A Caring Deception – Chapter 3

"Lee?" she uttered in shock. He looked horrible. Worse then when he was faking burn out. Guilt gripped her, but she reminded herself he would feel even worse if he truly knew what was going on.

"Amanda," he acknowledged her from his perch on her chair he had moved from across the room. "You're sick?" he asked, his voice devoid of emotion.

She was relieved she had talked the doctor out of the sling. Her shoulder had some minor tendon damage from her fall, but that still didn't make mobility any easier. Pushing up to a sitting position on her bed without betraying her injuries, she gained some confidence. "Yeah. I think it's the flu," she told him.

"You left," he whispered.

"Yeah," she returned with equal trepidation.

"You took a leave of absence," he continued.

Looking down, she couldn't look him in the eyes. "Yeah. I just…I needed some space," she said. She thought once it was out she would feel relieved, but actually felt anything but.

He studied her. She looked weak, and pale. He didn't understand why she was pushing him away. They had spoken after he had slapped her, and she had forgiven him without question. That's what he thought, but now it appeared to be troubling her. He also knew there was more going on, but he didn't know what.

Since his debriefing Billy and Francine had been acting differently. He wondered if Amanda had told them about how he treated her, but they weren't handling him like someone they were disgusted with. In fact it had been quit the opposite around the office. Billy had been unusually understanding, and Francine hadn't had any snide comments about him, or Amanda for that matter. And they had both been sneaking around. They were working on something he was shut out from, and he didn't know why.

His entire life seemed to have changed in a matter of days, and he didn't know why. He did know it had something to do with the woman in front of him.

"Did I loose your trust?" he asked simply.

Looking up at him quickly, she didn't know how to answer that. She had been so concerned with his feelings she hadn't dealt with her own. She had trusted him. Implicitly. But that trust had almost cost her her life. In the end however, she had accepted the risk that bullet had embodied, and she didn't blame him. Studying him, she saw his shoulders slump at the silence. He was clearly deducing her inability to answer meant she no longer trusted him.

Moving suddenly to take his hand, she gasped at the pain that stabbed at her, protesting her quick and awkward movement.

Concern flooded through him. She was hurt. The thought tore through him like ice, and gripped his heart. He was instantly on his knees at her side.

Her eyes were squeezed shut; a tear had escaped them and was sliding down her cheek. She was holding her breath, and it was scaring the hell out of the Lee. "Amanda! Tell me what's wrong!" he exclaimed, trying to keep his voice low so her family wouldn't hear.

Blindly she sought his hand, and let out a long unsteady breath. Once her breathing had returned to normal, she met his gaze.

"Amanda…what's going on?" he asked, pleaded with her.

"I…I hurt my shoulder when I rolled down the hill," she explained.

Not believing her his eyes scanned her, trying to assess her injury. He noted a small spot of blood on her night gown. "What's that?" he asked, terror rising up his throat.

Looking down, she noted the fresh blood, covered it with her hand, and looked up at him. 'I must have popped a stitch,' she thought. "I…it…" she didn't know what to say. She had no story, no lie that would explain why she was bleeding.

"Amanda, please tell me what's going on?" he begged taking her face gently in his hands.

Trying to look away from him, Lee held fast. "Lee…I…it's nothing Lee. Please stop," she begged him, hoping he would leave. She shook off his hands, and moved to the edge of the bed. She needed to see how badly she had damaged her healing wound.

Lee watched her struggling with every movement. Noting her urgent need to stand up, but her inability to complete the action, he gently took her arm and placed a supportive hand behind her back. He helped her to stand without question, and watched her move to her walk in closest and shut the door.

Deeply confused he hovered outside the door. He had to restrain himself several times from opening it. After what seemed like hours, he saw the door knob turn, and she took a hesitant step out of the closest. "Amanda, please tell me what's going on," he asked her.

Moving to her purse, she took out a business card, picked up the phone and dialed, trying to ignore his scrutiny. Easing into the chair he had vacated, she waited for an answer. "Dr. Felton? I didn't expect to get you," she spoke quickly, and then listened.

Lee looked on with concern.

"I popped a few stitches," she whispered, but knew it was no use. She was going to have to tell her partner what was going on.

Listening carefully, she nodded, knowingly. "Yeah, it didn't take long… Ok…right now?... Sure… No, I won't drive myself. I have a ride standing right here… We'll be there in twenty minutes… Thank you doctor." After finishing her call, she glanced back at Lee. "I have to go back to GW, will you drive me?" she asked avoiding his eyes.

"Back?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, can I explain on the way? I need to change, and come up with a story for mother," she was completely exhausted, and it was evident in her words.

He merely nodded, "I'll crawl down the trellis, and bring my car around."

"Just pull into the driveway, I'll tell mother we have an appointment, and you knew I was sick, so you came to pick me up," she told him, searching for some clothes to change into.

Once he closed the window from the outside, she took in a small breath of relief. She needed to collect her thoughts.

--/--

Lee waited impatiently in the car. The answers to all his questions were fairly obvious, but he refused to believe them. He had a counter point for each one.

He watched her wave to her mother through the window, and turn toward the car. Jumping out, he quickly made his way to the passenger side, opened the door, and supported her while she attempted to sit in the low bucket seat. He noted each flash of pain and discomfort, and his counterpoints all faded away.

Returning to the driver's seat, they started the short drive to the hospital. "It's a bullet hole isn't it?" he asked gripping the steering wheel.

Amanda was looking out her window. Hearing his question she closed her eyes, "Yes," was the only word she could get to come out.

"I shot you," he stated without question.

She remained silent not knowing what approach to take—let it sink in, or reassure him she was ok. They were on their way to the hospital, so she assumed going the 'I'm ok' route wasn't going to work.

"Amanda, I shot you," he repeated, and looked at her. She was still looking out the window. "I shot you, and you tried to cover it up."

"Yeah," she finally answered.

"You had Billy and Francine lie to me, and you made me think you hated me because I slapped you," his voice rose, and the anger was evident.

"I don't hate you, I didn't want you to think that," she returned evenly.

His jaw clenched, and she saw his reflection in the window run his hand through his hair.

"Are you mad at the lie or at me because I lied to you?" she asked after the silence grew.

"I don't know Amanda. I'm just mad," he told her honestly.

Silence descended on them again.

She sat stiffly in her seat, trying not to move.

"Are you in pain?" he asked her, reaching a hand out, but stopping short of touching her.

Finally, she looked at him, sensing his concern for her temporarily beat out the anger. "I'm ok," she told him, and took his hand.

Squeezing her hand, the events that must have happened unbeknownst to him ran through his head. "How long were you alone?" he choked out.

"They told be about an hour. Billy found me," she explained.

"They told you?" he asked.

Shifting uncomfortably, she wasn't sure how much to actually tell him. "I wasn't conscious for most of the time. Billy and the doctor guess I was laying there for about an hour," she finally told him.

Nodding, he processed her words. "And last week? Were you alone? Your mother doesn't know…I called her several times," he admitted.

At that, she smiled. She assumed he would have tried to get information out of her mother. "No, Francine and Billy took turns most of the week. They did a lot for me," she finished reminded of their actions again.

Nodding, he studied her, "Were you ever going to tell me?"

Looking down at their hands intertwined, she knew the answer. "No," she stated simply.

"No? You were going to keep this from me forever. Why would you… I thought we were… Amanda, I needed to know," he stumbled over his words unsure himself what he was trying to say.

"You thought we were what?" she asked, unwilling to let him off the hook.

"I thought we were friends, how could you decide to keep this from me? Were you going to leave the agency?" he asked loosening his grip on her. He would understand her answer. He betrayed her trust in him twice in one day, and they weren't little offences. He had no right questioning her actions.

She didn't let him withdraw his hand. "No, I wasn't going to leave the agency. I just needed time to heal before I saw you again. And we are friends. That's why I didn't want you to know," she told him. A chill hit her as she remembered for the first time since the river bed the thoughts she had contemplated. She had considered throwing herself into the river, hoping her body would never be found, all to spare Lee the pain and turmoil he was experiencing.

"Friends don't lie to each other," he stated simply.

"No?" she asked amazed he would say such a thing.

"Not friends that trust each other," he clarified.

"I see. So you didn't trust me when you didn't tell me you were in trouble for trading me for Rostov. We weren't friends when you slapped me at Nedlingers?" she didn't mean to bring up the subject, but her frustration at his inability to see why she lied to him had pushed her over the edge.

"Those were different," he said exasperated.

"Oh?" she snapped out.

"Yeah, I did those things to save your life," he explained.

"That is such a lie Stetson," she yelled. The pain in her side warned her to stop, but she couldn't. "You didn't want me to worry about you after Rostov, and you didn't want me to try to help you and fail when you were burned out."

"Amanda, obviously Brakin pegged you as someone who threatened his operation. I needed you to stay away from me," he yelled back.

"So you decided the pain of slapping me would be better then anything Brackin would do to me?" she reasoned.

"Right," he replied happy she was starting to understand his side, and how her actions were nothing like his.

"But I was wrong for wanting you to think I was upset with you, in order to spare you the pain you're feeling knowing you shot me," she completed her thought quietly.

"Yes…no…Amanda, I don't know. You should have told me," he completed quietly.

"I didn't. Deal with it," was her final reply before they pulled into the hospital parking lot.

He had no come back for her.

TBC