CHAPTER 16

Sam turned onto the street leading to Jack's neighborhood. She had just gotten back from spending six days on P9X-558 setting up an off world observatory. This was the longest she had been gone off world without him, and boy did she miss him. She was a little surprised when Daniel told her that he had taken the day off, but nothing could put her in a sour mood because as of fifteen minutes ago, she was officially on vacation for a week and she had plans with a cabin in Minnesota with a certain Air Force Colonel. This was going to be their first vacation together, and she loved the fact that he wanted to share a place that meant so much to him. He'd taken the guys there a few times but still, it felt significant.

The last three months together had been amazing. Their lives seemed to integrate together seamlessly. It helped that they got to see each other often at work, but even so, Sam was proud of herself that she was actually able to find a work life balance that she never had before. Of course, she never had anything she wanted to go home to before. But now, for the most part, she saved working late for when SG-1 was off world and allowed Jack to drag her out of her lab at a reasonable time when they were both home. There were even days where she was counting down the minutes until she could leave work. Reveling in the thoughts, she couldn't stop grinning as she pulled up into the familiar driveway behind his black truck.

"Jack, I'm home!" she shouted as she opened his front door. They weren't technically living together, but Jack's house had come to feel like home to her as much as her apartment did to him. Really, home was wherever Jack was.

"Jack?" she called out again when there was no response.

Her confusion grew as she moved further into house. The rooms were only illuminated from the sunlight through the windows. She dropped her bag on a chair in the dining room and looked around. As she made her way through the kitchen, she spotted movement in the backyard.

She walked through the sliding doors out onto the porch when she saw Jack sitting on a bench swing hanging from one of the big trees on the side of the yard. He gave her a tentative smile when he saw her approaching. He looked nervous, and it sent butterflies to her stomach that fluttered faster as she got closer.

He rose from the swing and without a word took her firmly into one of his welcome home hugs that she had come to look forward to, and long for, whenever one of them was off world. Although he went off world more often, she was usually gone for longer periods of time when she did go off world.

"I missed you." He nuzzled his face into her neck the way she loved.

"I missed you more," she smiled as her lips grazed his cheek before moving to capture his mouth.

Something had changed. She couldn't quite pinpoint exactly what it was, but she felt it. He drew her deeper into his body, almost clinging to her, as he kissed her with desperation like it might be the last time. The thought made the butterflies slowly turn to stones dropping one by one into the pit of her stomach. Uneasiness continued to build up to her chest making it even harder to breath. Eventually she couldn't take it anymore and finally had to push him back. Gasping for air, she tried to silence the klaxons blaring in her mind.

"I see you've been busy while I was gone." She walked past him to sit down on the swing and started swaying. "You know I had one of these at my house growing up."

She gave him a big smile and gestured for him to come sit next to her. His expression didn't change, not even a twitch of his lips. She didn't realize just how settling she found his soft smiles and eye twinkles were until she was staring at his face absent of them.

He hesitated before taking a couple of steps but suddenly stopped and took one step back as if he reminded himself to keep his distance. She shifted uneasily as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and lowered his gaze to his boots. He inhaled deeply gathering the strength to speak.

"I know it's not a willow tree, but I kind of liked the idea of having a place to sit and wait for you to come home when I missed you. I thought looking up and knowing we're under the same stars might make you feel closer somehow," his words echoed. "Even though I know it's not exactly the same stars."

Sam froze and the smile disappeared from her face as she looked up at him intently. His eyes now fixed on her trying to get a glimpse of any intel she would give away. The only movement was from the swing's continued momentum. Time and space seemed to stay in place. The wind suddenly died, the shadows on the grass disappeared, even the warmth of the sun itself seemed to escape.

"How did you know that? I've only ever told one person..." Her voice already barely louder than a whisper trailed off. Realization suddenly crossed her face as her brain finally finished its frantic thought process. "You're Jon?"

Jack nodded slowly with a small shrug and took a step towards her. He abruptly stopped in place when he saw her body tense up and her eyes break contact. His heart cracked. He knew now that nothing could hurt more than the thought of her being repulsed by him. He silently stood before her like a defendant waiting for a verdict.

"I'm such an idiot."

"What?! No, you're not. I'm the idiot. I know I've completely messed this up."

"How long have you known?" she interrupted still not making eye contact with him.

"Since that night at O'Malley's."

Her eyes grew wider. "So you've just been lying to me since then?"

"No! I mean, not exactly." He rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. "I tried to tell you a couple of times but I couldn't seem to find the right words."

"Well you should've tried harder. You should've tried every day we've been together until you found the words! How could you keep this from me?!"

"Sam, I'm sorry. You're right. Please let me—" he reached for her hand which she quickly pulled away. He grimaced.

"No, don't touch me. I can't...I can't do this with you—Jack, Jon, whoever you are."

"Do this as in this conversation or..." His voice stopped as he couldn't bring himself to say the words out loud for fear he might speak them into existence. He gestured his hands between them and then in circles to represent 'them.'

"All of it. I just need—I don't know what I need right now."

"Sam, please—"

He instinctively stood in front of her when she tried to pass. He saw her eyes start to glisten, and she didn't have to say another word for him to know what she was asking. It was the last thing he wanted to do, but he reluctantly stepped out of her way.

Sam rushed across the yard and through the house picking up her bag quickly on her way to her car. She knew he wasn't following her but she had to get out of there and escape the shards of what could have been shattering behind her before they could cut too deep. She was on the brink of breaking down but she refused to let him see how much he affected her. Once she slammed the door to her car, everything was pretty much a blur, and suddenly she found herself in her apartment where she finally let go and collapsed against her front door.