The aroma hit her when she opened the door. Coffee and waffles. She rarely ate breakfast, there was never any time. Elliot was walking toward her, steaming cup of coffee in his hand.

"Get Noah off to school ok?"

"Yeah, he's good. All checked in with the resource officer. It's a worry sending him, I want to keep him here with me, but he wants to be with his class." Her voice falters, " I just want him to be safe."

"Hey, Hey now. You know that school is tighter than Fort Knox right now. No one is gonna get to him there. It's been two weeks, we have leads, we have the images from the surveillance cameras. We will get this person soon. After next week, I'll be back home and you'll be back at the precinct. I'm sure we will have answers real soon.

She takes off her coat and takes the coffee from him.

"What's all this?"

"Well, you are helping me out, I figured the least I could do was make you breakfast."

"But you're supposed to be recuperating."

"This is something I could do in my sleep. I would always make waffles for the kids when they were little. I saw the iron in the cabinet and it gave me the idea. Come, sit… before they get cold."

"I gotta do something Liv, you know I can't just sit here. So I'll be making you breakfast every morning."

"Ah, and you know I don't usually eat breakfast." She says with her mouth full. "These are delicious and I appreciate it, but you make me eat like this every morning and I won't fit into my clothes."

"And how is that a bad thing?"

"Get your mind out of the gutter Stabler, I've got work to do."

Friendly banter and long glances over the counter as they enjoy their breakfast..

She takes her plate to the sink. "El, Thanks, breakfast was delicious."

oooooooooooooooooooo

Elliot had cleaned up the kitchen, called the girls and his mom and gone over some cases with Ayanna. He needed some fresh air. He looked out the window and saw the squad car there, Olivia still had protection. He wouldn't be able to go far, maybe just around the building. He walked out to the living room to find Olivia asleep on the sofa with files on her chest. She looked so beautiful. No make up, allowing her freckles to be visible, her hair pulled up loosely. He couldn't resist, he leaned down and kissed her. He could feel her lips curl into a smile.

"Ummm. Am I dreaming or are you really kissing me?"

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself. You looked so beautiful."

Olivia moves her files to the coffee table and pulls Elliot to her. "Kiss me again."

The kissing intensifies quickly, Olivia moves to straddle Elliot, careful not to hurt him. She can feel what the kissing is doing to him, she feels what the kissing is doing to her. Aside from the fact that she was kissing Elliot, it has been such a long time since anyone has kissed her like this. They stopped to catch their breath.

Elliot puts his hands on her arms. "Liv, we need to stop."

"What… am I hurting you, here I'll move."

"No, you're not hurting me. It's just that I don't want to get too far ahead of ourselves. I want you, I've wanted you for so long. But I want you to be sure. There's still things I don't know, things that happened to you while I was gone. I love you Olivia Benson and I need to know you trust me. You aren't letting me in, not completely. I need to hear your story. You're holding things back and I don't know if it's because you can't handle it or you think I can't handle it, but I gotta say, it can't be worse than what is going through my mind. I know being vulnerable scares you, it always has. You've always had to protect yourself. Let me protect you, I'm here now, and I promise I'm not going anywhere. When you can do that, then I'll know that I've earned your trust."

After a few moments of silence. "I'm sorry Liv, I hope you're not upset with me."

"No El," she sighed. "You're right. We can't have anything real without trust. I do trust you with my life, I always have, you know that. I have to trust you with my heart. I'm working on it." She knows the story he is referring to, her story was all over the news. She wants to tell him, it just needs to be the right time.

"What do you say, you help me up and we go get some fresh air. I think the doctor suggested I take short walks a few times a day. I would love it if you would walk with me."

He was right, she knew it. They were building something that she hoped would last the rest of their lives. She stood and gave him a hand up. She turned to him and gave him a hug. "You are a thoughtful man Elliot Stabler, who knew," she chuckled. She gave him a chaste kiss, looking into his radiant blue eyes.

oooooooooooooooooooo

It was Saturday. Olivia stood in the shower, the steamy water pouring over her. Thoughts filled her head. The weeks had gone better than she ever could have expected. She was really enjoying having Elliot stay at her place. They reminisced about all the good years, she filled him in on some of the things he missed while he was gone. Brian Cassidy, David Haden and Ed. Ed being the person she was happiest with and the last person she was with. Having a son didn't allow her to just bring men home when she had the need anymore. She had to think about more than herself. They talked about Dodds and how she felt responsible for his death, even after all these years. How she never forgave herself for not suspecting Munson would have another weapon. She was the senior officer on the case, it was her job to anticipate any dangers. She had missed the natural ease they had all those years ago, she missed her best friend, her confidant. The ease is still there, when she lets her guard down. She wants him back in her life, but she won't survive him leaving again. She knows he will, everyone leaves, she's gotten used to it. If only this time the stars would align in her favor and he would stay, but should she take the chance? She dressed after showering, she heard voices as she was making her way to the kitchen, she stopped, leaning against the doorframe to listen to their conversation.

"But I don't understand, if you loved her, why did you leave ?" Noah asked

"Well it's complicated. I loved your mom, but I was already married to someone else. I had a wife and family that I was committed to."

"Was she the one who died when you came back to New York?"

"Yes, that was Kathy, my wife."

"Did you love her?"

"I did Noah, we had five children together."

"But if you loved her, how did you love my mom?"

"That's where it gets complicated bud, I will always love Kathy because of the family we have together, but I wasn't in love with her anymore. Kathy and I married when we were young, I think as we got older we grew into different people. When I met your mom, we were both older and in our careers. We were done growing up. We had mutual interest and a mutual understanding of each other. Your mom was my best friend, I could tell her anything, we could have the worst fight and she would still be there for me. Eventually I realized I had fallen in love with her."

"Do you still love her?"

"I do bud, absolutely, with all my heart."

"Are you gonna leave her again?"

"I don't want to ever leave her again."

"She doesn't know this, but I used to hear her talking to you. When I would get up in the middle of the night to get a drink or go to the bathroom, sometimes I would hear her, I would listen at her door. She sounded sad, like she was crying. She probably missed you."

"I missed your mom too. I want to change that, I don't want to miss your mom anymore. I want my best friend back. You know, how like when your best friend goes on vacation and you can't wait to see them when they are back, so you can do all kinds of fun stuff together. I need to hang out and do fun stuff with my friend."

"I think she wants to hang out with you too."

"I hope she does, and I want to hang out with you too, maybe we can all do fun stuff. How about right now you go tell your mom that breakfast is ready."

Not wanting to get caught eavesdropping, Olivia wipes away the tears that had fallen as she ducks back into her room.

oooooooooooooooooooo

Their time together was quickly coming to an end. Elliot was progressing well in his recovery and was stable enough to go back to his place. He would still need rides to his doctor appointments etc, but he really had no need for full time help. Thursday rolled around, the day Lucy takes Noah from school to dance. It was now or never, Olivia knew they would have all day and she would need all day. She had called Fin and told him she wasn't to be disturbed unless there was a major disaster. She needed to emotionally prepare for the conversation she was going to have, then she would need time after the conversation to get herself back together.

She found Elliot in the living room. "We need to talk. We need to do this before you leave this weekend."

Elliot moves over to allow room for Olivia to sit next to him on the sofa. However, Olivia sits in the chair across from Elliott. He can see the fear, the desperation in her eyes. It's not a look he has seen too often on her face. He closes the files he's looking at.

"What is it Liv, what's wrong?

"These last weeks have been… great. I feel like we are finally on a path to something… well, something I've wanted for a long time."

"Liv, I want the same thing, you know that."

"El, please let me finish. And please just let me get through, I will try to answer any questions at the end."

"About 2 years after you left, we caught a case, a weird case. Rollins picked up a guy for indecent exposure. We had a day off finally and she called us all in because she had a hunch. The guy played us, all of us. Cragen, Barba, Rollins, Munch, Fin, my partner Nick and I. He especially had a hard on for me. He liked to bait me, which he did well. He had beaten every case against him, including ours. He burnt his fingerprints off, he raped and tortured a 60 year old woman who identified him. He pretended to attempt suicide to get out of a line up. He claimed he was depressed and they put him on suicide watch. He claimed NYPD police harassment. His lawyer disputed the authenticity of the DNA results. Every step we made, they were two steps ahead of us it seemed. He was even playing his lawyer. She paid his bail. It was sure to be a long trial, we were all spent. Cragen told me, forced me to take two days off."

Elliott watched as Olivia retreated within herself, pulling her knees to her chest. He knew what was coming, he knew it was bad. He had heard that she was kidnapped and held for four days. But no one ever elaborated and he never asked. He knew she would tell him in her own time. He prayed it wasn't as bad as what his mind conjured up.

"As soon as I put my take out order on the counter I heard a noise. I don't know why, but I never pulled my gun which was still on my hip. I walked out of the kitchen towards the living room and he grabbed me and put a gun to my head. I never had a chance to reach for my weapon. He got to it first. He pistol whipped me, beat me, then forced sleeping pills down my throat and washed them down with whiskey. He duct taped my mouth and bound my hands and feet. He rubbed his gun between my legs, telling me not to be shy."

Olivia took a long shaky breath. Her hands reached for the bottom of her sweater and she lifted it up and over her head. She sat in front of Elliot with just her bra covering her upper half. He had never seen her undressed before. She had done this for a few reasons. They were getting closer in their relationship and she wanted, needed him to see the scars before they were intimate, and she wanted him to know and see what she went through.

"He burned my breasts and torso with cigarettes and keys and wire hangers that he heated in a pan. He was still supplying me with pills and alcohol and no water. I was in the trunk of his car for a while. We went to his lawyer's parents house. They had all had dinner together, her parents welcomed him into their home, all while I was locked in his trunk. He took his lawyer to the train station and then he went back to her parents. He killed her father and made me watch while he raped her mother, and when I closed my eyes he would burn her with a lit cigarette. Eventually I passed out. I woke up on the floor of a car under a tarp. He gave me more alcohol, vodka this time, before teasing me with water. Then it was back to the floor under the tarp. He was stopped by an officer for not stopping at a signal. He shot the young cop. He took a mini van from a young mother and her baby, thank god he didn't hurt them too badly, and we ended up at the beach at an unoccupied home. He got a little too much pleasure helping me in the bathroom when he finally let me go after all the alcohol he poured down my throat. Then he handcuffed me to a metal framed bed. He proceeded to tease me. Showing me where he'd cuff my hands and tie my feet. Did I want him to burn or cut my clothes off? Was there someone I wished I could see one last time before he killed me? I didn't want to die. I begged him for my life."

"He started to undo my belt, a maid came knocking at the door, he put the duct tape back over my mouth and told me one move and it was lights out, he would do me cold. He brought the woman and her young daughter into the house, but I wasn't sure what he did with them. I taunted him, asking why he hadn't raped me yet, maybe he was afraid of me, afraid to be with a real woman. He unbuckled his belt and came at me. I broke the metal rod from the bed, freeing myself. I struck him with the rung multiple times subduing him, then I grabbed his gun. I got the key to the handcuffs, took them off myself and handcuffed Lewis to the bottom of the bed. I found the maid and her daughter and let them go, told them to go. Then I went back to him, I hadn't called anyone yet. He was cuffed to the bar at the bottom of the bed. I debated out loud what I should do with him, I thought he was still unconscious but he wasn't. He teased me about you, he teased me about my daddy issues. Somehow he knew everything about me, he knew my weaknesses. He tried to get me to shoot him, he told me I didn't have the balls, I was weak. I just flipped my shit. I grabbed the bar from the bed and hit him with it, repeatedly, taking my pain out on him. Finally, I called for backup. I had a concussion, cracked ribs and a broken wrist as well as many bruises and contusions when they rescued me, but I was alive."

Elliot had remained silent the whole time. Not necessarily by choice. He was awestruck and speechless. Tears ran down his face. "Liv, I'm so sorry. I… I don't know what to say." He wanted to take her in his arms. "Can I please hold you?"

She stood and turned to him, she had avoided looking at him while she told her story. It was hard enough to relive the torture, she couldn't handle witnessing his reaction. He reached for her sweater, helping her put it back on before embracing her.

"Olivia, I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you. You have to know, if I had known."

"Where were you? It was all over the news, it made national headlines. I prayed, I prayed that you would come find me. I needed you El, and you weren't there. You never came."

"Liv, I had no idea. We were in Europe at that point. I think living in Rome, but the task force had me bouncing around. I swear I didn't know anything. Liv, you have to know I would have come back, I never would have let you go through that alone. It breaks my heart to think of what you went through, I should have been here, I wish I had been here for you Olivia."

Olivia went to the kitchen to get some water. Only part of the story was given, she had more to tell.

She went back to the living room, to finish telling him her story. "There's more."

"Wait, what? Please don't tell me he got off, again."

"No. He was found guilty for assault and kidnapping of an officer. Barba pushed as hard as he could for maximum time."

"He unfortunately escaped. Somehow someone got cupcakes to him, laced with a heart med. He apparently died, then came back to life. He was taken from the prison hospital ward to an actual hospital where he killed the officer guarding him. He raped and hanged his nurse, then stole her cell and car keys. He called me from that phone and told me he missed me as he drove away in the nurse's car."

She motioned for him to sit, this time she sat curled next to him, legs tucked under her. He reached for her hand which she gave him, intertwining her fingers with his. The look she gave him hinted that as bad as what she already told him was, this was worse.

"Lewis broke into the home of the prison doctor. She had been home that day with her daughter who was sick. He killed the doctor then raped the older daughter. He hung her in the closet with the message that if she wanted to see her sister again I needed to tell the truth. See, I had lied on the stand. I told the jury that I did what I had to to subdue Lewis, that he had lunged at me. He was actually still handcuffed to the bed when I beat him with the bed rail."

"Liv!"

"El, please?"

"I had been stuck with a security detail and told to stay at the precinct or a hotel. When they took the older girl to the hospital, I had to talk to her. I convinced my detail to take me. The next day or so was spent following leads and dead bodies. Tempers were high and I was told to leave and get some rest. While sitting in a restaurant with my detail I asked to use the restroom, once it was cleared I asked the female officer to leave for some privacy. I texted Lewis and asked where he was. He responded immediately and I snuck out. I showed my badge and basically stole a car from someone sitting outside the restaurant and went to meet Lewis. Once I got to the meeting place he took my weapon and checked me for any hidden guns. He tossed my vest and phone. He handcuffed me to the inside of the car and we drove to where he had the little girl held. I begged him to let her go, that he really just wanted me. He led me to the spot where Amelia was hanging by her wrists from a pipe. Physically she was unhurt. Lewis offered to rape her first while I watched or rape me first while she watched. I told him to rape me. He handcuffed me to a table then duct taped my legs to the table. He ran his hands up my legs, between my thighs. He started to undo my belt and kissed me. When I didn't fight he got frustrated."

Olivia stopped taking a breath and composing herself.

In a soft voice she continued. "He decided to play a new game. He reached into his bag and got a revolver. He loaded one bullet into the chambers and spun it around. Russian Roulette. He untied my right hand. He offered to go first. I told Amelia to look away. He pulled the trigger and nothing. He slid the gun over to me, he forced me to put it to my head. If I didn't pull the trigger he said he would shoot me. This went back and forth till the fifth time. He pulled the trigger and still nothing. I knew my fate. He walked to me. Took my face in his hand and told me his face was the last thing I would see before I die. Then he switched the gun to his left hand. He put his face near mine, facing me. I couldn't breathe. He put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger. His blood splatter all over me."

Elliot pulled Olivia into an embrace, tears in his eyes. His heart literally broke for what she went through. He held her that way for a while, like if he let go she would disappear. Finally he pulled back, just looking at her. She didn't turn away. Allowing their eyes to meet and lock on each other.

"You are the bravest woman I know, Olivia."

"I wouldn't say that. I didn't really have a choice."

"You did though, you saved that little girl, without thinking twice. You survived a horrific event. Being forced to possibly unwillingly take your own life. You survived that and did great things with your life, you thrived when many would have given up. You became a mother, you made Captain. Olivia you are an amazingly strong courageous woman."

Curled up against Elliot, Olivia fell asleep in the safety of his arms. There was still some time before Noah would be home. Elliot knew her reliving the events was hard. He was giving her a chance to decompress. He sat there holding her, amazed at the woman she had become while he was gone. He could never be more sorry for not being there when she needed him.