerated. It didn't even seem to register with him when she came right out and said she hated it after being hit with Drakken's truth ray.
Kim closed her eyes. When that kind of question was posed to the boy there really was only one answer that could be expected. Fortunately, that one particular place was not all that common right off the interstates, at least as far as she knew. She turned around and forced a smile, waiting for the boy to answer.
The scowl slowly disappeared from his face, replaced with a little wicked grin that reminded her far too much of Ron's cousin Shawn. The boy was eighteen by then and had not mellowed one bit with age. He was still just as evil as before, only becoming much more intelligent in his dastardly activities. It was a good thing the little creep wasn't interested in family things so much as he got ready for college. If she had been forced to be around him any more than she was, she was certain she would have kicked his little red-haired biscuit by then.
"Bear-more's." He proclaimed loudly.
"I don't think we're going to find one of those out here." She said softly, hoping to divert him to another choice.
"You could look it up on the computer." CJ offered helpfully, earning her a glare from her sister-in-law and guardian.
"You don't even like J.P. Bearymore's." Kim said dryly.
CJ did her best to look sweet. "Just being nice to GJ."
"Right. GJ, isn't there any other place you'd like to go? I'm sure there's going to be plenty of Bueno Nachos. You really wanted that Lil Niño's meal yesterday."
"Want pizza." He said crossly, wrapping his arms tightly around his chest once more.
"The pizza's so much better at Pizza Shack. Why don't we go there instead. Like I said, there aren't that many J.P. Bearymore's out this way."
"I don want Pizza Shack. They smell funny."
"Honey, that's how real pizza is supposed to smell. They don't usually burn it, and that stuff they sell at Bearymore's is just frozen cardboard pizza." She didn't add that she still utterly hated going into those places. There was something about them that caused even well behaved kids to check their sense at the door. Not to mention they would only have time to eat before getting back on the road, meaning that all three of the (and likely Ron as well) would be upset they didn't have time to play any of the games or root around in the nasty ball-pit. Her son would not be satisfied without the full experience, meaning more flashbacks to battling a modified animatronic bear with laser beam eyes and being forced to dance for hours by a hypnotic disco ball.
He just kept glaring at his mother, arms crossed, trying his best to work up a proper pout. "Tell you what, Gene, why don't we wait until lunch time and see what we have to choose from. You do like Carl's Junior, or maybe there'll be something really nice. Maybe a GiGi's Pizza if you don't want to go to Pizza Shack." She curled her own nose up involuntarily. The pizza buffet at that place was only slightly better than the garbage they served at her boy's favorite 'family' place, but at least they had a salad bar, of sorts.
"Well, that didn't work out so well." Ron said glumly as Kim turned back toward the front.
Kim just buried her face in her hands. "Maybe we'll be in luck and the only thing around is a Burger Prince or something." She polished off the last of her coffee, wrinkling her nose at the weak taste of it. She even considered adding a bunch of sugar and cream to it like Ron did when he actually drank the stuff, though it was the pleasant buzz she missed most. That was perhaps the worst part about being pregnant, having to watch what she ate or drank. Alcohol wasn't a big issue, since she never had been a heavy drinker, but her doctor had insisted she give up caffeine as well.
The first couple weeks she was not pleasant company. It wasn't just her usual morning coffee, but drinks as well. No more cola, no more Red Bull, no more Dr. Pepper, no more Mountain Dew. She was usually relegated to the clear lemon-lime sodas or water, since most restaurants didn't carry the caffeine free versions of her favorites. Sure, they had diet, but she'd rather drink water than that anyway.
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The silence didn't last very long, perhaps for a hundred miles or so. It started out innocently enough, with the girls playing the alphabet game with license tags. GJ tried getting in on it, but he was still in the process of learning his ABCs, so the girls tended to beat him pretty soundly at it, causing him to throw a tantrum every time one of them beat him to the next letter. It didn't help his seat was in the center of the middle seats as well, blocking his view. Kim finally turned around and ordered them to play something else. That meant a very similar round of "I spy," with comparable results. The worst came when CJ suggested they play punch buggy. Kim was relieved at first, considering how rare old-style Volkswagen beetles had become, but apparently there must have been a convention somewhere nearby, as they seemed to be everywhere.
Once again, the girls, especially CJ, were quickest spotting the unusual little cars, leading to the younger child squealing in his seat. At a loss about what to do, Kim simply passed the remote back to them and pulled down the DVD screen. That seemed to shut them up. For a while, at least.
After a couple hours of absolutely horrible cartoons, enough to make Kim wish her parents were there to lead them in travel songs, CJ started finally asking the one question kids always seemed to ask.
"Are we there yet?"
"We're not going to be there until late tonight, sis." Ron said. Kim finally took her turn at the wheel, so he was sitting in the passenger seat playing video games on the old Kimmunicator.
That seemed to satisfy them for about five minutes.
"Are we there yet?" Ammie asked finally, waking up from a short nap.
"Not yet." He responded, trying to go back to his game. He grimaced as the blocks on his Tetris game suddenly stacked all the way to the top, ending it. "Aw, man, I was ten thousand points from beating your high-score, Ammie."
"Can I play some, Uncle Ron?"
"No." Kim said flatly, looking at the girl in the mirror. "You're still being punished for last night. You never know what's on the other side of those portals."
"I do when they open, and nothing can get through if I don't let it."
"That's not the point, Amethyst. You know better than to use your powers without adult supervision. That's the rule."
She crossed her arms, sulking. "Mommy would let me use my powers."
Kim caught herself before she could say something like her Mommy wasn't there. It was amazing that anyone could miss the likes of Doctor Drakken and Shego, but they were her Mommy and "Daddy" and sometimes the girl could get into a crying jag that would last for hours. Sometime in the near future they were going to have to try contacting them so they could convince them to come back and spend some time with their daughter.
Before the sitch could get any worse, GJ chimed in. "Are we there yet?"
"No." Both parents chorused.
"Are we there yet?" CJ asked.
"Are we there yet?" The other two repeated.
"Are we there yet?" All three of them said in unison. Then they started repeating it, faster than the adults could reply with "No," getting louder and louder as the children increased in volume."
"That's it!" Kim finally shouted. "If I hear that question again, I'm turning this thing around and driving straight back to Middleton, without any stops whatsoever, then the three of you are going to be sent to your rooms with no TV, no games, no telephone, nothing! Do you understand me?"
The three of them looked at her in the mirror, grinning from ear to ear. Still, they remained silent.
Kim finally glanced over at Ron, who was grinning as well.
"What?" She asked, gripping the steering wheel a little harder than she needed to.
"Are we there yet?" He asked, touching off a serious giggle-fit behind them.
"Urrrrgh!" Kim screamed. "I mean it, the next ramp I come to, I'm turning around. Felix and Moni can just do without their Best Man and Matron of Honor. I can't take this any more. I swear, Ron Stoppable, the next time I go anywhere it better be on an airplane or a spaceship or even one of our jet-packs. There is no reason we have to spend two to three days driving across country crammed into this little vehicle. We could have spent an extra couple days of our vacation at home, then take a plane ride and still have plenty of time to see our friends, without a bunch of rug-rats who think it's funny to hide my son's underwear on a distant planet, where we don't know what kind of germs they have there, let alone if somebody is going to come along and find a big pile of a four-year-old's skivvies sitting there." She finally took a deep breath, half glaring at her husband, half watching the endless gray ribbon of concrete disappearing beneath their wheels.
Ron looked back at the kids, then at his loving wife of five years. "Are we there yet?" All four of them chorused at once.
"You'd better hope our hotel room has a couch in it, Stoppable." She growled, turning her attention back to the road.
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Fortunately, a four-year-old's attention span was significantly shorter than anyone else in the car. About one that afternoon Kim finally relented, taking an off-ramp that offered the best promise of finding something quick and easy for lunch. There wasn't a J.P. Bearymore's in sight, though she did have to stare Ron down when he suggested they check the database for one. They chose a fried-chicken chain, mostly because that managed to suit everyone, including CJ, though Kim turned her nose up at it. She was a dedicated chicken snob, eating only a drumstick and a couple corn on the cobs.
Ron took back over from that point, driving in relative silence for a few hours while the kids slept their midday meal off in the back seats. Somehow the girls managed to abscond to the very back row again, but neither adult bothered correcting them since they were intent on napping rather than planning some new horrible prank.
Kim would have slept all the way through herself, except for two sensations that interrupted her nap. With the seat tilted back, it was certainly comfortable enough, though she wished she could roll over sometimes.
"Where are we?" She asked sleepily, stretching as best she could.
"I think we're in West Virginia." The shadows were starting to get long, indicating the afternoon was wearing on into evening.
"You think? Hey, this isn't the interstate." They hit another bump, which was what had actually awakened her minutes earlier.
"I found what's supposed to be a shortcut on the navigation system. It should cut about a half-hour off our driving time."
Kim looked out the windows at the forest going by. The road was four lanes, but there was no divider, and it apparently had not been re-paved in their lifetimes. If it weren't for the plush suspension of the big SUV, they would have had their brains rattled by the uneven asphalt.
"Ron! You know better than to try this? What if we get lost? What if this road is closed somewhere? What if we need to stop?" There was absolutely nothing in view. There weren't even any signs. What was worse, was that they were utterly alone on the road.
Another bump brought the other sensation back to the forefront of her mind. It took her about an hour, but she did finish a super-sized drink. The effects were slowed down slightly by the lack of her favorite drink-borne stimulant, but it was upon her anyway.
"Speaking of finding a place to stop…" She said softly.
"I'll look for a place. There has to be a gas station or something back here."
Kim grunted. "Just hope there's not some toothless guy with a banjo sitting on the porch when we get there."
"KP, that's just an old movie. I'm sure West Virginia is nothing like that. We've been in the south before. Remember how much you loved Savannah?"
"Ron, Savannah is a city that makes a big part of its living off of tourists. You really should have stuck to the main road, no matter how boring it was. Now look, if you don't find a place soon, it's gonna be camping style, if you know what I mean."
"Got it. You think, maybe, with all the extra pressure on your bladder that maybe you shouldn't drink so much?"
"Not everyone's got your super-sized Slurpster sized bladder, honey. Look, I don't see anything nearby, why don't you just pull over. There's plenty of tree-cover, if you know what I mean."
Nodding, he pulled off to the side. Stopping was enough to rouse the kids, meaning Kim basically had to wait her turn while they took care of their business first. At least the girls went together, already learning the habit of the human female of going in packs.
GJ was fussing about needing to 'go stinky' but Kim just told him to hold it until they got to some place clean. He wasn't too happy about that, but allowed Ron to put him back in his booster seat.
Kim was, for the first time that day, thankful she was wearing a maternity dress. She thought it looked like a pup-tent on her, but it made things easier when she finally found a stand of trees that afforded her a bit of privacy. The ground was covered in some leafy green vegetation that seemed to be all over the place. At first she thought it might be Kudzu, but that was more of a vine that grew up over the trees. This was a smaller plant with waxy leaves in sets of three. At least it wasn't the poison oak that was the bane of outdoorsmen back where they lived.
Feeling relieved, if not refreshed, she started to stand up, but with her center of gravity thrown off by her swollen midsection, she slipped slightly, landing in a patch of the greenery with her bare rump. Muttering to herself, she got back up, pulled up her drawers and headed back to the truck.
"Better?" Ron asked as they pulled back onto the road.
"Yeah, much, thank you. Just one thing, Ronnie. The next sign you see leading back to the interstate, you take it, okay? I'm just a tad uncomfortable on these back roads."
He nodded as they got back up to speed, even checking the map on their navigation system for a route back to the main road.
Kim shifted slightly, scratching her backside. Why was it starting to itch?
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